Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Which Marriages Should Be Banned?

A man in Japan, Taichi Takashita, wants to marry a cartoon. “I am no longer interested in three dimensions,” he explains. “I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world.” Read the full story. It’s easy to write off this “news” as nonsense, but I can totally see where this is headed. Follow me for second. Taichi doesn’t feel at home in the 3-D world, right? He’s not alone. The dudes with the real dolls, those lovely plastic fuckers, would probably like to marry their “chicks” too. Okay, so, remember how I said Kim Cattrall (Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones) was the original real doll because she was in that 1980s movie Mannequin? Apparently EVERYTHING comes from the 80s — even toon love.

Here’s a question for you: WHO should or should not be allowed to get married? Should the the dude in Japan be allowed to make his caricature caring official? Here’s my opinion if you care to know it: marriage is the (completely unnecessary) legal union of two (or more) consenting adults of sound mind. That 16-year-old British chick who wed in a “big ol’ white rhinestoned bra with flank-baring bodice“? I think she’s too young to be considered an adult. (Whether or not she’s of sound mind isn’t for me to judge.) Taichi and his cartoon? If he likes to get down with girls who are bad and drawn that way, that’s fine. But, the object of his desire can’t consent. So, no, I don’t think he should be allowed to marry. That’s my $0.02. Please us the comment section to share yours.

October 31st, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [13] folks got down with the Funky Brown

The Sex Column

Yesterday, I ran like a damn maniac to the corner of 13th and 2nd (or was it 11th and 3rd) to pick up a fresh copy of the latest New York Press newspaper. Why? Because OH MY FUCKING BUDDHA, I made the cut for this edition’s sex column. Go read it:

Take My Vibrator, Please!
http://www.nypress.com/21/44/news&columns/sexcolumn.cfm

Yep. The new “Flavor of the Week” is Funky Brown Chocolate Chip. Randomness … Speaking of flavors, there’s a cupcake place in Atlanta called Chocolate Pink. Is it just me or does that sound a little naughty? Rachel, J Brotherlove and I all giggled about it when we discovered it earlier this year. “Chocolate Pink.” Let that sink in for a bit. Anywoo. J tells me they were featured on the Real Housewives of Atlanta recently. Good for them. On another note, I’m still developing the site www.twannahines.com. It includes articles and press sections. That way, I won’t have to commandeer a Funky Brown Chick post every time one of my pieces gets published and/or I’m out there in the media. You can read my words and listen to my voice at your leisure (if you’re into that). Speaking of which, of course, HUGE drippy kisses and hugs to *EVERYONE* who reads my work. Deepest gratitude for your continued support.

October 30th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Top 10: Movies with Older Women & Younger Men Relationships

A couple weeks ago over brunch, a friend who reads this blog and I spent hours gossiping about the younger men we’ve dated. We’re both fans. Fret not. Old dudes are fun, too; and, at a later date, I’ll dedicate a Manly Monday post to the those guys. Anyway. Back to the spry little ones. Dating younger guys is tons of fun. It’s a lot like having a favorite puppy. A sweet, energetic, fun and uncorrupted pup.

Okay, so, lately, I’ve been watching romantic movies about imaginary couples who have The Perfect Love Life I often wish I had — even though I know such a thing doesn’t exist. If you’re in the mood for sexy, interesting flicks about hot younger men and sexy older women pairings, I’ll recommend my top 10 faves:

PRIME: Watch this one if you’ve ever thought, “I soooo don’t get the appeal of younger men.” You’ll get it after this. :) The movie shows the pros and cons. The pros, of course, are extremely delicious.

NOTES ON A SCANDAL: Posh British woman marries an older man and cheats on him with a soccer-playing Irish teen in her school. (Damn that kid is hot; fret not, he’s legal now.) In addition to the older man - younger woman - much younger man trio, there’s a little older woman / younger woman crushing too.

HAROLD AND MAUDE: GILF sex. How could I not include this one??

HOW STELLA GOT HER GROOVE BACK: Believe it or not, I’ve never done the whole “vacation fling.” I’ve had a fling with a dude while he was on his vacation, but never during my own. Must. Take. Vacation. Soon. By the way, I notice this trailer is on MySpace, but not YouTube. I took the embed out because I CAN’T STAND audio and video clips that are set to autostart.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=19818998

Y tu mamá también: What’s better than hooking up with a younger guy? Hooking up with two at the same time. :)

Class: I used to be a huge Rob Lowe fan. That Andrew guy? Not so much.

FOOD OF LOVE: Instead of the older female teacher / younger male student stuff, this one has an older male teacher and younger male student. Hot. I’ve kinda got a thing for guy-on-guy action. Plus, I love Kevin Bishop. See him in this movie, then watch L’Auberge Espagnole. Hard to believe it’s the same guy. Good actor.

RUSHMORE: Damn, this “older female teacher and younger male students” stuff is a common theme. Male Funky Brown Chick readers, tell me: Did ALL of you fantasize about getting it on with your teachers when you were in school?!?

THE GOOD GIRL: This is probably my favorite Jennifer Aniston movie.

THE GRADUATE: Well, hello Mrs. Robinson! Gotta include the old standby, no?

* For the record, I soooo wanted to include Alfie (Jude Law and Susan Sarandon), but I’m saving that one for a different post about the hottest interracial couples. By the way, I haven’t forgotten that I still owe you guys a “How to Hook Up with Hot Black Chicks” post.

October 29th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [30] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Interview with Nora Young on CBC Radio One

Hey guys. Just a quick message to let you know host Nora Young interviewed me for Spark on CBC Radio One. The show airs tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. (12:00 NT). If it helps with the American time conversion, when it’s noon in the Northwest Territories, I think it’s 10:00 a.m. in New York City, 9:00 a.m. in Chicago and 7:00 a.m. in Los Angeles. If you don’t already listen to CBC Spark, you should. It’s an awesome “blog, radio show, podcast and an ongoing conversation” about tech & culture. They explore the digital divide, voting via the internet, the history of digital communities and tons of other thought-provoking topics. They’re great. Plus, because they’re public radio, a bunch of their interviews and other stuff is 100% freely available online. You can listen to the podcast of my interview here:

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By the way, if you like this post, you might like reading: I Heart Canadian Boys

October 28th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [10] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Manly Monday: Foreskins and Penises

I had a brief summer fling with an uncircumcised dude several months ago. I don’t like calling it a “fling” because it makes it seem like I took the whole thing really casually. I didn’t. I actually liked the guy a lot. He was tall, attractive, sweet and genuinely a really interesting guy. He was the first guy I’d ever hooked up with who “got” the whole internet / online / blogging thing. It was one of those situations where you meet someone, and you feel like they already “understand” you — even though you’re practically strangers. You know?

Plus, he had a beautiful penis. The skin was really smooth & uniform in color and texture. He didn’t have really large veins crawling throughout along the surface. He got hard as a rock when he was turned on; it was so long he actually tapped my cervix. And, he was uncircumcised. I’ve developed a slight preference for unsnipped cockadoodledoos because most of my ex-boyfriends and lovers have been Spanish, French, French Canadian, Mexican, Danish and other non-Americans. (Sure, I’ve dated white, Latino and black American dudes, too. But, there’s always something, you know, “missing.” I’m convinced it’s the foreskins and frenula.) Anyway. In the shower together, the fling (past lover? short-term affair?) asked me what size his penis was. “Oh,” I assured him, “you’re big.” His response was, “I guess that’s good to know. I don’t really have a point of reference because I don’t see other men’s penises.”

Straight men typically only see other penises up close and personal when watching porn; so they get “reality checks” from women. “I don’t know if I have a nice looking penis, wondered if you could tell me,” writes a Funky Brown Chick reader who shall remain nameless. “[I]ts not something that comes up when I am having sex. I’ll send you a pic if you dont mind telling me.” I figured: what the hell. I emailed him: “Send me a picture and I’ll let my readers tell you what they think.” He wrote me back. Here’s the photo. [NSFW.] Please share your thoughts. I’ll write more about circumcision tomorrow. In the meantime, please feel free to use the comments section to tell us your position on foreskins and penises in general. Do you prefer circumcised or uncirusized penses? If it doesn’t matter to you, feel free to answer this question: If you and your partner had (or adopted) a baby, would you circumcise them?

October 27th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [23] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Twanna Hines Dot Com

I should’ve spent the weekend writing. Instead, I spent waaaay more time than I should’ve setting up www.twannahines.com. I bought the URL a while ago; here’s what’s up.

Okay, so, people come to my site for many different reasons. Some folks are regulars. You’ve been reading FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com since damn near the beginning. You know about my really hard unemployment days, the trip to London, Boy #2, the panty-sniffing Irish guy and a bunch of other stuff I’ve written about over the years. It’s like we’ve got our own funky brown chick “inside language.” For example, if I say “Manly Monday,” you know what that means. You’re regulars, die hards. And, I sincerely appreciate your support.

Each day, new people come here, too. You guys find me by googling different stuff or whatever the hell you do to arrive here. Some of you come back. Some of you never will. Other folks who drop by are ex boyfriends, old high school friends, people I knew from when I lived in The Netherlands, former coworkers and bosses and so on. You googled my name, found me and thought: “Oh my!” :)

For various reasons, it makes sense to separate out my general, personal online stuff from my blog. Twanna is Funky Brown Chick. Funky Brown Chick is Twanna. That hasn’t change. I’ve just got two sites now. Funky Brown Chick the blog is and always will be at www.funkybrownchick.com. And, if you just want “Twanna” stuff (photos, recently published articles, contact info, audio or video from press appearances, etc.) as well as the “what I’ve been up to lately” stuff, you can get that at www.twannahines.com. The blog is pink. My personal site is predominantly black and white.

You may have noticed the split is still in progress. Two reasons for this: # 1: I handcode, install, manipulate my CSS and PHP myself. I could pay someone to do it because that would take up less of my time, but I’d rather learn about how the web evolves by doing myself. I handcoded my first site in 1995 when I lived in Los Angles and taught folks how to make webpages from <html> to </html>. I’ve handcoded every site I’ve run since then. Hat tip and THANK YOU to WordPress for powering www.funkybrownchick.com. Big drippy kisses on my dear Jon Yongfook’s lips for creating SweetCron; I’m trying it on at www.twannahines.com and, so far, I’m LOVIN it. Smooches, Yongfook! By the way, hugs to all the web developers, producers, etc. who’ve created various themes I’ve stitched together (on both sites!) to come up with something that works well for me.

Oh, wait, shit, I said I had a second reason why www.twannahines.com isn’t done yet, didn’t I?  :) Reason #2: I want your input. I constantly say “I’ve got the best readers on the internet” and I really truly mean it. So, as I break some stuff away from this site and move it over to www.twannahines.com, I definitely want to know if there’s anything that you’d like to see STAY here and/or ADDED to my personal site. Your feedback and comments, as always, are greatly appreciated. Email ‘em if you’d like.

C’est tout. Gonna write the Manly Monday post for today since it’s officialy Monday — albeit it only 2:31 am EST. After that, I’m going to bed.

October 27th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [1] comment so far

Germans, Sex Scandals and Writing

Thank God it’s Friday. Sorry, I don’t have much to say today. I had a lot of personal affairs to take care of earlier today. Man, seriously, this week really kicked my ass. I typically get up at 6:30am. Write for an hour. Shower, get dressed and leave the house. Go to the office for the day. Spend post-work hours seeing my friends, going out to parties, networking, running in Central Park or working on my books & articles with my writing group. I get home between 10 pm and midnight. I usually stay up and write for another hour or two. Then, I got to bed and repeat cycle the next day. By the end of the week, I’m fucking tired.

I have mounds of email to sort through, life administration stuff and a bunch of other shit to take care of. I should probably run straight home to conquer. Instead, I’m taking a break. A couple friends and I are going to party with a bunch of Germans at an art exhibit downtown. Should be fun. I’ll be on Twitter throughout the evening as usual. If anything exciting happens, you’ll hear about it there first. In other news, I’m super excited that my latest piece for The Huffington Post is now ready and available for your eyeballs. Every time a media outlet publishes one of my pieces — whether online or in print — it makes it more “real” for me: I’m steadily building my writing career. Here’s the link if you wanna read my latest:

The Huffington Post – Political Sex Scandals: Obama, McCain & Palin

C’est tout. Have a good weekend y’all. :)

October 24th, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [7] folks got down with the Funky Brown

Sex Files: Audio of Sirius Radio Interview

Who loves ya, baby? I do. Last week I was on Sirius Satellite Radio as a guest on MAXIM’s “Sex Files” with hosts Amy Spencer and Anna David. Because I know a few of you missed the live interview, I asked their dashingly wonderful producer Troy to forward me the audio clip. Take a listen.

Couple thoughts. If you get down with the funky brown via Facebook, Google Reader, Bloglines or something like that and the audio player above doesn’t show, here’s the direct link. If you don’t subscribe to my feed and you’d like to, here’s my feed. If you don’t know what the hell a “feed” is, read this post. Okay, now, final thoughts … Being on Amy and Anna’s show was TONS of fun!! Seriously. So, of course I’m going to plug their show. Sex Files Radio is on Sirius channel 108 MAXIM radio. To learn more about the show, visit www.sexfilesradio.com or Sirius‘ website. Love the voices on the audio? Check out the other ladies — co-hosts Amy Spencer and Anna David & my fellow guest Judy McGuire — online.

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Credit paid: Image of microphone is by that handsome hunky Swede Peter Suneson from Norrköping.

October 23rd, 2008 | Print This Post | link | Email This Post | [6] folks got down with the Funky Brown