I like to have the upperhand in my relationships with men. But, be ye not fooled. This doesn’t mean I date submissives. As I’ve said before, there’s something incredibly sexy about a take-charge guy who handles his business by day but also lets me handcuff him to my bed & dominate the hell out of him by night. Bossing sexy, strong men around turns me on. That said, it’s also worth mentioning that I sometimes knock heads with the domme boys because, quite frankly, I like it when people let me have my way. So, maybe, in a small way, I secretly like (slightly) submissive guys. Testicle Tuesdays question of the day: Is the submissive male less manly than his dominant counterpart? My opinion? Definitely not. Meet Axe. By his own confession, he’s a submissive male. This is his blog, and I know him. Rather, I should say, I don’t know him but I’ve met him a couple times because we belong to the same secret society sex writer cabal.
“I first noticed I was attracted to strong women when I was very young,” he writes. “I saw an episode of Wonder Woman where she tied up a bad guy. I remember wishing I was the bad guy. I was 6 or 7 years old.” I like reading Axe’s blog because it lets me probe a sub male’s brain a bit. I particularly like blogposts How It All Started for Me, You Must Be Dominant to Be Submissive and I’m Submissive, Not a Doormat. In the latter post he confesses, “I sometimes find myself needing to defend my masculinity.” Like, for example, when he told a male coworker he’d like a woman to spank him.
“What?” [the coworker] shouted as though he was in disbelief that I was actually a guy.
“Sure I would, if she got off on that, why not? (I was downplaying how much I actually wanted it from a woman) I love it when a woman takes control.”
The coworker then picked on Axe. The upshot? Axe basically told the guy, I’ve gone down on women you could only dream of giving you the time of day. Hmmmm … I notice a reoccurring theme; Axe, a submissive, gets chicks dominant boys can’t. He once told a group of married men, “I slept with an amazingly aggressive woman last night, we both came until we passed out. Maybe next month when you can convince your wives to have sex with you, you’ll hope she does the same.” Damn, boy! See, that’s kinda hot, no? Submissive males rage with just as much testosterone as their dominant brethren. Others agree. Earlier this year, The New York Times published Stephanie Rosenbloom‘s article “The Beta Male’s Charms” about that upcoming show We Need Girlfriends. Read the piece. It’s cute. Seriously, READ IT! Besides, what else are you doing? You’re at work but, obviously, you’re a slacker. Hell, you’re sitting in your little black chair reading a blog right now! ;) So, again, here’s the link to the article.
Okay, so, now you know how I prefer things. What about the rest of you? Men. Women. Feel free to use the comment section to tell me whether you’re submissive or dominant and which type of partner you prefer and why.
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Related FBC posts:
Cougars and Cubs: Older Women, Younger Men
Urban Cougars and Their Young Boytoys
How to Seduce a GILF
Related book:
She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission
{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }
I prefer submissive men myself.
If the trust is there (and it takes a whole helluva lot of trust believe me) and if it’s a true dominance, not the type of dominance that’s born of insecurity, then I can get with a dominant male.
I prefer a dominant male. Not to say that I don’t like to get it poppin every once in a blue and tell a man to shut up while I do him, but most of the time I like a man to be strong and dominant.
…and what, exactly, does the attractiveness or frequency of one’s encounters have to do with the fact that as a man, you’ve given up a ton of power in the bedroom? The first two have to do with the sexual desirability of one’s partners and how often you are “getting it on.” The latter has to do with being emasculated.
“Your wife may let you get up on that next month, har har,” huh? The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
I’m flattered you’d write about the subject, not to mention include so many links to my little spot on the web.
I’m curious what you mean by (slightly) submissive. That can mean a whole range of things.
Most women on the dominant side like the idea of an Alpha male by day and their pet at night. Not a bad image of course, unless you’re just another guy working a boring office job.
Yes, I’m submissive. Why do I like dominant women? That’s a long list. One reason is that I like to please, I’m much more a giver than a taker in bed.
That, and my oral fixation.
Ooh, you need to be mine, Axe! Now.
Giving up power in the bedroom? It is more about giving pleasure , the Woman is not so much in charge as simply more important. Her pleasure is what comes first. And when both ( or all since we are here in the threesome capital of NY) recognize that the woman’s pleasure comes first and activities in the bedroom take that into account, the sex can be wonderful. There is a wide range of behavior that can be called submissive. But it starts with the recognition that the Woman comes first, her wants and needs.. Let the games begin..
I’m into dominating in the bedroom..so a submissive male would just be my cup of tea..although i have been known to give up power to the right man..wink wink..
I need Mistress to dominate alway please reply if you need a slave
i prefer a man who fucks me in the ass because he’s an ass kisser.
@ Desiree: You rock; couldn’t have said that better myself. :)
@ Pam: So, it sounds like you’re versatile! ;) Isn’t everyone — for the right man (or woman it that’s your persuasion).
@ Andy: I’m slow. I had to read your comment twice before I got it.
@ axe: No prob at all babes. Of course I was going to link to your posts when writing about this. And, by the way, by “(slightly) submissive” submissive, I mean I’m not into TOTAL submissives. The image of a collared man locked in a wire dog cage while eating out of a animal’s tray so doesn’t turn me on. Really. I’ve seen that image of a guy; I didn’t think it was hot. Also, I’m sooo not into inflicting pain on my sex partners. So, yeah, slightly submissive in a “let her have what she wants” kind of way but not in the “I wanna humiliate and cause pain” kind of way.
@ don: You said, “Giving up power in the bedroom? It is more about giving pleasure, the Woman is not so much in charge as simply more important.” YOU ROCK!! Do you live in New York? ;)
@ mrsbigg: Wouldn’t we all do almost anything for the right person? ;) Okay, maybe not “all” of us and maybe not “almost anything” but, well, you know. ;)
@ onlyromanswilldo: Alrighty then.
Power exchange can be liberating for some. Me- I am Dom without an ounce of ‘switch’ anywhere in my blood. I like to keep it in the bedroom, but my personality is such that I find it hard to temper in public. Professionally, as a black man, I have had to play the office political game and not be ‘too much’ of anything: dominant, aggressive, opinionated, etc…
Sex is my domain; the place where I am allowed to let my true nature be known. If that means I miss out on the ‘hottest chicks’- so be it. I have always felt that those chicks use their ‘looks’ to carry them and my experiences have shown me that they can rarely hang with a ‘endowed’ Black man with exceptional skills. They expect to be pleased and impressed but don’t give anything in return [other than their looks].
I’m a sub so I prefer a Dom. I am to please. And the act of pleasing someone else is often enough for me. I can’t say I don’t like the idea of a submissive man. To boss him around, tie him down and tell him what to do is totally a turn on.
Wait….does that mean I’m switch? Well then.
Im happy I found this site. YAY! (thanks to Axe)
I am dominant. I prefer to be dominant. I think I may be similar to Ms. BrownChick in the sense I dont tend to go for the submissive, but the dominant male who submits to me. I have however have only dated beta males (those are the ones I seem to only attract)….I wouldnt necessarily call them subs just gentlemen =). As a “Domme” (I’m nowhere near professional, its more like an inner longing) I feel as though I aim to please as well as dominate.
@ RoninBro: Who’s this “they”? :) Same could be said of women AND men, I guess.
@ Axe: THANKS for the link love!!! :) And, yes, please write a post about your thoughts on submissives vs slightly submissives. Would love to hear your thoughts.
@ Grace: TOTALLY! :)
@ LadyM: Axe is great, isn’t he?! :) And, yes, you’ve put your finger on the pulse with: “I dont tend to go for the submissive, but the dominant male who submits to me.” That’s EXACTLY my type, too. :) I almost married a beta male. Generally speaking, I fall in lust with Alpha, love with Beta. And, yes, dommes aim to please; letting a submissive please you pleases them. It’s like magic; suddenly everyone’s happy.
In reference to what I wrote earlier, ‘THEY’ are the so-called hot chicks that supposedly every man wants. Come on, you know who I am talking about. A lot of you ladies know and hate them. They are the ones that look sideways at every man that approaches them as if to say “what do you think you’re looking at?”…
The women that are deemed as so utterly attractive that men will accept their stank personalities and dismissive attitudes in the HOPES of catching a wiff of their panties. Well, I am anti-hottie. I like the REAL women out there that understand it takes 2 people to make a powerful sexual connection, not one person bending over backwards to impress the other! Ya dig?
Yep, I dig. :)
This made me smile because of a conversation I’ve had quite recently. That said:
Not sure why but there are those who would think that with my personality, I give off the vibe of being a Dom. Not sure what they are seeing, but I do like having my moments. I’m probably more Sub than is realized. So it appears that I am a Switch because I can get behind being a Sub. In fact, holding a curiosity about it. :)
Neither way rocks my socks, so I don’t care. I’m more of a chameleon, just happy to be whatever the lady seems to prefer.
No matter how assertive a guy is most of the time, I reckon it’s refreshing to have a woman take the lead on occasion. The lead could be anything from initiating sex to the full handcuff treatment.
Back when I was in my early twenties and living with my parents I’d just come out of hospital following surgery. There was a knock at the door and my dad called saying there was a visitor for me. I went to the door to find ‘Nicki’ (a woman I worked with) dressed in thigh length boots, a whip in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. What a dramatic recovery I made LOL…
PLEASE I NEED A LADY WHO WILL DOMINATE ALWAYS
@ baserinstincts: Thanks for the link lovin!!! :)
@ Roddykat: It’s good to try out different things; I’m a fan of experimenting. ;)
@ Brenz: Do you live in New York?
@ http://www.find-mr-right.co.uk: That sounds hot!! :) But, did you guys go all hot and heavy with your parents in the other room???
Yes, why?
Just wondering! :)
Haha… I’m definitely Dom(me) in more than one way (language?). Except, perhaps, with that black chick who got kicked off “so you think you can dance” last night. Strong thighs. Yummy. Actually, she reminds me of you. Anyone else have that problem?
I love it that you think of me when you see strong thighs. For the record, I could probably crack a coconut with mine! ;)
OKAYYY then… no oral sex for you!
Were you offering??? Why didn’t you tell me that when I saw you the other week? ;)
PS: Note to the crazy men (lest you think I’d joking talk about oral sex with you, too): I know Erroy Boy.
I’m a dominant woman. I prefer to date submissive men or vanilla men. The idea of dating a dominant man is foreign to me.
I always cringe and want to rage when I hear submissive men disparaged as some stereotypical simpering weakling who is barely fit to be called a man. Yeah, that gimpish type is out there, but it is NOT the definition of submissive men. At all.
What I find attractive about submissive men: they are attentive and respectful. I like being in charge, they are very compatible to that (this all seems so obvious to me that it’s taken a while for me to realize that it isn’t universal!)
And contrary to what you see so often written on the web in the whole “submissives are gimpish womenly men” mythology, a submissive man (keyword: man) is perfectly capable of being a man. Including fucking. Including fucking well. Hard. All of that! And even better??? Capable of fucking well and hard ON COMMAND! Brilliant. What’s not to love?
I would like to submitte to you Mistress please if you are interested call me 0718730532. You can use me the way you want
Couldn’t agree with you more. :)
i am a submissive male i love for a woman to boss me around in bed and also put fingers in my butt being on my knees and letting my mistress fist me is pleasure the only prob is that not many women r into that kinda thing what do u say
I love reading articles like this. I definitely rep the submissive boys when I write. I just think it’s sad sometimes, for the men who are being persuaded by their work buddies to buy some book telling men how to get women. The book is telling them pretty much how to fail at dominating women, and all these poor boys want is a spanking.
Im 6ft3 and 14 stone. Go to the gym and am a team leader at work. Im traing to run the Great North run and am defo no “simpering weakling” tbh not many people would dare to call me that.
Im submissive and theres nothing better than a woman taking control, maybe not the fisting bit mind!
I like a dominant man who submits to Me. :) I can’t seem to figure out my current love interest though. One minute he is happy to make me happy and an hour later he’s a cold fish. Believe me, I know what he likes and I make him happy too. I’ve tried talking, being extra nice and ordering him to tell me what this cold thing is about. Nothing works. Any ideas?
If I had to guess its probably “bottom drop” He probably enjoys playing and doing as he’s told but then has guilt issues afterward.
i am just turning 18 and i know i am a submisiv boy but i am not into all the beting what am i?!.
Twanna, I wonder if you’re mistaking submissiveness for activity here. Why do you think “total” submissives are the ones who want to be locked in a wire dog cage? Why do you think that “slightly” submissive men wouldn’t like that? One’s chosen sexual activity has little to do with “how submissive” they are.
I’m also wondering if perhaps you’re channeling much of the hegemonic paradigm here. The association of “total” submissives to people who prefer women to “humiliate and cause pain” is a dreadful misconception I’ve railed against my entire life. In fact, I suspect that misconception is precisely the same one that Axe’s co-worker is under when he challenges Axe’s masculinity. It’s the same misconception that the young commenter above me is expressing when he says “i am just turning 18 and i know i am a submisiv boy but i am not into all the beting what am i?!.”
Mistakenly conflating intent (submissiveness) with activity (being beaten, humiliated, etc.) is a real problem, and one I hope more submissive men like Axe and myself will speak out against more.
I am a sum girl who has married a switch and i would like to give him some of the attention he wants would anyone of you Domme’s be able to give me some advice.
Sry entered too early…
Anywho I have never been in charge before and I really don’t know where to start I know he wouldn’t be into anything painful or humiliating but I don’t know what my options are. I always though guys were different in that aspect that girls and I didn’t think doing the things to him that I would want done to me would work.
I’m a black latino. Growing up in South America my white babysitter turned me into her slave between 3 and 11 yrs old. She trained me that a white woman’s needs come before my own. It’s the way I should show my love to her. At such a young age I was hooked. As a grown man I can’t find a relationship where a white woman appreciates this about me. I feel ruined. I’m smart, resourceful and take care of myself but I’m docile towards her. I like showing a white woman the respect she deserves which I find helps me be a better partner. I don’t take abuse from anyone else but her. I know my place in the relationship. My years of searching for her seems like a futile endeavor. I’m at a point now where it’s become easier to keep to myself and enjoy the other joys this life brings. I still long for her though.
You are turning me on. I am heterosexually masochistic but not a lifestyle submissive – so far. I guest starred (amateur, no money involved on my part) as Richard Downs in a professionally made spanking film on the receiving end. My female It was the Jennifer Brooks Production video number 28 entitled “Vicious Whips and Canes”. My co-stars were Tori Sinclair and Felicia Gates. It was a severe spanking, but not enough to break me totally into being a submissive. It ended with 60 good smacks with a bath-brush from Felicia. I felt guilty about it because I had been flirting very heavily with a dark skinned and very dominant black woman who actually wanted to make me her slave. I would have had to travel to Manhattan to get my spanking at Paddles or some other T.E.S. function, but she would have enjoyed making me over as a lifestyle transvestite and was serious about being my master, breaking me and making me a true submissive. I am still rebellious and very, very naughty, posting photos of myself male-modeling ladies panties on my website. In many of the photos I am holding out a bath-brush and I have a tendency to try to provoke women into spanking me. I also tend to chicken out of real relationships. I wonder if the right woman will manage to get her hands on me and put me in my place? If you check out the photos I posted of myself at http://www.sissypantybuns.com/wordpress/?page_id=56 .I think you will agree I could use the spanking. I was adopted. I searched for and found my atural parents. There was a rumor that one of our ancesters worked on a ship bringing slaves from Africa to this country back around the year 1800 or so. It would certainly a centuries delayed payback if I were to become the slave of a black woman… but I’m not looking for it. I’m just into getting a few good old-fashioned spankings now and then and being reminded that women should rule.
The truly secure man who is comfortable outside the bedroom and appreciates the feminine can take tremendous comfort and enjoyment in submitting to women sexually. Unfortunately as a man, I have observed and recognized the relative insecurity of many women to embrace the sexually submissive side of a man for fear that such a man does not represent the masculine ideal to them. In short they cannot handle it. These women only feel comfortable with the Alpha take charge male who dominates them sexually. Likewise there are many men who are not secure enough to embrace their submissive side because they intuitively recognize how women might otherwise perceive them. So they live as closeted Alpha’s afraid to exhibit their submissive side. It takes a strong, secure, emotionally healthy and intelligent male to give into submission and to allow the woman to take control. Likewise, if the man truly loves and respects the woman, when she needs to have the man take her, he will do so with a knowledge of how to take charge best learned from having been in the submissive position which helps you understand how to truly dominate someone sexually and the pleasure they will receive, More men need to feel free to go to that submissive place.
Hi webmaster – This is by far the best looking site I’ve seen. It was completely easy to navigate and it was easy to look for the information I needed. Fantastic layout and great content! Every site should have that. Awesome job
I was more of a submissive until I met my current boyfriend, and he was more dominant — but these days, we both love to submit and to dominate. Personally, I think it’s sexy as hell to have power over him, and it definitely doesn’t detract from his manliness…you go, manly submissives! :D
I am new to this and just realizing that I really do prefer submissive men (I’m an older women). Where can I find them out here. Are there websites that have just submissive men looking for dominant women?
Ginny, I am a submissive man, and I can assure you, i desire only to please a woman, yet i am as rugged as any male. I am here.
Many men who are submissive to a woman think it makes them weak….it does not …..Its erotic to have the male enjoy being submissive to the woman and changing the role around. I like it both ways but find men love to be dominated……..theres something sexy and erotic about someone else being in control…..
Check out my video:
http://www.youtube.com/user/SpoilMeImYours
I have to agree with both Axe and FunkyBrownChick. As a slightly less funcky brown, Alpha female, this describes my desire for an Alpha male who submits to only me almost exactly. But then I have to agree with Axe that there is nothing “slight” about the submission I desire. Submission can take on many forms and flavors. I for one am not a sadist. I prefer objectification, occasional feminization in the bedroom, being worshiped, and a generally female-led relationship to humiliation (though I have practiced a bit in fun because it turned my partner on) or inflicting pain (I only enjoy spanking a lovely ass). What I enjoy is the sense of power and control I have over a smart, handsome, accomplished, and otherwise strong man I respect.
Not a Masochist. That is.
There are many excellent points raised in this piece providing useful perspective from an array of vantage points. At the end of the day, it takes a strong, secure man to submit to a woman and not spend his time arguing or posturing over wooden nickels in an effort to have the upper hand. The evolved submissive is not just looking for some cold hearted callous bitch who wants to abuse and ridicule him. That is something different entirely. To each his own, no judgments taken there. Dominatrixes and even golddiggers do play a role in the lives of many men who otherwise could not be satisfied in conventional relationships. But in the case of the evolved submissive, his submission to the woman is a gift, a gift of pleasure and a life removed of ridiculous and unnecessary challenges in the pursuit and satisfaction of a woman’s needs in and outside the bedroom. For me, if I love, desire and/or am seriously and genuinely attracted to a woman and care for her to be in my life, the essence of my masculinity is defined by the character with which I honor her feminine gifts and her willingness to share them with me. Now if she needs me to top or play that Alpha role from time to time to mix it up, you bet I adapt and learn how to please her in alternative, even traditional ways. Call me a Beta male, submissive male or whatever, but if you are a real man there is nothing more satisfying than an empowered and secure woman who relishes your gift to her. If she needs me to worship her feet, take her for a pedicure, cook her a nice meal, draw her a warm bath and give her glass of champagne, or give her a massage after a long day of work or blogging you do it because pleasing her and seeing her glow is orgasmic. If she wants to don a strap-on and make me her bitch and take me like a female porno star or wants me to provide oral pleasure to her, front and backside for hours on end so be it. Who am I to deny my goddess that pleasure?
I never in a milion years thought I would find a submissive man attractive. But Ive learned that I get totally turned on by the thought of knowing hes devoted to me, and will do anything I want to make me happy. I think there are alot of strong men out their that enjoy the game ie:playing submissive as you get a massive rush.
The start of being totally submissive is giving up his wallet …. and when he does….. the eroticism really begins in his mind. He gets addicted.
I am a financial domme…… I love what I do, and I have subs that turn me the hell on.
I condident man that has self esteem is assured of himself even when in the submissive state…….so dont think submissives are weak as Ive learned they are not.
Love your site…..keep more articles coming.
I am a complete alpha male in my everyday dealings both professionally and personally, but for the woman in my life, I am submissive and am therefore only attracted to a dominant woman. It has nothing to do with collars or cages – it is about having complete respect for Her and putting Her desires and needs in front of my own. In practice what this usually means for her is not a lot of housework or cooking, but she does have to endure a lot of foot rubs and a good helping of oral pleasure to boot – of course all at her direction and discretion. When the ultimate goal of both partners is her happiness, then it is a beautiful thing. It doesn’t make me any less masculine – quite the contrary I think. It takes a real man to please a real woman!
I am a sub male. I never know what it was then. I just love it and I am very scare until the coming of internet where i found that i am not alone.
I just love to obey my wife. But, she never know how to respond to my needs.
If your afraid to discuss it with your wife… what does it hurt to have an online mistress to fulfill those desires… you wouldnt be having sex with her only living out your submissive fantasies……. or you can confront her with it and tell her honestly what you want.
SpoilMeImYours@yahoo.com
I do like the idea of the man being the Alpha Male in the daytime but at night leeting me rule the roost (giggle) I go both ways but I really love it when I can take control in the bedroom…….blind fold him and make him go down on me and orally pleasure me…… and he simply not see me but feel me and taste me.
Its awsome….. and maybe really cool if I put a leash around his neck and force him between my thighs ….(smile)
Would love to find a man that loves Big Beautiful Women that wants a long term relationship and is submissive…… but for now I play domme… but only online never in person…….
I like controlling their wallet also…….. I think this shows me they are ready to serve me totally and be submissive. …….. So if there are any men subbies out there that want to be my ATM machine and spoil me….and let me dominate them and live out their fantasies online, and by phone …….. you know where I am (smile)………
BBW.Princess@aol.com
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