New York City 3, Me 0. Game over? Hardly.
Well, kiddies, I just lost my job. This post isn’t going to a bitchfest. No whining. No cussing. No pointing the finger. This is just a heartfelt expression of my disappointment in the current state of my daytime career life.
Here’s what you know: I’m a chick with a blog. Now, here’s the stuff you may not know …
I went to school for politics, generally speaking. Loved it. Got a BS in it. Took a gap year off and lived in London working as a bartender and, later, as a peon in the fashion industry. I came back to the US and got an MA in sociology with an emphasis in comparative politics. I graduated and returned to Europe. In the Netherlands, I researched and published on immigration, learned Dutch fluently and got a kickass job working as an economic policy analyst intern at the American Embassy in The Hague. I eventually came back to the US and worked in international education. For five years, I created and promoted educational programs that sent Americans to Africa, Asia, Australia, South America and Europe. In short, I had a life. A good life.
In Chicago, I found myself living in a beautiful 2-bedroom apartment with a 15-foot garden leading up to the front door. I managed a humanities, arts & sciences program at a top tier university. I presented at conferences, took a group to meet Sir Ridley Scott to learn about the craft of filmmaking, delivered high school students to Greece to learn about the ancient world, and brought international journalists to Chicago to speak about freedom of the press. Chicagoan Roger Ebert was an instructor for one of the film courses in my portfolio. My coworkers, staff and managers were brilliant, interesting, driven and truly inspiring people. I had the best job in the world.
But, I worked in academia and I eventually “topped out.” If I wanted to grow any further in that field, I needed a Ph.D. I looked around and noticed that others with terminal degrees lived their lives first. They’d taught, run for public office, started families, traveled the world and followed their passions. I was the youngest staff member at the managerial level by many many years; I hadn’t “lived” my life fully yet. “What,” I asked myself, “would make you happy? If you could live out your dreams, what would you do?”
I moved to New York to pursue a more creative life in a bigger city. And, I started writing a book.
My NYC start was bumpy and difficult. In my first 24 months, I had 2 different full time jobs, 2 part time gigs, and 3 different apartments. I hadn’t had this much change and instability in such a short time. Ever. So, I started temping until I could figure out what was next. I worked at a newsweekly magazine. I liked them. They liked me. They hired me. I was 30-something, double degreed and multilingual. I was an assistant. Child workers in Guatemala had more prestige and made more money than I did. But, who cared? The job provided financial stability and I left the office by 5:30pm. At the time, I had loads of free time to pursue my passions.
Eventually, Nerve magazine hired me to write a freelance dating blog column for their site. Additionally, my personal site, FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, appeared at New York magazine, Vibe, EbonyJet, Baltimore Sun and elsewhere. It won awards. I posted a video on YouTube that garnered more than 36,000 hits. I decided it was time to really “go for it” with my creative self. I applied for a full-time editorial job on the dot com staff of magazine. I liked them. They liked me. They hired me and paid me well. I was finally on the masthead of a national magazine. But, I made cold calls and more cold calls. My editorial job started to feel like a marketing job. By six months in, I’d written and edited 0 straight-up articles, and it was to remain that way for the foreseeable future.
So, I quit. I didn’t have anything else lined up. Maybe I should have stuck it out. Maybe I’m impatient and difficult. At the same time, I’d spent 2 ½ years trying to make the artsy stuff happen; I wasn’t willing to waste another six months or a year negatively impacting my creative life – the very thing I’d moved to NYC to pursue in the first place. No worries. I still liked the company. They still liked me. But the match wasn’t meant to be. So, we stopped dating each other professionally.
Luckily, a recruiter at a temp agency got me a gig with an amazing, powerhouse broadcast company. It wasn’t a writing job and I’d be underemployed, but at least I’d have my evenings free again. I was grateful. So, if I was going to return to temp life, I was gonna be the hardest working temp there ever was … by day, of course. By night, I happily had fun working on my personal online, print and video stuff.
Then, came SXSW. I gave a presentation called “Adult Conversations: Sex, Intimacy and Online Relationships.” In short, I had a BLAST. Eureka! I’d finally found my people. I met filmmakers, musicians, bloggers, techies, vloggers and other amazing folks who were really going for things that interested them. I was in heaven. When I returned to earth in New York, it seemed life couldn’t get any better. E! Entertainment called me. They invited me to a casting call for one of their shows. Publishing house editors came sniffing around to inquire about my memoir in progress. It was all so unbelievable. I was building a creative life that I enjoyed, and I was just so happy others supported it too! None of this stuff paid the rent or bills, but I didn’t mind. I had a day job that generated a base income. I also had me time to figure out what my next, long term steps would be. Then, I got the call.
“Hi, this is ___,” the recruiter at my temp agency said into my voicemail at 9:48am on Thursday morning. “Can you call me as soon as you get this? I spoke with ____. They love you, but I’d like to discuss the timeframe with you.” Oh, fuck! When I returned the call, the recruiter confirmed what my gut already feared. My contract was ending. In roughly fourteen days, that little hill of money that allowed me to pay my rent, buy groceries, wash my clothes and go out with my friends would stop. I knew it wasn’t permanent, but I had no clue when it would stop. I was just glad it didn’t end immediately!
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit my first thought was that I’d been dooced. Previously, I’d kept the name of my daytime employer secret; yet, I’d recently begun revealing it in private conversations with friends, acquaintances, and random people I met at networking events. Had my employer read my blog? Is that why my services were suddenly no longer needed? I didn’t know, and I didn’t ask. I know that I was hired to fill a gap. With new hires, the gap closed. So, that’s the most likely reason why the temp gig ended. Hence, the word “temp” in temp gig. Besides, my blog is on my resume and employers know about it. If anything, it has opened more doors than it’s closed.
Happy anniversary to me, I guess. In April 2005 — exactly three years ago this month — I moved to New York with big dreams of living more creatively. My primary money line ends in two weeks. Funny thing happened on the road to a creative job. I walked away from an embassy gig and ended up in the unemployment line. Quick. Remind me. How the fuck did I get here? I thought about taking a short hiatus from blogging. I need some time to myself. Man, I hope all of this is happening for good reason. I’m just not sure what that “reason” is yet. I’m thankful that the temp recruiter will probably be able to line up another gig when the current one ends. If not, I might make this blog even more interactive by issuing a plea that you send me words of wisdom, career advice books, tips about job openings, love, prayers, a sexy Euroboy dipped in chocolate, money, whatever. Hell, if two heads are better than one, certainly the brilliant and loyal 100,000 readers of the FBC (and Nerve) can help solve this dilemma if needed.
I’ll keep you posted.
April 4th, 2008 at 8:37 am
Ah- the ever-elusive full-time creative job… I’m on the hunt for it myself. I’m sure you already know the online job boards to check, but just in case, here’s one I like more than others: http://www.ED2010.com.
Good luck!!
:)
April 4th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Things don’t happen “for a reason” but we do assign value and meaning to actions. Chin up, young warrior princess! Isn’t it always the way to success? Your memoir (and with future rights sold to Hollywood for film production) must have the gripping middle sections that has readers concerned and worried for you. 1 step forward, two stumbles back. It’s all going to make for better martini conversations to your legion of fans in the future.
This is just the middle, crappy part.
If I hear anything…I’ll send you word. Think you’d want to try your luck again with Britain? Maybe Scotland this time?
April 4th, 2008 at 8:51 am
keep you head up..
April 4th, 2008 at 8:52 am
Dear FBC
My jaw hangs slack as i read this. Sure i figured you were pretty amazing, but had no clue how truely special you are. My only regret is that I do not know someone in a business who could hook you up with a permanent gig.
You are to be commended for following your heart and desires. The thing I find commonly in everything that you’ve written is ’success’ and that you left, for the most part, on good terms to something better. It’s funny, being a guy, the first thing that clicked in my mind was how to fix your problem. Then i realized that you are far more competant than I am at that as demonstrated by your history. LOL
I wish you well, FBC, keep the faith.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Wow Stolie, I had a vague idea about how much stuff you’ve done but I had no idea till you listed it all out in this post. Anytime you EVER feel blue or unaccomplished, you should just read this post because wow, at 30-something you’ve done more stuff than most people would dream of doing in a lifetime, let alone actually get round to doing. It’s brilliant, and I’m so proud of you!
You’ve proven time and again that regardless of what life throws at you, you can still stand tall with both feet firmly on the ground, so forgive me for sounding all Hallmark-ish but I’m sure things will work out for you!
April 4th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Hmm. I don’t want to jerk your chain and tell you this is all for a good reason. You too intelligent a person to tell something like that. What I will “remind” you is that your a walking royal flush that got enough guts to make her own luck. If I had half your heart I would have a drastically different life.
Get your grind on and something will pop up. Education, experience, and intelligence are never turned away consistently. So no matter if you have to lecture at a city college or proof read for the New York Post (I know, my skin crawled a little bit to) you’ll find something. They day stuff seems more like a means to your ends.
That being said, good luck and keep us posted. And invite the first 25 commenters to the party you will throw for getting the new gig. Can anyone say Tequila shot!!!
April 4th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Ouch, that smarts! :o( I’m so very sorry to hear this news, FBC! At the same time, I almost feel like it has happened for a reason. Maybe those SXSW contacts will pan out? Maybe something else will fall into your lap and you will now be available to jump into that next part of your dream? At any rate, I’m so impressed and proud of you for always taking a chance when so many others – myself, included! – would have stayed in the sure, safe thing. Instead, you’re in a city you love, learning more about yourself by the day. And teaching a lot of us a lot of things in the process. This might be a scary time, but I don’t see that lasting for long…
Good luck with your job search/placement, and definitely take a break from the blog for a while if you think it’s what you need. I’ll be here when you get back. I would NEVER “fire” you. HELL NO. :o)
April 4th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
From one transplanted Chicagoan to NYC to another…When one door closes another opens. You will be fine. You already have done a lot. The next thing is around the corner. Keep your head up.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
oh sweetie :( i hope you get a new day job very soon. it would be a shame to see you not to write and pursue your artistic career!
i hope someone with that power reads your blog and calls you. or your temp agencie. keep us posted, definetly. you have the right to be mad and if nothing else, we’ll provide you with a little confort (i hope).
great career so far. i will enjoy reading your memoir WHEN you finishe it ;)
good luck and thanks for sharing all this
kisses
April 4th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
You’ve obviously got the tools and the drive to make things happen for yourself. Take this as an opportunity to not have to compromise. You can do you and just you, since you are now truly single in the sense that you need not answer to a man or the man.
Take a moment to step out for a week or two. Take a trip, a sabbatical, whatever. You’d be surprised how much better things can be when you step back in.
And even if not… stay active. Write like the fuckin’ wind! Who knows, you may end up writing something fabulous that will pay your way.
At the very least.. do all of the things you had to put aside because of your job.
Wrinkles are easy to smooth when you got some steam in your iron.
April 4th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
That sucks. If I had more than a PO Box for you, I might send you some of the chocolate chip cookies I’m planning to bake this weekend. (To all other FBC readers: That’ll get her to send me her real address, for sure! My cookies are beyond compare.)
April 4th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
like I said on your other page….. this is time for change….. you have been though
two crossroads and you are still in the Ring…… that says a lot…. you have walking down some deep streets and hitting them gears like you are rollin’ a
GT3 Porsche….. you ain’t down for the count….. you be risin’ on 8 and feelin’
great…… and the rest …. who ain’t with you….. is gonna feel the weight….
you are just walkin’ through another set of crossroads….. put ya gameface on…
’cause …. it’s a jungle out there……
lamesabassman……. keep ya’ head up……. life is not a hologram… it’s real…
April 4th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
Wow, I had no idea you were so accomplished! I mean, I had an inkling, of course but…wow. You’re my hero(ine), seriously. I recently found this blog and I’ve been entertained and intrigued and just plain tickled reading about your adventures in NYC. I can relate as a Midwest native (Chicago), D.C./Baltimore transplant who chucked something kind of staid (copy editing + reporting) to pursue more creative pursuits (art school, photography) who has been dreaming of moving to New York for a hot minute.
You’ve been an inspiration to me anyway, just from reading this blog and the Nerve.com stuff. Like I said before, I had an inkling of what you’ve accomplished but I had no idea until this post. I’m not going to tell you don’t worry or don’t be mad because it’s normal to feel anxious and you have every right to be mad. But just know that there is no way in hell someone would pass on the opportunity to hire someone with your wit, humor, warmth, intelligence, and killer turns of phrase. And I’m sure what you display here through your writing gets turned up to 11 in person. And if there are any other potential employers who don’t, won’t, or can’t realize that, then MUVA-EFF them! But you’ll be all right. Just keep doing you!
April 5th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Hey FBC – I’m sorry to hear about your job but I have complete faith you will end up in an even better situation than you were before. Things are scary til a couple of months go by and you see the bigger picture. *hug*
April 5th, 2008 at 10:01 am
It’s in the water, I was axed on Tuesday. Good luck on your future pursuits, looking forward to updates.
April 5th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Well, you perhaps I can hire you to run my new Men’s fashion blog? If not, maybe you can freelance for Fashion Lawyer!
April 5th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
I got canned over a year ago and know your pain. However, at 30, you’ve done a lot more in your life than I’ve imagined in mine. I can not FATHOM that you will be unemployed for very long. You’ve got a list of credentials that would make any decent employer drool.
Keep bugging the temp agency. With your background, they will find you more work a lot quicker than most.
Best of luck to you.
Dee
April 6th, 2008 at 4:54 am
It’s time to accept your destiny and take control. You can be the flag on the pole and let the winds of temp work for someone else push you around or you can make the change and be the wind that blow you to the success that you deserve.
You have enough skills, experience and passion to be an entreprenuer of your artistic skills. Your writing alone should be making you boatloads of cash.
Stop looking for jobs, look for bigger paychecks. It’s right there in front of you just reach out and grab it.
April 6th, 2008 at 11:15 am
the few have spoken….. and the many…. are watching……
and we are all here … for you….. ya got a big family out here……
and we’re all rootin’ for ya….
you are us and us you……
lamesabassman…… you got da’ power….. channel it…..
April 6th, 2008 at 11:16 am
You are really doing it, funkybrownchick! I’m proud to be your friend! :-) This job thing…we’re in a recession & everything is crazy. But that doesn’t mean you’re not insanely talented, b/c you are!
April 6th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
You live such an amazing and inspiring life. Do take comfort in that when you’re feeling down. In my travels around the world, I have yet to meet anyone who’s regretted following their heart and going after their dreams. However, I meet MANY people who dream of living the kind of life that you have (job uncertainty and all), but do not have the balls and are paralyzed by fear. So, I think you’ve got the score all wrong. NYC 3, FBC 100 is how I see it. (Yes, the score is out of 100 which means you’ve already won!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
On another note. I’ve read most of the advice given here and they’re all great stuff. But, the first thing that came to my mind was, “Oh no! I really hope she has a decent emergency fund!” I have no doubt that you will find something soon. (As someone else mentioned, this will just make your memoirs that much more interesting.) However, having 3 months of living expenses stash away will help lower you anxiety when shitty things like this happen. (I am working on this myself and have some ways to go.)
I wish you all the best
April 6th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Pink Thursday is wise and practical.. Your CV will not leave you unemployed for long ( if at all ) but that emergency stash is what we all need when the world turns..
All the best is what is going to happen to you.. You have way too much going for you to have the bad times last long..
Don’t stop writing your blog.. There is a community forming here..
April 7th, 2008 at 12:53 am
First of all, THANK YOU for all of the warm, thoughtful and kind comments & suggestions. I sincerely appreciate it.
@ The Jaded NYer: I just found out that Ed2010 does events. I didn’t know that previously. Will definitely check them out.
@ peggy b.: I’ve soooo not ruled out the possibility of returning to Europe or the UK in the future. Truth be told, I’ve always thought I’d return to that side of the pond in later life. How much later? I don’t know. But, I would like to see it happen. Scotland? Why not? The accents are certainly sexy!! By the way, thanks for calling me young warrior princess! That put a smile on my face.
@ Kathryn: Trying to! :)
@ dkzone: THANK YOU!!
@ Darwin: I hope you’re right. My default mode is to try to be positive. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get down or depressed or frustrated when life gets difficult.
@ Tony: “Education, experience, and intelligence are never turned away consistently.” I hope you’re right! By the way, you suggested I “invite the first 25 commenters to the party you will throw for getting the new gig.” Yes. When I get a new full time gig, I PROMISE there will be a party here in New York. Also, that reminds me, contest / giveaway coming up next week.
@ AmyD: See, that’s what I’m thinking / hoping too. Maybe everything DOES happen for a reason, and this has all gotta turn around some way or another.
@ Pam: “When one door closes another opens.” I should like post that up on my fridge as inspiration. Right now, the only thing up there is a collection of political refrigerator magnets … just in case, you know, I ever feel politically motivated on way to the frozen yogurt bar.
@ Carolina Pereira: Thanks!!! :) And, yeah, I’ll enjoy throwing a party for the memoir once it’s all finished up. :)
@ Aka “Paul”: I really appreciate your encouragement. I have a work-related (presented at Sex 2.0) trip coming up next weekend. It will be good to get out of town for a short break. Like this: “Wrinkles are easy to smooth when you got some steam in your iron.”
@ Pegs: Got your email. YOU ARE GREAT!!! I soooo can’t wait to get the cookies!!! :) I’ll check my mail TWICE each day this week. :) And, if I can remember to do it before eating them all, I’ll post a picture or video of myself enjoying them.
@ lamesabassman: I like the crossroads analogy.
@ Danielle: I agree with you (and AKA Paul) on the “just keep doing you” stuff. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that. When rejection comes in (in life, dating, or whatever) it’s hard to not take it personally and think, “would things be easier if I were less X, more Y or different Z?” If I were more conventionally minded and had a stronger taste for chasing cash, I KNOW my life would be easier financially.
@ mary: THANKS; I appreciate that! :)
@ Zen: I *really* sorry to hear that you lost your job. The economy is in the shitter.
@ Fashion Lawyer: You’re sweet! I ADORE men’s fashion; thanks for the offer to contribute / freelance. :) I’ve just sent you an email.
@ Dee: Thank you.
@ Stephen: I’m already freelancing, and I work with amazing editors. I love writing.
@ Rochelle: Hey, lady! You and the photographer gotta let me know when / where’s the next Beautiful Girls Brunch. I’m out of town the coming weekend, but later this month works.
@ don and pink_thursday: I’ve often wondered when it will all come together, but I certainly don’t regret my decision to relocate to New York. THANKS for the “NYC 3, FBC 100″ stuff. I smiled and said “awwwww” when I read that. And, um, emergency fund? Oh, you make me smile. :) I moved here with hard earned and thriftily saved bundles. But, rewind back to the part where I said I’ve been working hard to make it happen on this roller coaster for almost two years, subtract moving expenses & broker fees and add the multiplier “does not have parents to help her out when times get tough.” Um, yeah, it’s been a difficult time in New York. But, nevertheless, I’m still pressing on.
April 7th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I still got an empty room open here on the Big Island.
Though I’m going to be moving back to the mainland at the end of summer 09 to go back to school and get my Ph.D. I’ve decided it’s finally time to be a history professor like I always wanted. You know, now that I’m not dying anymore, and all that.
Besides, the economy out here is REALLY in the shitter. Now is a good time to take a pause and dive back into school and wait out the downturn.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I leave town for a couple days and BLAM, crap happens. Sorry to hear about your upcoming state of employ, but I’m sure you will be back in the rat race like the rest of us shortly. In the mean time, go do some orgasm experimentation and get it written about in a major newsstand publication… oh, I see you have that covered already.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
By the by, are you aware of what gets advertized on your blog? As I type this, the major ad is for “seekingmillionaire.com”, with a picture of a middle-aged guy in a suit giving a gift to some young blonde chick, with the tag line “Always FREE for beautiful girls”. Is this for real, or is it some Spitzer-related joke web site?
April 7th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
YOU HAVE LEAD AN AMAZING LIFE!! In a short time you have done so many things that most of us could not have imagined. I am sure that this is just a bump in the road for you. You will continue to do amazing things. Wow!
April 8th, 2008 at 3:28 am
# grampa: Good on you for going for what you want. Hawai’i is BEAUTIFUL. Won’t you miss it if you leave.
# Baba Doodlius: You said, “In the mean time, go do some orgasm experimentation and get it written about in a major newsstand publication… oh, I see you have that covered already.” Thanks! :) You’re funny; point taken. :) And, yeeeeah, I just noticed that ad. GoogleAdsense automatically generates the (real) ads based on the content of my site. Apparently posting content about losing a job in NYC yields sugar daddy ads! Will look into that to see if I can get those off.
# Shanshilly: Thank you!! And, yeah, that’s totally how I’m looking at it. This is the bump in the road, the to-be-expected short difficulties associated with losing a job.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Oh, yes, I’ll miss it. It was tearing my heart apart, the wanting to stay and needing to go. However, if I don’t go, I’ll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life wondering “what if”.
So, even if I fail spectacularly, I have to try.
And, if I do fail, I’m just gonna move back here, marry a little Filipino girl and become a truck driver.
Even my back up plan sounds good.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
And please read this when you get the chance.
liberatormag.com
I love you girl and I had ride hard for you! HAHAHAHA…
April 9th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I don’t have much to add beyond what the people above me have already written. They’re wiser and better-spoken than I am, so I’d take their words of encouragement to heart.
I will say this. You are an incredibly talented, smart, funny, vibrant individual.
More importantly, when I lost my last job (the same time you lost one of yours), you were there with words of encouragement that meant the world to me.
So here’s a little note encouraging you to keep going and to chase those dreams. Somewhere along the way, I sacrificed every creative impulse, every passion, every dream I ever had for three cubicle walls, a steady paycheck and health insurance.
I’m not sure, but I think that the greatest conspiracy that’s ever been pulled off was the one that convinced 90 percent of the population that this is the “adult” decision to make.
Bullshit.
Not a day goes by that I don’t regret how I didn’t even give my creative endeavours a chance to come to fruition. I’ll always wonder.
Don’t you do the same.
April 12th, 2008 at 12:05 am
@ grampa: Totally with you on the “if I don’t go, I’ll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life wondering ‘what if’ stuff.”
@ Danielle: Will def give it a read. Thanks for the link.
@ Andrew: Wow. THANK YOU for the comment. And, by the way, I sooo don’t think you’ve given up on the creative stuff. I’ve got a good blog, and I remember reading some of your NaNoWriMo (sp?) stuff. It was good.
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