@ Anthony B: Oooh, I love it that you called me a “child of the universe.” It reminds me of Desiderata.

@ Mr. Poopy Pants: Oops, sorry, I honestly missed the “wit” part of the comment the first time around.

@ ieishah: I LOVE it that you love Degrassi. I ***LOVED*** that show!!! Still do. :) Speaking of lovin’ …

@ ieishah / Mr. Poopy Pants: Is it me, or do I sense a teeny little love connection brewing? ;)

@ Chuck: Thanks

@ Mary: Who knows how the future will unfold. Here’s to hoping good things are in the cards for me.

@ Dolly Shot: THANKS for your kind words. By the way, I soooo know what you mean about Facebook. I told Anna-Scarlet about the dude not adding me to his Facebook and she was like, “Twanna, you sound like a bad teen movie. ‘He won’t friend me on Facebook.’” It’s silly but TRUE. Facebook has completely become a measure by which we look at relationships.

@ Mr. Poopy Pants: OH MY GOD, I FUCKING LOVE YOU FOR THAT COMMENT!!!! Here’s why …

First, THANK YOU for your honesty!! That took courage. Seriously. Because I actually know you, I know the situation you’re referring to; we’ve talked about it more than once. Second, the chick who cheated on you was/is a total fucking bitch. Third … and here’s the part where I get all Oprah-y on your ass … You said, “I have been naive myself, several times. I have been cheated on while waiting faithfully at home, for months at a time, when the signs should have been obvious to the outside observer. Hurts like shit, but that’s life. I could wish that she hadn’t cheated on me, wish that she had respected the game [...]“ I could be wrong, but my general sense has been that people who offer me “advice” (on the blog, in life, etc.) are actually saying what they wish someone had told them in a previous situation. So, while it comes across as “LISTEN TO ME”, what’s typically hiding behind those words is personal hurt and: “I WISH I WOULD’VE LISTENED” or “I WISH SOMEONE WOULD’VE WARNED ME.”

Total sidenote, but this is one of the many many many reasons I’ve been reluctant to call myself a “dating expert” or a “dating advice columnist” or whatever the hell the widely accepted term is for those who publish stuff on relationships like I do. Everyone has the right to learn from their mistakes, get hurt, pick themselves back up and try again. I’ve learned (and will keep learning) from my mistakes; at the same time, that doesn’t give me the right to prevent others from making theirs. And, oddly, some of the biggest advocates of knowing/playing the game are those who’ve been hurt most by it. But, enough about me. Back to you. Or, maybe that was about you? Anyway.

Perhaps we agree and disagree? I think we agree it’s best to trust your gut. I think we disagree regarding what to do when red flags pop up.

My sentiment is: proceed cautiously anyway because, although there’s a chance of heartache, there’s also a chance of finding love. No one is perfect; everyone raises a flag or two at some point. If you’re dating someone who raises NO flags, you’re likely dating someone who doesn’t challenge you, avoids conflict and shapes their wishes to your desires.

Whether or not you agree (or, dare I say, realize it?), I get the impression your sentiment is: don’t proceed after red flags pop up because you’re likely to get burned — keep people at a safe distance until you know they won’t hurt you (i.e. the perfect person).

lamesabassman……” gotta look….. sharp…”

I do empathize with you, but I am so glad you decided to blog about this! This sort of bullshit happens all the time, and I must say, I’ve never dated a player before (as I don’t date often) but I think I’ve encountered my first! I’ve thought as much, asked friends for advice and they all say the same thing, that’s he’s probably banging other chicks or has a gf or whatever.

He won’t friend me on Facebook either!! I know it’s silly to be like, “let’s be friends on Facebook!” but seriously, he’s the only person I know that won’t friend me! What is he hiding me from? What is he hiding from me?

Of course I should know better and should run, but he’s so good in bed! Don’t worry, I only treat him as the piece of brainless meat that he is…not to mention, on my offense, he’s not the only man I’m courting… ;) However, unlike him, I’m honest to all of my male parties. But, part of me still thinks that there might be hope for this jackass…innocent until proven guilty.

And we all cry. All of us. All the time. I cried twice when this bastard said we’d chill and then never got back to me. But I’m still waiting for him to call me back. This piece of work…

My sadistic nature wants to wait until we’re in person so that I can see the look on his face as I tell him that he’s the smallest (length and girth-wise) out of my partners.

Hope you don’t mind the length of my note, but I just wanted to let you know you’re not the only girl who suffers this bullshit. I wish people would just be honest. In my situation, if this guy was all like, “yea I’m seeing other girls” I’d be totally understanding. In fact, I told him if that was the case, he should just let me know. I hate bastards that lack honesty and integrity.

Take care Twanna and feel better! There’s nothing wrong with taking risks. I would have done the same in your situation. Thanks again for sharing. You definitely made me feel like I wasn’t crazy about the whole Facebook thing. =)

I should apologize to anyone who has felt slighted by my messages… wasn’t my intent. I agree that the man should have manned up and been respectful, but he simply didn’t and wasn’t. I just don’t see the point in shouldas wouldas. There are other men like that who will simply disrespect girls for their own advantage, and shoulda wouldas probably won’t change that. The man left hints that were pretty obvious in my opinion. And Twanna / and other girls (and some guys too) / generally have a gut feeling about those things… somehow we just jump in anyway, hoping for the best. Can’t explain why, but we just do it and get hurt.

You make me sigh too a little… don’t you see that I’m saying the same thing you are? Just coming from a different side of the same argument – the practical side. I hope you recognize that in every game there are cheaters. Wishing that cheaters won’t be so will not do anything good for you. Learning how to detect cheaters and stay away from them or learning how to persuade them to play by the rules could do you a world of good.

Yes, I am saying Twanna was perhaps a bit naive. Naivete is part of the human condition – not just female, but male too. I have been naive myself, several times. I have been cheated on while waiting faithfully at home, for months at a time, when the signs should have been obvious to the outside observer. Hurts like shit, but that’s life. I could wish that she hadn’t cheated on me, wish that she had respected the game, but that wouldn’t have gotten me anywhere. Might as well learn to read the signs, and stay away from that kind of situation. That has worked very well for me. In my opinion – and in my experience, jumping in without considering your gut has a high likelihood of pain. Similarly, in my experience being a somewhat cautious (coy) lover at the beginning – until I see signs of commitment or until I stop feeling uncertain about the other person’s intent – can only be a win-win scenario.

Cheers.

lamesabassman….. cause someone is always layin’ in da cut 4 ya…..

i’ve lived in barcelona for one year. almost as soon as i got here and got into the dating game, i noticed something: men were telling me the truth. if they wanted me to be their girl they’d say that. if they only wanted to fuck, they’d say that. then i could make decisions about how far i wanted to go on the basis of accurate information about their intentions. i found that the initial sting of someone not wanting to have a relationship was only superficial, and i appreciated this no bullshit approach. the guy was saying, i’m a player, i like to spread my sperm, we can hang out but don’t get attached. this didn’t make me reject them. i respected them. i believed what they told me and saved myself a lot of drama. the game, in all its biologically determinate glory, can be played respectfully.

twanna didn’t get her heart broken because she doesn’t respect the game, she got her heart broken BECAUSE HE LIED! HE DIDN’T RESPECT THE GAME. he should have manned up. said baby, i’m a rolling stone. then let her make a decision. but he didn’t have the stones to come clean, so he is at fault. liars disrespect the game and everyone involved. punto.

implying someone is naive for believing what another human being told her, that she somehow (as someone who lives and breathes the world of sex and dating) missed the rules of the game, or that she’s engaging in wishful thinking, is no better than saying she’s without wit or intelligence. in my book, it’s like calling those of us expecting a little fair play, stupid.