Comments on: 2 Days in Paris: “Break up, break down. Drink up, fool around”

By: Twanna // FUNKY BROWN CHICK

Twanna // FUNKY BROWN CHICK — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 01:30:06 +0000

Here, here!! :) You said, “definitely hold out for a good guy who has the same values as you, treats you well – and can make you wet.” Definitely! Hence, why I’m single at the moment. When/if I find a good (and hot) NYC dude that matches well with me again, we’ll date.

By: Hippiechyck

Hippiechyck — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:09:04 +0000

i don’t think there’s a correlation between “less hot” and good. i have dated guys less hot and been cheated on, and i’ve dated guys waaay hotter than me…and cheated on them.

i’ll agree with the need to go for a good guy. period. and definitely hold out for a good guy who has the same values as you, treats you well – and can make you wet. in terms of a full-on relationship, why would you go for anything else?

By: funkybrownchick

funkybrownchick — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 15:55:27 +0000

??? You didn’t mean “I think you’re unattractive” you meant “I think attractiveness falls on a continuum and the guys you date are closer to the ‘hot’ end than you are.” Okay. Got it. Glad we got that cleared up — again, hilarious, considering you know neither me nor any of the men I’ve dated.

Sheesh! :)

By: Nathalie

Nathalie — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:48:02 +0000

Yikes – I didn’t mean you were unattractive or unfit. I apologize – what i meant is there is a continuum for “hot”. I assume actually you are fit – based on your pictures – so I apologize for that confusion. I’m saying that on a relative level, it is ideal to not go for a guy who is “hotter” than you. I apply this in my life too. It’s a scale – not black and white (i.e. I did not mean you are unattractive or not hot). As far as fitness, that wasn’t even meant to be related to you. SOrry for that confusion.

By: funkybrownchick

funkybrownchick — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:04:33 +0000

Nathalie: Your comments about me being unattractive, unfit and dating outside of my league are quite hilarious considering you’ve neither met me nor any of the guys I’ve dated. :) Needless to say, I moderated your comment. Golden rule of thumb at the FBC? “Be kind.” Passive agressive, bitchass comments aren’t kind. Further, they say more about the comment-leaver than they do about the person to whom the comment was directed.

By: funkybrownchick

funkybrownchick — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:05:08 +0000

@ Desiree: Baby, did you eat ice cream or chocolate? :) BOTH work amazing wonders for depression.

@ dkzone: You sound like a great guy.

@ Haute in LA: EXACTLY! See, that’s the same kind of stuff Anna-Scarlet and I were talking about. The whole “make sure the other person is more in love.”

@ Peggy b.: I can never tell what the number of comments mean. Sometimes it’s that I’ve written somthing pretty lame and no one wants to tell me. Other times it’s that I’ve written something that strikes a people think about it for a while then comment later. On the flip side, I’ve written posts that I thought were pretty random (i.e. the farting post and the thong post) and they TOTALLY get a lot of reponse. Ya never know. :) By the way, I owe you an email!!! (LOVED what you sent me.)

@ Felicia: I’m soooo in agreement on the “don’t ask for things you can’t bring to the relationship yourself.” If you’re out of shape, don’t expect a fit & toned partner. If you’re not dealing with your issues, don’t expect someone who has their shit together. And, so on. I actually think that’s a really good way to approach the whole relationship thing.

@ lamesabassman: Good point: to thy own self be true.

@ marriedlatina: I talked to my therapist in Chicago about that 5 or so years ago — this whole idea that “boring” relationships are actually “healthy” because it means there’s no drama. Will write a post about that some day.

@ E: Beautiful, honest sentiments. Thanks for the comment.

@ qp’s gonna be a hot dancer: I used to love horror movies. Saw Chucky and all the others. Not really a fan anymore.

@ kali: Oh, I’ve never disagreed with that at all. :) I’ll fully admit that I get “blinded” by attractiveness, accents and a whole host of other things. Everyone has their relationship addictions. For some, it’s rich dudes. For others, it’s an emotionally strong man to lean on. And, others just want “someone” and it doens’t matter who they are or how they treat them. Funny thing about expecting to date an idea type? Ages ago, my friend Laura suggested I date this random guy. I was like, “He’s not really my type.” Her response? “And, look how well your type is working out for you?”

@ Andy: THANK YOU!!! :)

@ Roddykat: I once stayed in a relationship with a guy exactly four months longer than I should have. I wanted out and I guess it showed when I said something like, “I’m willing to stick with this and see if it gets better, but I’m soooo not tolerating this shit forever.” (I STILL can’t believe I said that.) Anyway, he responded, “How’s that supposed to make me feel?” I eventually broke up with him.

@ marriedlatina: Got the “love yourself” part down. “Emotionally available” not so much so. And, yes, Kali’s a good woman isn’t she?

By: marriedlatina

marriedlatina — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 12:34:57 +0000

@ kali-YES!!!!

“I just don’t think that marriage or 2gether4everness is a cure for anything: it’s just the same ups and downs, experienced with ONE person.”

I agree if you marry or stay committed to an emotionally unavailable guy it will be more of the same painful drama. Who you choose is really important but it’s not the only thing.

You gotta love yourself first and be ready to make yourself emotionally available to a guy who will be there for you. Just planning a wedding date is not going to fix shit for you. There are ups and downs in a truly intimate relationship too but at the end of the day you know the guy got your back.

By: Roddykat

Roddykat — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 11:44:19 +0000

There’s not much for me to add to lamesabassman, E, and Kali. I can, however, put an answer to this:

“I mean how special can the guy you are with feel that he is, if you are “settling””

Unless dude has a REALLY low self esteem(and even then), it’s gonna hurt some. Especially if you remind him of that, consciously or not. And people will, no matter how good-natured or what, will only take but so much. I cut out the accompanying this, because it was gonna run long an possibly go off topic.

You do have to ask yourself if looks are more important than compatibility. The two don’t always go hand in hand, but there is a real good balance out in the world. And it’s all about what is good to you (looks, treatment, etc). The main thing is to be happy with whomever you choose to share your sunshine with. And as I twittered about yesterday, if you can’t be happy, be out.(didn’t think that was gonna up again). Not advice, just observances.

You’re going to find someone(s) worthy of you. Don’t stress it.

(hmm, guess I did have something to say.)

By: Andy

Andy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:11:26 +0000

Just adding my two cents to say I completely agree with “E” and “kali.”

Hang in there, Funky B.!

By: kali

kali — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:02:09 +0000

I had to think about this one for a while, and I analysed my own relationship.
I don’t know if perhaps the problem with these hot guys is that you are so infatuated that you don’t realy see them. I don’t just mean you don’t see the bad characteristics beacause you are blinded by the hotness, but perhaps you are not seeing that they are not suitable for you as quickly as you should.
I have never been one for the pretty boys. My body isn’t perfect so I don’t look for that either. My mister wonderful is good looking but what turns me on about him is this quiet intensity that he has. You can just sense that beneath the exterior there is something powerful. When asked if he was good looking when we were first together I didn’t think he was gorgous, but I tend to not get caught up in that. I like power, he has to be strong enought to deal with me!
No I don’t think you should lower your standards and expectations, but I also think you should be open to someone who may be a little less than your ideal. After all an ideal doesn’t realy exist. You will find love most unexpectedly.

STOP LOOKING FOR HIM.

Do the things that make you happy and help you grow, leave yourself open to whatever, and when he does come along you won’t be screwed up and mess it up.