New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life
I’m back from the Vineyard and ready to talk about “dating in New York” again. I feel defeatist and pessimitic admitting it but, if I’m being honest, I think New York is the worst city for single, straight women. I’m blogging about this today because the topic came up a couple times over the weekend.
If you’re female, flying solo, heterosexual, and looking to get laid on a regular basis, don’t live here. “Before I moved to New York, I was always someone’s girlfriend,” I recently told Nichelle. “I mean, you know, I’m not saying that’s necessarily healthy either. I think it’s good to be comfortable being single. I’m just saying I had an easier time dating when I lived in other areas. London, Florida, California, Chicago, Amsterdam … A bunch of different places. I’m not saying that to sound like a big shot; I’m saying it because I have a pretty broad comparison base when I tell you, ‘When it comes to dating, I can’t think of a place sucks more for women than this place.’”
Don’t misunderstand me. I write about dating, eat and breathe relationships, pontificate about it, etc. etc. I’m obsessed with this stuff. (Everyone should have a passion; mine just happens to be understanding how people relate to each other.) So, I’m definitely not in that “what’s wrong with my dating life?!?!” space. I know what’s up: (1) I’m unneccessarily picky, (2) I used to spend too much time going after “hot” guys instead of the “good” one and, perhaps most importantly, (3) I’m living in the wrong city. Post college/university and pre NYC, I was never unattached (i.e. without a boyfriend, boytoy, significant other, fuckbuddy or whatever) for more than approx. half a dozen weeks at a time. Wanna know how many dates I’ve been on since moving to New York nearly four years ago? Seriously, if I had to make a conservative guess, probably somewhere between 80 – 100. I know how to meet people in NYC; it’s easy. Hey, if casual dating’s what you’re looking for, New York is your city. But, here’s a different question: How many “boyfriends” or serious relationships have I had in this city?
Zero.
“Here’s what it comes down to,” I tried to explain over the weekend, “I don’t need a boyfriend. That’s not the issue. People have a natural, human need for touch. It’s not about getting laid and it’s not about hooking up with a guy … ”
“I’m single, but I don’t feel lonely because I have a lot of people around me,” a friend mentioned.
“Yeah, I know, but it’s not about that. Loneliness doesn’t have anything to do with the number of people around you. There are plenty of married people and couples in relationships who feel incredibly lonely. Being alone, feeling lonely is about not having your needs met. In one of my past relationships, I felt completely alone because my boyfriend was totally incapable of ‘being there’ for me emotionally. I think what I’m trying to say is this: I have a high need for touch. Seriously, when I’m talking to people, I instintively grab them for emphasis without even thinking about it. Touch comes natural to me. I like to be caressed, kissed, touched, stroked. Seriously. I crave it. I need it. And, I’m not getting it from men on a regular basis. THAT’S what makes me feel lonely. And, quite honestly, I don’t know how often I’ll get it as long as I live here because New York is awash with women. The city’s drowning in them. I want men.”
“If you feel that way,” a friend suggested, “maybe you should move?”
Leave New York? I can’t. For better or worse, I’m addicted to this city. The parks, museums, international people, liberal politics, non-stop cocktailspartiessocialevent action, etc. etc. I really like it here. I feel at home because it’s one of the few places I feel I actually “belong.” I don’t know where I’d live if I left this place. Hmmm … untouched and rarely fucked on the East Coast. That’s annoying.
—————–
Random news links that may interest you:
Man drought is fact of dating life (Dating in Auckland, NZ)
September 2nd, 2008 at 4:32 am
I hear this same complaint about TX all the time. You especially get this from ladies who move here from out of state and see that there actually are men available, straight and unmarried, but they can’t seem to get the hook up for a real relationship. Granted, the typical male will gravitate for the easy score, but if you are looking to have that emotional, mature attachment, you can have a hard time in the Lone Star State.
I don’t score with every prospect, but tend to make out all right once I make myself available. I think it has to do with having a different upbringing (both parents from Mexico) and going to college in a predominantly female liberal arts college, plus a bit of military duty to boot, that makes me more open to the differing needs of women from different upbringings.
Funny that I also tend to date women who were not raised in TX, which does not surprise me because I will get the most criticism from “locals” for thinking and talking to much. The women here really like to complain that there men don’t talk, but absolutely hate it when they do; they lose their train of thought when you interrupt their talking.
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:52 am
I read your whole article and still didn’t figure out how New York is toxic to your dating life. GRR.
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 am
I loved this post!!
XXX/A
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:40 am
I think people forget that NYC is a dangerous place sometimes…..as such there is almost a subliminal inherent defensiveness… kinda like when you say good morning to a perfect stranger in NYC and they look at you like….”whats your angle?….you trying to get close enough to rob me?”
It’s this undercurrent that makes NYC not the place for touchy feely people. Sure there are a million things to do in NYC. But if your looking for warm and fuzzy…..he’s laying by the side of the road, beaten and robbed.
I’ll give you an example. I met a girl freshman year of HS she was jamaican and in the US visiting relatives. Really sweet girl….Eventually we lost touch….( she lived in Jamaica….I lived in NJ, I was 13, I’m surprised my attention span lasted long enough for us to get as close as we did.) I ended up finding her again many years later, she had been married and divorced. and was living on the upper east side working for Sotheby’s. I went to meet he and we hung out at her “flat” with the 4 walls of her apartment she was completely comfortable. We rolled around watched psuedo porn on cable and ate chinese food it was great. She was the person I remembered. But as soon as we walked out the door….
her shoulders tightened, face went to blank almost hostile, and her fists clenched. You would never know this was the person I spent the better part of last night spooning with.
My point is that the city has its uses, but it does change certain types of people.
I’m going to go and get all ” manlogic ” on you …..Perhaps you should move to the suburbs and commute to the city.
PS I know what you mean………I took 2 trains and a bus to do some quality “spooning”
;)
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:14 am
Hm…maybe a full-blown propaganda campaign to bring more men to NYC is in order? Hey, that would make a funny movie, wouldn’t it?
Still…I would have never dreamed that was necessary in that city.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
OK, so you love where you live but dislike one aspect of it.
That sounds like a pretty good batting average to me. I think the glass is a little better than half full in your case.
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I do understand about the relationship part in NY, NYC is a great hook up spot but tough to find the “real” thing.
Alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
September 2nd, 2008 at 3:12 pm
I read your post and think perhaps there are unacknowledged issues flicking throughout your post. It is very natural to crave human touch, but even after you have been ‘just’ touched, lets say through the random act of f*cking random men, that can become quite empty after some time. At least I think so, especially for women over 35, never married, and don’t have children and have friends to fill the space of the men (sex partners) who leave in the morning after unattached sex.
I like your steez/style, FBC, but maybe, just maybe it is your spirit tingling as oppose to your anatomy, IMHO of course.
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:43 pm
The need for touch–I concur! I think that’s precisely what’s lacking in my life right now. And unless I choose to sleep with men in record numbers, I’m forced to be without that fantastic touch…It sucks.
But thanks for making this post. I think the I’ve been confusing my desire to have a boyfriend with the desire to be touched/fucked…lol thanks for clearing that up for me!
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Hey,
Great blog and you have a new fan!
Cities can be toxic. I had terrible luck in Cali, mediocre luck in Texas but always found sexy ladies in NYC. Your vibe and the city can definitely be out of wack. I am living in Helsinki, Finland for 6 months and I am trying to like stringy haired white girls but its a hard sell.
Dont look, it will find you. Until then hit the nearest sex shop…no shame in your game….
Dallas Black
thirtyhood.blogspot.com
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Dallas Black is right, and maybe a bit of a romantic. Don’t look and it will find you is probably true. But your profession, or at least your professional interests mean you are looking all the time. A tough spot but don’t blame it on NY. That dating record sounds pretty good to me..
Smile, you are gorgeous and intelligent and funny. That Thoracic Surgeon who wants you to spank him is just around the corner..
September 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Hi,
Very nice blog you have here. Found your blog after searching information for relationships. Thanks for the great info!
My name is Irene and I’m involved in an online site called ‘A woman’s mind at http://awmtv.com which provides videos relating to relationship advice as well as forums, etc.
I was hoping that you would have a minute to check out the site and perhaps if you liked what you saw… put a link on your blog?
I may be going out on a limb by asking you for promotional help through your blog, but I hope you find awmtv.com to be as news worthy/helpful as I perceive it to be. There’s still a lot of new things to come up on it, but hope you like what you see!
Thanks for your time :)
Best,
Irene
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:16 pm
See, I have never lived in NYC (and never want to), so I can’t help you with that question. I did, however, live in Boston (also a big city) for 4 years, and had no problem finding people to date.
It was when I moved back down to Florida that the supply dried up and it’s been a year and the only relationship that I have maintained was with a convicted felon with a pregnant (okay, maybe not pregnant, but she will be soon if he is not careful) 13-year-old daughter. Le sigh.
I don’t know if it is necessarily related to NYC itself. Maybe the ratio to good guys vs. shitastic douchebags is just a really sucky one.
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:32 am
gee…. just how did Fun City evolve into the TerrorDome…..
lamesabassman….. and, how come I didnt get the Memo……
September 3rd, 2008 at 2:00 am
nyc has waaay too many hot women. wouldn’t recommend it for any single type who wants/needs attention from single male. the competition is way too stiff. one can only do so much.
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:07 am
between 2005 and 2007, (the last time i lived in nyc) i had two ‘boyfriends’ and many many dates between. somehow, i found attracting and maintaining relationships much easier during this period than i had, really, my entire life in nyc before. i don’t know what to attribute this to. before ‘05 i felt exactly the same as twanna.
i find maintaining relationships in barcelona (where i’ve lived for the last 7 months) much more challenging. the locals (the catalans) REALLY don’t want to get attached to foreigners because they are very traditional and rarely ever move away from their families. foreigners are either on vacation or just passing through. finding real relationships, platonic or romantic, is like finding that proverbial needle in the haystack.
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:31 am
the love you make is equal to the love you take…… and, yes it is all relative ….
for if you always get what you want.. but never deal with fact that you never get
what you need….. ’cause you always let your ego lead the way….. when you reside
in a city full of hunters…. there is no role reversal ….. if you don’t get what you need as you go…. you wont get much….. and you will always be asking the eternal question….. ” Why me…..” if you refuse to filter the cheese…. you will be doomed to eat a slice….. and it will always be limburger …….
lamesabassman…….. please pass the Gray Poupon…..
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I completely agree and hope you don’t mind me sharing one of my related posts (Time Out sort of covered this last year):
http://zen-denizen.blogspot.com/2007/07/attack-of-single-women.html
September 3rd, 2008 at 4:14 pm
That’s because all the good men live in the DC Metropolitan area… LOL. Seriously, I don’t thinks that what you have is as dire as it seems.
A) you love where you live for more reasons than you do not!
B) — see A. –
It’s the whole pros & cons thing going on here. If ever the times come when the food, museums and international complexity aren’t enough- run like hell.
Keep the faith FBC!
~blk
September 3rd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I’ve lived in Minneapolis my whole life, and I’m too ashamed to post my dating stats. Hell, just making new friends here has been a challenge. I don’t know how much of this has to do with the city or not.
During past gripes about my issues with finding/meeting/dating men, I’ve heard explainations ranging from consequences of the womens’ movement, to intimidation due to race (I am of brown skin, and most of the men ’round here are not), to inclimant weather, to my ipod.
Maybe there’s a grain of truth to all of that, but I think the issue of perpetual singleness is greater than any of the above. I think first world society is evolving far beyond what human biology was meant to stand up to.
I may be straying a bit too far from the spirit of this post, so I’ll stop there. Let’s just call this food for thought.
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Well thank yog you deflected the customary “It’s so hard to meet people in New York.” (it’s not folks. It’s really, really not. It’s hard to meet people in rural Montana).
I’ve had some really terrific dates here, both fun and free, and the sweeping stuff of romance.
You’re a smart, foxy dame. I see no reason why you shouldn’t be getting dates. So what if the women outnumber the men? Cream rises to the top.
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Hang in there FBC!–And no offense blkirish, but I live in the DC area, and I can’t say I necessarily agree with your assessment of DC. men. It’s probably not quite as tough as NYC, but you have a lot of self-absorbed, ambitious people here-both men and women, who are more concerned with their careers than being in a relationship.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:38 am
@ Mando G: Funny you mention you tend to date women who were not raised in TX. I don’t date a lot of native New Yorkers, but I often wonder if that’s just because (1) there are so many non-NYers here and (2) I prefer men from other countries.
@ Pete: I mean the “type” of dating life I prefer right now, a committed relationship.
@ antonio: And, this post love you. ;) I soooo need to make a trip abroad to see you someday. I can’t believe we lived in Amsterdam 8 years ago. DAMN, time flies.
@ dkzone: You’re funny. :) And, yeah, I know what you mean. New York is a dangerous city. Hell, I’m from Chicago and our crime rate was certainly MUCH higher than New York’s. When tourists approach me with that “Do you know where ___ is?” stuff, I TOTALLY clinch my fists, stiffen and get that maniacal “Don’t you fucking try to fuck with me. Seriously, don’t fucking test me!” look. So, yeah, I don’t need (or want) the whole city and/or random strangers to be all lovey-dovey & warm and fuzzy with me. Just a dude, one dude, “my” dude. We haven’t found each other yet.
@ Peggy b.: Yeah, the demographics will shift and they’ll be more men again eventually. There was a time when men outnumbered women here; it’ll happen again.
@ Baba Doodlius: Good point. I tend to expect everything to be perfect in a city. “Ah, this place would be perfect if it wasn’t for ___.” I’m learning that place, much like people, have flaws.
@ Alicia: SO TRUE.
@ Souky: Sweets, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not over 35, I’m over 45!! ;) Joking, of course. I’m younger than both those ages, but I’ll make no comment about your mysogynistic / ageist remarks. Suffice it to say, I think you *TOTALLY* missed the point of the post. Your example of touch (”lets say through the random act of f*cking random men”) demonstrates exactly that.
@ Syd: I think a lot of people make that mistake. There’s a difference between being horny, craving generic touch and desiring a relationship. Sometimes those things match up, sometimes they don’t.
@ Dallas Black: THANKS for getting down with the funky brown!!! I love it when new readers leave comments. :) Added your blog to my feed reader. LOVED your post about the $5 gift card. :)
@ don: Ooooh, you said, “you are gorgeous and intelligent and funny.” Flattery will get you everywhere. :) And, YES, how did you know I have a thing for Thoracic Surgeons!?!?!? ;)
@ irene: I’ll check in out. Thanks!
@ Britni: I used to hate New York, and I routinely told friends, “I could never live in that crazy city!!!” Times change. I’ll blog about my NYC hate –> love tragectory some day. Oh, and by the way, LOVE the phrase “shitastic douchebags.”
@ lamesabassman: Not sure.
@ earnest nyc: Several folks have said that.
@ ieishah: Ah, Americans dating in Europe. THERE’S something I could writing about for AGES!!!! I lived over there for a period of 4 years. Crazy tales.
@ Zen: Yeah, I remember that article. I wrote about it. Here’s the post and the image of the cover: http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/06/28/whats-your-relationship-status/.
@ blkirish: I was gonna say, “I have a friend Mags who lives in the city and would totally disagree with you.” But, then I noticed she already commented below. :) THANKS for the encouragment. And, you’ve got a good point about the good outweighing the bad. For now, it’s no contest: New York wins. It’s truly a great city.
@ Cat: I’m originally from the Midwest. Three cheers for corn-fed girls!!! :) And, yeah, I agree that almost all of those things (weather, brown skin, your iPod) could affect dating — especially your iPod. More on that later.
@ Brenz: Exactly; it’s EASY to meet people here. Thanks for the “smart, foxy dame” stuff. I appreciate it.
@ Mags: Woot!!! Hold up, hold up. What’s going on?!!? Since when have you started reading and commenting on my blog again?!?! ;) Hey, I tried to call you last night but you were already asleep. Let’s partyline on Saturday!!! (Going to the Esquire party then a dinner date tonight and I’ve got Fashion Week stuff on Friday.)
September 4th, 2008 at 10:29 am
@twanna
okay??!! i’ve been in europe on and off for the last decade . . . but for the craziness, spain takes the cake! wait–i haven’t lived in italy yet, so i take that back!
September 4th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Girl you aint never lied and I am glad that I am not the only one out here wondering what the heck is going on in this city that I love so much.
Men in their late 20’s still living at home with moms, they have to much baby mama drama, so stuck on themselves because they know they got it going on, or just plain stupid.
Where are the single black men that have the same credentials we have. Single, no kids, educated, fun, and not afraid of commitment.
When you find where they hang out… please spread the word!
September 4th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
It is definitely confusing here. I about 2-3 years younger than you, but same story. I have definitely had better dating lives outside of here. I was here from after college till I was 26 and it was nothing special but then I ended up in a long relationship with someone I worked with. I ended that shortly before I moved but I met men really easily then too (just a few months). Then I was in grad school on the west coast, then in Europe and now I’m back in NY. I had a long relationship in grad school and in Europe also had a short one and had people interested.
I’m back in NY and while I meet men, nothing sticks. It’s sad. I think men have a lot of options here so many are non-commital. Also many are focused on their career etc. It’s tricky and I’m not sure what the solution. It’s product and market. Make sure you have a good product and market it – though i think even without a good product, good marketing does wonders;) This guarantees you will meet someone but not necessarily they stick though volume should do the trick;) I hear you loud and clear. Moving also with the intentions of finding someone is unlikely to do the trick too. Though it seems like the gals I know who live in smaller cities after grad school have gotten engaged quickly.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
@Eb—I hear you sentiment all the time, and I used to take offense to it; now I realize just how much truth it is.
It wasn’t until I read some essays by Michael Eric Dyson did I realize the gap in education/career between brothers and sisters–and some of the inherent stress that it may cause.
But I know a couple of good cats that are doing pretty damn fine and support monogamy. Granted, it aint many, but they’re out there ;)
September 5th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Heh. I feel the same way about Atlanta. Too many broads competing for too small a pool of Qualified Men.
Actually, I lie. I’ve been in relationships of some kind for 5 of the 8 years I’ve been here. But those dry spells in-between? UGH.
There are quite a few Good on Paper types here. But you’ll also find a lot of black men who believe the ratio hype (it’s not 8:1) and are totally stuck on themselves and inflate their worth as a result. And — in my experience at least — finding non-black men who date black women is hard.
But I think what you’re describing is pretty common in major cities. And those cities aren’t half as cool as New York :-).
September 5th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
@ ieishah: Oooh, I *LOVED* Italy!!!
@ Eb: Yeah, you’re DEFINITELY not on your own. Tons of women (and men!) feel the same way.
@ Nathalie: Good luck!
@ Jeffrey Wilson: You single??? Maybe we can make a long distance love connection on here, and hook you and EB up. :)
@ tiffany: You said, “finding non-black men who date black women is hard.” Oh, I’ve found several of those guys. They’re great. ;)
September 5th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I don’t think there’s a man shortage in NYC. Not even a good man shortage. I fear the opposite, we’re all spoiled for choice. With so many single people (literally dozens of thousands of possibilities) we’ve all become a little too picky and fickle and hard to please. And the men have become spoiled.
September 6th, 2008 at 12:13 am
First time poster here, I love your blog. I find this particular post interesting. I am a NYC gal born & raised I have also lived in Greece, Amsterdam, London & now Philly. I am now married but when I was single I too liked dating international men. I am also your beautiful shade of brown :-) Its true that NYC has a lot of beautiful women but I have to say when I was single I never had any problem meeting men of my choosing in NYC. Some time it was just the opposite in fact. Some of them would turn out to be crazy sure but some of them would be quality guys. The thing that worked best for me is my attitude and making sure that I stood out in a crowd. I always played to my positives. Another thing was I was never “looking” for a guy. Sometimes when you are looking you can come off as desperate without even realizing it. Desperation is in unattractive quality. Although I am saying you shouldn’t go looking you don’t need to leave everything up to chance either. Think about some of the things that are most important to you in a possible mate whether its country of origin, occupaton, income, hobbies, whatever & put yourself in those situations. I’ve had guy friends who wanted to meet women who knew how to cook so they took cooking classes. Do the opposite for male centric activities that you think the type of guys you’d be interested in may frequent. Another suggestion is to wher the uniform of the type of guy that you want to attract. For example If you are interested in guys who would wear high end designer items maybe invest in a couple of peices for yourself. I am around your age and many of my (most) of my friends are single in their late 20’s to late 30’s & are single. My single girlfriends often ask me for advice because I’ve got a pretty good hubby who spoils me& also I get hit on a fair amount even though I’m married & what I tell them the most important thing to have going for them is confidence & a good personality. I see many of them have so much going for them but when it comes to relationships the older they get & are still single the more sense of urgency they seem to get about finding a guy & they seem to put out a desperate vibe. I believe guys can sense that & being forever single becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I think in a city like NYC to attract people who are extraordinary you’ve got to be extraordinary. The only way to be it is to believe it! You cant have the attitude that he’s the catch its gotta be that you are the catch! With so many choices out there you have to show him what makes you special! You have so much to offer any guy just make sure he knows it!
September 7th, 2008 at 9:23 am
twanna, you’ve lived in italy? i’ve visited many times, and i have a very, um, interesting history with italian men (as i’ve been writing a lot about on my own blog lately), which is why i cannot imagine living there. there’s something about them, haven’t quite unpacked it yet, but they embody a certain kind of irresistible crazy . . . crazy nonetheless . . . if you’ve actually lived amongst them and made it out alive, congratulations, girl!!!
September 7th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Twanna
Don’t know why you think the problem is exclusive to women. You should walk a few city blocks in my shoes (SWM). I have plenty of friends and lot of social interaction. Decent looking average guy that is doing pretty well. However, what I see is that I am not doing well enough for the Wall St set. I am not hip enough for the East Village (this goes for Williamsburg and Park Slope Brooklyn too). To straight for the West Village. I am too white for for Chinatown (even thought I did have a 2 year relationship with a Chinese Woman). Not West Indian or latin enough for countless other neighborhoods. I could cover every neighborhood in or adjacent to Manhattan. I know this seems like I am stereotyping, but it is all true. It seems like many of the women I see will not step out of there cultural boundaries or are falling for the same tired lies told to them my the gazillion players out there. Thinking this time they will turn out to be true. Only to be disappointed again. Mean while they consider the “real thing” to be too vanilla and not exciting enough. Most likely filling them in the “Friends” folder. Believe me when I tell you that it is much more difficult for honest and sincere men than you could ever understand. I guess what I am really saying is “I feel you”. Keep up the hope, as I will be doing the same.
September 7th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
P.S. I think SINgleGIRL is on the money.
September 8th, 2008 at 2:51 am
I understand the feeling. I have been single for a long time(5 years) and most of the relationships I have had with women has mainly been about sex. I mean the sex is good but I can give myself my own nut and sometimes it’s even better but what I would miss is the passion and the connection and high that I would get when I would get from being with a woman. I started to realize that I wanted to maybe be in a relationship or just have a connection with a woman. Sometimes I just want a woman to lay in my bed or just come over so I could be touched or to touch them. I am very receptive to touch and vibes and stuff like that so I try to gain that from women. The problem sometimes is that when I do that with women they think I am trying to further some kind of relationship with them which is not always the case. I am just super-affectionate.
September 8th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I feel the same way as you, but I don’t live in NY. Although I do live very close to NY. My issue is this. I remember guys throwing themselves at me and stalking me like a celebrity from the ages of 14-19 when I hit 20 it all stopped. I’m now 24 and don’t get me wrong I still get male attention here and there, but not nearly as much as before. They used to literally gawk, point and stare. Now, they just pass me by. I want to get back how it use to be and wonder why guys no longer fall at my feet. Was it I was less experienced and just having fun and now I’m older? I have been single for a long time and wanna know what the hell happend to all the men in my life and why more aren’t knockin down my door like before? anyone know the reason?
September 8th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
# SINgleGIRL: Hey lady! :) I love men; I wasn’t stating an opinion about “there aren’t enough men in NYC”, I was talking about the city’s actual demographics: http://funkybrownchick.com/images/national-geographic-singles-map.jpg
@ Urban Diva: Couldn’t agree with you more, it’s EASY to date here. Just a bit harder to find the righth guy for “me” (i.e. I’m done with the short-term, shallow rels.)
@ ieishah: I’ve never lived in Italy, when I lived in the UK and Holland, I traveled throughout the Italy and I speak a tiny bit of the language. I used to have a weird fetish thing for Italian men.
@ Chuck: Okay, this get’s back to my “Who’s Single Life Sucks More?” post: http://funkybrownchick.com/2007/08/21/men-vs-women-whose-single-life-sucks-more :) And, I’m with you on keeping hope alive!! :)
@ Jason: Yeah, I think we’re on the same page! :)
@ Lee Lee: I don’t think it’s about age, I think it’s more about how bitter we do or don’t let ourselves become. I was waaaaay more optimistic in my teens. Good news? I’m less naive. Bad news? Sometimes maybe I’m TOO untrusting.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Hmm…I know several single men–black, brown, white, tan–who are smart, educated, attractive, and financially stable who want to be in long-term relationships.
Of course, I also know single women in the same boat…
So the challenge, I think, isn’t that ratio we hear so often in the media–the number of single women versus the number of single men– but in finding that one person you really click with and want to share part of your life with.
September 10th, 2008 at 12:08 am
You said, “I know several single men–black, brown, white, tan–who are smart, educated, attractive, and financially stable who want to be in long-term relationships.” WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! I actually KNOW you, so why haven’t you hooked me up!??!?!?!?! :)
September 18th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
i have the same problem and i don´t get to live in NYC :P
i guess we just have to try harder :/
September 19th, 2008 at 6:09 am
Or stop trying and let things happen on their own? :)
October 24th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
There are many more single women than single men in New York City. Hundreds of thousands more single women than single men. I am moving to Silicon Valley next year.
Take a look at these:
http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/2007/07/06/144-single-guys-live-in-la-single-girls-in-nyc/
http://creativeclass.com/rfcgdb/articles/Go%20West.pdf
http://geography.about.com/b/2007/01/23/single-women-on-the-east-coast-single-men-in-the-west.htm