The Big “O.” Orgasms. Mr. Poopy Pants a.k.a. Moebius was in New York over the weekend, and we met up for savory quiches, Pinot Grigio and red velvet cupcakes at Sweet Revenge. I think it’s been more than a year since we saw each other. He looks the same, perhaps a little thinner. He’s cute. He knows it. I’d describe him in detail, but that might give his “identity” away to longtime Funky Brown Chick readers and inflate his ego. So, moving right along … In conversation, “Moebius” and I agree on a lot of stuff but we also vehemently disagree. Take orgasms, for example. Question: When two people are in bed together, are both entitled to an orgasm if each desires and is able to have one? I’d say yes. If I’m in bed with a guy and I get him off, I typically want him to get me off too. It’s only fair. Moebius agrees. He says, basically, “When I’m in bed with a woman, I do everything I can to make her come.” Good boy. “But once she comes,” he adds, “my responsibility ends there. I’ve done my job. My work is finished. I’m going to sleep. If she wants another orgasm, that’s her responsibility. That’s what vibrators are for.” What. The Fuck??? If I’m in bed with a guy, I want him to please me as much as I desire to be pleased. And, I’m willing to do the same for him. I get off on getting guys off, and I usually wanna do it more than once. If he’s ready to go again, I’m almost aways good to go. If I’m dating a guy and he wakes me up by cuddling a not-so-subtle daytime erection against my warm body, believe me, it’s my pleasure to oblige.
“Everything from your nails to your orgasm is your responsibility,” counter-argues The Frisky. (I love that site.) “If he can’t handle the job, you should finish it off.” I agree. If he’s unable to do the job, I’m more than willing to take care of myself. That said, if I ask a dude to have sex with me, it’s because I crave his penis, fingertips and tongue pressed against every inch of my body. Shit, if I just wanted my hands and/or plastic & batteries, why the hell is the guy in my bed????? :) SIDENOTE: Seeeee, THIS is one of the many reasons I’m drawn to younger men; they’re quite happy to take care of me as much as I like.
It goes without saying: no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. If a guy simply isn’t in the mood, that’s fine. I’m strictly talking about guys who rebelliously feel they shouldn’t have to go the extra O. What say you, dear readers? During sex, after both partners have come once, who’s responsible for further pleasure?
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Credit paid: Red feather photo is by Kai Kuusik-Greenbaum
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
“Responsible” seems like such a ugly term for what is going on.
I always see it as I am there to “help” my partner have as much pleasure as possible. As many orgasms, as much fun, what ever. There are women who have a lot of trouble having an orgasm with a partner and making it your responsibility to “give” her an orgasm puts a lot of pressure on both of you.
I find as long as you are interested in your partner’s pleasure and it is important to you and you are curious about each others’ bodies and so on it all works out.
The only time I feel “responsible” for my partner’s orgasm is if they are tied up. Then I have a whole list of responsibilities. Pleasure, pain, orgasm, denial of orgasm. But that’s a whole other story.
am there for the duration…… until she says …. ” no mas, popi…”….. we are to
go on and on to the break of dawn….. then take an IHOP break…..
then …. phase two begins……
lamesabassman…… not for the timid…… fer real…
@ Jack. I couldn’t agree more!
And sorry moebius;
But that whole” after she comes once bit”scares the bejesus out of me. It sounds quite selfish and very stingy, and I think if you found the right person you’d want to please them nonstop. That’s just my theory though.
Well, I’m no expert, never was, but I have always felt that giving my partner pleasure would be something that I should want to do. There are “givers” and “takers” and most of us find a balance between the two, or should. I’ve never looked at my partners pleasure as a requirement, but more of something that I should want as much as she does.
You know I have to agree with Rachel & Jack on this; if we’ve hooked up then it is my duty to do whatever is necessary to have you craving more or ready to pass-out, which ever comes first…
WTF Moebius? ONCE! Did you say once and then you’re turning over and going to sleep. Jesus H. Christ, I get pissed off at Victor if he only fucks me three times in a night and that’s in between all the D/s BDSMish preludes, interludes and finales. If we both don’t come six times (and I seriously mean that, but V has the godly ability to be rigid right after he comes, and I know not all men can achieve that nor should they. I consider myself blessed that way.)I am disappointed and tap on his shoulder all night not allowing the poor man to sleep.
Now as for words like responsible, duty, etc… not so much. Sex is about pleasure and I only want to be with men whose pleasure principles match mine. Now I have been with men who come once but are able to maintain an erection for a LONG time. This is also fine, but I think most women, when in the bed of someone who really turns them on, do not want to leave it at once.
And I really enjoy masturbating for Victor, which I do when all my efforts to convince him that I really need it just once more fail. You just have to find the right balance with each partner.
I believe that men should be excited about pleasing women and how many times they can make her come. I thought that was how all men think. Me personally my man always goes for the extra “O” and sometimes an even extra one but we understand each others bodies and know what the other needs so sometimes he will just get off and I am ok with that and sometimes it is all about me, but when we are in it together it is magical.
tsk… tsk… tsk.. there happens to be tons of middle age guys ( read that as 30
and up…) who dont have to rely on those little blue pills to set the ocean in motion….. and will do anything to keep that smile on your face….. we dont need
no stinking plastics to start the party…. we strong like bull…. and we aim to please…. now Moebius could be going thru a phase….. you know … too much
too often can bore you to tears… after the dry spell he has just created for himself…. he’ll come around… he’s got mucho skills.. cause I would hate for him
to hear the last line from Girl 6′s most famous song from any woman’s lips…
lamesabassman…. ” wake me when you’re done, ’cause you’re the only one having fun…”
Tess….. you are blessed…..
lamesabassman…… Dang…..
Hahaha. Twanna – and the ladies… you got me wrong a little. I was not discussing anything else than the responsibility vs. desire dilemma. When I am beginning the process of having sex, and I would say I end up getting off 99.2% of the time, then I feel that it’s my responsibility to make sure that the woman gets off too. However, once she gets off… then I don’t feel the responsibility anymore. That doesn’t mean I’m gonna stop, roll over or go to sleep! That just means that I’m going above and beyond the line of duty. If I don’t want to keep going, I don’t feel guilty at all just coming and getting it over with. Otherwise, I’ll make her get off as many times as I can physically contain myself – trust me it’s a huge ego boost to know you can make a woman come multiple times, and I would never deprive myself from a huge ego boost.
That’s it. I’m not that different from y’all, I think. Maybe a little less sexed up these days, but there’s a lot more to life isn’t it?
The word “responsibility” should not even come up (no pun intended) in a conversation about orgasms. If you see it as a “responsibility”, then it’s work. The O is all about play. No work. Play. Play lots. And then play some more. (Mrs. Doodlius seems to agree.) The rest of your life is filled with responsibilities – O time is all about forgetting responsibilities and ceasing all brain function higher than the ability to go “Unhgina-unhgina-homina-homina-wobba-wobba-AAAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHH!!!” a whole bunch of times.
This has been a pubic service announcement from the Great and Powerful Baba Doodlius. Now go have fun.
all night long seems perfect. limit the thing to just one O is just that.. limited!
“Responsibility”?
I’m with Jack on this one – wrong word. We are there for each other, to bring as much joy to each other as we can, whatever that might mean, ’cause you know – to each his own. That might mean an orgasm, multiple orgasms or none at all.
I think that if you care about a person, you would do whatever is necessary to please them. There shouldn’t be any limitations to pleasure, so it’s not about feeling obligated it is something to be enjoyed by both people. For me, it’s mor about giving than recieving.
I was responsible once….. a classmate once asked me to watch his lunch tray
while he went for dessert….. so , I put my Timex on it……
lamesabassman……. smile…..
Jack: Oooooh VERY interesting point about the use of the word “responsibility” and definitely fodder for a MUCH longer post!!! :) And, yeah, I agree with you on the: “I find as long as you are interested in your partner’s pleasure and it is important to you and you are curious about each others’ bodies and so on it all works out.” Exactly. :)
lamesabassman: But, what if she doesn’t speak Spanish? Rhetorical question, by the way; no need to answer. :)
Rachel: You mentioned, “I think if you found the right person you’d want to please them nonstop. That’s just my theory though.” I agree. :)
bobby: Oooooh, you said, “I have always felt that giving my partner pleasure would be something that I should want to do.” I’m noticing a trend here: if you enjoy it, you wanna keep doing it.
DJ Ed Nice: :)
Tess: I love you!!! By the way, GREAT point about masturbating in front of / for lovers.
ms.understood: God, I love those “magical” moments during sex. Haven’t had that in a while. This whole “holding out for something better” stuff works wonders on self esteem, but it’s also really sexually frustrating. Topic for a different post.
Mr. Poopy Pants aka Moebius: :)
Baba Doodlius: Hmmmm … looks like I’m in the minority here, but I don’t mind the word “responsible” when it comes orgasms / sexuality / sexual health. Could be a “me” thing because I didn’t really “get” that when I was in my 20s, but I’m really into it now. Long story … I finally figured out I couldn’t expect others to make me happy, my happiness was my responsibility. And, oddly enough, once I discovered what it took to make me happy, I attracted likeminded people. Kind of a synergy thing going on, you know? In my case, it was the same with sex. When I stopped expecting my lovers to “magically” know how to please me, I became more vocal about what I wanted and didn’t want, knew how I expected to be treated, and learned what it took to get me off. In other words, once I took responsibility (ownership? claimed it? something like that …) for my own sexual well-being, I became a better lover to myself and others. :) By the way, I LOVE it that you closed your comment with “go have fun.” So true! All the discussion about responsibility or whatever aside, I think it’s safe to say almost everyone agrees that sex is supposed to be about having fun, enjoying yourself, etc.
Carolina Pereira: So true!!!
SINgleGIRL: Yep on the fun stuff. :) And, ditto my comment above about the responsibility stuff.
MarriedBlackKitty: You said, “I think that if you care about a person, you would do whatever is necessary to please them.” I agree; otherwise, I kinda feel like, ‘what’s the point?’
Until someone says uncle..we are both responsible for each others pleasure..isn’t that what sex is for..to pleasure one another..
well … she was speaking Russian when we started…..
am gonna make a prediction here….. come 1/01/09….. many things will happen
and be in store for you, FBC…. you’re gonna wish you were cloned …. each guy
is gonna be so into you and your needs that you’re gonna feel like you got a
pass from Willie Wonka to enjoy every thing you have wished or hoped for…
lamesabassman…… for surely you have earned it all….. stay sweet…. T
Mrs Bigg: Cute!! :)
To be honest. i feel kinda bad if i don’t “wear that ass out”
I go oral with the first orgasm and then jump right in with the sex. I like to get her before she totally comes down from the oral orgasm, then work her over.
a little missionary and then raise up and put the legs over the shoulders. I really like to cross the legs throw them over one shoulder and massage a breast…maybe stick a finger in her mouth.
;)
yeah, dkzone….. a full court press….. but, after that …. I kinda like the Broadway
Shuffle…… that when you put her legs over your shoulders …. with your head at
Home Plate and while you’re there insert one finger into the rear exit while you are enjoying your salad….. by then you will be on the ceiling with her ’cause,boy
howdy, will those cakes rise….
lamesabassman….. much better that the Venus Butterfly move….
dkzone: Sounds like you know what you like and you aim to please. :)
I feel that you have a responsibility to at least try to keep up until your partner is finished. That won’t always happen but it won’t be noticed when it does because you will have done your best in the past. Anything less is selfish, and good sex is not selfish. It’s giving as good as want to get.
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I read the responses, and I had to remind myself that they were talking about pleasing their partner, and NOT about changing a flat tire or going to work. Everyone seem to be in the “I must get mine no matter what or how” What’s wrong with the old fashion slow move of getting in the right mood by setting the right mood. Take her mind off the kids, the ex, the job, the neighbors or what have you. Put her in the mood so that she feel like the two of you are the only two people on planet earth, and have all the time in the world to explore the dept pleasure. Done right, an Orgasm is a spoiler rather than the end of a sexual encounter. You can get an Orgasm when you can’t get nothing else. Have sex with her mind, and the body WILL respond.
If he’s over 40 he get’s a pass. If he’s in his 30′s or younger he needs to accept the fact that yes, “that’s what vibrators are for”, because HE IS THE VIBRATOR.
im over 40 and i think timing is everything .. she told me recently that she was waiting on me .. i had been holding out for her .. just miscommunication.. if you dont communicate then it can be a problem … then of coarse theirs toys afterwards if she dosent get off ..
I am also over 40 and my spouse always makes sure that I have an orgasm first then he will have one. I totally feel that adding Couple sex toys also help bringing your up to an orgasm.