From the monthly archives:

May 2008

Given our recent discussion (see: Monday’s comments section) about single life, I thought I’d share a New York Times article excerpt with y’all:

[A] new Web site, SingleEdition.com, wants nothing more than to embrace [singles]. And unlike dating sites that treat being single as a predicament, this one celebrates flying solo, and offers shopping, financial and other advice to help them do so with pride.

“If you Google the term ‘single,’ all that comes up is dating, dating, dating,” said Sherri Langburt, a founder of SingleEdition.com. “But what we’re saying is there’s a whole other realm of things that go on for a single person that are not dating.”

Articles on the site give advice on how to entertain in small apartments (have cheese- or chocolate-tasting parties instead of sit-down meals), how to cook for one (try freezing homemade soup in ice trays to simplify defrosting single portions) and how to select gifts for other singles (perhaps an audio book or a G.P.S. device to help a solo driver).

[Continue Reading]

Swing over to SingleEdition.com for all kinds of great info about you own personal table for one. Ah, the singles life. I have my ups and down. I make mistakes. I sometimes feel lonely. I date men I probably shouldn’t, and I think I self-sabotage relationships without even knowing that I’m doing until months (sometimes years) later. That said, I still wouldn’t trade my single and dating life for anyone else’s. So, if you like SingleEdition.com, check out my Q&A interview. Yep, they got down with the funky brown!!!! Read: Chocolate, wine tasting and museum visits. No wonder Twanna has fallen in love with single living! And, speaking of chocolate, tonight I’ve been invited to a special chocolate tasting down by Wall Street. Yum! Wanna come? I’ll Twitter the details. Follow along with me.

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{ 5 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

“If you check yourself, say, once a week, you’ll get to know what your testicles feel like normally to you [...]” Oh, yes. I feel a Testicle Tuesday coming on. I don’t think we’ve yet discussed testicular cancer on the FBC just yet. I love balls. So, I thought it’d be a good idea to talk about keeping them safe. Why are so many public health videos so dry and boring? Two clips. The first is 100% informative and 0% funny. The second one is more lighthearted … and, dare I say, slightly goofy. Yum!

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Credit: Big drippy kisses & special thanks to Viviane [NSFW] for suggesting this topic!

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{ 6 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

A sexy, married man named Jonno made me share sex with him until 3:00 am this morning. No, please, I begged him. I must sleep! I should explain that we were 1,173 miles (1888 kilometers) apart when the eyeball nooky took place. It was just TV coitus. We watched VH1′s Sex: The Revolution at the same time. I sat on my couch wearing red & white, striped 100% cotton panties and a mauve T-shirt. I think Jonno was in New Orleans. I don’t believe he was naked at the time, but I can’t be sure. I never asked. In any case, the series was good and I really wanna I’ll catch the “Save It for Marriage” episode when it airs. Speaking of marriage …

When I was 22, ivory wedding invitations printed on linen paper poured into my Midwestern mailbox on a regular basis. It’s like, one year, my friends and I were in college fucking around, drinking draft beer from plastic cups and dancing to retro 80s tunes at Bad Music Night. The next year, women who never would’ve dreamed of asking me to pay $8.99 for their Steak ‘n Shake dinner expected me to shell out $300 for Delftware serving bowls from their bridal registry. This marriage shit is a sham. Sometimes, I’m convinced people are only in it for the gifts. :)

“Everyone’s getting married,” I told my older sister back then. “Well,” she said, “that’s life.” She went on to explain that life happened in stages. All my friends were getting married because I’d reached the age when people do that sort of thing, she told me. Eventually, a lot of people would start having babies. Then, they’d have second children. A few couples would divorce. Some would remarry. Everyone would get older and, then, someone’s grandparent would die. Parents would die, too. Although it’s scary, eventually, people my own age would die. Mortality would begin to feel very personal. “That’s life,” she said again.

I’m quite happy with the status of my empty womb and naked left ring finger. But, damn it if this “life cycle” stuff doesn’t cross my brain every so often. Don’t get me wrong. I still don’t wanna have kids, and I don’t have the tick-tock of a biological clock. Pro-domestic partners / cohabiting, I don’t really see the purpose of marriage. At the same time, when everyone else takes their vows, it makes me feel like I’m back in my Illinois high school’s P.E. classes again. Instead of picking baseball or kickball buddies, people are linking up with husbands and wives. But, it’s not really about making the cut for the kickball squad or the Married People Crew. I just don’t like feeling like no one’s “picked” me yet. Why does it feel like rejection when I don’t even wanna be on the team?

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Random link of interest: This week, New York magazine answers the question “What makes married men want to have affairs?” in their article The Affairs of Men: The Trouble with Sex and Marriage.

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{ 24 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

If you’ve been to my blog before, you’ve been expecting this video for a couple days. If you haven’t been here, read the backstory. Okay. Voila! Naked chicks. Cocktails. Kickass gift bags. Music. Fashion. Oh, and, be forewarned: it’s a little choppy.

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{ 14 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Happy Friday!! I’m still editing the Kanye West / Spike Lee video. (See yesterday’s post for backstory.) In the meantime, heads up! Last night, I received word that the new episode of Man and Wife TV is now available at www.manandwife.tv. Shanda ROCKS. She’s sexy, smart and funny! She really knows her stuff. (Scoop does, too, but we still kicked him out while we talked about sex!) Spy on the ladies’ night out with Lux, Jamye, Rachel, Shanda and me:

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{ 24 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

I. Fucking. Love. New York!! Okay, so, I’m like toiling away in front
of my computer yesterday, right? Ordinary day. I get an email from the ever fabulous Kathryn Finney from Budget Fashionista. Her offer? “Wanna go to a party?” Moi? Party? Of course! “Spike Lee is the guest of honor and Kanye West is performing,” she says. Oh, hell yeah! I love Kanye West. And, Spike Lee. Fast forward a couple of hours and I’m on the east side of Manhattan at Guastavino’s on the corner of 1st Ave and 59th Street. I text Kathryn. “They R checking ppl @ the door. What do I say? Am I on list?” She tells me she’s in a cab on 2nd Avenue and 63rd, but her husband should already be there. He’s a tall man wearing a green hat. Somewhere in the crowd. Find him. He’s got the password. If not the password, at least he’s got words for conversation while we wait for Kathryn.

Kathryn arrives. So does Spike Lee. We all walk on the red carpet. I whip out my Flipcam to shoot Spike, but I fumble and I’m too late. All I get is an ass shot of Spike walking toward the door to the party. (Sidenote: Spike has a nice ass.) Inside, I find out that the event is commemorating G-Shock’s 25th Anniversary. Apparently, Spike and graffiti writer Eric Haze have both designed couture of the wrist. And, Kanye west is a fan of the timepieces too. “Hmmm,” I tell myself, “must get one of those.” So, now feel like an asshole because I haven’t owned a watch since I wore Swatches, but fuck it if I’m not here drinking all of Casio’s cocktails and eating a boatload and a half of their hors d’oeuvres.

Holding a leg of lamb to my mouth with my right hand and a glass of champagne in my left, I huddle with a multiculti group of fashion women including Budget Fashionista, Coutorture, and a model who is quite possibly one of the most beautiful creatures on the face of the earth. I’m serious. She’s like a black Kate Moss. Which, of course, is appropriate because Kanye West is gonna perform in exactly 22 minutes at 8:15pm.

I’m standing next to the stage sardined in a crowd of people including a 5’7″ black man wearing a white hat and a 6’2″ white dude who looks JUST LIKE Christian Bale (as Patrick Bateman) in American Psycho. It’s 10pm. Still, no Kanye. “Maaaan,” I tell the shorter guy, “if this negro doesn’t come out here in the next hour, we should storm the stage.” He smiles. “We should storm the stage anyway,” he says. “Yeah,” I joke, “let’s get kicked out of here!!” Kanye comes out flocked by a group of 5 or 6 naked women clad only in clear, glass astronaut helmets. The short dude, my former Comrade in Arms says: “Get kicked out by your damn self. I’m not missing this!!!!!”

And, quite a concert it was. I wondered if Kanye had hemorrhoids because he stayed seated for so long, but he eventually got up and completely fucking killed the rest of the concert. Seriously. It was awesome. When it was over, I walked out with the crowd and picked up my gift bag before hailing a yellow taxicab home. Voila! My free goodies included … drum roll, please … a G-SHOCK watch!!! Never more shall the funky brown chick walk the streets of Manhattan with naked wrists. The folks at Casio know how to party. Now, quick, somebody help me: I’ve got a fuckload of video footage from last night. They’re all AVI files from my FlipCam. At home, Windows Media player plays audio but no video but I can see everything fine on my Flipcam. How can I see & edit the AVI Flipcam videos on a PC before uploading them online?

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{ 16 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Backstory: If it’s lesbians you want… ;)

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{ 3 folks got down with the Funky Brown }