How Should You Introduce An Ex?
One of my French Canadian exboytoys recently started reading my blog. “I don’t think most guys like to consider themselves ‘boytoys’. It’s derogative,” he complained yesterday. “It means that all you think of the said toy is that he’s all body to play with, but not much of anything else [...] I’d much rather be your friend than an old boytoy [...] Guys have a sensitive side too… And we like to think that we have personalities too.” Point taken. In my own defense, that’s not what I meant by “exboytoy.” All body to play with, but not much of anything else is a “fuck buddy.” Hmm, I guess I divide the men who’ve stuck their penises inside me into three main categories.
- EXBOYFRIEND: At one point in history, dude called me his girlfriend and I called dude my boyfriend. Now, we’re no longer dating. So, whenever I introduce dude to my friends, I’ll say, “This is ___.” When dude isn’t looking, I’ll silently and exaggeratedly point to dude behind his back and mouth the word “exboyfriend” to my friends. They’ll nod understandingly because, chances are, they’ve already heard the stories about dude. On the blog, I’ll call dude “exboyfriend.”
- EXBOYTOY: We dated, but dude never called me his girlfriend and I never called dude my boyfriend. If I tell my current date, friends or whoever “This is __” without explaining dude and I used to date, they’d ask, “Why didn’t you mention you and dude used to date???” Hence, the phrase exboytoy.
- FRIEND: Maybe we slept together. Maybe we didn’t. Maybe we still occasionally sleep together because we still have strong sexual attraction / chemistry. In any case, it’s absurdly clear that neither one of EVER wanted to be the other’s girlfriend or boyfriend. No messy history; we’re just friends.
How about you, dear readers? What words do you use to introduce someone you used to date? What’s your ex-etiquette?
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Photo credit: Yellow exboyfriend sign appears online and is available for purchase at ScottysaysRadio.com.
September 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
i tend to use “bitchassmotherfucker” for my most recent ex, the FuBu or the FB for my uh “friend,” and “crabassmotherfucker” for the ex before that one. everyone else falls under the broad umbrella of “this guy i used to uh ‘date.’”
September 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Sorry, this is beyond my experience – I never had a boyfriend of any subcategory.
Oh, what, girls count too? Hmmm. I never introduce them because I never see any of them. Trust me, it’s better that way.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
I use the term ” cockholster”…….
j/k
I use “friend” later on I explain to the person I’m with , that we used to date, if they don’t already know.
September 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
… hmmm … I think your system is fair … though I don’t get where the frenchie gets in a hissy about being called ‘whatever’ let alone ‘boytoy’ … guess that is the whiny franglo-saxon in him …
… I use sports analogies … calling someone a ‘free agent’ or talking about where they are ’slotted on the draft board’ … you know, a lottery pick and such … makes for good entertainment and is fun for me ..
September 24th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Everybody is introduced as a friend. No one needs to know what designation they used to have in my life. Any real friend knows the deal so I don’t have to say anything.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Yo yo!
In the course of introducing someone in a social situation, I NEVER slap down the deets right there. That is jarring and can spin the conversation into mysterious uncharted waters.
Especially if you have 2 exes named Steve, for example.
I also have so many nicknames for my former partners that most people know them by that nomenclature. Errybody who knows me knows who the “The Pizza Guy”, “Psycho Steve”,or “That Limey Musician” are.
Playing in the BDSM arena adds yet another facet to the tetrahedral sex-die, because NOW you might have a former play partner who you never fucked but might want to at a later time, who you are introducing to your current play partner’s primary partner and the shit gets mad crazy, yo.
Probably best to say “My Friend” and smile,with the sideways look that indicates “Yeah, you KNOW there is some delicious secret filling in this cupcake-o-love, just ask me later, babe.”
Peace.
~Mollena
September 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
to avoid misunderstandings i think it’s easier to say you’ve dated the guy (what you call the boy toy. dated but not boyfriend). i have to agree, boytoy sounds like fuck buddy or one night stand. that’s what i thought when i read you mention the boytoys :P
September 24th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I think calling a dude “exboytoy” to his face is a bit much. I mean to me that is like calling a woman a bitch. As my mother told me, a women is never a bitch…she may act like a bitch sometimes but she is never a bitch.
September 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
…I think I am in agreement with what Dallas said … what ever a man may have done in general, doesn’t warrant reciprocal disrespect … maybe this is a factor in a woman’s being single yet desiring a real relationship … derision creates and fosters low expectations …
September 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I like this classification system. I think I’ll start to use it.
September 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Everyone is introduced by their current status, not former. “My friend” if we’re still friends. “My associate” if we’ve grown distant. “A woman I know from [current association]” if we’re not even on speaking terms (which begs the question: why am I introducing you?).
Actually now that I think about it, I’d use an intro that I read about a while ago: “I’d like you to meet [name], she is [interesting or relevant fact]“.
September 24th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I say, “Adam, this is Jen.”
(works like a charm)
September 24th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
FBC, you have such witty readers. I love to read the comments section almost as much as I love your posts.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Most of the time, I just introduce the guy by his name. No titles no questions:) works for me.
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
September 24th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Hmmm. I’m in agreement with not having to introduce anyone because I don’t want to see them again. Who wants to be reminded of past mistakes? As for those that were used just for ummm gratification, who can remember their names anyway!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:26 am
This is my friend. (Nuff said)
September 25th, 2008 at 3:32 am
how does” yesterday ” sound……
lamesabassman……… to add ” ex” to anything is to bring worth to something
worthless……
September 25th, 2008 at 11:52 am
@ tiffany: You’re hilarious!!!
@ Baba Doodlius: :)
@ dkzone: Cockholster???
@ mark johnson: I’m soooo not a sports fan, so I probably wouldn’t get the analogies. Sports in general? Couldn’t care less. SOCCER? LOVE IT!!! 2010 can’t get here soon enough.
@ Pam: Oooh, another vote for “friend.”
@ Mollena: LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!
@ Carolina Pereira: Ahhh, okay, so he wasn’t the only one who thought that. Sheesh, you guys thought I had a lot of one nights stands, huh??? :)
@ Dallas Black / mark johnson: I never “called” him that; he sent me to message after reading it on this site. :) And, of course, I wrote that waaay back when I was an annoymous blogger and no one I knew (including him) knew about my site.
@ Syd: Yes!! Spread it throughout the world!! :)
@ dragonslayer: Oooooh, I like that intro example. I’ll use it from now on. ;) “Hi, I’d like you to meet [redacted], he’s originally from Canada.”
@ Lee Coles & Alicia & Anthony: Sounds easy enough.
@ Pegs: ME TOO!!!! :) I say it all the time, and I mean it: I’ve got the best readers on the internet.
@ kali: I’m only in contact with a couple of my exes.
@ lamesabassman: Yesterday is one of my favorite Beatles songs.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
honestly i think that ‘boytoy’ is not the right name, cos it does in fact sound more or less like a ‘fuck buddy’. or maybe even worse as the word FB seems to indicate that u are actually friendly with the guy, whereas BT is pure game on your side.
dunno really…personally, i think the above + bootycall are the worst possible names to call a person. fair enough, we all do it – sleep with people without loving them etc etc, however – its one thing doing it, and another thing – ‘labelling’ our previous partners.
that’s why i stick to 3 options a friend/special someone/simply-boyfriend
September 25th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
with an ” ex ” does it pay the burn the bridges and move on….. or keep them on hold for those moments when an itch needs to be ……
lamesabassman…… I am curious….. 2
September 28th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
“This is my mistake from which I will never recover.”
September 29th, 2008 at 3:01 am
I definitely use the term ‘friend’ or someone i used to ‘know’….actually, that ‘know’ phrase has taken me a long way LOL
September 29th, 2008 at 10:16 am
# starlight_still london: Sounds like you’ve found three categories that work well for you. :)
# Brenz: Love it!! I’ve got one of those, too.
# Jazzy: Oh what a difference emphasis makes. “know”. :)