A Word on Sacrificing Rabbits and Shit in Graveyards

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I’ve only met one Satan worshiper in my life. I was a 21-year-old college student in Los Angeles living away from my family for the first time. The LA lights. The Hollywood celebrities. The now-legal booze. It all charmed me. I’d only seen California in movies and on TV, so I totally overindulged. I went out boozing & partying all the time. Probably too much. My friends and I took rows of Vodka shots before we stilettoed into swank VIP rooms of bars on the strip. One of my Comrades in Cocktails was a fellow party girl named Chelsea from Santa Monica. She lived in the dorms, too. One night, we were all laughing and joking about the weirdest / oddest / strangest things we’d ever done. I was a brown-skinned, Christian country bumpkin from Illinois via Mississippi. Keeping family drama private, my biggest secrets were pretty boring. I’d cheated on a high school Algebra/Trigonometry test by tacking the formulas to the back of my calculator. I’d lied to friends and family about petty stuff. I’d gotten into a fight with a boy when I was in sixth grade. A bunch of other women in the group said equally benign stuff, too. But, then it was Chelsea’s turn. The conversation went something like this:

CHELSEA: Well, I told you I used to be a Devil Worshipper, no?
ME: Um … [pausing for a moment] … No. I think I would have remembered that. How does that work? I mean, like, what do people do to worship the Devil?

I wasn’t looking for a new hobby. I was just honestly curious. Then she said it.

CHELSEA: I used to sacrifice rabbits and shit in the graveyard.

That was ages ago. Still, to this day, when my longtime friend April and I wanna insert a stupid “inside joke” into a conversation, sometimes we’ll throw in the “rabbits ‘n shit” line. What did you do last night? “Well, you know, I sacrificed rabbits and shit in the graveyards over on the west side; I was in Hell’s Kitchen, so, you know, it seemed appropriate.” Are you gonna see Sex and the City? “No, I’d rather sacrifice rabbits and shit by twilight in Times Square.” Always tons of laughs for us, but everyone else just looks at us like we’re really crazy. Maybe we are. Anyway … So, any of you have an “inside joke” with a friend that TOTALLY makes you laugh but everyone else thinks it’s stupid? Anyone? Anyone? By the way, for those of you who may be wondering: Why they hell are you writing about devil worshiping today? Well, I recently stumbled across The Encyclopedia of Dead Rock Stars: Heroin, Handguns, and Ham Sandwiches and read the stories about Dead and Euronymous and the Norwegian black metal band Mayhem. Kooky stuff.

[Quietly backs away from computer and files post under: Random Like Ralph Macchio. See FAQ for details.]

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