Dear Pete (a.k.a. Mashable Dude):
“I know you,” you said as we bumped into each other at your party last Friday. “Yeah, we met at SXSW,” I reminded you. “Hmmm …” your face fell to a blank stare. You didn’t remember meeting me. “Uh, right, okay, so, everyone was drunk there. I don’t remember everyone I met either,” I said to soothe my wounded ego and to make you feel less awkward. But, I figured you knew me from my site. “You read FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com, yeah?”
“No.”
Shit. I felt stupid. If you didn’t get down with the funky brown, then I figured you knew me via one of our mutual connections. I suggested, “We’re both Vaynerchuk pals. You saw me on Gary’s show?” You politely shook your head and said, “Um …” You watch Wine Library TV; you probably missed the day I dropped by.
Now, I was stumped. You didn’t come to my SXSW talk. And, I doubted you read the girly mag Glamour so you didn’t read about my orgasm. You live somewhere out west, so you probably don’t read Time Out New York & didn’t see my erotic haiku. And, so on and so on. I was at a loss bro; I didn’t know which connection you had in mind.
“Twit-tah!” you said as the lightbulb went on. [NOTE TO USA READERS: British English translation to American English: Twit-tah = Twitter.]
You read my tweets. I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to morph into a tiny red ant, then crawl away and sting the hell out of someone so they’d stump me to a miserable end.
“You’ve been writing very nice things about me,” you smiled.
I assumed you meant the It should be a goddamned punishable sin to be that fucking fiiiiiiiine!!! stuff. For the record, I didn’t say that. I was quoting this brown woman. But, yes, I’ll fess up to something else … Being the silly little girls that we are, another brown woman (Tiffany B. Brown) and I jokingly became co-founding members of the Brown Girls Who Think Pete Cashmore Is Sexeh Club, LLC. Please forgive us. We all write stupid shit online without realizing people (sometimes) actually read that stuff.
Crawling back to the obscure hole from whence I came,
Twanna // FUNKY BROWN CHICK
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Related links:
Mashable
Pete on Valleywag
Open Letter to My Laptop
Open Letter to Dates Who Find My Blog
Open Letter to The Guy Who Sent Me Pictures of Himself Wearing a Thong
Open Letter To The Man Who Sent Me His Penis
To The One Who Tried to Poison Me
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Ahahaha yes, definitley an OMG moment LOL.
Yes, and there is more I’ve written online that I hope Pete Cashmore never hears about. TGFPT (that’s “thank God for private twitter”). I’m one coding error away from being in your shoes … LOL.
You see there, you do so much good stuff that you can’t even guess how somebody knows you!
is that a spray on tan?!……..
Very much attractive :)
cute, but brit boys . . . . . ugh
and if you have some Marvin Gaye playing in the background…… somethin’ could
happen….. with that Ray Ban smile on your face…. could be an all-nighter, love…
lamesabassman…. and the count is 3-2 and the bats are mucho hot….
@ Tiffani: Yeah, I felt kind of goofy about that, but it’s all good.
@ tiffany: Oooooooh! More you say? SHARE!
@ Baba Doodlius: You’re too complimentary.
@ dkzone: Hmmm … Spray on tan? I’m so not an authority on that stuff. Looks real to me.
@ Gloria: :)
@ aicha: Sounds like you’ve got a few Brit Boy stories? Do tell!
@ lamesabassman: Marvin Gaye = good. I once had a guy end a date early because I told him I liked motown stuff and oldies like Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong and others. He was like, “You totally discounted like 3 decades of music.” Can’t help it. I like classics.
and …if they can hang….. hellacool….. and ..as if they can’t…. there is some remedial help somewhere for such wayward souls…… am back to Cali…..
gonna build up some spare cheese and….. relax….
lamesabassman……. the Lakers and who…….?
“We all write stupid shit online without realizing people (sometimes) actually read that stuff.”
How good is that line? It sums up blogging/facebook/twitter perfectly!
well…. it beats the New York Times Crossword for opening the unknown ways
of the Force to the masses who dont write Shine-ola while on line at Starbucks and … at times … say something so meaningful that it would turn someone’s life
around….. or something to that effect…. but… what would I know…. am just a bass player in the band of Life…..
lamesabassman…… think…. it ain’t illegal, yet…
Mr Angry, glad you like it! :) And, yeah, it certainly describes my blogging/facebook/twitter too.
and… what is the one thing that you want…. but have’nt tried or done yet….
for me … it’s a mud bath….. dunno…. all that mud…. on me …. are there worms
in there…. does it have to be warm… or cold….
lamesabassman…… bury me not in the lone …. so far from home….
Even though I’m not brown, can I join the club? :)
OF COURSE!!! And, who says you’re not brown?!?!?! ;)