I am not a slut. I shared a bed with two people at the same time, and it was fun. So, I wrote about it. Period. I was gonna write about it again with more details, but then I noticed aftershocks I wasn’t sure how to interpret. “Twanna,” wrote one of my Facebook friends, “you are a freak, freak, freak.” A close friend said the threesome was “gross” and, later when talking about a bunch of folks crashing at my house in the near future, she added, “I’m sleeping on the floor. If you guys all wanna cuddle up together that’s your own business.” A dude I met twice at networking events sent me a clip on YouPorn after reading my blog. [That link is obviously NSFW because, dude, it's YouPorn.] A few folks scoffed “yeah right” when I told them it was my first threesome experience. Then, of course, there were the two participants. When the girl and the girl emailed the boy the morning after, he didn’t write either back. At a random party, the girl, the girl and the boy pretended not to see each other while standing less than 5 feet away for damn near an hour. What the hell is going on? I wondered. We’re still just talking about sex, right? It’s just sex. Is that so wild and crazy?
“Believe it or not,” I told one of my guy friends (one of the sweetest men in the world), “I’m actually much less scandalous than everyone thinks I am.” Ever the deep and introspective genius, he responded, “It’s not so much about being scandalous. It’s just that you’re a major extrovert & somewhat free from social fetters; that combination, imho, usually allows greater opportunities for sexual experimentation.” Rachel tells me, “People don’t know what to do with you. They’re uncomfortable with the idea that someone can be extremely comfortable with their sexuality and a ‘good girl’ at the same time. But, let’s face it, neither of us is considered wholesome – for whatever that word means nowadays.”
I can’t change who I am. Even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. So where does that leave me? Honestly? Sobbing while walking alone east on 42nd Street between Lex and 3rd Avenue at 12:32am this morning. I’d just returned from Jahfurry‘s birthday party. It was a great night filled with amazing live music, reggae dancing, tons of interesting people, a really good appetizer plate of bacon-wrapped scallops with BBQ sauce and a guitarist who I honestly thought might throw his instrument down and fuck a random birthday girl in front of all of us. It was a great night. When the party was over, Rachel and I walked toward Grand Central to catch separate trains to our respective homes. We talked about boys, dates, love lives and the way that people perceive sexual women. Why the hell is it so fucking hard to find a man who can handle an extroverted, outgoing, sexually comfortable woman without getting totally fucking freaked out? I’m just looking for a decent guy who isn’t so fucking insecure. Is that too much to ask? I wanted to cry. And, once Rachel and I parted, that’s exactly what I did.
Maybe I intimidate men. Maybe my personality places me squarely on the fringe. Maybe, woulda, shoulda, coulda, I really don’t fucking care anymore. I can’t keep thinking about this shit because it’s driving me crazy. So, I’m going away this weekend. One of my friends’ parents have a place in the Hamptons. A few of us are gonna spend time on the beach and take a break from this fucking city, from life. I swear if anyone in our group asks me questions about the threesome when I’m out there, I just might fucking drown ‘em.
It was just sex. That’s all. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less.
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Photo credit: Tomas Lara
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If two (or more) consenting adults (R. Kelley– take notes) agree to have sex, then who are we to judge? You know who you are FBC and the kind of person you are, and you shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed.
Heeeey, add Tiffany’s site to the list of cool brown stuff, too!! Tiffany B. BROWN (www.tiffanybbrown.com)!!!
@ NML: You rock!!!
@ lamesabassman: True. Can’t please everyone.
@ Manuel: You said, “Love yourself first and foremost.” That’s like the Golden Rule of all interpersonal relationships.
@ Anjuan: Thanks for sharing your opinions, and thanks for the support! :)
@ Rochelle: Yes, yes. R. Kelley should DEFINITELY take note.
1 threesome a slut does not make…..
I actually married my sexually extroverted friend.
I liken peoples reaction to this….. Some people will see a brown dress and think it looks like shit….others will see a wonderful chocolate mousse.
People will see what they want to see ( usually something that co-signs their agenda and makes them feel better about themselves at your expense)
Take care, and keep your head up….
PS threesomes aren’t really freaky…..unless farm animals are included =P
Hey there!! :) You said, “People will see what they want to see ( usually something that co-signs their agenda and makes them feel better about themselves at your expense).” VERY well said. :) Thanks.
I’m sorry that happened. I’ve never had a threesome, but some people don’t know what to do with me either. In the words of Suzanne Sugarbaker, “I’m too much, too.”
I think I’m too much, too. :)
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