Tiffany B. Brown forwarded me “What Do Women Want?” — a New York Times article from the weekend that quickly picked up the #1 slot on their popularity sidebar. Everyone’s reading it. Basically, Meredith Chivers is a 30-something sexologist who studies female lust, arousal and desire. I’d talk about that, but today’s Manly Monday on www.funkybrownchick.com where the “M” in Monday stands for: Mmm, mmm, men! So, from what I gather from the Times article, Chivers recently discovered straight dudes get aroused by ogling “heterosexual or lesbian sex and while watching the masturbating and exercising women.” However, looking at two dudes go at it creates ZERO reaction in the straight dudes’ nads. For gay men, the response was just the opposite: up (literally) with guy-on-guy action, down with heterosexuals bumping uglies and girls getting it on. And, in case you were wondering, neither straight nor gay guys dig bonobos sex.
Okay, so, I went to a book reading and party celebrating the book babes‘ latest: Between the Covers: The Book Babes’ Guide to a Woman’s Reading Pleasures. Interestingly, a fellow (heterosexual) writer dude and I got into a conversation about how I pick up men.
WRITER FRIEND DUDE: When you’re talking to a guy and you feel like you just aren’t connecting, do you later ever ask yourself what you could’ve done differently to seal the deal?
MOI: [clearly baffled] Me? Like what could I do differently?
WRITER FRIEND DUDE: Yeah . I mean, no. I don’t mean like YOU personally. I’m just saying, you know, women … But, let’s play this out a bit … Do you ever wonder?”
MOI: Wonder what?
WRITER FRIEND DUDE: Why you don’t seal the deal.
MOI: [silently cursing: Um, I didn't think I had a problem sealing the deal. Fucking blog!!! Dudes who don't even know me that well now read it and think they know what my love "problems" are.]
MOI: Nope. That thought has never entered my mind.
WRITER FRIEND DUDE: Perhaps it should.
Whatever. Anyway. So, the rest of the conversation was about how writer friend dude is reading The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. (Gotta hand it to Strauss; he’s got staying power — though the book is already a couple years old, writer friend dude is the second or third guy friend to recently espouse the joys of The Game to me.) I’ve not read the book in its entirety yet, so I’m not gonna bash it. That said, I will say this: I don’t think I’d want to be picked up by a “pickup artist.” And, take heed: thou who doth playeth the game shalt be played. I really believe in that “you get from the world what you put into it” stuff. Don’t play games and, hopefully, you won’t attract as many people who seek to do the same. Easier said than done, no? Because, really, doesn’t EVERYONE play a game to a certain degree?
Call it “being on your best behavior.” I know I certainly hide my deck of crazy cards until AT LEAST the third or fourth date. Here’s what’s behind that: I’m far from perfect and I’m afraid that, if I show a guy my messy bits too early, he’ll be turned off. Early in the dating stuff, I’m more likely to curl my hair pretty, wear make up, slip on high heels, keep my apartment clean, be super agreeable / let minor annoyances slide, etc. With time, I ease up a little bit and show him the “me” that my friends and family see (and love!) every day. That way, it’s a lot easier to stomach it if doesn’t work out. He’s not rejecting me; shit, the dude barely even knows me. Self preservation, really.
But, getting back to the heart of this post. What do men want? Hokey-pokey scientific bonobos stuff aside, if men are anything like women — at their core and regardless if they’re gay straight or otherwise — I think many men are looking for the same thing I’m looking for: someone who will be attracted to and, with time, love me for who I am … flaws along with everything else. That’s my $0.02. Ladies and gentlemen, please feel free to use the comments section to share yours.
Technorati Tags: Between the Covers, bonobos, book babes, funky brown chick, funkybrownchick, Hines, Meredith Chivers, Neil Strauss, pickup artist, sex, The Game, Twanna, what men want
January 26th, 2009 | Print This Post
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| [13] folks got down with the Funky Brown
If you’d like to read my most recently published contribution, pick up a copy of 
. I’ve been doing this stuff so long I honestly can’t remember my FIRST publication. I *DO* remember the first time I had sex. I’ll write about that some other time. My first publication was probably either an article in my high school yearbook or newspaper (I wrote for both), or a letter I wrote to my local newspaper’s editor. If you’re interested in reading things I’ve written besides this blog, check me out on 
