Singles: Would You Go to a Party Alone?
The choice: vaginas or dicks? I chose the latter. Last night, I skipped The Vagina Festival cocktail party to attend the 2008 Cosmopolitan Bachelors debutante ball at Mansion NYC. Married women who get scribbled on guest lists usually have their spouses automatically added, too. “Are you guys coming to the party?” “We have to see if we’re free.” When you’re single, your name gets added by itself. One line: Hines, Twanna. Because I decided to go to the event at the last minute, I didn’t know which one of my friends was free for the evening and I wasn’t sure if I could get them on the guest list anyway. So, I could either go to the party alone or not go at all. I went. I wasn’t gonna miss that.
I must say, I was charmed by the Cosmo boys more than I thought I would be. Seriously, they were so cute on the red carpet while clad in stylish dark jeans and tight black shirts hugging their hard bodies with the word “Cosmopolitan” and the name of their state printed in white letters on the front. In unison, they chanted in manly deep voices: “Come on guys, this is our night!!!” They smelled like testestorone, condoms and bubble gum. I felt like I was at the Hard Hotties Debutante Ball. Guys with dashing smiles flanked by perfectly straight white teeth possibly secretly wondering WHICH one of them was gonna be the winner. It was cute!!!! I probably would’ve stayed much longer if I actually knew people at the party. I can hold my own and strike up a conversation with anyone at mixer / networking / social events. The Cosmo Bachelors party was attended by several small groups of 5 – 7 stilettoed women chatting closely into each other’s lips; I felt like I was crashing 101 simutanious girls’ nights out. So, I left early after chit-chatting with only a couple people.
On my way home, I thought about the whole “single people at parties” vs. “coupled people at parties.” Life Lesson #175,375: It’s easier to attend some parties with someone else than it is to attend alone. So, I’ve decided to make up a name: Alex Hobbs. Everytime someone tells me they’re putting me on a guest list, I’ll ask them to automatically add that name, too. That way, if I decide to drag someone along at the last minute — current date, fuck buddy, friend, next love of my life, whoever — I know they can say that name at the door and get in with me. Ah, singlehood. On a different note, on my way home last night, I saw this written on the wall/ceiling of the 28th Street entrance to the subway station at Madison Square Park. Nice, huh?
Question of the day for single people (and people who used to be single): Would you go to a party alone?
October 15th, 2008 at 8:47 am
K…… knowing that a gig like that is kinda like being in a candy store…well….
did you sample the marzipan …. and was there any left to take home….
lamesabassman…… can see the smile from here…… lol… big time..
October 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am
It’s fine to go to a party alone. Although as you said sometimes it’s more difficult, other people are not as confident or outgoing. They stay with there tiny group and it’s so hard to inter act with people who live a pack life mentality! Other times it’s nice to have someone with you to fight off losers and weirdos.. that can also back fire if you “just friends” and you meet someone interesting! I like the fake name thing! I might just show up early one day somewhere that your going and say I’m Alex Hobbs lol how funny would that be? I also love the pick from the ceiling.. I just said that in my last show… if you don’t love yourself you can love anyone else! hugz I’m out!
October 15th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Really depends on my mood. I have to be in the mood to go to a party and be the mysterious guy, in the corner, sipping a jack daniels on the rocks. I can enjoy the atmosphere ( music, people) without talking to anyone at all. I’m such a voyeur sometimes.
October 15th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I suppose “Calvin Hobbes” would be too obvious, eh?
October 15th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Can and have. I ended up getting abducted to Brooklyn by a middle-aged Yoruba priestess for early morning salsa dancing.
…my life sounds so much more interesting than it is.
October 15th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Agree with above – depends on your mood and your temperament. I prefer going to parties with my guy friends too, because then you get the best of both worlds… 1) if the party sucks or if it’s not the social kind of event, you stick together and make fun of the other patrons; and 2) if you need to be alone or want to go on the prowl, my buddies and I won’t find it so awkward. No cockblocking please…
October 16th, 2008 at 12:28 am
Calvin Hobbes would’nt be 2 obvious….. but his fuzzy buddy would turn da place out….. Opus would fit in nice…… Carmen Miranda hat ‘n’ all….
dkzone…. that’s just what I do ….. get some Jack…. find a corner …. and watch
the soft parade….. and at times…. someone soft and lovely just carries me away..
lamesabassman….. am such a softy ……
October 16th, 2008 at 3:33 am
Definitely. But you need to remember that sometimes it will suck, and if it does, don’t take it personally and just leave.
October 16th, 2008 at 4:10 am
FBC,
In a city as big as New York where most people are transplants who all at some point were (or still are) searching for ways to connect, it befuddles me that there continues to be a some social shame in going out to places alone.
Like many people, I used to be afraid to go out alone. But from my experience in pushing myself to get out there, I actually found it actually BETTER than going to places with friends or an entourage. Sure, going with seems like a safe bet. You always have someone to talk to, you feel comfortable right away, there’s safety in numbers. etc.
But it can often end up being too safe, too secure that it becomes a crutch in that you rely too much on each others company. It can limit your experiences and potential people you can meet since it’s just too easy to latch to your people all night.
Rolling solo forces you into a situation where you have to take risks. And it is in this state of mind that I no choice but to go beyond my social comfort zone, which has resulted in me finding new friends and scoring potential dates. But the hazards of being a lone wolf are real and here’s a few tips so that you can walk away not feeling discourages.
1) When you walk in, it may feel like you just crashed somebody’s barmitzpha. Conversations are in full swing, music is blaring, everyone is in their respective circles. By no fault of your own you are suddenly the odd woman out (at least it feels that way) Firt thing you do is head to the bar and buy a drink. The martini in your hand can be your surrogate friend for the moment. And get something pretty strong because you would need something powerful to counter the overwhelming anxiety you may feel at that moment.
2) Try to stay unassuming as possible without hiding in a corner. try to camp out in spot where you can blend in and feel comfortable without being forced out in the open. The important thing at this point is to survive the first hour or so when it feels awkward and you start having the urge to give it up and head to the nearest subway stop and for the alcohol to kick in.
3) Spot the most approachable people in the room, at least the ones that come off that way to you. It can be the middle-aged bald guy or someone with a friendly smile that beckons you to talk. Engage that person in conversation. Even if it isn’t interesting talking to this person, it helps smooth away the nerves and an anxiety you may have and it starts to feel less like a room full of strangers. You also can get a feel for the kind of people there and what’s going on.
4) Talk to another person. As you get into the flow, it becomes easier to work around the room and you wouldn’t need drinks anymore. You can stop ordering altogether because once you rev up the engine, you can take the foot off the pedal and put it on cruise control. Also, you don’t want to get hammered by yourself. You’re a girl and you want some degree of self-control.
5) After a while it gets much easier. Why? Well you realize that there are people just like you there who are in search of meeting new and interesting people like yourself. And quite honestly, everyone there to some degree feels awkward at these things. Also, the dynamics of the scene changes. Some people leave and different people start arriving and you soon have a handle on the situation.
The important thing to remember is that going stag can be a far richer experience than doing it entourage style. You’ll see what having such confidence can do for you once you shed that which protects but hinders you. What may appear to be intimidating can often turn out to be disguised opportunities.
Good luck and be bold!!
October 16th, 2008 at 6:17 am
a town like Vegas would be off limits to a style such as yours…. by following those five easy pieces would put on the same level as the Melvins surrounding
you…. when you go to a gig like that…. you’re leaving your hole card at the door,
very bad ballet …. for when you arrive, you already know the score going in…
that it’s all academic and you take from the top…. you are on a mission and it’s
all recon …. you have an agenda and a reason for it….. depends on the flavor of
your moment….. do you want fun… or folly ….. memories…. or a quickie….
something deep….. or a snack… and why…… ’cause you and only you control
your roll… and it’s not how long you make …. but how you make it long….
it’s your stroll and you own it….. and when you leave, it’s on your own terms…
no hits…. no runs….. and no errors…. it’s your nuts in the cracker,just how do you squeeze to please….
now dont get me wrong…for your plan could be the Holy Grail… but as there
many players at a table….. it’s the one who rises with all the fries is the one
that all will watch leave and wonder….. always leave them wondering, for that
will always get you on the ” A “list…. and the only thing that will always matter
is… are you happy… and why not….
lamesabassman…. nothing ventured…. nothing gained….. ‘nest pa.
October 16th, 2008 at 6:52 am
P.S. when I touched the word ” this ” in this current blog…. this world opened
up…. big time…
having been to Flickr…. welll… for one, your Catwoman is hellacool and that gaze
as a cheerleader….. well, you were there then…. and who knew…
the toes on the scale tell me that you have nothing to fear,’cause your toes are so
cute and the pix of them on the beach ….. the lifeline curve in the beach water
speaks volumes on your quest for being just whatever you wish to be and doing
it well…
and lastly …. you should be a model for jeans…. any and all…. Dang…
lamesabassman…. did you know just how sexydangerous you are….
October 16th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I enjoy going to parties doe. (well, what IS the counterpart to stag?!!!??)
It provides a unique experience: no one knows who the hell you are, and therefore you can be whomever the hell you wish to be that night. Wanna try out that Armenian accent? Be a new-in-town transplant from Moab, Utah? Why not? And if it turns out you get busted or meet someone you want to get to know better, your experiment can just have been an acting exercise. Now aren’t you even more mysterious and fascinating?
Now, hear this: Dungeon Parties and kinky “Play Parties”, have a way different vibe. Going solo can be GREAT, because if you happen to run into the hot bondage top you’ve been hoping could tie you up for a few hours, and you are free, and their dance card isn’t full, ka-ching! And if you don’t wind up strapped to some furniture, you can ogle the sexiness without someone else distracting you from the action.
xoxo
Mollena
October 16th, 2008 at 11:45 am
When I was single..I used to go to parties alone..most of the time i would usually see some people that i knew..so it wasn’t bad..
October 16th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Mollena……. Cali needs you …..baaaaaaadly
lamesabassman……. ” we’ll leave the light on 4 ya….. “
October 17th, 2008 at 7:08 am
@ lamesabassman: It WAS like being in a candy store! :)
@ Ohdoctah: EXACTLY!! I think you hit the nail on the head. You said, “They stay with there tiny group and it’s so hard to inter act with people who live a pack life mentality!” Preach it!! Often, when people go out, they don’t really talk to other people. (Unless, of course, they’re trying to pick someone up.) So, if you drop by a party on your own, sometimes it feels like you’re “crashing” others’ conversations. Again, I sooooo don’t feel like that at most parties. I’m just saying I felt like that at this one. By the way, you’re too much. That would be HILARIOUS if you showed up at Alex Hobbs!! I’d show up at the party with my friend and they’d be like, “Um, sorry, ma’am, Alex Hobbs already checked in.” I’m with you on the, “if you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else!” Stuff.
@ dkzone: You drink jack daniels on the rocks? My drink is jack and coke.
@ Baba Doodlius: Calvin’s less androgynous than Alex. :) I might bring a female friend or a guy.
@ Brenz: That sounded pretty hot to me!
@ Mr. Poopy Pants (aka Moebius): Cockblocking is rarely a good thing.
@ Bethanyy: Oh, I soooo don’t take that stuff personally. As I mentioned in the post, some parties are better to go on your own some are better to go with others. As the commenter mentioned earlier: Some people aren’t really confident and they’d rather stay with their tiny group; it’s hard to inter act with people who live a pack life mentality. If I’m at a place where I feel like that’s happening, I split. It’s not a personal thing.
@ Magic Mike: I think it’s less about social shame and more about the comfortability factor. ( See my post about eating alone in restaurants: http://funkybrownchick.com/2008/07/18/single-people-would-you-eat-alone-at-a-restaurant/ ). I think many people (especially WOMEN) don’t enjoy their own company and, therefore, are uncomfortable/unlikely to go places alone, eat alone or — yeah, I’ll say throw this in there — masturbate. If you can’t find pleasure in your own company, you either don’t like yourself very much. Hence, I thought it was PERFECT that I saw that subway graffiti after attending that party on my own. Man, some of these comments are spot on today. I think you’re 100% on to something when you say going to parties with others “can often end up being too safe, too secure that it becomes a crutch in that you rely too much on each others company. It can limit your experiences and potential people you can meet since it’s just too easy to latch to your people all night. Rolling solo forces you into a situation where you have to take risks. And it is in this state of mind that I no choice but to go beyond my social comfort zone, which has resulted in me finding new friends and scoring potential dates. And, your tips rock.
@ Mollena: Okay, we’ve never met but why am I SOOOO not surprised you enjoy going to parties alone? Woman, the next time to you come to New York, we should sooo meet for a drink. You’re rocking the self-confidence, self-love stuff! Love it! Shall we meet on the LES one day? I’ll be the transplant from Moab, Utah. You can be the Armenian refugee. Deal?!?! :)
@ mrsbigg: You rocked on with your single, bad self! Love it.
October 18th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Sure, I would not mind being surrounded by beefcake central. I would probably need a chaperon though. A girl can only handle so much temptation.
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
October 19th, 2008 at 9:45 am
I’m an unashamed single person. I’ll go out to eat alone, to the movies alone, have travelled extensively alone and outside of NYC I’ll even got to bars alone – but I gotta admit – walking into THAT party the way you did would’ve freaked me out. I’ll go to a party alone if I know there is a 99% chance of my seeing someone I know right away. But that’s where I draw the line. I want to be brave enough to do it, but I’m not. Not yet. You rock.
October 21st, 2008 at 7:46 am
Alicia: Yeah, the guys were actually really cute. I’m a big fan of Mr. New Jersey! And, of course, Mr. Illinois. Gotta represent the home state! :) Hmmm, I don’t remember Mr. New York. Gotta look that one up.
SINgleGIRL: Thanks!!