Manly Monday: The Cosmopolitan Bachelor
Okay, so, my little Nikita spy at Cosmopolitan magazine tipped me off that the annual Cosmo bachelors contest launches today. Same deal as last year, I think. Go to the site. Drool over the photos. Vote. I already peeked, and I can tell you this: The. Guys. All. Look. Alike. Watch the parade of fresh-faced, hairless/waxed/shaven-chested, “All-American” Ken dolls in brown and peach versions — including two dudes from Michigan. Heeeey, why the hell is the Wolverine State so fucking special??? ;)
VIDEO: http://www.etonline.com/news/2008/10/66212/
Where’d they find these guys? Abercrombie & Fitch?!?!?! Cosmo seems to have a type. Hmmm … On a related note, the “doesn’t everyone have a type?” conversation came up Saturday night during my trip to DC to see Mags and catch the NKOTB reunion tour. (Don’t ask.) Bro, Mags, a blogger named Match [NSFW] and I eventually ended up at Chi Cha Lounge. Around 1am, I spotted this GORGEOUS man with short thick black hair, charcoal eyelashes, big brown eyes and a dark olive-complexion. Only a couple feet away from me and dressed in a nice suit, he danced his ass off to Elvis Crespo’s Suavemente. SEXY!!! I totally fucking swooned. “See that guy?” I told Match. “I think he’s hot.”
I swear I date the same guy — just dipped in different coats of paint. Sometimes they’re peach. Sometimes they’re dark brown. Sometimes they’re dulce de leche. But, it’s basically the same dude. Identical features. Works in finance. Usually foreign. Alpha male. Needless to say — and as evidenced by my sometimes vomitworthy NYC dating life — my “type” isn’t necessarily working out for me. “You say you think the New York dating scene is like a playground,” relationships coach Keith Dent recently told me at Starbucks the other day after I mentioned I’m repeating the same patterns in my dating life. “But, if you’re playing in the same playground, you’re only going to encounter the same players, right?” I agree. I know I need to mingle in different circles and meet a wider variety of guys. Tons of Manhattan dudes neither work in media nor finance. I wanna meet them. You know, I totally had a point in the blog post. But, I’m not sure if I remember what it was and/or if I ever made it. Long story short? Saw the Cosmo dudes. Thought they all look a little Abercrotchieish — a look I don’t usually go for, by the way. And, it made me come back to that “Does Everyone Have a Type?” question. I certainly do. What say you?
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NOTE: By the way, speaking of “Abercrotchie” … The dude representing my home state, Illinois, is Kyle Rudduck (pictured, photo credit: image is online at Cosmo). I can’t be sure it’s the same guy, but a Chicagoan named Kyle Rudduck on Facebook and LinkedIn { UPDATE: See the comments section; it’s the same guy. He just friended me on Facebook. } says he was an auditing intern at … drum roll, please … Abercrombie & Fitch. Coincidence? Hmmm …
October 6th, 2008 at 1:59 am
Whaddup!!
Girl, those boys remind me of the homosapiens-sapiens-beef-snacks I chewed through during the Dark Days in Lost Angeles. Often dumb as a bag of wet mice but certainly snackable.
Lawd Ganesha be thanked I have passed through the Vally of the Shadow of Beefcake and come to realize that my type has more to do with attitude than appearance. I generally find something very sexy about the person to whom I am attracted and can’t stop drooling over that particur feature / aspect of them.
The last guy I dated had crazy sexy forearms at which I would stare for inappropriate and socially awkward lengths of time. The ex-boyfriend known as The Pizza Guy had very pretty blue eyes, a feature I normally find vaguely creepy, and had a penis that was in the Top Two Most Perfectly Proportion Phalli on the Planet.
Srsly.
*ahem*
My type HAS to be placed in the context of being a pervert. If you can’t out-think me, outfox me, and scare the shit out of me, all while being sexy as fuck, I’m-a get bored and gnaw off the ropes with a quickness.
But if the sonofabitch is from the UK, all bets are fucking off. THAT is my ultimate “Type”
OK, gotta go masturbate to BBC World Service.
October 6th, 2008 at 7:17 am
People always think they have me pegged, but if you take a good look at the women I’ve dated, I’m all over the board. If you take a look at the pool of women I lust over, there’s no real pattern there either. The woman I’m talking to these days is unlike any other woman in my life previously.
In short, no, I don’t seem to have a physical type. Sometimes, my choices even baffle me.
October 6th, 2008 at 10:35 am
what… no lesbians…..
lamesabassman…….Dang
October 6th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I’m married and not looking, but I do have a type. Physically she looks like my wife: 5′6″-5′8″, slender, brown eyes and brown hair, and similar facial features (long face and large nose). Temperament wise my wife is an INTJ (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), but I click more with INFPs and ENFPs (I’m an INFP). My wife is an abstract painter and at her day job is a transportation planner, but the women I’m most attracted to are more likely to be writers who are social workers, psychotherapists, or college professors at their day jobs. There is an ongoing debate as to whether one should seek a mate whose traits are similar to compliment one’s own. My wife and I compliment each other to a large degree, and where we overlap is where we find our common blind spots.
October 6th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Well, I don’t know about most people but I have a physical type and then I have a personality type. The physical type is swarthy and/or tall, broad shoulders, thick/strong body. But the personality (which was usually my downfall) type were highly intelligent brooders who were quick-witted enough to could banter well with me. A man who could banter with me was truly my kryptonite.
I married outside of my type for the reason that my type didn’t work for me. My husband is intelligent and thickly built but he’s fish-belly pastey and while very intelligent, loving, sensitve and kind, he does not banter.
But we work.
October 6th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Mollena, love it …dumber than wet mice. WOW.
Twanna, the boy candy is one of the reasons why I picked you for the I love your blog award.
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
October 7th, 2008 at 1:12 am
I definitely have a type. Dark hair, my height 5ft.8 or taller, athletic build, with either an IT or finance type of career,so I like the analytical ones with smoldering brunette looks. Intelligent and confrontational…
October 7th, 2008 at 1:50 am
gadzooks….. we got a LIVE one…… Mollena…… please tell me you’re from Bklyn..
dumber than wet mice….. tha’s hellacool….. welcome home…..
lamesabassman…… who many Harleys do you own,’cause the way you roll….
I just know you ride…..
October 7th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Sure I have a type: someone who is willing to have sex with me. That would narrow it down to Mrs. Doodlius. And lemme tell you - WOW, she’s spectacular!
October 7th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
I can’t properly claim Bklyn, tho my fambs did live there, and I was up in Flatbush for a while, there :-D
I am originally from the Johnson Projects.
Werd.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Werd?
October 7th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Yes.
“Werd”.
When the etablished patois simply will NOT do, flip the script and toss the bitch by randomly reassigning vowels.
Werks evri tyme!
October 8th, 2008 at 12:55 am
IK, thet’s guud anaogh fer mi!
October 8th, 2008 at 2:25 am
Mr.D ……. tha’ new world has ….. just bust’d a move up in the joint….. chilly…
welcome… B’klyn….. you were there… and that’s all that matters…. done deal…..
the vibe must be off chain….. have’nt felt a swerve like tha’ since Labor Day rasta
B’klyn-style …. Eastern Parkway…… sweetness ‘n’ light….. tings goin’ on …. good food….. all out on a lime….. chillin’ …… and the bands…. parades on point …
if you … ever need to find yourself …. go to Brooklyn on Labor Day….. killa…..
lamesabassman…….. very Irie…..
October 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
lamesabassman: I’d love to say that I have some idea what you just said, but the sad truth is that I really, really don’t. I’m just going to interpolate from your past comments and assume that it’s really deep and poetic.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:07 am
on the one…. Mr.D…… had one 2 many Red Stripes and mentally went Island for a
parsec….. the words on the street fuzz my brain 2…… I have lots of younger sibs
and cousins….. and I always need one of them to translate….. and when Mollena started to rift the words….. well…..shazam…. I was back in B’klyn on Labor Day…
the stuff I got into is Legend…… as a musician,choir boy,alter boy and just being
in Brooklyn…. am hoping that you and Mrs.D have been to this event and the vibes were cool…. then after hanging alllll day on Eastern Parkway… as the lights
went down low….. it was to Coney Island we would go…… rides…. popcorn…
Nathan’s …… da’ beach…… me deep and poetic….. hellacool…. me deep and poetic would be at times….. deemed in the mind of the beholder … am left of center…. I could miss the point….. or stand it on it’s edge….. it’s just moments
of the mind in motion…when I get the chance….. I shoot film….. 35.. deuce ‘n’
a quarter…. and when I can’t…. I write…. in pictures with words….thank you much for the deep heart for there are times… it’s very much needed….
now you know happens when under a spell of Red Stripe……
lamesabassman…….. still Irie….
October 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am
@ Mollena: Girl you are HILARIOUS!!! I laughed out loud when I read your comments. “Homosapiens-sapiens-beef-snacks” that are “dumb as a bag of wet mice.” You rock. Sooooo glad I found your blog.
@ dragonslayer: Sometimes, my choices baffle me too. But, it’s more like: Damn, girl, you’re seriously gonna date that type of guy AGAIN?”
@ lamesabassman: We’ll come back to lesbians again. I promise.
@ David: I was really soft on the S/N divide, so I’m either an ESTP or ENTP. Funny, the “E” “T” and “P” were all really really strong.
@ Peggy b.: Good call! I sooo have a physical type and a personality type, too. I date my physical type. I’m “just friends” with my personality type.
@ Alicia: Oooh, you like the boy candy? I’ll do more of it!! :)
@ starkitty50: I’ll fight you for that guy!!!
@ lamesabassman: Isn’t she great?!?!
@ Baba Doodlius: It sounds like you’ve really found something special in Mrs. Doodlius.
October 9th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Hm…very very interesting. This brings up so many questions–probably none that you have time to think about or answer at the moment. So, why haven’t you dated your personality type? And if you tried to date your personality type, do you think you’d fare better? Do you think one type is healthier than the other for you or are both bad in the end? Have you thought about why you haven’t dated your personality type? Have the two types never occurred in the same body?
Food for thought…or thoughts to have with food.
October 10th, 2008 at 5:09 am
Oh, yeah, I’ve tooootally given that a lot of thought. Plus, I think it’s tell that the guy I almost married was my personality type more than my physical type.
October 10th, 2008 at 8:38 am
My type is… me.
The day I find someone who is just more or less like me in all levels, I´ll be happy. Personality and physical wise. Unfortunately, it never happened.
XXX/A
October 10th, 2008 at 9:23 am
your type is whomever make you smile…. who stands by you at all times…
who listens to you …. and talks to you and not at you….. who always looks you
deep in your eyes and understands….. and is with you at night … holding you
tight….. never to let go ’till the morning light, when you both start to slay the dragons all over again… together….
lamesabassman…… and I still have’nt found ….what I’m looking for….
October 10th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
My I/E is nearly even, but my N, F, and especially P are distinct and pronounced. It’s a good thing my wife is a J or nothing would ever get done around here. I’ve been told that in the case of a tie one should consider oneself the rarer type since society is so skewed towards the more common type. Thus my I/E tie renders me an INFP because American society is so extroverted that I seem introverted compared to the majority, and your N/S tie would render you an ENTP; since most people are Ss even a tie score renders you a relatively abstract thinker. Of course anyone preoccupied with sex must have a high absolute S score even if the N score is even higher. Likewise my absolute T score is higher than that of most Ts, but my F score is higher still. Only my J score is truly tiny.
October 12th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Kudos on your research and finding my facebook profile. I came across your site through google just now. Yes, I did intern at Abercrombie but nothing to do with modelling. It was a legit internship related to my major. But I agree with you, everyone at the Cosmo shoot looked alike. Just a different age range and hairstyle. ;)
October 13th, 2008 at 1:09 am
ANTONIO: Sweetie, you’re so special!! I miss you. :) OMG, did I tell you I saw Florian the last time I was in DC? He looks exactly the same, still cute and sweet as ever. And, he still speaks with that adorable German accent. :)
DAVID: I need to settle down with a J, too. Js turn me on.
KYLE: Awwww, baby, thanks for commenting on my blog. Are you the “REAL” Kyle Rudduck? If so, tell me this: What number am I thinking of RIGHT NOW???? ;) Okay, I guess that’s not a fair test. How ’bout this: I friend-requested the “real” Kyle on Facebook; let’s see what happens. :) For the record, I was thinking of the number “1600″ because I used to live in Wicker Park (off Ashland Street) when I lived in Chicago.
October 13th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I hope you and your future mate are happy regardless of temperament. WRT Js, be prepared 1) to justify everything you do in terms of how it helps you achieve a particular goal and 2) to remind your future J mate to slow down and smell the coffee and/or flowers.
October 13th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
My type is scandinavian. hehe. I last couple of guys i dated led me to believe i need to come up with a new list of characteristics. what a bummer. Now i know not to always trust my type and go with what feels right.
October 17th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Oh, lawdy, stay away from those Scandinavian men!!!!! :( Trust me, looooong story.