New York Press Sex Column: Could The Flavor of the Week Be Funky Brown Chocolate Chick?
I just sent an 800-word “Flavor of the Week” sex column to New York Press. If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you know I’m neurotic. Okay, so, IMMEDIATELY after I sent the email to my contact, I was like: “Wait. Shit. It’s Friday. Didn’t he say his Fridays are packed, and that’s the worst day to email him????? Or, wait, fuck, was that a different day???” My mind races and I start thinking, “HE’S GONNA SKIP OVER MY EMAIL BECAUSE I’M SENDING IT ON A DAY WHEN HE GETS 200 MESSAGES!!!” I try to calm down, but then I remember: “FUUUUUCK!!! I forgot to mention I based the story on something I’d written in brief!!!”
SIDENOTE FOR NON-WRITERS: Generally speaking, unless you have an arrangement with your editor, you can’t sell a story more than once. If you write a piece for the Glamour, you can’t sell it to Cosmopolitan too. Think of newspapers and magazines as sex partners. They’re territorial, and no one likes to feel like they’re getting someone else’s leftovers. There are exceptions. For example, if you write a kickass piece for New York Times Modern Love, other publications will come sniffing around. Sticking with the sex partners analogy for a bit — Some publications are like Hot Football Players. If you land one of them, all the other guys think, “Whoooooaaa, The Hot Football Player thinks she’s sexy, so she MUST be sexy. I want some of that!” Other exceptions to the “no leftovers” rule? Generally, you can tell a story more than once as long it’s not IDENTICAL. Talking about the same topic in a different way is called genre writing, and expanding a successful short piece into a longer one is simply smart business sense.
As a courtesy, I wanted to let the Press know the piece I submitted was pumped with juicier details and nearly three times the length of the piece that inspired it. But, I was so panicked about going about things the “right” way (i.e. OH, FUCK, I HAVE TO TELL HIM RIGHT NOW!!), that I zipped off a quick follow-up email with at least THREE typos in it. TYPOS. My fucking email had typos. Editors have eyes specially trained to spot those things, and they hate them. To them, spelling errors are like tiny little specks of red blood on a perfectly white bedspread. And it’s TOTALLY not unusual for mags and newspapers to toss submissions that have errors. If that happens to my piece, I’ll be sad for a bunch of reasons but mostly because … if you’ll indulge my self-congratulatory remarks for a bit …. I’m damn proud of the piece I submitted. I showed it to a dude, and he actually blushed. He couldn’t look me in the eye after he read it! That’s *DEFINITELY* a sign it was kind of sexy, no? :)
Whatever. Leaving Twitter, Facebook messages, blog posts, emails and other stuff aside, this week I’ve written: 4 pages for one of my book’s chapters, a 1,200-word op-ed and the 800-word sex column. I write every day, but I’m sooooo tired of words right now. I’m taking a break for the rest of the day and, possibly, tomorrow. Anway. I pitched the op-ed to Huffington Post and, as I mentioned before, the sex column went to New York Press. I hope they publish my stuff. Fingers crossed. Wish me luck!
August 15th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Wishing you luck & ice cream dreams when we get to go out for some. Praying your submission is PRINTED! I want to read it! 8)
August 15th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Here is a big cyber hug ((((…)))), I feel your pain!!!!
You are an amazing, talented woman and your email will shine bright in that editors inbox. Not to worry. And the fact that you share the gory details and flaws, makes you all the more endearing, human and relatable!! All that writing will bring great things your way!!
xo,
kathy :-)
August 15th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Huffington Post would benefit from your prose. I read it all the time ( and like it a lot) but it is a bit boring these days. An op ed from you would be good for them and you.
New York Press I don’t know about but I am sure they know about you and a typo or two won’t get in the way.
Good luck.
August 16th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Let it be known that print without the funky brown is not worth finding, reading or purchasing. Failure on their part to present your sweet musings does not diminish our appreciation for you.
Cheers and Chocolate from the Funky Brown Contingent from TX.
August 16th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Dang…. this is sitcom material ….. for HBO…… pitch this ……
lamesabassman…… am sure Mr.D could drop a dime 4 ya…..
August 16th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I wouldn’t stress out too much over the typos. If an editor likes a piece enough–and yours sounds like a good piece–then the typos won’t bother him or her. Wishing you luck!
August 16th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Another Neurotic Nelly in the house…that’s why we are friends in my head. Good luck!!!!
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
August 16th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Good Luck Darling.
I’ll keep my toes crossed for you!
August 17th, 2008 at 1:45 am
when they mess up your name….. ya got them on the run… you got game,babe…
lamesabassman…….. ” ya gotta keep them separated….. “
August 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
@ TheJennTaFur: Ice cream in New York City. Me. You. When? :)
@ Crafty Chica: THANK YOU for the kind words.
@ don: Both pubs are interesting.
@ Mando G: Lovin’ on the TX contingent. We’re gonna party it up funky brown chick style in Austin next year.
@ lamesabassman: You never know what’s in the works. :)
@ elsupremo: I hope you’re right.
@ Alicia: Three cheers for Neurotic Nellies!!! :)
@ kali: Thanks for the good luck wishes. I’ll keep you all posted.
@ lamesabassman: :)
August 18th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
So now it’s Monday. Any update, or is it too soon? I don’t know how the whole writing biz works.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
[...] Times Modern Love column archive and was reading through some. This was a result of my reading a blog post by one Twanna A. Hines who talked about submitting something for the column. So anyway I was reading these columns and [...]
August 19th, 2008 at 12:17 am
it’s the same as being in-country ….. between firefights…… loads of downtime…
followed by some serious foreplay…..
soon come, Mr.D, soon come……
lamesabassman…….” ‘n’ I can’t wait… “
August 19th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
@ Baba Doodlius: I’ve already checked in with HuffPo. It’s going up soon; I’ll post the link when it’s live. New York Press is print instead of online, so it takes a bit longer. Typically, if you don’t hear back within a couple weeks, it’s customary to follow up. I’ll certainly do that, and I’ll keep you guys posted.
@ Handless Maiden: THANKS for adding me to your blog roll. I appreciate the link love!! :)
@ lamesabassman: :)