As many of you know, I’m happily childfree and I have zero desire to have children. I’m pro Roe v. Wade. That said, if my (future?) partner and I found ourselves saddled with an unplanned pregnancy, I’d keep the child. Hence, the “choice” in pro-choice; keep your laws out of my coochy and let me decide what to do with my body. I’m 100% pro-choice and, of course, 100% Pro-FBC readers who disagree with my personal politics. As I’ve said before, “Life is interesting when people respectfully disagree.” I love my readers, and the comments section is one of my favorite parts of this blog.
We’re talking about kids today. Lemme give you a scenario. Let’s say I had a random fling with a dude and I got knocked up. For shits and giggles, let’s just say Paul Walker is my babydaddy. (Um, yum!) Okay, so, Paulie and I would love our daughter or son if they were lesbian or gay. Given that little one would be biracial, we’d be damn sure they respected both sides of their heritage. If it’s a son, he gets to keep his foreskin. If the child was deaf / hard of hearing child, I’d learn more (already know a bunch) sign language instead of giving them a cochlear implant. See a trend here folks? I’d love my child in whatever shape or form they exited my womb.
But, what would I do if I had an intersex child? It’s rare that kids are born hermaphrodite — with 100% fully functional vagina and girl bits plus 100% fully functional willy and boy bits. Intersex kids more commonly fall somewhere in between. (Maybe they have, like, a 5% formed vagina and 80% developed penis.) SIDENOTE: Did anyone see that old episode of Footballers Wive$ with the Turner intersex baby?!?!??! Anyway, getting back to the question … I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t submit me and Paulie’s baby to corrective surgery to “fix” the kid into one sex or the another. But, I think that’s more about my pro-natural health / anti-elective surgery stance than it is about pro-intersex. Anyway. Stumbled across this mini-documentary on Current TV so I thought I’d share:
Interesting, huh?
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Credit paid: Big drippy kisses to the folks at Current TV for being so singlehandedly ridiculously awesome!!! Also, MUCH LOVE to FUNKY BROWN CHICK readers Amy, Alysha and Erica for talking about this video with me online.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I really and truly believe that very often when parents try to decide what sex to raise the child as, they do it based on what sex they really wanted the child to be. How can you know in your heart that you have a son or a daughter without spending time with them? How can you make a choice for them without knowing anything at all?
If I were in that position, I would raise the baby as a child. I would allow the child to be who they were truly meant to be. Anything else, for me, would be wrong and I couldn’t live with myself. How could I sleep at night if I’d forced my son/daughter to be one or the other? I couldn’t.
Really I would like to see the world become more sensitive to issues like this. I would like to see more psychological research done involving people who have been raised as what they feel is their opposite gender. Let the world at large see where preconceived notions and lack of understanding lead.
Great post, Twanna.
Ok, this is where things get complicated with intersexed children. If the parent decides to choose a “sex assignment” for their child at a too early age, then they may risk making the child’s development discombobulated since they are not done growing and developing certain hormones.
It’s really a difficult toss-up having hermaphrodite and intersexed children, because their developmental stages can change at the drop of a hat due to the levels of both Estrogen and testosterone in the body.
I personally wouldn’t do anything to make corrections. I would just constantly stress that they are beautiful, rare, and extraordinary children with extra gifts.
I second that emotion…… would let the child find it’s own private Idaho…. and would honor any and all that was decided upon….
lamesabassman…… very deep point….. must tell about the one that I met… soon
I find the idea of having an intersexed child the least likely of all the scenarios you brought up in your blog, and I will perhaps differ from some of your readers here… even if you don’t go full surgery on the kid, I think it is sane and fair if you decide to raise your kid as a boy OR as a girl (pick one). You can’t raise your kid as both, because he’ll have a lot of trouble fitting in elementary school / bullies etc. Your kid needs an identity, and for the first 6-10 years of his life, the parent has a significnat influence in shaping that identity. Your child can make a decision on his sexual identify when he/she is old enough to be able to do so, but until then – you have to decide for them… Close relatives and friends would always know that my child is ‘different’; but to other folks and kids, my child should appear ‘normal’ to the extent possible.
I find other points in your blog also worthy of discussion… What do you do if you marry someone from another culture / religion? You say, keep the foreskin, but what if the other side says cut it? What if you both speak different languages, what language is spoken at home? I think that at some point you have to make a decision for the child before the child is able to make decisions… and sometimes you have to make concessions because you will never be in 100% agreement as to how to raise a child… All decisions must be joint, otherwise there is no decision.
wow…thats a toughy…..
I would probably go for the operation early, and deal with the ramifications of gender identity.
Wow, a very compelling snippet and a question that I’m too smart to answer.
Because I know for a fact that every parent who makes a decision about their child’s health never feels good about it.
Aww, what a story! But that being said, I totally agree with your stance on the choices to make with a hermaphrodite or intersex child. Doing something about such a case at so early an age is just not worth the medical nor psychological risks for the child. I think parents who choose a gender for their child (sometimes, not all) do so because it’s the “easier” choice and also because our society is sort of screwed up when it comes to dealing with anything different than what is an established norm.
wow that is heavy. I am pro-choice and would most likely terminate if the baby was severely impaired in any way.
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
hey Funky! It’s me Erica from FB! Anyway, I brought this up amongst some of my friends! I was in co-ed company and I asked the question… Most of the men said that they would definitely change the baby to have one or the other. One of my guy friends said (bless his heart), he would wait to see how big the baby’s penis was before he made a decision. He said if it seemed like it had potential to live up to the “black Man” myth then he’d definitely make a boy, if not, a girl!!
I’m still confused. I think i want to do some more research on this subject. maybe read that book Middlesex.
even though i hated math in school – it would come in handy here. i would get as many opinions as i could about the percent of female development and the percent of male development. then i would assign a weight to each source of information (an endocrinologist might score higher than a plastic surgeon). i would get my child the appropriate surgery to bring him/her closest to what nature didn’t finish.
Speaking of Paul Walker…
http://www.askmen.com/celebs/men/entertainment_100/106_paul_walker.html
@ The Butterfly Temptress: You said, “Really I would like to see the world become more sensitive to issues like this.” Me too.
@ Erika: Cool!
@ lamesabassman: I soooo didn’t like that movie My Own Private Idaho. Not sure why; I just wasn’t a fan.
@ Mr. Poopy Pants: You said, “I will perhaps differ from some of your readers here.” Nothing wrong with that. :) Obviously I disagree with you about the “you have to pick” stuff. But, that’s okay. You’ll come to see things my way eventually. ;)
@ dkzone: You’re honest. I like that. By the way, I’ve noticed two dudes said definitely make a choice. Most of the women have said leave the child be. Wonder how these conversations go down with real (het) couples in this situation. There’s no real “compromise”, at the end of the day, one view would win. Hmmm, interesting.
@ Jessica Gottlieb: LOVE your comment.
@ Aitch: I sooooo agree with this: “our society is sort of screwed up when it comes to dealing with anything different than what is an established norm.”
@ Alicia: I appreciate your honest. And, now for a little non-blog stuff, did you see Pete’s video??? AWESOME!!!
@ Erica: INTERESTING!!! So your friends followed the same trend here. Dudes said change. Women said no. And, yeah, I wanna read Middlesex, too.
@ kim h20s: I love math! :) Believe it or not, I was actually on the math team in my HS.
@ Mitch: BLESS YOU for sending me this link!!!!! By the way, be sure to turn into Spark on CBC next week. I wrapped up an interview with Nora Young, the full clip is on their site now.
Probably be best to keep him/her as born until they hit puberty and are able to decide what gender they identify with the most. There’s nothing worse than being a girl trapped in a guy’s body or vice versa.
That being said, if you don’t do surgery right away, have the kid put in a private school. In a public school, anybody of indeterminate sexuality is bullied and abused, at least where I grew up. Even gays have been known to discriminate against transgender folk.
This isn’t a hypothetical for me, though my son’s Intersex condition was comparatively mild. It did require genital reconstruction to avoid pain though, and give good urinary function.
We opted for the minimal surgery needed. Now I didn’t know anything about the subject, we were guided by medical advice, which was conservative to say the least.
My advice to all – let the child tell you what gender they are before consenting to any surgery that could damage sensation or fertility, or that would make a genital reconstruction to the opposite sex more difficult.
I’m Intersexed too, but a really rare type where the problems are different.
i would still like this person she seems very nice and honest if she can see my email address email me i will chat to you xxxxx
I feel that intersex genital mutilation is a serious human rights violation that should be illegal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twe8p0R8tms
Yes i would raise an intersexed child, and i absolutely would not decide for them, or allow the doctors to decide. If the doctors assigned them without consent, i would sue them for everything they are worth and then some. Only a child coming of age can truely make the decision of which gender they are, even if they are not intersexed. And only they can decide even if they want corrective surgery. A small number are happiest being in the middle, though most will choose one path or the other. But the decision must be theirs.
Would i raised a intersex child? Why not. Every child need a parents.
Wow, that really is a tough one. I’d like to think that I would leave it, and allow the child to determine its gender as it* got older, but I’m not sure that’s true. If i chose for the kid to go one way over the other it could make it’s life easier in the short term, and not necessarily more difficult in the long term- an intersex child is generally going to have to face some tough decisions whether or not the surgery was done. Gender identity is often not the same as sex anyway.
As for the hearing impaired possibility you mentioned, I think I would go with the implant. An older person may feel that the hearing impairment is part of who they are, and wouldn’t change it. whereas correcting a hearing impairment in infancy wouldn’t alter their identity. It’s not about nopt loving them as they are, I would just hate for them to have added difficulties communicating with others if I could have done something sbout it.
* I just want to note that I hate using ‘it’ to decribe a person, but i don’t feel him/her covers it either, and english doesn’t really have a good genderless pronoun.