Are Women Equally as Promiscuous as Men?
Yesterday, one of my lovely readers, Peggy B., forwarded me an article from MSNBC’s website, “It’s a question that often prompts a boastful answer or a bashful one: How many sex partners have you had?” The article continues, “Now the federal government says it has authoritative statistics, documenting that men are far more likely to play the field than women.” Really? Are you serious? Here are some of the study’s other “findings” in plain English:
- 29% of dudes have slept with 15 or more women
- 9% of women say they’ve slept with 15 or more men
- 4% of American adults are virgins
- 16% of the sexually active folks had sex before they turned 15 but another 15% waited ’till they were 21
- 25% of women and 17% of men say they’ve had no more than one partner of the other sex in their lifetime
What can we conclude from all these stats? Obviously, people lie about their sex lives! I don’t know if it’s because I’m a New Yorker or because I’m older than 21, but these numbers seem absurdly low. Hell, say you’re a dude only dates & sleeps with one woman at a time. Say you do that from the time you’re 15 until you’re 35. Even if you only had ONE girlfriend every TWO years, that’s still 10 sex partners. Most of the guys I know average more than one screw a year. Hell, some of them average more than one a month. Are women any different? Hmmm ….
I don’t care if someone asks me via email, on the telephone or by speaking the question directly out of their mouth or whatever: I’m not telling anyone how many people I’ve slept with because … to quote the late Heath Ledger from Brokeback Mountain … “Ain’t nobody’s business but mine.” And, if I’m ever FORCED to give an answer, I’ll just do what I always do: I lie. I say four. Four seems like a good, wholesome answer, no? Apparently I’m not alone. From the MSNBC article, “the median number of male partners for women was four.”
Here’s my opinion: Men might be slighty more likely to be sexually actively; however, women are extremely more likely to lie about the number of people they’ve slept with. How about you, dear reader? How many people have YOU slept with??? Kidding! You don’t have to answer that question. But, I would be curious to know this: Do you think men are SIGNIFICANTLY more promiscuous that women or do you think women are just more likely to lie (underreport) their sexual activity?
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SIDENOTE: Did the survey people forget about the LGBT community? Since the MSNBC article didn’t say anything about same-sex stuff, I searched for the original study on CDC’s website to see if they included lesbians & gays. I couldn’t find the report. :( Give me a break; I only had like 8 – 10 minutes to write this post because I’m jetting off to jury duty. If any of you find the full report, people link it up in the comment section. THANKS!!
Photo credit: Image is by Mario Alberto Magallanes Trejo.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:39 am
I think theres too much wiggleroom in the question. To quote slick Willy ” I did not have sexual relations with that woman” Do any of the women consider oral sex as sex in this study? I knew a chick who was determined to maintain her virginity…..but she was all about “singin on the mic” If you asked her how many times she had sex, she would say never. Now to keep it real….she loved her oral proclivities.
If they are referring to coitus and coitus only, I think it does a disservice to bandcamp experiences everywhere. Are the women counting that experimental saphic romp in college?
I definately agree with you that women are more inclined to lie about their experiences, as to avoid being viewed as slutty. Whereas men will use their sluttiness as a badge of honor. Which I totally disagree with. I’ve had sex with more than twenty women. I don’t know the exact number, because I really don’t feel it necesary to count. However, if you ask me how many meaningful relationships, or how many times I’ve had my heart broken, I find that to be a far more important issue.
August 1st, 2008 at 11:44 am
Do inanimate objects count as sexual partners? Because that would *really* change my answer.
Oops, said too much.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I wouldn’t lie about how many guys I slept with, but I didn’t keep a score card, either, so I don’t even know the answer. I didn’t know there would be a quiz!
August 1st, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I think women will lie about how many. I, however will tell you in a heartbeat that it’s none of your business and I don’t care what you think. I can’t believe people even ask that kind of question.
August 1st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
um… Please. :D
Women are clearly WAY more promiscuous than men, because y’all have way more opportunities to get loose than men do.
A chick could be *BUSTED* and STILL have a bunch of guys that would be willing to hit it. OTOH, guys have to meet way higher standards and jump through more hoops.
Except for the top dogs, guys have to plan, plot and scheme in order to get laid. Chicks just have to walk outside.
August 1st, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I never lie. I just keep my yap shut about most of it.
August 1st, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I think that men exaggerate their number of sexual partners and women deflate their number of sexual partners. There are many reasons for this, but one simple answer is the double-standard. At least in American society, a man who has a large number of sexual partners is usually considered a virile and sexually successful person (often by both genders). A woman who has a large number of sexual partners is usually considered loose (in more ways than one), immoral, a slut, etc.
Furthermore, men usually can have sex with a woman and leave it as just a physical event. Women usually form a strong emotional connection to the sexual act. Therefore, a woman who has a large number of sexual partners if often assumed to be overriding this emotional bond and thereby acting “unnatural”. Quite a few men would see such a woman as “damaged goods” and avoid making any long term commitments to her. However, they would probably use them for sex.
Honestly, I would imagine that the guy who took part in your threesome may have felt the same way. He probably wouldn’t date you or the other woman who took part in your menage, but he would probably have another threesome with you. Have you talked with him since the “event”?
Anyway, I think that is why most women under-count their number of sexual partners. Having a high number often puts them out of the running for the men they want to date. Of course, many men don’t care, but I think a lot of men would not marry a woman who had 100 partners. However, I think many women wouldn’t mind marrying a man who had 100 partners.
August 1st, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I have thought about lying about my number bc I don’t count certain times. Tech. I have have vaginia sex with 5 guys, I going to be 21 in september. Obviously the number is going to go up. I won’t tell anyone my # unless there is reason to. I think I going to keep it at 4 too but my closes friends probably know that aint right.
Men do inflate the #s. I was with a guy who told me he was with 14 girls and he was 22 at the time. I am inclined to believe him.
Point is nowadays woman have more sex partners than before or just as much as men.
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:19 am
LOL @ the numbers thing. My number, which is actually low, has never really been a surprise. Maybe to a couple of folks that know me, but not acquaintances. Not that I wouldn’t want it to be higher, but I happy with my experiences. All that I have been with have been quality. Except for this one nighter many moons ago. Anyway, not sure what that says.
I don’t why, I think I take News like stance on the Promiscuity thing: You hear more about men, but it doesn’t mean that women aren’t doing it more. :)
Not lying on my dick, sorry.
August 2nd, 2008 at 8:20 am
And where exactly are the oral numbers, that would tell a different tale, I’ll bet. :)
August 3rd, 2008 at 2:15 am
whatever gets you thru the night…… is alright…… and …. if ya are keepin’ score
well…. dig this….. somewhere… somebody is keeping score 2…..
tryin’ to stay sane…
is kinda like tippin’
thru a mine field….
going one step at a time….
and tryin’ to keep from cryin’
whoa…. what a chill to the brain
and by the way…. Deeper the headache… deeper the pill
if it’s all the way live….. enjoy the thrill….
keep it straight… no chaser
if.. it’s right… no games and no frames
and you just might enjoy the ride
for… it’s a joy …. when 2 becomes one
with … nothing to hide…..
lamesabassman……… it’s Saturday nite….. be cool … roll it like ya’ stole it…
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:24 pm
I think that women have “creative” counting measures and men tend to inflate. Either way, I don’t care or ask about number of partners, I just want current test results.
Alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:37 pm
“Creative Counting Measures” are known as LIES. That’s cool, though because guys know y’all are lying and inflate your numbers FOR YOU.
So when y’all think you’re getting over by saying you messed with a couple of dudes, we let y’all slide as if we believe you and then take proper defensive measures against STDs…..
Including ABSTINENCE when a chick’s way too out there for the odds to be good of a guy coming out of there healthy. :)
August 5th, 2008 at 1:18 am
well….. what do you think….. everyone wants dessert….. the question is….
who wants to pay for the meal……
show me one who does’nt…. and I’ll show you 19 that will……
and … how do you spell relief……
lamesabassman……” everybody’s got something to hide…
‘cept 4 me and my monkey… “
August 6th, 2008 at 3:13 am
ya’ll are the folks reading sex blogs, and thinking and talking about sex. what you forget is that there’s that huge ‘normal’ population out there. the ones who only have sex within a ‘Relationship’. and you can only have so many of those.
so i don’t doubt the numbers, tho i imagine they were in some particular demographic that may not be representative.
i know many people who are monogamous for many years at a time (mostly my relatives).
and certainly, what counts as sex anyway?
August 6th, 2008 at 10:23 am
@Fran: haha Obviously, “normal” is relative. It’s NORMAL for people of color to be called MINORITIES when, in fact, they’re the VAST MAJORITY of people on the entire planet.
If you lived in Utah, you might be one of several wives, and that would be NORMAL to you, and you’d like it like that. So let’s not go assuming that what you’re used to is status quo and anything else is on the fringe.
Having said that, you bring up an excellent point and IMO one of the major reasons for differences between what some men and women consider to be sex, and thus differences in reporting.
For instance, if a guy “feels a chick up”, that might be foreplay to him, but if she gets off from it, that might be sex to her. Similarly, for people that believe as you do (and there’s nothing wrong with that) that a qualifier for sex is involvement in a relationship, any sex they happen to have OUTSIDE of a relationship isn’t counted by them as sex.
I’m sure you’re aware of the cheating and divorce rates among “normal” people. :D
August 7th, 2008 at 8:14 am
Oh shit!! I just realized I never responded to this one!!!
@ dkzone: You asked, “Do any of the women consider oral sex as sex in this study?” I wouldn’t included “oral sex only” folks in with my numbers in if I actually keep track of that stuff. I have oral sex for YEARS before having vaginal sex, and I still considered myself a virgin.
@ Baba Doodlius: You’re hilarious, and that’s why we love you. :) If we count sex toys …
@ Phoena: There’s ALWAYS a quiz on funky brown chick. Always. :)
@ Pam: You said, “I can’t believe people even ask that kind of question.” Yeah, it’s surprising that people still ask that crap. But as that leggy prostitute from Pretty Woman said, “people shock the hell out of me everyday!”
@ bill c.: You mentioned, “A chick could be *BUSTED* and STILL have a bunch of guys that would be willing to hit it. OTOH, guys have to meet way higher standards and jump through more hoops.” To a certain extint, I kind of agree with you. On the other hand, I think it’s waaaay easier for non-attractive men to find partners than it is for non-attractive women. Women will date an ugly man if he’s nice. Men won’t necessarily date an ugly chick just because she’s nice.
@ Brenz: You’re a smart man. :)
@ Anjuan: Wow, I’m surprised you brought up the threesome again. Still thinking about that one? ;) Since you asked … The threesome dude is in media and we see him at parties because we all hang in the same circles. The chick and I are friends, so I see her as much as I did before. The dude was her acquaintance, so she still sees and talks to him as much as she did before. I wasn’t really super close with the dude so I see and talk to him the exactly same amount of time that I did before. So, the point we’re exactly where we were before. This might sound wild and crazy shit, but sometimes people have sex because it’s fun — not because they expect it to lead to a relationship. None of us have any intentions of dating the other. We just had a playful night, that’s all. :) By the way, you said, “Of course, many men don’t care, but I think a lot of men would not marry a woman who had 100 partners.” If women are lying about their numbers, how would their husbands ever know? :) You also said, “I think many women wouldn’t mind marrying a man who had 100 partners.” I wouldn’t be so sure about that …
@ Gabby: Seee, there’s that magic number “4″ again. :) And, yes, men (and women) are having a lot of sex! :)
@ Roddykat: I love it that most of your experiences have been about quality rather than quantity. That’s beautiful! :) And, yeah, y’all bring up GREAT points about oral.
@ lamesabassman: :)
@ Alicia: VERY good point!!!!!!!!!
@ bill: Ewww. :( Whoa, I’m soooo not liking the more sex partners = higher possibility of STD/STI nor the fact that a guy would consider it “take proper defensive measures” to use protection with a woman who’s have just as many partners as he had. To the first point, getting an STI is likely playing the lottery. I’ve never had one and I’ve been sexually active for years. Yet, there are people who contract things on their first time. To the second point … Wouldn’t you agree that both/all partners are “protecting” their sexual health rather than “defending” against a imagined “offending” partner? BTW, GREAT observations/comments about Fran’s use of the word “normal.” Speaking of which ….
@ fran: Oh gaaaaawd!!! Funny that you say “Y’ALL” when refering to people who read sex blogs considering, um, you had to be reading this blog to leave your comment. :)
August 7th, 2008 at 8:41 am
@FBC: That’s a VERY interesting observation about ugly guys vs ugly girls. I’ll have to think about that one. Off the top, I think you’re correct, but I really haven’t thought about that yet. The point I was making is that guys are physically attracted by bodies, and if they can find a way around her “grill”, then they’ll handle the business. :) I’ll either re-respond here or post something about this. Hmmmmm…
As far as STDs being like the lottery, hahaha :D Have you ever been to a bodega where people are trying to WIN the lottery or HIT Lotto? You see what they do, right?… Buy A Lot Of Tickets! :D hahaha.. To be fair, you can screw as many people as you want as long as they all have integrity and wouldn’t put your health at risk. If they have something, they’ll tell you and you can skip the action or take your chances.
Also, I think “the lottery” is too high odds to be a good analogy for STDs. If we use your example, then it’s true… You’re no more likely to win the lottery by purchasing 2 tickets or 100. When you bring the odds way down, where I believe they actually are (but have no stats or evidence to support), then the cumulative effect of multiple partners definitely plays a part in increasing the odds of catching something. If you flip a coin 50 times, it might come up tails 49 of them, but, as you mentioned and as is true… all you need is that ONE TIME that it comes up heads. :)
August 7th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Exactly! We agree. It’s simple stats — whether 1 person or 10, your chances of getting an STI are the same.
August 9th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Its too risky to sleep around in this day and age and if you do protection with a condom is a must, Be safe be smart it will save your life and save time down the STD clinic.
Tina
August 9th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I totally agree. Sleeping with people is risky, period.
Safe(r) sex 4eva.
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:24 am
In the NY Daily it said the national average is 9 but for NYC ladies its 18! That is amazing. However women in NY have tend to have different priorities and stay single longer not to mention all those people crammed into a 13 mile island does help your odds (even if you commute from Brooklyn, SI etc). They also said that those women tend to be more confident, more educated and more liberal and that they see sex as empowering.
Then they spoke to a stripper who has had sex with only one person. Go figure!
…and my Mom says it’s a crazy crazy world!
– John Oszajca
August 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I’d say almost all of the above is def true for NYC women. :)
August 24th, 2008 at 11:45 am
but not when it comes….. 2 Saturday Night……
for that’s when the script…. flips…….
lamesabassman…… ” and all the squares go home….. “
February 6th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I strongly believe (under I have seen it on college campuses) that Women are way way more promiscuous than men. First of all it is easier for them to be. The majority (nearly all) women severely deflate the number of people they have slept. It is also true, no matter what any guy says, that the majority of men do not want marry or be in a serious relationship with a woman who has slept around. That people have to lie about their sexual history show that everybody knows it is not okay regardless of all the rationalizations used to justify promiscuity