September 2008

Obviously, I have no qualms about interracial dating. Truth be told, I kind of have a “thing” for men with accents. Here on FUNKY BROWN CHICK, I’ve written about French, Dutch, Aussie, and Italian guys and the panty-sniffing Irish guy. I’ve also written about Jews,  Asian dudes and, of course, black men.

“Do you date black guys?” I get asked this question quite often. “When I see a beautiful black woman such as yourself,” reads an email from a FUNKY BROWN CHICK reader named Jason, “or someone that fits that mold, one where she is comfortable with herself, her blackness, and doesn’t have the hang ups that most black women have (ghetto, lack of self-esteem or self-worth) [...] they usually have a white dude on their arm. I have to admit though that some of those are very intimidating because when you see realness, you can’t ‘game’ it. I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that. I know it was kinda random but when I saw pics of you that was my first thought, ‘she’s really cute but does she date black dudes?’”

Yes. I date black dudes. When it comes to black women’s relationships, people often assume either/or. EITHER you’re a “real” black woman who dates black men exclusively OR you’re a “sellout” who only dates white guys because of (a) self hatred or (b) desperation / you’re fed up with black men. Where’s the space where black women are allowed to love whoever they love without catching bullshit for doing so?

Okay, so, Paula, a friend from my writing group, gave me a heads up about Tim Alexander’s movie “Diary of a Tired Black Man” screening at 3:15pm this Saturday, Sept. 13th as part of the Urbanworld Film Festival. According to NPR, Alexander claims ‘angry black woman syndrome’ is plaguing brown women. What’s more? Supposedly, the filmmaker actually wonders whether “black women are simply ‘too angry’ to be datable.” Motherfucker, you wanna see angry?!?!? I’ll show your black ass angry. Where’s my mothafucking knife?!?!

Kidding, of course.

But, here’s the part where the jokes stop: I don’t think there’s anything funny, interesting or novel about black men who claim they only date white women because black women are angry. It sounds like an extremely tired and negative argument. (Ditto for black women who say the same about white dudes & black guys. ) I sometimes go out with white — and other ethnic — dudes because I like men. Period. It’s a very positive thing. I don’t do it because I hate black men or because I think the brothers are “angry.”

Is there (sometimes) a certain eroticism about dating someone who’s skin tone doesn’t match your own? Of course. But, that doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. I recently hooked up with a really sweet, tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Dutch dude who ran his fingers over my soft, bare, brown thighs in bed as he said “I really like your skin,” blushed and then said: “I do.” He liked the person inside the skin more. I liked him, too. THAT’S what matters.

There. I’ve said all I have to say for now. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.

“Diary of a Tired Black Man” screens at 3:15pm this Saturday, Sept. 13th as part of the Urbanworld Film Festival. Alternative trailer available on the film’s MySpace page. Tickets are $11.75 available online at Fandango

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NOTE: I have an afternoon wedding in Bushwick on Saturday. If the timing works out, I’ll go to the film afterwords.

Technorati Tags: black men, Diary of a Tired Black Man, Dutch guys, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, hot australian men, interracial dating, NPR, Tim Alexander, Twanna, Twanna A. Hines, Twanna Hines, Urban World Film Festival

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