How to Love A Submissive Man
I like to have the upperhand in my relationships with men. But, be ye not fooled. This doesn’t mean I date submissives. As I’ve said before, there’s something incredibly sexy about a take-charge guy who handles his business by day but also lets me handcuff him to my bed & dominate the hell out of him by night. Bossing sexy, strong men around turns me on. That said, it’s also worth mentioning that I sometimes knock heads with the domme boys because, quite frankly, I like it when people let me have my way. So, maybe, in a small way, I secretly like (slightly) submissive guys. Testicle Tuesdays question of the day: Is the submissive male less manly than his dominant counterpart? My opinion? Definitely not. Meet Axe. By his own confession, he’s a submissive male. This is his blog, and I know him. Rather, I should say, I don’t know him but I’ve met him a couple times because we belong to the same secret society sex writer cabal.
“I first noticed I was attracted to strong women when I was very young,” he writes. “I saw an episode of Wonder Woman where she tied up a bad guy. I remember wishing I was the bad guy. I was 6 or 7 years old.” I like reading Axe’s blog because it lets me probe a sub male’s brain a bit. I particularly like blogposts How It All Started for Me, You Must Be Dominant to Be Submissive and I’m Submissive, Not a Doormat. In the latter post he confesses, “I sometimes find myself needing to defend my masculinity.” Like, for example, when he told a male coworker he’d like a woman to spank him.
“What?” [the coworker] shouted as though he was in disbelief that I was actually a guy.
“Sure I would, if she got off on that, why not? (I was downplaying how much I actually wanted it from a woman) I love it when a woman takes control.”
The coworker then picked on Axe. The upshot? Axe basically told the guy, I’ve gone down on women you could only dream of giving you the time of day. Hmmmm … I notice a reoccurring theme; Axe, a submissive, gets chicks dominant boys can’t. He once told a group of married men, “I slept with an amazingly aggressive woman last night, we both came until we passed out. Maybe next month when you can convince your wives to have sex with you, you’ll hope she does the same.” Damn, boy! See, that’s kinda hot, no? Submissive males rage with just as much testosterone as their dominant brethren. Others agree. Earlier this year, The New York Times published Stephanie Rosenbloom’s article “The Beta Male’s Charms” about that upcoming show We Need Girlfriends. Read the piece. It’s cute. Seriously, READ IT! Besides, what else are you doing? You’re at work but, obviously, you’re a slacker. Hell, you’re sitting in your little black chair reading a blog right now! ;) So, again, here’s the link to the article.
Okay, so, now you know how I prefer things. What about the rest of you? Men. Women. Feel free to use the comment section to tell me whether you’re submissive or dominant and which type of partner you prefer and why.
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Related FBC posts:
Cougars and Cubs: Older Women, Younger Men
Urban Cougars and Their Young Boytoys
How to Seduce a GILF
Related book:
She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission
June 17th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I prefer submissive men myself.
If the trust is there (and it takes a whole helluva lot of trust believe me) and if it’s a true dominance, not the type of dominance that’s born of insecurity, then I can get with a dominant male.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I prefer a dominant male. Not to say that I don’t like to get it poppin every once in a blue and tell a man to shut up while I do him, but most of the time I like a man to be strong and dominant.
June 17th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
…and what, exactly, does the attractiveness or frequency of one’s encounters have to do with the fact that as a man, you’ve given up a ton of power in the bedroom? The first two have to do with the sexual desirability of one’s partners and how often you are “getting it on.” The latter has to do with being emasculated.
“Your wife may let you get up on that next month, har har,” huh? The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
June 17th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I’m flattered you’d write about the subject, not to mention include so many links to my little spot on the web.
I’m curious what you mean by (slightly) submissive. That can mean a whole range of things.
Most women on the dominant side like the idea of an Alpha male by day and their pet at night. Not a bad image of course, unless you’re just another guy working a boring office job.
Yes, I’m submissive. Why do I like dominant women? That’s a long list. One reason is that I like to please, I’m much more a giver than a taker in bed.
That, and my oral fixation.
June 17th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Giving up power in the bedroom? It is more about giving pleasure , the Woman is not so much in charge as simply more important. Her pleasure is what comes first. And when both ( or all since we are here in the threesome capital of NY) recognize that the woman’s pleasure comes first and activities in the bedroom take that into account, the sex can be wonderful. There is a wide range of behavior that can be called submissive. But it starts with the recognition that the Woman comes first, her wants and needs.. Let the games begin..
June 18th, 2008 at 12:38 am
I’m into dominating in the bedroom..so a submissive male would just be my cup of tea..although i have been known to give up power to the right man..wink wink..
June 18th, 2008 at 7:05 am
i prefer a man who fucks me in the ass because he’s an ass kisser.
June 18th, 2008 at 7:41 am
@ Desiree: You rock; couldn’t have said that better myself. :)
@ Pam: So, it sounds like you’re versatile! ;) Isn’t everyone — for the right man (or woman it that’s your persuasion).
@ Andy: I’m slow. I had to read your comment twice before I got it.
@ axe: No prob at all babes. Of course I was going to link to your posts when writing about this. And, by the way, by “(slightly) submissive” submissive, I mean I’m not into TOTAL submissives. The image of a collared man locked in a wire dog cage while eating out of a animal’s tray so doesn’t turn me on. Really. I’ve seen that image of a guy; I didn’t think it was hot. Also, I’m sooo not into inflicting pain on my sex partners. So, yeah, slightly submissive in a “let her have what she wants” kind of way but not in the “I wanna humiliate and cause pain” kind of way.
@ don: You said, “Giving up power in the bedroom? It is more about giving pleasure, the Woman is not so much in charge as simply more important.” YOU ROCK!! Do you live in New York? ;)
@ mrsbigg: Wouldn’t we all do almost anything for the right person? ;) Okay, maybe not “all” of us and maybe not “almost anything” but, well, you know. ;)
@ onlyromanswilldo: Alrighty then.
June 18th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Power exchange can be liberating for some. Me- I am Dom without an ounce of ’switch’ anywhere in my blood. I like to keep it in the bedroom, but my personality is such that I find it hard to temper in public. Professionally, as a black man, I have had to play the office political game and not be ‘too much’ of anything: dominant, aggressive, opinionated, etc…
Sex is my domain; the place where I am allowed to let my true nature be known. If that means I miss out on the ‘hottest chicks’- so be it. I have always felt that those chicks use their ‘looks’ to carry them and my experiences have shown me that they can rarely hang with a ‘endowed’ Black man with exceptional skills. They expect to be pleased and impressed but don’t give anything in return [other than their looks].
June 18th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
[...] big thanks to Funkybrownchick for writing about how she likes submissive men. Granted she only likes submissive men to be [...]
June 18th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
I’m a sub so I prefer a Dom. I am to please. And the act of pleasing someone else is often enough for me. I can’t say I don’t like the idea of a submissive man. To boss him around, tie him down and tell him what to do is totally a turn on.
Wait….does that mean I’m switch? Well then.
June 18th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
Im happy I found this site. YAY! (thanks to Axe)
I am dominant. I prefer to be dominant. I think I may be similar to Ms. BrownChick in the sense I dont tend to go for the submissive, but the dominant male who submits to me. I have however have only dated beta males (those are the ones I seem to only attract)….I wouldnt necessarily call them subs just gentlemen =). As a “Domme” (I’m nowhere near professional, its more like an inner longing) I feel as though I aim to please as well as dominate.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:02 am
@ RoninBro: Who’s this “they”? :) Same could be said of women AND men, I guess.
@ Axe: THANKS for the link love!!! :) And, yes, please write a post about your thoughts on submissives vs slightly submissives. Would love to hear your thoughts.
@ Grace: TOTALLY! :)
@ LadyM: Axe is great, isn’t he?! :) And, yes, you’ve put your finger on the pulse with: “I dont tend to go for the submissive, but the dominant male who submits to me.” That’s EXACTLY my type, too. :) I almost married a beta male. Generally speaking, I fall in lust with Alpha, love with Beta. And, yes, dommes aim to please; letting a submissive please you pleases them. It’s like magic; suddenly everyone’s happy.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:15 am
In reference to what I wrote earlier, ‘THEY’ are the so-called hot chicks that supposedly every man wants. Come on, you know who I am talking about. A lot of you ladies know and hate them. They are the ones that look sideways at every man that approaches them as if to say “what do you think you’re looking at?”…
The women that are deemed as so utterly attractive that men will accept their stank personalities and dismissive attitudes in the HOPES of catching a wiff of their panties. Well, I am anti-hottie. I like the REAL women out there that understand it takes 2 people to make a powerful sexual connection, not one person bending over backwards to impress the other! Ya dig?
June 20th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Yep, I dig. :)
June 20th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
[...] FUNKYBROWNCHICK – How to Love a Submissive Man – ‘Cuz I sure loves me some! [...]
June 20th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
This made me smile because of a conversation I’ve had quite recently. That said:
Not sure why but there are those who would think that with my personality, I give off the vibe of being a Dom. Not sure what they are seeing, but I do like having my moments. I’m probably more Sub than is realized. So it appears that I am a Switch because I can get behind being a Sub. In fact, holding a curiosity about it. :)
June 21st, 2008 at 4:48 am
Neither way rocks my socks, so I don’t care. I’m more of a chameleon, just happy to be whatever the lady seems to prefer.
June 21st, 2008 at 8:19 am
No matter how assertive a guy is most of the time, I reckon it’s refreshing to have a woman take the lead on occasion. The lead could be anything from initiating sex to the full handcuff treatment.
Back when I was in my early twenties and living with my parents I’d just come out of hospital following surgery. There was a knock at the door and my dad called saying there was a visitor for me. I went to the door to find ‘Nicki’ (a woman I worked with) dressed in thigh length boots, a whip in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. What a dramatic recovery I made LOL…
June 21st, 2008 at 10:53 am
@ baserinstincts: Thanks for the link lovin!!! :)
@ Roddykat: It’s good to try out different things; I’m a fan of experimenting. ;)
@ Brenz: Do you live in New York?
@ http://www.find-mr-right.co.uk: That sounds hot!! :) But, did you guys go all hot and heavy with your parents in the other room???
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:38 am
Yes, why?
June 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Just wondering! :)
June 27th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Haha… I’m definitely Dom(me) in more than one way (language?). Except, perhaps, with that black chick who got kicked off “so you think you can dance” last night. Strong thighs. Yummy. Actually, she reminds me of you. Anyone else have that problem?
June 27th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I love it that you think of me when you see strong thighs. For the record, I could probably crack a coconut with mine! ;)
June 30th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
OKAYYY then… no oral sex for you!
July 1st, 2008 at 7:22 am
Were you offering??? Why didn’t you tell me that when I saw you the other week? ;)
July 1st, 2008 at 7:29 am
PS: Note to the crazy men (lest you think I’d joking talk about oral sex with you, too): I know Erroy Boy.
August 8th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I’m a dominant woman. I prefer to date submissive men or vanilla men. The idea of dating a dominant man is foreign to me.
I always cringe and want to rage when I hear submissive men disparaged as some stereotypical simpering weakling who is barely fit to be called a man. Yeah, that gimpish type is out there, but it is NOT the definition of submissive men. At all.
What I find attractive about submissive men: they are attentive and respectful. I like being in charge, they are very compatible to that (this all seems so obvious to me that it’s taken a while for me to realize that it isn’t universal!)
And contrary to what you see so often written on the web in the whole “submissives are gimpish womenly men” mythology, a submissive man (keyword: man) is perfectly capable of being a man. Including fucking. Including fucking well. Hard. All of that! And even better??? Capable of fucking well and hard ON COMMAND! Brilliant. What’s not to love?
August 9th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Couldn’t agree with you more. :)
January 17th, 2009 at 1:04 am
i am a submissive male i love for a woman to boss me around in bed and also put fingers in my butt being on my knees and letting my mistress fist me is pleasure the only prob is that not many women r into that kinda thing what do u say
February 4th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
I love reading articles like this. I definitely rep the submissive boys when I write. I just think it’s sad sometimes, for the men who are being persuaded by their work buddies to buy some book telling men how to get women. The book is telling them pretty much how to fail at dominating women, and all these poor boys want is a spanking.
February 13th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Im 6ft3 and 14 stone. Go to the gym and am a team leader at work. Im traing to run the Great North run and am defo no “simpering weakling” tbh not many people would dare to call me that.
Im submissive and theres nothing better than a woman taking control, maybe not the fisting bit mind!
March 8th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
I like a dominant man who submits to Me. :) I can’t seem to figure out my current love interest though. One minute he is happy to make me happy and an hour later he’s a cold fish. Believe me, I know what he likes and I make him happy too. I’ve tried talking, being extra nice and ordering him to tell me what this cold thing is about. Nothing works. Any ideas?
May 2nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
i am just turning 18 and i know i am a submisiv boy but i am not into all the beting what am i?!.
July 4th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Twanna, I wonder if you’re mistaking submissiveness for activity here. Why do you think “total” submissives are the ones who want to be locked in a wire dog cage? Why do you think that “slightly” submissive men wouldn’t like that? One’s chosen sexual activity has little to do with “how submissive” they are.
I’m also wondering if perhaps you’re channeling much of the hegemonic paradigm here. The association of “total” submissives to people who prefer women to “humiliate and cause pain” is a dreadful misconception I’ve railed against my entire life. In fact, I suspect that misconception is precisely the same one that Axe’s co-worker is under when he challenges Axe’s masculinity. It’s the same misconception that the young commenter above me is expressing when he says “i am just turning 18 and i know i am a submisiv boy but i am not into all the beting what am i?!.”
Mistakenly conflating intent (submissiveness) with activity (being beaten, humiliated, etc.) is a real problem, and one I hope more submissive men like Axe and myself will speak out against more.
July 30th, 2009 at 1:52 am
I am a sum girl who has married a switch and i would like to give him some of the attention he wants would anyone of you Domme’s be able to give me some advice.
July 30th, 2009 at 1:55 am
Sry entered too early…
Anywho I have never been in charge before and I really don’t know where to start I know he wouldn’t be into anything painful or humiliating but I don’t know what my options are. I always though guys were different in that aspect that girls and I didn’t think doing the things to him that I would want done to me would work.
September 8th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I’m a black latino. Growing up in South America my white babysitter turned me into her slave between 3 and 11 yrs old. She trained me that a white woman’s needs come before my own. It’s the way I should show my love to her. At such a young age I was hooked. As a grown man I can’t find a relationship where a white woman appreciates this about me. I feel ruined. I’m smart, resourceful and take care of myself but I’m docile towards her. I like showing a white woman the respect she deserves which I find helps me be a better partner. I don’t take abuse from anyone else but her. I know my place in the relationship. My years of searching for her seems like a futile endeavor. I’m at a point now where it’s become easier to keep to myself and enjoy the other joys this life brings. I still long for her though.