From the monthly archives:

October 2008

Would You Raise an Intersex Child?

As many of you know, I’m happily childfree and I have zero desire to have children. I’m pro Roe v. Wade. That said, if my (future?) partner and I found ourselves saddled with an unplanned pregnancy, I’d keep the child. Hence, the “choice” in pro-choice; keep your laws out of my coochy and let me decide what to do with my body. I’m 100% pro-choice and, of course, 100% Pro-FBC readers who disagree with my personal politics. As I’ve said before, “Life is interesting when people respectfully disagree.” I love my readers, and the comments section is one of my favorite parts of this blog.

We’re talking about kids today. Lemme give you a scenario. Let’s say I had a random fling with a dude and I got knocked up. For shits and giggles, let’s just say Paul Walker is my babydaddy. (Um, yum!) Okay, so, Paulie and I would love our daughter or son if they were lesbian or gay. Given that little one would be biracial, we’d be damn sure they respected both sides of their heritage. If it’s a son, he gets to keep his foreskin. If the child was deaf / hard of hearing child, I’d learn more (already know a bunch) sign language instead of giving them a cochlear implant. See a trend here folks? I’d love my child in whatever shape or form they exited my womb.

But, what would I do if I had an intersex child? It’s rare that kids are born hermaphrodite — with 100% fully functional vagina and girl bits plus 100% fully functional willy and boy bits. Intersex kids more commonly fall somewhere in between. (Maybe they have, like, a 5% formed vagina and 80% developed penis.) SIDENOTE: Did anyone see that old episode of Footballers Wive$ with the Turner intersex baby?!?!??! Anyway, getting back to the question … I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t submit me and Paulie’s baby to corrective surgery to “fix” the kid into one sex or the another. But, I think that’s more about my pro-natural health / anti-elective surgery stance than it is about pro-intersex. Anyway. Stumbled across this mini-documentary on Current TV so I thought I’d share:

Interesting, huh?

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Credit paid: Big drippy kisses to the folks at Current TV for being so singlehandedly ridiculously awesome!!! Also, MUCH LOVE to FUNKY BROWN CHICK readers Amy, Alysha and Erica for talking about this video with me online.

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{ 19 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Manly Monday: Colin Sex Machine Powell

Spent the better part of my early AM hours scouring the internet for nude Colin Powell photos. Why? Because endorsing Obama scored him a ticket as today’s Manly Monday pick. Usually, I post hot pics of the Monday dudes. Though Powell appears regal and important in the image you see here, he doesn’t look, you know, sexy. He’s got sex appeal, so why does he oh-so-rarely whip it out and lay it on the camera? “Bring it, gramps. BRING IT!!! We want the sexyface!!”

Speaking of sexy factor. The blog Free Ass Press wrote a hilarious post in which the “reporter” confuses decorated military man and former US Secretary of State Colin Powell with the drunken actor Colin Farrell. “Getting off the fence for the first time in this long presidential campaign, actor Colin Farrell endorsed Barack Obama for president on NBC’s ‘Meet the Press’ program yesterday morning. ‘You bet yer bits I support him,’ Farrell, who is not a U.S. [citizen], told moderator Tom Brokaw before downing three pints of Smithwick’s, belching loudly and then lighting a cigarette. ‘The guy just has somethin’ about him, something that Mick John McCain doesn’t.’” What’s more? After the endorsement, Powell Farrell “went on an extended bender in Los Angeles, where he bedded two models, a movie-studio executive and a cocker spaniel before flying home to his flat in Dublin, Ohio.” Oh my goodness. :)

Anyway. Happy Monday, folks! Just a little something to lighten up a fairly political day. For me, it began with reading this bullshit and was quickly followed by a swift “wrist smack” from The Dark Overlords of Facebook. Apparently, this picture is obscene because the top 39% of Tess‘ left areola (not even the nipple!!) is kind of sort of visible. :( So, Facebook yanked the photo off the 2009 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar launch party invite page, sent me an email with the subject “Facebook Warning” and made me check this box on my account to swear that I’d be a good girl from now on. Sheesh.


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Photo credit: Wikipedia

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{ 5 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Spit or Swallow?

Last night I went to Oral Sex Night at In the Flesh. New York magazine’s Daniel Maurer read from his book Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk. A quote from Dan‘s reading? “Good things come to those who felate!”  Folks, we may have a live one!!!! :) More on that book & Dan some other time. For now, since I’ve got oral sex on my mind, I wanna ask the lovely men and women who read FUNKY BROWN CHICK this: do you and your partner(s) prefer to spit or swallow? Psst!!!! This is a GREAT post for lurkers to delurk themselves. All you’ve gotta do is leave a one-word comment: SPIT or SWALLOW.

On a different note, damn I love my readers!!! This morning, as I finished responding to comments on recent posts, I noticed an NYU student (Aitch) said, “I’ll be walking down the street and I’ll think [...] ‘OMG IS THAT TWANNA???! Maybe I should just say her name…wait, do I even know how to pronounce her name properly?” Too cute!!!!! :) For the record, in case anyone else was wondering, my name is pronounced: Twanna. Two syllables, not three. “Twan’-nuh”, not “Taw-wan-nuh.” If you’re into this kind of thing, here, listen to it.

 

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Random Note: A bunch of other people — including Fiona Zedde read last night, too. I can’t be 100% sure, but I think Fiona and her partner were in that documentary “black/womyn:conversations.”

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{ 41 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Save The Date: Fri., November 14 at 6:30pm

Dear Funky Brown Chick Readers:

You are cordially invited to join me and 11 other pinups for the 2009 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar launch party. Shindig takes place 6:30 – 9:30pm on Friday, November 14th at White Rabbit (145 E. Houston Street, between Forsyth and Eldridge, LES). Join us! Read additional details and RSVP on Facebook.

Goofing Around During the 2009 NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar Photo Shoot

The pic above is a group shot of us goofing around during our photo shoot with amazingly cute New York photographer Stacie Joy. Additional images are on my Flickr but you’ve really gotta buy a calendar for the “real deal.” Trust me, it’s sooooo worth it. Everyone looked great!

So, if you’re a fellow New Yorker, I hope to see you at the event.

Big drippy kisses & yours forever,

Twanna

a.k.a FUNKY BROWN CHICK

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{ 6 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Singles: Would You Go to a Party Alone?

The choice: vaginas or dicks? I chose the latter. Last night, I skipped The Vagina Festival cocktail party to attend the 2008 Cosmopolitan Bachelors debutante ball at Mansion NYC. Married women who get scribbled on guest lists usually have their spouses automatically added, too. “Are you guys coming to the party?” “We have to see if we’re free.” When you’re single, your name gets added by itself. One line: Hines, Twanna. Because I decided to go to the event at the last minute, I didn’t know which one of my friends was free for the evening and I wasn’t sure if I could get them on the guest list anyway. So, I could either go to the party alone or not go at all. I went. I wasn’t gonna miss that.

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I must say, I was charmed by the Cosmo boys more than I thought I would be. Seriously, they were so cute on the red carpet while clad in stylish dark jeans and tight black shirts hugging their hard bodies with the word “Cosmopolitan” and the name of their state printed in white letters on the front. In unison, they chanted in manly deep voices: “Come on guys, this is our night!!!” They smelled like testestorone, condoms and bubble gum. I felt like I was at the Hard Hotties Debutante Ball. Guys with dashing smiles flanked by perfectly straight white teeth possibly secretly wondering WHICH one of them was gonna be the winner. It was cute!!!! I probably would’ve stayed much longer if I actually knew people at the party. I can hold my own and strike up a conversation with anyone at mixer / networking / social events. The Cosmo Bachelors party was attended by several small groups of 5 – 7 stilettoed women chatting closely into each other’s lips; I felt like I was crashing 101 simutanious girls’ nights out. So, I left early after chit-chatting with only a couple people.

On my way home, I thought about the whole “single people at parties” vs. “coupled people at parties.” Life Lesson #175,375: It’s easier to attend some parties with someone else than it is to attend alone. So, I’ve decided to make up a name: Alex Hobbs. Everytime someone tells me they’re putting me on a guest list, I’ll ask them to automatically add that name, too. That way, if I decide to drag someone along at the last minute — current date, fuck buddy, friend, next love of my life, whoever — I know they can say that name at the door and get in with me. Ah, singlehood. On a different note, on my way home last night, I saw this written on the wall/ceiling of the 28th Street entrance to the subway station at Madison Square Park. Nice, huh?

Question of the day for single people (and people who used to be single): Would you go to a party alone?

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{ 18 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Sex Files: Listen to Me on MAXIM Radio!

I’m going to be a guest on MAXIM Radio‘s “Sex Files” tomorrow. You know MAXIM magazine, right? On Twitter, I once rhetorically asked: “Does it make me a bad woman if I admit I sometimes like men’s magazines more than I like women’s magazines?” I got the following response from an absolutely fabulous sex blogger on the West Coast: “If men’s magazines treated women as stupid as women’s magazines do, feminists would get pissed off.” VERY interesting.

So, yeah, I love men’s magazines. Esquire? They rock. What’s more? They’re down with brown women; they recently named Halle Berry The Sexiest Woman Alive. Oooh, remember Halle’s other Esquire cover and that YouTube video about it? Hawt! Hawt! Hawt! But, it’s not just about Esquire — though they certainly hold a special place in my heart. (I swear: if Esquire magazine was a man, I’d fuck it.) Other men’s mags like GQ, Details, Best Life, MAXIM and the rest of the bunch publish really sexy articles about interesting topics that affect the lives of men. They provoke. See GQ magazine’s article “Will You Be My Black Friend?” They question. See Best Life’s article “Autism Roulette” that helps fathers decide whether they should vaccinate their children. And, what’s more? They (often) do a helluva a better job featuring black women, latinas and Asian women on their magazines’ pages than women’s magazines do. MAXIM recently showed British hottie Thandie Newtown much love. Speaking of MAXIM … let’s jump off the pages and get back to the radio show.

I’m so thrilled to be a guest on Sex Files tomorrow at 2pm EST. What’s even better? Judy McGuire, yes THAT fucking Judy McGuire, will be there too. Her stuff rocks!!! The topic of tomorrow’s show is: “What We Say About You When You’re Not There.” MAXIM radio’s resident sexologists Amy Spencer and Anna David had this to say about the show: “Girls talk. This isn’t exactly a shocking revelation. But what, exactly, are we saying to our friends about you? Are we spilling every last detail of what happened between the sheets? Or are we remaining mum on the sex stuff and dissecting every aspect of your personality? Who better to ask than those who’ve made a career out of writing about their mishaps and joys on the dating scene?”

If you wanna listen to the show but you don’t have Sirius Radio, I have a teeny tiny little secret for you. Shhhhhh, a little birdy told me you can get a free 3-day trial!!!!! (Actually, I guess it’s not that big of a secret; they advertise that little detail openly on MAXIM Radio.) So, if you sign up today, you should probably be all set to listen to me tomorrow. Cool, huh?

Sex Files
http://www.sirius.com/maximradio
Live on Sirius Maxim Channel 108, Wednesday @ 2:00 pm EST / 11:00 am PST. Rebroadcast is at 11:00 pm EST / 8:00 pm PST, all throughout the weekend and again the following Monday at 2:00 pm & 11:00 pm EST (ahem, that’s 11:00 am & 8:00 pm PST for the people out west). Folks, remember, it’s a call-in show!! Have questions? Call while I’m on the show!!!!

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{ 3 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Manly Mondays – Top 10 Hottest DILFs

If you’re reading this, it means the stock market hasn’t crashed, (some of) you still have jobs, the economy is still working, we’re not all out on the street selling apples (or our bodies) for quick cash AND it’s Manly Monday on FUNKY BROWN CHICK. Here on the blog, we’ve talked about GILFs and MILFs, but never DILFs. Borrowing a page from Cosmo’s playbook (them: hottest bachelors, me: hottest dads), here’s a list of the Top 10 Hottest DILFs Ever!!!

LENNY KRAVITZ has a daughter Zoë Isabella Kravitz with Lisa Bonet. Hottest Rocker DILF.

GABRIEL AUBRY has a daughter named Nahla Ariela Aubry with Halle Berry. Hottest French Canadian DILF.

BENJAMIN BRATT and his wife Talisa Soto have a daughter Sophia Rosalinda Bratt and son Mateo Bravery Bratt. Hottest DILF with the best smile.

DAVID BECKHAM has three sons — Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz — with Victoria Beckham. (Y’all, his oldest son will be legal in just 10 YEARS!!!!) Hottest Footballing / Balling / Soccer-Playing DILF

JON STEWART has a son named Nathan Thomas Stewart and daughter Maggie Rose Stewart with Tracey McShane. Hottest Jewish DILF Ever!!

BARACK OBAMA had two beautful daughters — Malia Ann and “Sasha” — with wife Michelle Obama. Hottest Presidential DILF.

RICKY MARTIN has twins via an unnamed surrogate mom. At the time of their birth, Martin didn’t tell the press their names. Hottest “OMG-He-Could-Be-A-Gay-Dad” DILF.

PATRICK DEMPSEY was 21 when he married 48-year-old acting coach Rochelle “Rocky” Parker. Her son, Corey Parker, was one year older than his new stepfather but Dempsey’s got three other children (with his second wife, Jillian Fink) who are actually younger than he is — Tallulah Fyfe and twins Darby Galen and Sullivan Patrick. Hottest DILF You’d Like to Play Doctor With.

WILL SMITH has a son Willard Christopher III (called “Trey”, appeared in video “Just The Two Of Us”) with first wife Sheree Zampino. Smith and his second wife, Jada Pinkett, have a son Jaden Christopher Syre (starred in “The Pursuit of Happyness”) and daughter Willow Camille Reign (was in “I Am Legend”).

WHO’S NUMBER 10? YOU TELL ME. USE THE COMMENTS SECTION TO TELL US WHO YOU THINK SHOULD BE THE ADDED TO THE LIST OF TOP 10 HOTTEST DILFs.

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{ 24 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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