Jun 172008

I like to have the upperhand in my relationships with men. But, be ye not fooled. This doesn’t mean I date submissives. As I’ve said before, there’s something incredibly sexy about a take-charge guy who handles his business by day but also lets me handcuff him to my bed & dominate the hell out of him by night. Bossing sexy, strong men around turns me on. That said, it’s also worth mentioning that I sometimes knock heads with the domme boys because, quite frankly, I like it when people let me have my way. So, maybe, in a small way, I secretly like (slightly) submissive guys. Testicle Tuesdays question of the day: Is the submissive male less manly than his dominant counterpart? My opinion? Definitely not. Meet Axe. By his own confession, he’s a submissive male. This is his blog, and I know him. Rather, I should say, I don’t know him but I’ve met him a couple times because we belong to the same secret society sex writer cabal.

“I first noticed I was attracted to strong women when I was very young,” he writes. “I saw an episode of Wonder Woman where she tied up a bad guy. I remember wishing I was the bad guy. I was 6 or 7 years old.” I like reading Axe’s blog because it lets me probe a sub male’s brain a bit. I particularly like blogposts How It All Started for Me, You Must Be Dominant to Be Submissive and I’m Submissive, Not a Doormat. In the latter post he confesses, “I sometimes find myself needing to defend my masculinity.” Like, for example, when he told a male coworker he’d like a woman to spank him.

“What?” [the coworker] shouted as though he was in disbelief that I was actually a guy.

“Sure I would, if she got off on that, why not? (I was downplaying how much I actually wanted it from a woman) I love it when a woman takes control.”

The coworker then picked on Axe. The upshot? Axe basically told the guy, I’ve gone down on women you could only dream of giving you the time of day. Hmmmm … I notice a reoccurring theme; Axe, a submissive, gets chicks dominant boys can’t. He once told a group of married men, “I slept with an amazingly aggressive woman last night, we both came until we passed out. Maybe next month when you can convince your wives to have sex with you, you’ll hope she does the same.” Damn, boy! See, that’s kinda hot, no? Submissive males rage with just as much testosterone as their dominant brethren. Others agree. Earlier this year, The New York Times published Stephanie Rosenbloom‘s article “The Beta Male’s Charms” about that upcoming show We Need Girlfriends. Read the piece. It’s cute. Seriously, READ IT! Besides, what else are you doing? You’re at work but, obviously, you’re a slacker. Hell, you’re sitting in your little black chair reading a blog right now! ;) So, again, here’s the link to the article.

Okay, so, now you know how I prefer things. What about the rest of you? Men. Women. Feel free to use the comment section to tell me whether you’re submissive or dominant and which type of partner you prefer and why.

Related FBC posts:
Cougars and Cubs: Older Women, Younger Men
Urban Cougars and Their Young Boytoys
How to Seduce a GILF

Related book:
She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission

  62 Responses to “How to Love A Submissive Man”

  1. Hi my lady’s
    I am submissive man looking for a lady!
    Please email me to Eric.arch@hotmail.com
    Ps : there is a Dom lady for every sub man
    I am tall , good shape, independent , handsome and love to be dominated by a lady.
    I am in manhattan , please be to or close to it.
    My lady’s good evenining

  2. I am in my early 30s now and when younger I thought a sexually dominant woman was all the rage. I never gave it thought or noticed the many obvious things which to a younger self was no concern, his top priority getting laid. To that end, a non-threatening, sexually attentive male, I found, was the way with these women. As I got older, I realized there was a reason why: they felt validated being given that attention by a strong, take-charge male while not having their low-sense of sexual worth provoked by doing “submissive” things in bed. By the time I was 29, it got tiresome and boring. There was just too much baggage, both said and unsaid that came with these women. Sadly, often there was sexual abuse in their past. But many just seemed deeply unhappy inside, almost often accommodated by inexplicable anger and even deeper, easily provoked insecurities, which in these women’s minds would be assuaged by looking for an external validation. I’ve yet to meet a self-declared “domme” that ever was happy and didn’t have deep relationship issues that crept into the present and had a long list of dead-ends and lonliness as her most faithful companion. There was always this almost self-righteous sense of unjustified self-entitlement and appalling vanity. Acting this way is not what makes one dominant; it makes them an asshole. And at some point, my maturity outgrew my horny get-me-some single mindedness. At the end real dominant men (or women for that matter) want a real dominant man–and not just in the bedroom. Do you got your mind together? Do you have not just a “plan” (i.e. unfulfilled, escapist dream that is not going anywhere)? Do you have track record of stability, positive grow, and evidence that you bring something something to the table so that a real dominant man says, “Yeah, sister has it together and together we can make something good together.” I want to hear about the low-down dogs and good-for-nothing men and all the whinny adolescent teen-angst soap drama that is thoroughly repulsive when it comes from a woman over 28 years old and speaks of a underlying pathology or damaged past that seems shackled to the soul. And I didn’t want those self-proclaiming “dominant” women. They were and are jokes. And I know there are many women reading this that will be pissed, and there is a reason for that: you are not dominant. Then comes the retort: “well, you are not a real submissive.” And that is right. But neither am I an asshole or someone that derives his sense of self-worth from having to have a “submissive” woman in my life, like some males need to bolster their own frail ego. So to you younger men and women out there: Be careful how you label yourself, for habit has a way of becoming character and this whole BDSM thing is just a life-suck for losers that hang onto titles and mistake them for actual accomplishment and qualities to be truly proud and wanting to possess. Looking back at this as now a married man with two kids, I hope at some point in our progress as a species we can evolve beyond these laughable power hierarchies, but make no mistake about it, as Lord Byron once wrote: “The unenlightened, weak minded, and feeble of soul seek the subjugation of others to esteem their own miserably reality.” I could not say it better.

  3. @Ron above, this is the most intelligent comment here. Yous speak the truth. Submission is a gift, whether given by a woman or a man to a worthy partner. Before one should ever consider relinquishing that gift to such a partner, they should in fact make sure that the person seeking it comes from an evolved, healthy and secure place. All too often, especially in a major metropolis like New York City, in a down economy, as a man once you decide to admit to a woman that you may have a submissive nature and prefer to serve a woman; it may often be met with the mindset of a greedy manipulative person who thinks she has finally found the answer to her prayers to liberate her from responsibility in life; a sugar daddy to pay her rent, buy her shoes and pay all her bills without the need for any intimacy. The foregoing being said, were a man to possess all the financial blessings in the world and the object of his affection and desire not so much, you would be honored to share with her all that you have — under the right circumstances. So, I say, seek love, respect, honor and dignity first and foremost. Treat the object of your affection as you would wish to be treated yourself. Observe the details, an individual’s manner, style and grace towards the less fortunate, including how she handles servers, waiters and other service professionals who may tend to her in the market place. Consider their value system and perhaps after exhibiting a degree of patience in observing someone’s character you may be open and share this vulnerable side of yourself.

  4. there are many man like to be submissive for woman or man where can I meet to live my dream

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