“Does she really want an effeminate man? That’s an oxymoron in itself [...] Women want a take-charge and authoritative man that can take care of business; a decisive man that can get things done, but with a tender heart.” That’s the story AskMen.com will tell you. (In case you’re keeping track, it’s the same group that introduced us all to so-called “female sexual manipulation.”)
Sensitive men. I’ve got them on the brain because, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post about introducing exes, the French Canadian said “Guys have a sensitive side too.” Also, earlier this week, a guy friend Mikey said, basically, men are just as sensitive as women and I should give ‘em a break. “And for the record,” says Mikey, “dating in New York is just as difficult and frustrating for guys as it is for women.” He may have a point. Though I hate to agree with AskMen.com, they’re probably on to something (in this one instance) too. I know *I* certainly want a take-charge man. When I date that guy, I complain I’m dating an asshole. When nice guys hit me up, I shoot ‘em down because they’re too nice. It’s a human condition, you know: if something comes too easily, you don’t want it, right? Everyone loves a challenge. But, then again …
Typically, when I find the guy that’s “just right” for me, we usually date happily for months (or, in some cases, years) until the relationship no longer works for one or both of us. One ex in particular was such a beautiful, pure and decent person that I almost married him. And, of course, it completely shattered me in that snot-faced, weep-till-your-eyes-hurt, cry-till-you-heave kind of way. “Both don’t know what they want,” Mikey the guy friend says, “until they find what it is they were looking for.” I’d agree. Also, unfortunately, sometimes men (and women) don’t know what they’ve got until it’s no longer theirs to be had.
Hmmm … Back to the question at hand: Are men equally as sensitive as women? Do women want to date sensitive guys? I certainly have my opinions about that, but I’m curious to hear your thoughts as well. Leave ‘em in the comments section.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
i have been called sensitive, but mostly via how they see me interact with my kids…but in same voice they say im hard – which i never see
good post jones
guess depends on the moment……. there are times when women want men who care and love them with respect …… and then there the ones who like Bad Boys who treat them like fish wrapped in newspaper…. could go deep and say that it’s a head-trip dating back to the cradle….. or it’s simply ….. whatever gets you thru the night…….
lamesabassman……. how do you spell relief…….
“sometimes men (and women) don’t know what they’ve got until it’s no longer theirs to be had.”
Amen, sister. Since I’m now officially old, I hope that I have outgrown this. I strive to, anyway.
What type of person you want to date/screw/marry/whatever is such an individual thing that I seriously doubt you can generalize to any significant extent. Mrs. Doodlius, for example, only wants her guy to be green and covered with feathers.
I think it a perfect balance would be a man with sensitivity traits but he also know how to be the rough-neckness out of him when the need arises.
gee….Mr.D…. you’re so lucky….. the women I meet want me in rubber or leather..
for once, feathers would be nice….. kinda…
lamesabassman….. fly,robin,fly…. up.. up.. to the sky…
Yes, men are as sensitive as women…well atleast this woman. Im on the lower spectrum of the sensitive pole. I must say I have never been interested in the bad boy, but it seems Mr. Sensitive fairs better with Miss Bitch. :)
why was the opening question about an effeminate man?And why was that expected to be the same thing as a sensitive man?
go figure.. I like women, and the conversations grow more honest and informative all the time.. I find myself as a sub kind of guy, an observer, much more than a participant.. Yet life goes on..
Women like sensitive men, but we become companions..Hetero sensitive men.. ok, we don’t decorate the living room but we aren’t likely to be the marriage kind either..
Tony Soprano. Now that was a man.. Right?
I think that men are sensitive, they just hide it better. Some men are better at talking about their feelings than others. Some give TMI, like guys I’ve dated.
Tony Soprano was a thug who was out for number one to which both of his families suffered …. I knew guys like that growing up in Brooklyn ….. in their mind’s eye …… they were Robin Hood….. but to all around them … they were just
hoods dancing with pain and gain,making a living on the carcass of Humanity …
lamesabassman…… a man, no…. a parasite …. Si….
awww Twanna, you got all soft and pink on this one. I have dated “too sensitive” and it is too high maintenance for me(needy and whiny). I learned (the hard way of course) that I needed a guy that was compassionate and ready for a relationship. Once he was ready, the “confusion” disappeared and his true feelings shone through.
Are men emotional? Sure if their heart is in it and they are sensitive to your need and that makes them vulnerable. Once they are vulnerable, they are sensitive and we should not STEP all over them. Good men are hard to find.
And my jet lag is hard to get over.
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
what do ya’ll really want in a man…..
lamesabassman……. there will be a test later……
I love you women and everything you do. Even the tiny manipulations you all do that you think men (smart ones like me) don’t notice. Stuff like that always makes me crack a smile! I love how you all fuss over your hair, your nails, tear up at movies, moan when that right spot is hit just right. But I gotta say, Ya’ll really don’t know what it is you want in a man which is damn confusing. But, hey, maybe it is a biology thing God gave us to keep the chase on and the babies coming!
Its more along the lines of what we WANT and what we NEED usually contradict each other which causes the confusion…in both species.
but, you are in whatever you are in with both eyes open and still see no stars….
just who are you foolin’…… female or male….. if all you want and or need hardcore jollies then say so…. and if you dont get it …. then deal with the results.
but if both parties are on the same page….. then count yourself damn lucky…..
lamesabassman… just because you paid to see the game… does’nt mean you get to play…..
I concur.
we’re sensetive…..but we’re also expediant.
I’ve seen enough dudes sitin in the dark listen to sad songs over some woman….even don it myself. To know that men are sensetive.
The distinction that must be made is sensetivity vs wimp
just because a guy is sensetive doesn’t make him a wimp. The wimp is the guy that’s crying because his girl did something to him but then forgives her abuses or indiscretions. The sensetive man is the guy who says ” hell no.” kicks the chick to the curb and may shed a tear privately because he misses the relationship….or the sex was crazyhot and he’s sprung. But realistic enough to know that she’s no good for him and will just do it again.
After i got divorced, i would cry over all types of things that i wouldn’t normally cry over. crazy crap like movies and even comercials……yes I cried during comercials. I figured out that I was soo emotionally constipated from being in an unhappy marriage and always being the take charge guy, that once I was removed from that role. The floodgates opened. I’m a much happier person now and know how to manage both sides of my personality.
But women want a guy whose a sensetive romantic, but when the time comes they want the no bullshit thug. There’s a time and a place for everything.
dkzone……. you are so one on that tip……. been thru 3/4 of that road and am still here…… it’s just tears for fears…… real … or Memorex, that get us so close
to the edge that we can feel the breeze of the tears…. as they go their way past yesterday towards the light at the end of the tunnel of love…..
lamesabassman……. all you need is ….. love….. and a really good phone.
No one–male or female–wants a pushover. When someone agrees with everything you say, that gets dull real quick. But most people, when they are in a relationship that lasts more than a couple of months, want a person to treat them kindly and with respect…I think a relationship has to begin with an initial challenge. After that, a respectful friendship can develop (with hot sex thrown in). :-)
i look for compassion and caring in all people. toughness is relative,as is sensitivity.all thinking people strive for ‘balance’.
to a one. for example, i’ve seen a extremely nasty and murderous drug dealer spend thousands of drug dollars on new shoes for poor kids at christmas.because he never got new shoes as a kid.so is he sensitive or hard?
people are complex individuals,but i know that in a partner, i better see the ‘thousands of dollars shoe giving’ shining through more than any other personality traits,because in the long run,i want someone who buys me new shoes.
lol~
t
and … you can tell us from the trail of the wedded wonders of the bendover and smiles tour…..
are we that ” lost ” or blinded by the light .. those who sell death to others will do
anything to buy themselves into heaven…. and to those people who receive such
gifts will have not learned anything but…. gimme.
and those are the ones waiting for you at the ATM … for their cut of your pie…
to compare compassion and caring with mayhem is to send the death knell to the top of the Billboard charts…. be who you are and not what you wish to be…
and the good will rise….. and to do nothing….. is evil incarnate …..
lamesabassman……… the evil that we do,will outlive us all….
Yes, women want sensitive guys, but not on the surface. They want it revealed to them, as it means they unlocked something, and also they’re not dating a whiny nancy who sobs over paper bags blowing in the wind.
Gentlemen, I advocate you come out rock ‘n’ roll and don’t get emo till a candle’s lit.
Also, unfortunately, sometimes men (and women) don’t know what they’ve got until it’s no longer theirs to be had.
true true. i still regret broking up with a too nice guy. i thought they’re might be a middle groung between too nice and asshole. but now, i don’t know if it exists.
wow….. great lines of sight……. love when we go deep…… I guess what GrandDad said was true… why settle for liver…
when you got steak at home……. yeah, that was G …. old …bold and at best …
hellacool……..
lamesabassman…. it’s not what you see…. but what you select…..
Neither men nor women respect a man who lacks certitude and self determination. Women will test a man trying to get him to show wishy-washiness, but doesn’t in fact want him to be too sensitive. Sensitive to her needs and compassionate towards her yes; weepy no. Unfortunately the widespread cultural emasculation of the American Male has led to a large number of men who have little confidence or emotional stability. Those remaining “manly” men are now in demand as the backlash to this change in the zeitgeist transpires. Like so many things in the culture today, political correctness forces a split between what we say we want and really want.
http://www.alphadominance.com
sounds like something the Marx Brothers would say…. after lots of Jack…..
lamesabassman…… whatever gets you thru the nite……..
Rant:
Women want everything. They want the sensitive guy at times, and the “thug” at other times, not to mention an abundance of domestic daily skills. Women are fickle, and will not be satisfied with what they have eventually. Men can be like this as well.
If you want to consider this from a pure perspective equality-wise, women can be absurd. They have the luxury of throwing away perfectly good men, and they choose to do it often. Men are generally expected to pursue women, which provides women with the luxury of stepping back and contemplating absurd issues like this.
As a woman, better yet as a HUMAN, think about this: to say that you desire a man that is authoritative and can take control at the right times, what does this say about you? What does it mean for a man to take control? Does it mean that he will take control of the situation and make sure everything works out right? Does it mean that your own voice may on occasion be overshadowed by his authority? To expect this from a man is to promote gender difference, which automatically puts you in a passive role. Perhaps you should be less worried about what you want in a man and more worried about being what you want in a man yourself. If you do this you will attract a man of the same qualities and not have to deal with the guys who pursue you for their own interests.
I think the problem with many women these days is that they sit back and wait for the man to come to THEM, and then they always COMPLAIN about what they get, for some reason or another. This is absurd. If you want something, you go out and find it yourself. Then perhaps you have some reason to complain about what you’ve found.
What men consider manly and what women consider manly are often two different things. I think women’s view of manliness is narrow in focus, revolving almost solely around how you behave with HER. A man’s view of what’s manly often encompases his character, behavior under stress, assertiveness, fairness, etc.
Women do not want a man who is sensitive with them.
I am generally what you consider a sensitive man in my behavior towards women, probably due in large part to my neediness as a child growing up in orphanages and foster homes.
But onetime I found myself in a relationship with a beautiful, funny and dynamic woman with whom I played the bad boy. I got so bad that I knocked her around, I knocked her up (got her pregnant) and split. This woman absolutely loved me for all this abuse back then. Years later, she does not remember me with fondness, and all I have are a lot of regrets about how I acted with her. yes I had a girl, and she was mine, loyal, and fun. But WHAT DID I REALLY HAVE?
Yes women like bad men, but for me, it’s not worth it. I prefer to be able to treat the people I like with kindness. You do this with a woman and she will mistake your kindness for weakness. End of story.
99% of potential relationships are not worth the effort due to this dynamic.
Are men as sensitive as women? Overall, probably; but it varies from individual to individual. And of course, it depends on how you define sensitive. Sensitive to poison ivy? Sensitive to when his GF falls into an open manhole, sensitive to GF’s feelings? Able to have feelings and show them? Very complex subject. And of course the other big question; do women want to date sensitive men. See what I just wrote, and also note that it will depend on the woman. In my short 27 year life, I have been surprised profoundly by how thoughtless and stupid so many men and women are. Maybe women have a slight edge on intelegence overall; but that’s a close one.
Also note that one individual will certainly behave differently at different times. Alcohol and other depressents or inhibiters/hibiters certainly have a role to play in this regard, as may mental conditions. Dig me?