Do You Believe in Soulmates?
Roddykat recently got down with the funky brown by leaving a comment on my Do I Scare the Hell Out of Men? post. He asked, Don’t you wanna be with someone who equals you in strength, personality, expectations and whatever? My answer: Of course. Who doesn’t? :) I know I’ll meet that person. I’m just not sure when or where I’ll meet him — or “them.” I don’t necessarily believe in the idea of one perfect soul mate. A while ago, after reading a post that Heather (a.k.a Dooce) wrote, I said:
I’m not sure what I believe. The cynical side of me says that the whole idea of a soulmate is kind of naïve. I mean, really, I don’t think there’s one “ideal” person any more than I believe that there’s one ideal job. At the same time, the idealist in me believes that there’s nothing more magically beautiful than when two complete strangers meet, get to know each other, and fall crazily in love with the other person’s being.
Okay, so, I’ve made up my mind. I think relationships are just are varied as the people that enter them. For me, my life has very few constants. So, I picture my dating future much like my dating past. I’ll date a certain person who fits me at that point in my life. When/if we outgrow each other or otherwise fall apart, I’ll date someone else.
I know some of you have been getting down with the funky brown for quite a while now. And, I’ve been reading some of your blogs so long that you’ve started (or stopped) dating, had Gawker set you up on a date, had kids and/or got married. Life changes. Sometimes people change. If you left a comment on my original post about soulmates, I’d be curious to know what you think now. Still feel the same? Feel different? Has your relationship status changed? And, for those of you who are somewhat new to getting down with the funky brown, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below too.
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Psssst! Add Roddykat’s blog, The Brown Spoon, to the magical list that includes chocolate, leather and other yummy brown things.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:54 am
i have trouble believing that, in a world with billions and billions of people in it, there is just ONE lone person out there for me. i love people, and more specifically, i love being around guys. i click with all types of people and i enjoy being social. i’m naturally a flirt and like to have fun…i feel that would be hard to do with just one person. however…it’s nice to be with that one guy who makes you feel amazing. it’s nice to know that in the same world with billions of people in it, you’re with the one who literally makes your heart skip a beat. the one who makes you laugh and smile (and scream and cry) all in the same breath. it feels good. so, do i believe in soulmates? i have to say that the answer to that is yes…and no.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:55 am
gosh, i meant to ask…can i add you to my blogroll??
May 27th, 2008 at 9:50 am
At the risk of sounding like I’m stoned out of my mind, there are so many possibilities in the universe and the fact that — truly — no two people are exactly alike, that the odds are quite excellent that there are people out there who are near perfect matches. I don’t believe that there is ONE soul mate for everyone, but a possibility of exploring life with many who are near to your ideal.
…if you can find them.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Well… Think, there is about 6.9 billion of us here on this planet. Let’s have imaginary Sarah as an example.
Sarah lives in London. Accidentally she falls in love with a cute stranger she had a chat with while waiting for the tube. Out of the blue the thought ‘Hell, I think I am completely in love with this man’ strikes her. She is totally sure she met the only one. ONLY ONE AND IF ANYONE COULD BE SO DUMB AND SAY NO, CHICK, HE IS NOT, SARAH WOULD LABELED THIS IDIOT AS ‘THE ARSEHOLE OF THE ENITRE HUMAN HISTORY’.
I would be an arsehole of the entire human history. Of course, I would be totally happy to see another pair of lovers. This kind of small elements just make our world more livable. At least I think so.
But I would argue with this ‘the only one’ thing. If Sarah got born in Australia’ she would finally find her only one there too. And in France, China, Argentina, Cuba… Just everywhere th same!
We can all say everything we want. I think if i had a crush on someone I would probably get addicted to the-only-one-saying drug as well. :)
I just intended to exaggerate a little bit to show that saying this is somehow senseless. Everyone has a few thousands of possible the only ones in every part of the world.
It is senseless… but quite cute though.
Anyway, a sweet hi to you, Funky Brown Chick. Love your blog. Really much.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Well… I was wrong. Just 6.45 billion people at the moment… Means less the only ones on this planet, sorry! ;)
May 27th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Me again.
I am sorry for a few typos two comments above.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I’m celebrating my 15-year wedding anniversary in June. So, I think I know what I’m talking about. Soul mates are made, not born.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
First off (*BLUSH*), thanks for the kind words and the fact that I can’t get out of my office with this over sized head. :) had I came here earlier, I would have never put out my last post. :)
Now, as to the subject of Soulmates. I’m of the belief that such a thing as a Soulmate does exist. And just like others have said, there’s possibly more than one. What I don’t think is that you are always meant to BE with that Soulmate. After all, Soulmate doesn’t necessarily mean LIFEmate, you know? And if Fate is as it is meant to be, that one (or ones) that were meant to be in your life will be there at some point. Whether they stay there is a whole other matter. Regardless, you will have taken something away from them in the meeting (as it was meant to be). The wife and I have been married for over 3 years, but together for 13. It’s a safe bet to say that we were meant to be together regardless of what else should ever happen (hopefully nothing bad).
History will probably be the only determination of whether one person it the one perfect one. That said, going to try to get out of my office now. :)
Thanks again(*Still blushing*)!
May 27th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
I believe in soul mates but I don’t buy into the notion that one’s soul mate must be of a romantic nature.
My sister is my soul mate because she can tell me what I’m thinking before even I know.
I haven’t shared something that profound with a man yet.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:49 am
Yes, I believe in soulmates. But I think they are as varied as people. I think we get multiple ones..some are platonic, some are family, some can be romantic. Do we meet them all? Do we meet any? Each person has their own unique answer to that.
But to reference back to something you said earlier…looking for an equal. From what I’ve seen, most people don’t really want an equal. I do and found that. But generally speaking, many people want someone to either take care of (or take charge of) or be subservient so that the relationship strength falls either to one or the other. And who holds the power is not pre-determined by gender. Haven’t you seen this too?
May 28th, 2008 at 3:54 am
i believe in soul mates
as in plural
if there is only one person out there for me….
i think im fucked
May 28th, 2008 at 6:57 am
i share you’re exact opinion. in one hand, i don’t believe in soul mates, but in the other hand, i still wish someone like that appeared to me :P
May 28th, 2008 at 8:47 am
@ wynsters: Count is on: 1 thumb down for the idea that one true soul male exists. And, of course you can add me to your blogroll! :) Gonna add one to my site soon!
@ Howard: Baby, I missed you!! :) 1 thumb up. 1 thumb down.
@ rfl: Thought you were rofl for a sec there. ;) By the way, I *love* it that Sarah lives in London. Can I visit her? :) And, I love it even more that she might possibly live in Australia, France, China, Argentina or even Cuba. Sarah rocks!!! Wait. Where were we with the count? 1 Down. 2 Up. And, yes, your analogy was TOO CUTE!!! Absolutely adorable. Love it, and love you.
@ Lollie Shopping: First, CONGRATS on your 15 year anniversary! :) Very smart comment, by the way. 1 Down. 3 Up.
@ Roddykat: Blush away, my friend. Blush away. :) 1 Down. 4 Up. And, I’m starting to think we’ve got a really romantic crowd here, folks!!
@ Desiree: 1 Down. 5 Up.
@ Peggy b.: 1 Down. 6 Up. And, love what you said about “many people want someone to either take care of (or take charge of) or be subservient so that the relationship strength falls either to one or the other. And who holds the power is not pre-determined by gender.” Yes, I’ve seen this, too. People often have a preference for someone who’s more or less than then in some way shape or form — taller, shorter, fatter, thinner, stronger, weaker, etc. We can say “oh well some men are intimidated by strong women.” At the same time, how many women are seeking dates with “nice guys” who are shorter, thinner and less “strong” than they are? By the way, I’ve got an interesting proposal for you. Email coming within the next week or so.
@ dejanae411: 1 Down. 7 Up. And, now I’m thinking of the 80s … “Pepsi Cola burnt him up. Now he’s drinking 7 UP.”
@ Carolina Pereira: 2 Down. 7 Up.
The count continues …
May 28th, 2008 at 9:24 am
soulmates are in the eye of the beholder….. your first and only soulmate is the person you see in the mirror…. the second is the one you trust with your soul….
and you may never find what you’re looking for….. so … let them come to you…
if you project it….. they will come…..
lamesabassman….. there is one out there for each one … who wants one…
May 28th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Don’t know about Soulmates..but i do believe that there is someone for everyone..it might taKe u a lifetime but you’ll find that one..but in the meantime..tomorrow is not promised..do something fun everyday..which i know that u do :)
May 28th, 2008 at 11:25 am
As a newly married lady (thanks for the shout out!), I still believe the same exact way I did when I replied to that first ’soulmates’ post. It’s hard to believe in them until you actually find someone who makes you FEEL like you finally have a soulmate. And yes, there is definitely more than one person in this world for all of us, but our lives change, and with that, so do our needs and “perfect-for-me” opinions. Had I settled for one of those men from my past, I’d be horribly disappointed or unhappy now. Instead, I was patient and found that person who not only meets all those needs, but continually grows into the person I need him to be as we go along this road. Be patient, my friend…you not only deserve to find this, but WILL, once YOU are ready (and I suspect you’re not quite yet…). (((HUGS)))
May 29th, 2008 at 2:47 am
@ lamesabassman: Heeeeey, only one vote per person. :)
@ mrsbigg: 2 Down. 8 Up.
@ AmyB: Okay, I sooo didn’t catch that. I knew you got married, but I didn’t make the jump that AmyD was now AmyB. Congrats on moving up in the alphabetical order of things. :)
May 29th, 2008 at 3:23 am
sorry…. my bad…. thought I was suppose to vote Chi-town style…
early and often…
lamesabassman…….. can’t sleep… had 2 much 2 dream last nite……
May 29th, 2008 at 3:51 am
one to grow on……
dreamt of a woman
kinda like you
and you had
so many levels
till I could’nt find you
that’s when you smiled
and the light moved
the darkness aside
found you forever
but minus a day
payment due for me
behaving that way
’cause I did’nt look
close enough
to see….
your sensual glow
for all time …
just a shot away…..
lamesabassman……. ” for you flow like water as angels wish you so…. “
May 29th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Hi Funky Brown:
I found your link over the weekend via NPR News and Views and I’ve loved reading the site – of course, this is my first time commenting.
Do I believe in soulmates? Yes and No depending on where I am in life. If I’m in a committed relationship with a person, then I believe in it. But life throws you a curveball at times, so I don’t think you should have one person as your soulmate forever.
May 30th, 2008 at 11:57 am
@ lamesabassman: Chicago-style voting: vote early, vote often. And, if you don’t win, shoot your opponent Capone-style. ;) Ah, the things people believe about my beloved hometown. We’re gangster, but we’re not THAT gangster. Um, okay, maybe we are. Sometimes.
@ Afroamericawriter: THANKS for getting down with the funky brown and leaving a comment. Love what you said about: “life throws you a curveball at times, so I don’t think you should have one person as your soulmate forever.” Delicious words, my friend. Absolutely tasty.
December 1st, 2008 at 12:13 am
Maybe I am being naive, and I tend to be that way, but I do believe in soulmates. Yes in friendships and family as well. But I am talking about true love. Growing up in a family where the men in my life weren’t very good I am looking very hard for the right person. I understand this person will have flaws, but to me, this person will shine so brightly it will be as if their flaws were meant for me, my love is so strong. Unconditional love is automatic, not something you work at. Yes, you will work, but not to hold your love together when it can never be broken. To me, that is all I want or I can enjoy my life alone, because life is great without it still!
I believe I have already met this person but don’t know if I will ever see them again. I hope to, but don’t care otherwise. There is a brightness in my life that once wasn’t there.
December 1st, 2008 at 12:16 am
lemesabassman’s poem reminds me of when I met the one I thought was my soulmate
December 1st, 2008 at 8:02 am
@ Virginia Rose: You are awesome! I love your romantic comment. And, I totally agree with you on this: “To me, that is all I want or I can enjoy my life alone, because life is great without it still!” I want the real deal, the “great” thing. Hmmm … this makes me think about a lot of stuff. Maybe it’s time for another post about this.
December 1st, 2008 at 2:44 pm
thanks!