From the monthly archives:

May 2008

Sex and the City: The Movie

UPDATE: Ooooh! Be sure to read New York Times article, “Sex and the Rest of the City — Different Shoe Budget, Same Love Troubles.”
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Sex and the City (the movie) opens in Manhattan tonight. And, yeah, hell, I’ll admit it: I’m going to see it with my girls. Who’s in for tonight? Andy Milonakis‘ sister (inside joke: she doesn’t have a first name), my long-term friend April, a few women from my Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club (Ify, Rochelle, Suja, Chinyelu and Angie) as well as a new friend of a friend named Sara Rosen. Quite a diverse group of chicks with their own unique brand of sexy. We’re gonna have dinner, wine and cocktails at my favorite French restaurant. After that, we’ll see the movie, swing by the Feministing anniversary party and then go out dancing. Tavaris — an old university friend from BGSA (the black graduate student association) — is in town. The girls’ night out might meet up with the boys’ night out. Looking forward to hanging out with friends & seeing the movie. Our group is poorer, browner and more down to earth. What’s on the screen isn’t our lives; it’s just entertainment. Pure and simple.

I’m backed up on email. NYC friends, text me or (DM me on Twitter) if you wanna meet up tonight. Everyone else, you already know how to follow along with the live, play-by-play action: Twitter.

I already know quite a few of you aren’t SATC fans. Wondering: Is anyone else going to see the movie tonight or are you all skipping out on the madness?

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Related links:

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{ 12 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Where in the World Are You?

I’m always amazed (and flattered!) that people take time out of their day to get down with the funky brown by visiting my site. Who are you? Where are you? And, by “you” I mean, seriously, *YOU* — the pair of anonymously sexy eyes reading these words right now. I know you’re here. My site traffic statistics tell me when you came, what you looked at and how long you stayed. But, you don’t want to share yourself with me. :( The vast majority of you (“yous” … hey, it’s New York) drop by, but you don’t say hi. So, why don’t we turn this Reader Appreciate Day into a “welcome mat” today? Come out and play with the rest of the readers. You don’t have to say anything especially clever, witty or funny. Just say hi, and tell me where in the world you are right now. I’m curious. So, here, I’ll even kick things off for us: “Hey there! It’s a sunny 56°F right now, and I’m in Manhattan.” Now, you …

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Photo credit: Lovely, dovey earth image is from Barun Patro. He’s in India.

{ 71 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Do You Believe in Soulmates?

Roddykat recently got down with the funky brown by leaving a comment on my Do I Scare the Hell Out of Men? post. He asked, Don’t you wanna be with someone who equals you in strength, personality, expectations and whatever? My answer: Of course. Who doesn’t? :) I know I’ll meet that person. I’m just not sure when or where I’ll meet him — or “them.” I don’t necessarily believe in the idea of one perfect soul mate. A while ago, after reading a post that Heather (a.k.a Dooce) wrote, I said:

I’m not sure what I believe. The cynical side of me says that the whole idea of a soulmate is kind of naïve. I mean, really, I don’t think there’s one “ideal” person any more than I believe that there’s one ideal job. At the same time, the idealist in me believes that there’s nothing more magically beautiful than when two complete strangers meet, get to know each other, and fall crazily in love with the other person’s being.

Okay, so, I’ve made up my mind. I think relationships are just are varied as the people that enter them. For me, my life has very few constants. So, I picture my dating future much like my dating past. I’ll date a certain person who fits me at that point in my life. When/if we outgrow each other or otherwise fall apart, I’ll date someone else.

I know some of you have been getting down with the funky brown for quite a while now. And, I’ve been reading some of your blogs so long that you’ve started (or stopped) dating, had Gawker set you up on a date, had kids and/or got married. Life changes. Sometimes people change. If you left a comment on my original post about soulmates, I’d be curious to know what you think now. Still feel the same? Feel different? Has your relationship status changed? And, for those of you who are somewhat new to getting down with the funky brown, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below too.

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Psssst! Add Roddykat’s blog, The Brown Spoon, to the magical list that includes chocolate, leather and other yummy brown things.

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{ 25 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Do I Scare the Hell Out of Men?

I meet a lot of men. For example, let’s talk about my guy friend Sexy Schultzy. He’s hot as hell. I met him a few years ago when another guy, Gordon from Changing Rooms, introduced us over drinks at Perdition. I instantly clicked with Schultzy because he is, indeed, a great guy. Perfectly white teeth. Beautiful brown eyes. Smooth skin. Amazing personality. A fellow native Chicagoan, he’s got that down home, Midwesterner sensibility that I miss so much. He’s like the total package. So, of course, he’s already taken. They always are.

Anyway, so, when Schultzy was single, he did everything right — i.e. he got more dates on a regular basis. Technically, he’s still “single” because he’s not married, but he’s sticking (literally) with one person now. We both got tired and frustrated with mini-term dates and disappearing men. The difference? He found someone. So, he left the dating world, and now he’s devoted to his lover. I haven’t found anyone. I’m still living in crazyland.

Table for two. Last Thursday, lunch at Django. “You realize this is the first time we’ve seen each other during the daytime?” Schultzy says as he flashes a grin. I smile back because he’s right. We usually meet up & catch up over evening drinks or bump into each other at random parties. I used to think I was in lust/love with him. But, I now know I don’t want to fuck with him, I want to be him. So, I tell him, “I want your life” as I shovel food in my mouth. “How are our lives any different?” he asks as he balances food on his fork. “You’re doing well in your career. You’re going after what you want. You’re happy, too. Seriously, besides my relationship, how am I any different from you?” he asks. I tell him that relationships are like multipliers. It’s the thing you add to your life that affects everything else. Finances are better when two people split the bills. Vacations are sweeter when sharing the hotel bed with a plaything. Stress is tempered when you can bitch about it to a caring ear. Sex is (often) better when it’s with a real penis, not a vibrator. Leaving the dildo behind, Schultz gets it.

I understand men. He understands them better. He pauses and sips his drink before saying it: “Do you think guys are intimidated by you?” Schultzy tells me he could see how my larger-than-life personality possibly attracts men then scares them off. “But, don’t change,” he says. “You’re perfect as you are. I think it’s just a matter of finding the right guy who’s strong and secure enough to handle you.” I know what he’s talking about, and I’ve heard this before. I’m extroverted, driven in my career and I write about sex & dating. Some guys aren’t down with any of that. But, gender politics and other bullshit aside, I still want a date. That might sound lame or needy, but I can’t help the way I feel.

Schultzy and I eventually end our lunch. Hours later, he sends me an email.

FROM: <xxx@xxx.com>
TO: Twanna <funkybrownchick@yahoo.com>
DATE: Thu, May 22, 2008 at 7:40 PM
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lunch at Django?

Damn sexy lunch, thanks for gracing me with your presence…until we lunch again…

I take what I said earlier back. Maybe I do wanna fuck Schultzy. ;) What??? I’m kidding. Kidding!! On a more serious note, I am sooooooo ridiculously grateful and thankful for the friends I’ve made in New York. Now, let’s get off of my life for a moment and talk about dating in general. Schultzy and I automatically assume that some men are intimidated by outgoing women. Tell me: Do you agree? If so, which women intimidate men the most and/or which men are the most likely to be intimidated by women? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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Photo credit: Image of boxing gloves by Jean Scheijen. Maastricht, The Netherlands.

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{ 33 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

How to Get Down with the Funky Brown

Happy Memorial Day, sweeties!! More coming later today. In the meantime, to those who recently emailed to ask: “How can I read your stuff?” and “Where do you publish?” and other questions like that, this new(ish) page will show you how to get down with the funky brown on a regular basis.

{ 2 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Sex & the Blog

If you’ve read this blog for a while, you already know I’m a sex, dating and relationships writer in New York City. “Oooh, so you’re like Carrie Bradshaw!!” people often tell me. “Well,” I answer, “not quite.” I don’t live in a huge apartment. I don’t wear Manolo Blahniks. I get my most of my shoes from DSW, and I take shopping tips from the Budget Fashionista. My life in New York is good, but it’s nowhere near as glam as the fictitious writer on the show Sex and the City makes the NYC publishing world out to be.

I’m paid by the word when I do freelance gigs … and that’s when/if I get paid. Seriously, $1/word is an industry standard (e.g. Write a 500-word article, get $500. Write a 1,500-word article, get $1,500). So, needless to say, like most of the writers I know, I have a day gig to pay the bills while I spend my nights and weekends cranking out articles. I write because I was born to do it, not because I wanna get rich. I’ve written for Nerve, Lifetime, Gen Art, Fast Company and others. Also, little sprinkles of me have been in Glamour magazine and Time Out New York. (See bio, press and my print, online & video work if you want details.) I’ve gossiped about the boys in my life — or lack thereof — since I was a child. I’ve written about guys in my private journals since I was 14 years old, and I have boxes of dated, bound books to prove it. In high school, I wrote articles for the school newspaper and I was a writer on the yearbook staff. You get the point: I love to write words.

So, I was really happy when NPR asked me to come on one of their shows and talk about dating and general, and this blog in particular. Farai Chideya had me as a guest on News & Notes — a show about African-American life, politics and culture. We talked about my favorite topic: sex & dating. Listen to it now:


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90776368

By the way, returning to the topic of Sex and the City for a second, it you want a more realistic view of what it feels like for me to put my private life on public, check out any of the following posts: My Family Found My Blog, Should Men Wear Thongs?, Who is More Gangster – Stolie* or the Mouse?, 2 out of 3: Apartment, Boy, Job and New York City 3, Me 0. Game Over? Hardly! Also, for yet another perspective about putting yourself “out there” online, be sure to check out Emily Gould’s essay, Exposed — the new Sunday Times Magazine cover story that picked up 800+ user comments.

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NOTE: Before I used my real name online, I was an anonymous blogger called “Stolie.”

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{ 14 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Chocolate is Sexy

I think I’m in love with John Down’s Christopher Norman Chocolates. Okay, so, last night, I got invited to this party in their space featuring Port Wine Truffles made with Napa Valey Dessert wine. (A portion of every sale went to charities handpicked by Auction Napa Valley.) No joke, I swear I ate at least 20 pieces of chocolate. I was gonna Twitter the whole night, but then I got whisked away to the back room where I met John Down. A mutual connection introduced us, and I got totally wrapped up in stories about his life, chocolate, his paintings and everything else. John was ridiculously sweet, warm, funny and open. I love chocolate. It’s rare that I meet people who actually make it.

The party folks and attendees were great! I met this chick from Forbidden Kiss; I’ve gotta check that show out sometime. (If you live in New York, you should check it out, too!) Also, at the party I met this random lawyer dude who was waaaaay too cute, shy and funny. I gave him my card. Actually, all the guys I met told me chocolate makes them think of sex! That makes sense; the brown stuff is an aphrodisiac, and it’s so precious that the Aztecs used to trade cacao seeds as money. Good times, good times.

More tomorrow. I got 3 hours of sleep Tuesday night and only a few hours more than that last night. In the meantime, for your reading pleasure, browse these about sex & chocolate from Amazon.com:

Photo credit: Image appears online at Christopher Norman Chocolates

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UPDATE / NOTE: Big fat thanks & drippy kisses go out to the folks who forwarded me the New York Times article about Emily Gould and blogging. Yes, I’d already read it & loved it. And, yes, I’ll write about it soon.

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{ 5 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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