Life Question: What Are You Grateful For?
God, what a sad story. :( “In a striking display of the power of live video,” NewTeeVee tells us, “Abraham K. Biggs committed suicide on Wednesday while broadcasting himself on video site Justin.tv.” The 19-year-old little black kid, Biggs, left a suicide note in which he says he hates himself and hates living. “I am in love with a girl and I know that I am not good enough for her,” he explains. He says a bunch more; you can read the full suicide note if you’re into that.
I’m not surprised someone would kill themselves on live-stream video. Public suicides are not uncommon; Brandon Vedas (a.k.a. “I told u I was hardcore” ripper) comes to mind, and Wikipedia has a whole section about filmed suicides. But, I guess the Biggs story really touches me for a couple reasons. First one? He was sooooo young. :( Age 19 seems like ages ago. God, the pains, desires, wishes and dreams I had back then have grown into different things now. Seriously. When I close my eyes and try to picture the guy I dated in my teens, I can see his dark hair and pudgy chin but I really struggle to remember what his face looks like. Shit, I don’t even know where the guy lives now. That aside, the other thing that’s so sad (to me) about Biggs’ death is this: In his final note, he talks at length about his love for his family & the relationships around him — even in the midst of sheer hatred for himself. “The only thing I dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me to kill myself,” he wrote. “I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created. Forgive me. Love always and forever [...]” I can’t even imagine the sadness those who know him probably feel. :( Though I don’t have children of my own, I’m the auntie of two beautifully brown nephews I love so fucking dearly it’s ridiculous. My heart goes out to Abraham’s loved ones and those who knew him.
To end this post on a positive note ( … because it’s Friday and because Funky Brown Chick is a space for positive things … ), I wanna send a shout out to Jamy from the blog Grateful Dating. “Keeping a gratitude journal is supposed to increase happiness. I find something to be grateful for every day, which is harder than it sounds,” Jamy explains. “I’ve been doing this for a while, and I have to tell you, I think it’s working.” Online, I love my readers and I’m grateful for the people who take time out of their busy days to stop by my site and see what I wrote. I’m happy I’ve got a solid group of friends in New York and elsewhere. I’m utterly thankful my family supports the decisions I’ve made in life — even though they disagree and/or don’t understand most of them. Though we’re taking it slow and seeing where things may lead, at the moment I’m thankful for that boy (who’s never mentioned on the blog) who comes from that place and gives good kisses; like everyone, I can be neurotic and overthink things when I’m dating, but I’m looking forward to seeing & spending time with him on Saturday, too. I could go on, but this post has been long enough. Happy Friday everyone. Feel free to use the comments section to answer this question: What are you grateful for?
November 21st, 2008 at 10:03 am
I cant even fathom what the parents must feel. I’m going to go over my brother’s house and hug my nieces and nephews.
November 21st, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’m grateful it’s Friday.
November 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Wow …This is sooo sad. The ability to feel and express emotion deeply, is not lost on youth. But it’s like the lessons of fire. When you first encounter fire, some people are greeted with its warmth, some are burned terribly. He needed someone to be there to guide him through these feelings so that he wouldn’t burn in his own passions.
I actually considered suiciude at age 19, one night while walking to the movies, by myself. My girlfriend was pregnant and had cheated on me, I was in college and dealing with all of these emotions that i had no experience with. How easy it would have been to walk infront of a bus and leave them the insurance money. I think the thing that saved me was a captain kirk quote ” I don’t believe in the no-win scenario”
I went to the movies, found some friends there and then started dealing with my life……
November 21st, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Yes, suicides can be very public: there have been over 1000 suicides by people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge since it was built.
On a positive note, I’m grateful to all you humans who have decided that the best bird to eat on Thanksgiving is a turkey and not a parrot.
November 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I’m grateful for the fact that I KNOW suicide is not the answer, no matter how crappy I feel…
November 21st, 2008 at 1:59 pm
the grateful journal is an idea that positive psychology brought. and what is curious is that i was researching on that right now (i have a couple of articles to print) and i’ve just read about the gratitude journal and also about the positive things (on each day) journal. and then i came here and i read this post :)
about suicide…it’s really sad. last year i watched “the bridge” which is about the suicides going on on the golden gate, aparently, a “favourite” spot for suicidals. it’s worth watching.
November 21st, 2008 at 5:00 pm
i am grateful that in the weeks after my mother died i received two letters addressed to her – one thanking her for her donation of 113 lbs of canned goods to the local food bank and one thanking our family for allowing my mom to be an organ donor – 2 people regained their sight from her corneas.
November 21st, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Seriously, I’m grateful for my family, health, opportunities, friends, education.
More frivolously, but still important, I’m grateful for technology, chocolate chip cookies (I made a batch last night), new shoes, beer.
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:43 am
I’m grateful for LIFE..its soooo precious..and Freedom..cause u know it could always be worse..Peace Out..
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:15 am
I am honored that you would mention me in this post. Suicide, especially when the person is so young, is always sad and troubling. I don’t know if I’ll ever write about it, but I knew someone who committed suicide when I was in grad school–we all felt responsible, but he’d been struggling with his demons for years. I wish he and Biggs knew that they were loved AND deserving of love–all human beings are.
November 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I heard about this…so sad. My teenage years will full of angst but I just knew that things would get better and that is what I am eternally grateful for. Whatever happens today…this too shall pass.
Prayers go out to his family and those people who feel just as helpless.
alicia
http://todaystyle.today.com/
November 25th, 2008 at 11:46 am
to be so young
to pass thru here
for 19 years
then to disappear
but to leave a trace
that will sear your mind
is something that will surpass
the very sands of time
what did he know
and when did he know it
and when did he feel this way
when did he show it
and did any care to view
just what was in his mind to do
we cannot change the world
if we keep on losing a few
did we lose a doctor
or science major
was he the Second Coming
and thought we could’nt
be saved
was he not wanted by all
or loved by many
or did he lose his worth
like we lose a shiny new penny
when did he know
when to pack it in
when you’re 19
it’s not over
but where you begin
just where was he
when his world fell in
to the point
of getting your ticket
punched
and start over again
some religions say
that there are many levels
that we must pass
to be pure
is this earth one
that we must endure
what was the last moment
that past thru his brain
am hoping it was not
some musical refrain
like a line from Jimi
something of late
that he would see us
on the next world
and we better not
be late
just what was so tragic
that scared him so dear
that to make him want
to disappear….
and may we know enough
when we stand at the crossroads
that we have someone
somewhere to turn to
and not ever take
a notion
to strike that match and burn
the one chance
of knowing why we are here
and not just turn
and disappear……
lamesabassman…… am in tears … damn it… that cuts way 2 deep….
November 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
FYI…. Mr.D…. there will be Ribs on the lamesabassman table this year….
lamesabassman…… be well… and safe.