I think the problem of dating in NYC, where woman are concerned, involves the following elements:

1. There are many more single women than single men in the city. Some statistical studies indicate as many as 210,000 more single women than men. So, most of the men you meet are already dating.
2. Of this number, how many of the single men are educated, literature, numerate, come from a good family and have their act together professionally, like you do? This causes that number of possibilities to plunge.
3. Then, take into account the fact that there is a large gay population in the city.
4. Then, add physical factors, which will affect some women, thought not all women. E.g. Many, many men in NYC are shorter than 5’2″!!! Ladies: if you like shorter guys, this is your city. If, like me, you are turned off by that, then it’s bad news.
5. A large demographic in the city is relatively poorly educated and not exactly high achievers in any sense of that phrase. They may look groovy and be able to have sex, but this makes them a sex toy, NOT a relationship.

The result is that if you are an educated, well-adjusted, good looking woman, you WILL get asked out by all kinds of people – but you will NOT want to say yes! So, what’s the point of all that attention, right? Getting attention from the wrong kind of guy is as useful as being offered a pair of shoes in someone else’s size. Dating is NOT about passively accespting someone else’s adoration. It is about MUTUAL respect, attraction and love. When two people have completely different values, standards of living, standards of physical health, and even standards of speech (!), how on earth can they be expected to date, let alone establish a long-term partnership? So, when a man like that says to you “But, you so beeudiful, why you still single?”, the answer is: “Because alot of the guys are like you, sir! That’s why I am single in the city”.

It’s important to note that having a baby out of wedlock by the time you are 22, with a man who is unstable financially and socially, is HARDLY to be considered a successful start at adult life. Yet, you could find plenty of men who would be happy to give you this kind of start in your new life in NYC. The point to note is that being “available” is NOT the same thing as being “eligible”. There are guys I meet who are clearly available and at a loose end, but they are not eligible. There are very, very few men in NYC, in my experience, who are both eligible and available. This is the crux of the problem of dating for women who are looking for more than a sex partner.

It took me years to realize  this because I just couldn’t believe that it was possible for any city to be labeled as being “categorically bad” for educated, cultured, good looking women – that just seemed like a tall tale to me – , but the population demographics in NYC are such that it is probably the worst place for a woman like me to be spending my 30s in. Most of the men I meet are very short – a big libido killer for me – and the good looking, taller ones are often poorly educated; speak appalling Englis; and seem to think that dating is only about sex and mubling mundane compliments like “You so beeudiful!” Ha ha! Well, clearly this can’t work.

My solution: I am moving out of state next month. : ) Yay! I’ve lived in Europe and Asia and have never had any trouble meeting good looking, educated men without financial problems, family problems, social problems etc etc. NYC has been a much different experience and I’m at the age where I know what I need and now need to meet that kind of guy. NYC is not brimming with it. That’s for sure. 

NYC can only offer you what NYC has to offer at all  - a large gay population, a large shorter male population, a large socia-economically underproductive demographic etc. etc.

Once you FIND the guy that’s right for you, THEN – NYC is probably one of the nicest places for a couple in a committed relationship to live in. The caveat, of course, is that NYC will not help you to meet him/find him in the first place.

Take a look at these:

http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/2007/07/06/144-single-guys-live-in-la-single-girls-in-nyc/

http://creativeclass.com/rfcgdb/articles/Go%20West.pdf

http://geography.about.com/b/2007/01/23/single-women-on-the-east-coast-single-men-in-the-west.htm