Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Things You Learn While Stranded in Midtown Manhattan

I look like shit. Last night, I went to Pete’s SummerMash and the Lux & Blakeley’s Boinkology 1-Year Anniversary party. Good. Good. (Somewhere online there are videos and pics of me hula hooping for peace; I’ll try to track them down.) At the end of the night / very early this morning, I’m in a yellow cab heading immediately north out of LES along 1st Avenue. I’m balancing my brokeass phone against my ear and digging in my purse, fishing for my keys. When I realize my keys are gone, I ask the cabbie to pull over. No use heading home if I can’t get in once I’m there. (My fellow housefolks are on vacation.) I call Rachel. She tries to reach Lux and Nichelle at Slipper Room. Maybe I left my keys there? It’s the middle of the night, and I don’t have anyone’s number unless they’re one of the 10 recent incoming calls on my busted temporary replacement phone. (My original phone died.) I start crying.

Bless Maggie, April, Brian Van, Rachel and everyone else’s sweet little hearts for helping me out. In the end, I crashed at Andy Milonakis’ sister’s place. She doesn’t have a first name, but she has two felines whose dander launched terrorist attacks on my allergic eyeballs. Now I have a drooling eye that, hopefully, will clear up by lunch. But, who cares?! I had a place to sleep.

Couple things to know if you’re ever stranded in Midtown Manhattan. (1) There’s such a thing as a locksmith. I was too spastic to even remember/consider that. (2) Apparently, Grand Central Station, YaffaCafe and other 24-hour places are great hangouts for the temporarily homeless. (3) When you feel like “I’m alone in this world because I don’t have parents, children or a husband” your friends will pull through for you. To this latter point, I told Andy M’s sis, “This is stupid but standing there alone on 51st and 1st, I honestly thought, ‘If I had a husband, I would just call him right now and he would’ve picked me up.’” Her response? “Or, maybe, he wouldn’t answer the phone because he was away fucking another woman. Marriage doesn’t always turn out the way people think it will, and it isn’t necessarily the perfect answer to every single woman’s problems.” I know that, but it was good to hear the reminder.

End of the story? I left my keys on my desk at work, and I saw them when I arrived this morning.

Technorati Tags: Andy Milonakis, Brian Van, Lux Alptraum, Manhattan, Mashable, New York, New York City bloggers, New York city writers, Nichelle Stephens, NYC, NYCMASH, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Richard Blakeley, stranded, SummerMash