Single People: Would You Eat Alone at a Restaurant?
July 18th, 2008 ·
Last night. By myself. I have a horrible habit of overbooking. I somehow agreed to: (1) see a DJ acquaintance spin from 6:00 - 10:00pm at a rooftop party in Midtown East, (2) go to Mitch’s 7:30pm private party in Midtown West and (3) drop by my friend Rachel’s 8:00pm erotic reading series at Happy Ending in LES. Three parties in two hours. If you don’t know Manhattan, Midtown East to Midtown West to LES is like one great big zigzag across the island — leaping from finance guys to high school punk kids to edgy writers to wannabe poser hipsters, etc, etc. In the end, I only went to the DJ thing. While there, I bumped into a woman I used to work with ages ago. Hadn’t seen her in months. She looked great. Jet black hair against her butterscoth face, trendy pair of fitted dark jeans, a multi-strand necklace that sparkled with jewels, trendy high heels and a tight white sleeveless T-shirt. We spent hours talking about her career in animation, dishing dirt about the boys we’d dated, dancing our asses off to brilliantly spun house music and programming each other’s new contact info into our tiny little cell phones. At 9ish, we parted and I walked to Mitch’s event. I got there around 9:30ish, but there was a line of high-heeled, short-skirted women waiting behind a velvet rope. They batted their mascara-dipped eyelashes at the suit-clad bouncer.
“Oh,” I said mumbled to myself as I walked to the corner and entered a restaurant, “I sooo don’t have time for that shit.” I didn’t mind the short skirts and heels, I just don’t do the whole “stand in line” thing anymore. I’ve been partying since I was 15 years old; I used to charm door guys / bouncers into letting me cut to the front of the line. I felt really special every time I got in. I thought skipping to the front meant I was prettier, thinner, younger, more popular and sexier than the other people in line. More than a decade later, I stopped tying my self worth to shit like that. I think the change happened sometime around the year I swapped out “drinking buddies” for “friends.”
It was almost 10pm and I hadn’t eaten since my tapas-style lunch. I kept walking from the front to the end of the line and then I kept going till I reached the block’s corner. There, I dipped into a French restaurant (I forget its name) filled with small, wooden tables set for two with matching white linen napkins as well as paired off forks, knives and spoons. “Table for one,” I told the thin white hostess with messy hair. She grabbed a menu and lead me to a dark corner on the north west side of the place. I sat and grabbed a book out of my purse. When the pretty black waitress with the white shirt and dark pants arrived, I ordered the Australian steak special with mushroom pie. “Anything to drink?” she asked. “Water,” I answered skipping the typical glass of din-din red wine. I wouldn’t have minded drinking alone, but I’d already had enough beers handed to me at the DJ party earlier in the evening; I didn’t wanna drink anymore alcohol. I ate as I read aged, yellowed, paperback pages of Michael Ryan’s memoir “Secret Life” borrowed from my friend Royal Young less than a week ago. Eating alone. I’m a fan of it because I enjoy the solitude during an otherwise hectic schedule. What say you about eating alone? “YEP, I do it all the time” or “NOPE, if I wanna eat by myself I’ll order take out hang out at home”. Feel freel to use the comments section to share your thoughts.
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Photo Credit: Vito Covalucci. Tuscon, AZ
Hi, I'm 
I do it often. Thereis something refreshing about treating yourself to lunch.
I sometimes think about eating alone but I haven’t had the courage to do it yet. It’s too easy to go home and veg on the sofa. If I read when I eat I don’t enjoy the food as much and for me, the point of eating out is the fabulous food.xx
Do it all the time…along with go to the movies by myself. Sometimes I just like the solitude and a good book!!!
Even though I’m not single, I think I can still respond because, well, my girlfriend is a study-holic! lol.
I don’t tend to eat out alone, not out of any desire not to, but because on those nights I tend to go all out cooking for myself… Roasts, steaks, pastas, I try and cook something new each week… the bonus, it’s cheaper!
Hope all is well!!!
i like the way your writing style is evolving. fave line/aha moment from this post:
I think the change happened sometime around the year I swapped out “drinking buddies” for “friends.”
It’s only in the last two years that I’ve started meeting people whose entire social lives are constructed out of drinking buddies. i couldn’t understand why things felt off/what the nature of our relationship was supposed to be/why it never evolved.
I see I had been sheltered - am glad to have missed those years!
I dine alone, but only for lunch. Usually I just happen to be out shopping and I’ll duck into a restaurant and have a bite to eat. I don’t have anything against having dinner alone, I just haven’t done it, yet.
I just discovered your blog today and adding it to my bookmarks. I just love the name. To answer the question, I don’t mind eating alone and I am just careful about which place I pick.
I have a boyfriend too…lol that is why I try to avoid the meet markets when dining solo.
Alicia
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A seat at the bar and eating is the preferred route after years of being alone in restaurants. Sitting by yourself at a table in a crowded restaurant is still an awkward experience I prefer to avoid. But this is business travel, here at home I almost never eat alone in a restaurant.
I do it a lot..I’m in Detroit..where there is a coney island(like a all night diner) in almost every area..and i have no problem sitting my big butt down to chow down alone..i like u..enjoy the solitude..
I eat out alone whenever I can afford it, but I have days when I feel too insecure for the experince. Same thing goes for sitting at bars and going to movies. I did see the new Batman alone last night. Totally worth it.
I’ve only plucked up the courage to do it at a coffee shop on occasion. I can’t bring myself to eat alone for a real meal. I don’t know why I’m self conscious about it since I always admire people I see eating out on their own. They appear so confident. You are an inspiration.
I do almost everything alone. I travel so extensively for work, I’m never in a work environment long enough to develop lunch-time co-workers/friends. My travel has damaged my friendships to the point that I have very few left and they are all now married with children and/or living somewhere I’m not.
If I want to eat out, I’m eating alone. If I want to see a movie, I’m seeing it alone. About the only thing I can get someone else to do with me is have a drink.
This is not a woe is me thing. I’m actually OK with it. One of the biggest advantages of doing things alone is no one hijacks your plans. You eat what you want to eat where you want to eat it in a manner that makes you happy. If you change your plan, you just change it. No coordinating with other people or coming to a consensus.
It’s sweet freedom it what it is.
my job has be around people all the time and being someone who values solitary time i eat out alone frequently. it’s good since i usually bring along a good book or my laptop, no one tries to eat my food, and i don’t overeat from asking others “you gonna finish that?”
great blog fbc.
I have eaten by myself, and it does not bother me as long as I have something to focus my attention: book, laptop, iphone etc. I ate in an upscale restaurant by myself one tim and did not want to rudely put anything on the table, so I ate at the bar….steak and glass of wine.
I think it is healthy to spend time with only yourself.
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i love eating alone with a good book. Especially breakfast in a diner, with cup after cup of coffee…
the BEST
I eat alone sometimes, go to concerts, movies, etc alone sometimes… whatever’s clever. This is a big city with a lot of fun things to do and I like to do it all- I can’t always wait for someone to be available to go with me.
A couple of things:
1) When I was single I usta go to restaurants alone sometimes. No biggie for me - you get accustomed to that sort of thing when you’re a nerd of biblical proportions.
2) Wouldn’t a “sleeveless T-shirt” be an “I-shirt”?
hell yeah, alone or not, if I am hungry and there happens to be a good restaurant near me… I would go eat for sure. I gotta keep my physique somehow.
Si …Mr D…. it would be thought of as such here in Barbados….. am still on a
working holiday…. and have been eating alone since I started this tour….. it’s great to people watch and such….. but in reality … it sucks…. to share a meal
with someone that is the real deal is …. : priceless…. to share views and reason
over a dining table is so hellacool….. it make for an interesting prelude to the rest
of the evening…… and if you are dining alone….. it sucks… am so tired…. of being alone….. doing what I do is,at times, not as fun as when I would love to have someone to share it with…. is it to ask so much…. to have that…..
lamesabassman……. am so full of being empty……
When I was single, I loved eating alone. And that I’m married with a kid, I still sneak away for a lunch alone. My favorite place has since closed, but it was on the fourth story of a bookstore, and you could drag a book in, drink wine, look over the city, see the Rocky Mountains, and relax.
Absolute heaven.
I did it once. It was kind of weird, but it was ok. It was a “Rock and a hard place” situation. I wanted food from this particular restaurant that I was passing, walking around the city, but I was too far from home for it to be enjoyable by the time I would have arrived. The choices were to eat tasty food at that particular place, by myself, or eat LESS TASTY FOOD at home in about 30 minutes. No thanks. I sat down and ate.
Actually, that was pre-MacBook-Pro. At this point, I’d eat “alone” anytime I feel like it, because my entertainment’s right there on the screen in front of me. :)
I’ve always liked to eat alone. It allows me to either express my savage-eat-with-my-fingers side, or just the relaxation of not feeling like someone is watching you. Now I have in my single days gone to restaurants and ate alone, I put it right up there with going to the movies by myself. I find it empowering. It’s like telling the world that you don’t need someone else for validation.
@ Patrice: Yeah, it’s nice to be treated. :)
@ Jackie: That’s funny! :) Different strokes, different folks. When I eat alone, I almost always read while I eat.
@ Felicia: I go to movies by myself, too. Over the weekend, I saw The Last Mistress. GREAT flick!!!
@ Mitch: I soooo need to cook for myself more often. In New York, I swear it’s often easier (and cheaper) to grab takeout than it is to cook. I know several people who subscribe to the “If it can’t be bought ready made or prepared in the microwave, it’s not meant to be eaten” philsophy of life. By the way CONGRATS on the relationship. Saw the pics on your blog and read the updates. Sounds like things are going really well for you! :)
@ Hippiechyck: Yeah, I went through a drinking buddy phase in college. I don’t regret it because I had fun. When I wanted something more (ie deeper friendships) I pulled back from some relationships and drew closer to others. I guess that’s life. People come, people go, people change, people grow.
@ bella: Maybe there’s a different between urban vs suburban vs rural life. Back in the cornfields of Illinois, there’s no way in hell that I’d go to a restaurant and eat dinner by myself. First of all, the town was small and I knew everyone. Surely, someone would have seen me and asked, “Why are you eating by yourself?” No one does that there, but it’s sooooo common place here. It’s kinda like crying in public. Downstate Illinoisans would be slightly disturbed to see a random person wandering the streets sobbing. Here, it happens all the time.
@ Alicia: YAY!!! Welcome to the blog and thanks for getting down with the funky brown. :) Hope you like it.
@ Pulljoy: THANKS for the link love!!!! :) And, btw, GREAT job on advising dudes to approach the single honies chowing alone. I have ALWAYS responded positively when attractive dudes talk to me when I’m eating alone.
@ don: Ah, yes, business travel!! :) One of my early jobs in NYC required a lot of travel. TONS of eating alone during those trips!! :) Folk who’ve read funky brown chick for a while remember the days when I took my laptop along with me and blogged on the go.
@ mrsbigg: I know what you mean about the solitude. And, high five from the East Coast to the Midwest. I’m originally from Illinois, and I drove through Detroit en route to Toronto once.
@ Cat: Restaurants? Yep. Movies? Love it. BARS? Nuh-uh. I’d feel REALLY uncomfortable going out for a drink on my own because, for better or worse, I’d assume that guys thought would think I was there to pick up a bed buddy for the night. (BTW, I think I’m seeing Batman on Tuesday; I’ll let y’all know what I think.)
@ haze: Awwww, thanks! :)
@ dragonslayer: Wow. It sounds like your work travel schedule is really affecting your social life. :( Hope everything’s okay.
@ dan-E: THANKS!!! :) Glad you like it … eating alone AND the blog. :) Heeeey, next time you grab a meal by yourself, be sure to take your laptop with you so you can get down with the funky brown on the go. ;)
@ Marcello NYC: Ditto, it’s all about the “object” that allows you to focus your attention. It’d be kinda strange to eat alone and stare absentmindedly ahead.
@ Blog Sponsor: Thanks for the info; shoot me an email with the details if you’d like.
@ kbarrett: I should soooo do that for breakfast. I’m sure it’s a peaceful & pleasant way to start the day! :)
@ The Jaded NYer: I’ve never gone to a concert by myself, but I’ve done the other stuf. I know what you mean about “I can’t always wait for someone to be available to go with me.” I love New York, and sometimes it’s nice to spend time taking in the city on my own.
@ Baba Doodlius: You? A nerd? So what! Aren’t we all a little nerdy in our own way? Hell, I was in Math Club in high school! :) And, yes, technically, a “sleeveless T-shirt” IS an “I-shirt.”
@ Quentin: Physique, you say? That’s such a delicious word. :)
@ lamesabassman: Have fun in Barbados!
@ hdw: That TOTALLY sounds like heaven!! You live in such a beautiful region of the country, and you’re lucky you get to see moutains on a regular basis. Plus, I’m jealous that you actually get to spend time with Howard!!
@ bill c.: You have a MacBook Pro?? I LOVE those!!!
@ dkzone: You said, “It’s like telling the world that you don’t need someone else for validation.” VERY nice comment!
i do it all the time for lunch and dinner. the wait staff is nicer when you dine solo too. i love the peace of it all. and there’s a feeling of self-cherishing or something that goes along with solo dinners.
i date myself all the time. i do foreign films and plays solo. art exhibits too. it’s fun to get to know yourself sometimes.
“…get down with the funky brown on the go…”
how do you think i found you?
will give it a go,love……. am hoping that your book will be your liking….
forward ever, backwards never…….
lamesabassman……. stay the flow….. feel the vision….
Long, long ago, eating alone or going to the movies alone made me very uncomfortable. Until I realized that if you go by yourself you can go see whatever movie or eat whatever kind of food you want without having to cater to anyone else’s desires. In other words, TOTAL FREEDOM. I did it when I was single, I still do it now, even though I’m not. It’s always enjoyable to have the time to yourself.
I never did anything alone until a year ago when a soon to be good friend taught me to enjoy and embrace it. I eat alone every so often and I enjoy it. I’m always sure to be reading something, preferably something intelligent and impressive like James Joyce (my current) or classics. I’m always especially pleased when someone takes the opportunity to talk to me or invite me to join them. It’s like that little piece of chocolate on your pillow — totally unnecessary but pleasing regardless.
Hey there!
I go out to eat ALL of the time and many times, some guy who is in the place with his friends invites me over to eat with them….it has happened a lot…and OF COURSE… they always insist on paying…I think some people just LIKE to meet new people and they like to engage with people who walk into a place who have energy and a positive vibe going on…
I encourage anyone who does NOT go out alone to go on out, and you will be surprised HOW MANY people you will meet without even trying to meet folks… people naturally gravitate to confident people…
Just try it…. and then come to my blog and tell me about what happened!! *LOL*
(smiles)
Lisa
@ tiffany: You said, “the wait staff is nicer when you dine solo too.” I TOTALLY agree with you!! Funny you mentioned art exhibits. I ONLY go to museums alone — unless, of course, it’s extended hours / afterhours.
@ dan-E: I love it! :)
@ lamesabassman: Thanks.
@ ladimcbeth: I think that’s really cool that you still do it even now that you’re no longer single.
@ The Slutty Duckling: You’re hilarious!!! That name, “The Sluttle Duckling”, rocks! :) Love it. Friends give good advice, don’t they? A friend from Florida encouraged the same thing. If you can’t enjoy your own company, why would anyone else? BTW, funny you read Joyce … I typically opt for Kafka. ;)
@ blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com: You said, “people naturally gravitate to confident people.” VERY VERY true! Great blog, by the way. :)
I absolutely love eating alone. I think that it’s quite the refreshing experience to sit amongst the people, yet be totally focused on myself and thoughts. We live in a hyper-connected society…people have lost the blissful experience that comes with being only with yourself.
I couldn’t agree with you more about hyper-connectivity. Sometimes I just need to be be myself.
I don’t even know why anybody thinks it is a big deal to eat out alone. I do it all the time, and I like not having the hassle of splitting checks, tips, etc. with other people.