SINgleGIRL: Thanks!!

alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/

@ Ohdoctah: EXACTLY!! I think you hit the nail on the head. You said, “They stay with there tiny group and it’s so hard to inter act with people who live a pack life mentality!” Preach it!! Often, when people go out, they don’t really talk to other people. (Unless, of course, they’re trying to pick someone up.) So, if you drop by a party on your own, sometimes it feels like you’re “crashing” others’ conversations. Again, I sooooo don’t feel like that at most parties. I’m just saying I felt like that at this one. By the way, you’re too much. That would be HILARIOUS if you showed up at Alex Hobbs!! I’d show up at the party with my friend and they’d be like, “Um, sorry, ma’am, Alex Hobbs already checked in.” I’m with you on the, “if you don’t love yourself you can’t love anyone else!” Stuff.

@ dkzone: You drink jack daniels on the rocks? My drink is jack and coke.

@ Baba Doodlius: Calvin’s less androgynous than Alex. :) I might bring a female friend or a guy.

@ Brenz: That sounded pretty hot to me!

@ Mr. Poopy Pants (aka Moebius): Cockblocking is rarely a good thing.

@ Bethanyy: Oh, I soooo don’t take that stuff personally. As I mentioned in the post, some parties are better to go on your own some are better to go with others. As the commenter mentioned earlier: Some people aren’t really confident and they’d rather stay with their tiny group; it’s hard to inter act with people who live a pack life mentality. If I’m at a place where I feel like that’s happening, I split. It’s not a personal thing.

@ Magic Mike: I think it’s less about social shame and more about the comfortability factor. ( See my post about eating alone in restaurants: http://funkybrownchick.com/2008/07/18/single-people-would-you-eat-alone-at-a-restaurant/ ). I think many people (especially WOMEN) don’t enjoy their own company and, therefore, are uncomfortable/unlikely to go places alone, eat alone or — yeah, I’ll say throw this in there — masturbate. If you can’t find pleasure in your own company, you either don’t like yourself very much. Hence, I thought it was PERFECT that I saw that subway graffiti after attending that party on my own. Man, some of these comments are spot on today. I think you’re 100% on to something when you say going to parties with others “can often end up being too safe, too secure that it becomes a crutch in that you rely too much on each others company. It can limit your experiences and potential people you can meet since it’s just too easy to latch to your people all night. Rolling solo forces you into a situation where you have to take risks. And it is in this state of mind that I no choice but to go beyond my social comfort zone, which has resulted in me finding new friends and scoring potential dates. And, your tips rock.

@ Mollena: Okay, we’ve never met but why am I SOOOO not surprised you enjoy going to parties alone? Woman, the next time to you come to New York, we should sooo meet for a drink. You’re rocking the self-confidence, self-love stuff! Love it! Shall we meet on the LES one day? I’ll be the transplant from Moab, Utah. You can be the Armenian refugee. Deal?!?! :)

@ mrsbigg: You rocked on with your single, bad self! Love it.

lamesabassman……. ” we’ll leave the light on 4 ya….. “

Now, hear this: Dungeon Parties and kinky “Play Parties”, have a way different vibe. Going solo can be GREAT, because if you happen to run into the hot bondage top you’ve been hoping could tie you up for a few hours, and you are free, and their dance card isn’t full, ka-ching! And if you don’t wind up strapped to some furniture, you can ogle the sexiness without someone else distracting you from the action.

xoxo

Mollena

lamesabassman…. did you know just how sexydangerous you are….

lamesabassman…. nothing ventured…. nothing gained….. ‘nest pa.

In a city as big as New York where most people are transplants who all at some point were (or still are) searching for ways to connect, it befuddles me that there continues to be a some social shame in going out to places alone.

Like many people, I used to be afraid to go out alone. But from my experience in pushing myself to get out there, I actually found it actually BETTER than going to places with friends or an entourage. Sure, going with seems like a safe bet. You always have someone to talk to, you feel comfortable right away, there’s safety in numbers. etc.

But it can often end up being too safe, too secure that it becomes a crutch in that you rely too much on each others company. It can limit your experiences and potential people you can meet since it’s just too easy to latch to your people all night.

Rolling solo forces you into a situation where you have to take risks. And it is in this state of mind that I no choice but to go beyond my social comfort zone, which has resulted in me finding new friends and scoring potential dates. But the hazards of being a lone wolf are real and here’s a few tips so that you can walk away not feeling discourages.

1) When you walk in, it may feel like you just crashed somebody’s barmitzpha. Conversations are in full swing, music is blaring, everyone is in their respective circles. By no fault of your own you are suddenly the odd woman out (at least it feels that way) Firt thing you do is head to the bar and buy a drink. The martini in your hand can be your surrogate friend for the moment. And get something pretty strong because you would need something powerful to counter the overwhelming anxiety you may feel at that moment.

2) Try to stay unassuming as possible without hiding in a corner. try to camp out in spot where you can blend in and feel comfortable without being forced out in the open. The important thing at this point is to survive the first hour or so when it feels awkward and you start having the urge to give it up and head to the nearest subway stop and for the alcohol to kick in.

3) Spot the most approachable people in the room, at least the ones that come off that way to you. It can be the middle-aged bald guy or someone with a friendly smile that beckons you to talk. Engage that person in conversation. Even if it isn’t interesting talking to this person, it helps smooth away the nerves and an anxiety you may have and it starts to feel less like a room full of strangers. You also can get a feel for the kind of people there and what’s going on.

4) Talk to another person. As you get into the flow, it becomes easier to work around the room and you wouldn’t need drinks anymore. You can stop ordering altogether because once you rev up the engine, you can take the foot off the pedal and put it on cruise control. Also, you don’t want to get hammered by yourself. You’re a girl and you want some degree of self-control.

5) After a while it gets much easier. Why? Well you realize that there are people just like you there who are in search of meeting new and interesting people like yourself. And quite honestly, everyone there to some degree feels awkward at these things. Also, the dynamics of the scene changes. Some people leave and different people start arriving and you soon have a handle on the situation.

The important thing to remember is that going stag can be a far richer experience than doing it entourage style. You’ll see what having such confidence can do for you once you shed that which protects but hinders you. What may appear to be intimidating can often turn out to be disguised opportunities.

Good luck and be bold!!