Happy New Year, I’m Starting Over!
Almost seven years ago, I moved to Chicago. Having U-Hauled my stuff from Florida, I’d just been dumped without reason by a man I thought loved me more than anyone had previously. He told me there wasn’t another woman and I hadn’t done anything wrong. As Woody Allen has said, “the heart wants what it wants.” His didn’t want me. Since I couldn’t blame him for his desires (or lack thereof), I blamed me. What did I do to make myself so incredibly unlovable ?, I wondered. I was hurt, depressed, unemployed and crashing at an old college friends’ place — a gainfully employed corporate banker who offered me her guest room then later, unexpectedly, asked me to pad her wallet with back-rent when I moved out.
Struggling with a heart broken by my ex, a job search failed and pain from a friend’s perceived betrayal, I wondered: What Should I Do with My Life? I schlepped to Borders Bookstore on Chicago’s Michigan Avenue and bought hottie Po Bronson’s book by the same title: What Should I Do with My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question. I’m not going to tell the tale of my three-year stint in the Second City and subsequent move to Manhattan — or the story of how I got over the boy — because that’s not the point of this blog post. Out with the old, in with the new. Happy New Year, it’s my fourth in New York. Around this time last year, I walked away from my full-time publishing gig in the financial district to dedicate myself to my own writing. As a result, I can honestly say 2008 was my first “good” year in NYC — on all fronts. (Psst! My last 2008 piece / first 2009 piece, I’m a Writer, Not A Child Pornographer, is now published at Huffington Post.)
I don’t remember the exact passage, but Po mentions very few people discover their “purpose” in life after hearing a commanding voice from the sky. I’ve fallen on my ass, made poor decisions, run up a lot of debt, second-guessed myself throughout various periods of my life. I’ve also succeeded. I try to make the best decisions I can with the information I have at a given time. And, I move forward on faith. My purpose, my goals for 2009 are to: (1) finish my book and (2) unclutter my life. I’ve already written 5.5 of my book’s 13 chapters, and I want to wrap the remaining 7.5 up by December 2009. Regarding clutter, I want to lose: weight I said I’d lose by the end of 2008 but didn’t, the mess in my apartment and any unnecessary drama and/or loose ends with exes. I’ve got a good feeling about 2009. I hope you do, too. For fun, listen to oldie-but-goody NPR podcast interview with Po Bronson. Read Marci Alboher’s archive of her New York Times Shifting Careers blog or her book One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success. Sincerest wishes that this year brings you peace, prosperity and any insights needed to make changes and accomplishments in your life — if that’s what your heart desires.
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Credit paid: Ribbon cutting image is by Jason Morrison.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:50 pm
2008 was the year that i finally cut loose ends with my past, specially regarding past loves. and it already paid back as i found a new and hopeful love :)
happy 2009! looking forward for your book ;)
January 1st, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Beautiful post. Very inspiring… Do you have other career-related books that you could recommend? All the best to you, Twanna, I’m pretty sure u’ll manage to achieve all that you aim for this year.
January 1st, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Happy New Year, Twanna…and many thanks for the shout-out in this post!
January 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Good luck in everything, Twanna! A smart, resourceful and gorgeous woman like you deserves to be happy. At least you learned from your mistakes because a lot of people don’t. Again, good luck, especially with your book. I look forward to reading it.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Enjoyed reading your post Twanna. Good luck in 2009. I hope it is a very happy and successful year for you. Looking forward to reading your book when it comes out.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Thanks for this post. 2009 is going to be a great year!
January 1st, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Funny where you find the good stuff when you open yourself up. Had been reading “The Passion Test” and “Going Where” and both books say be open to wisdom and answers from new sources. Your confession of bad decision making and your Huff Post street cred rant remind me to stop being my own obstacle.
It’s reassuring to know that I work on the same struggles shared by other bright and talented people. Here is to the new year (clink)!
January 2nd, 2009 at 12:26 am
Oh man, thanks for giving us all a little hope. Whether it’s finding our goals or struggling to achieve the ones we do have, it’s almost relieving to know that we all struggle sometimes, yet find a way to overcome. =) My ass isn’t giving up on my dreams anytime soon.
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:37 am
Thank you for that post!! I need hope and inspiration in my life right now. I’ve made bad choices as well- who hasn’t?? It just gives me encouragement to see someone like you rise above adversity and still make it and be optimistic about life and striving to themselves. Thank You for the Inspiration and Happy New Year!!
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:00 am
If I’m gonna have a vicarious life, I’m gonna hope it’s a lot like yours. Happy new year.
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:35 am
Were you in a play about domestic violence at Harvard around 1987 where you played an abused lesbian?
January 2nd, 2009 at 10:41 am
Hey Happy New Year Twanna.
I enjoyed your post on huff. Now as for your messy apartment, can’t help you there. You’d be hollering at me, “NOT THAT! PUT IT BACK, I NEED THOSE GIMME THEM, AHH OUT, OUT! OUT YOUR USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Start with just one small space of your apartment and work your way from that point, you’ll have to do this for the rest of the year.
House cleaning is infinite;)
And that 4 hour work week guy? Sigh! I’m just an 80 hr guy myself.
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:33 am
I’ve been a fan of yours for a while! I hope you have an awesome year :-)
January 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Happy new year!!
I am thoroughly disappointed that one of your resolutions isn’t to do some type of nude modeling…..
It’s kind of funny but i almost moved down to FT Lauderdale for alot of the reasons you left Florida. The only reason i’m still in NJ is that U-haul screwed my move up….This gave me a chance to rethink things and I stayed.
anyhoo…
if you could just make your own calendar, using sexually provacative pics( IE you nude and a bunch of cupcakes…..call it something like 12 months of sweet chocolate)
It would be greatly appreciated
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
It is nice to know that I am not the only person out there recreating her life over and over and over again.I personally believe it takes a strong, independent, creative person to do that. Now if that is not a self imposed self esteem booster if ever I heard one I don’t know what is…. Here’s to 2009
January 2nd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Really loved this post. I feel like all of the perceived “failures” of the past are putting me in line with my passion too. Thanks for writing this :-).
January 2nd, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Happy New Year Chick!
I too feel this is THE year! Can’t wait for your book!
2009 is for me and mine!,
Val in VA
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:37 pm
And seven years ago, I moved AWAY from Chicago. I spent a lot of time on Michigan Avenue. Thanks for the flashback - as well as a year of intelligent and thoughtful musings.
January 2nd, 2009 at 11:52 pm
A great Huffington Post piece and a great New Year’s post. You are a very motivating writer!
January 3rd, 2009 at 8:15 am
Funky Brown, I am so glad you wrote this. I mean the beginning of this entry reminded me of myself. I never moved to different states but towns and cities. I am happy that you have finally found what makes you happy and the success that you have thus far.
I think this is a real motivation for me and I know others.. Happy New Year….
January 3rd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
A moving and positive post, it resonated on several levels, I made serious changes in my life in 2008 and look forward to continuing the journey into 2009. With age comes wisdom. XX
January 3rd, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Good post Twanna, congrats on leaving job for career. I am also in that boat, on paid sabbatical from job working towards career.
When I grow up I wanna be like you.
January 3rd, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Also working on breaking ties with ex (except our daughter in common)
Love her, detest the former other half.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:13 am
may you not be the cumdumpster that no one sees as wife material in 2009!
January 4th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@ Carolina Pereira: AWESOME!! Congrats. I think I remember seeing you’ve changed your Facebook status, too, right? Good for you!
@ martyna: Thanks! I can’t think of any other books at the moment, but Marci and Po are both established writers who’ve published widely. Check out their stuff. Additionally, if you’re into babymaking, Po’s applies well well-being, no-nonsense philosophy to child-rearing as well. He’s got a new book coming out.
@ marci alboher: Happy New Year!!! :)
@ Steve Zimmerman, Aspasia and Mictori: THANK YOU
@ Armando G: I 100% believe that; often, we’re our own obstacles.
@ Dolly Shot: AWESOME!!
@ MarriedBlackKitty: The people who claim they make very few bad decisions usually make the the ones worst ones because they aren’t leaving from their past — in work, life, love, politics. Seeee, and I DIDN’T even mention George W. Bush. Oh fuck, I just did! ;)
@ qwerty: That’s sweet. Thank you.
@ kellybelle: No. But, I was in a couple social activist plays in college more than a decade later than that.
@ Anthony B: Happy New Year Twanna!!
@ Mistress Mom: THANK YOU for reading. :)
@ dkzone: Hey, it could happen. Bill Wadman and Stacie Joy are two of my favorite photographers. For the record, if either of them asked me to do get naked for their lenses, I’d seriously consider it.
@ Theresa Ayers: Clink, clink. I raise my glass to you!
@ Aisha: And thank YOU for reading it.
@ Val: Right back at you.
@ Buddha: We probably passed each other on the street and didn’t even know it.
@ Mahoganydymond / @ Brenda: THANKS!! :)
@ Jackie: GOOD LUCK! Making life changes can be really hard, but it’s soooo fucking worth it.
@ Jaiart: THANKS :) And, yeah, the exes plus kid stuff can be very difficult. I’ve had personal experience with that in my family.
@ Jill: Now, now. I’d typically remove a comment in that vein. Not sure if you’re new around here, but this is a personal blog and my only Golden Rule is “be kind.” I sincerely wish you a happier 2009 than you’ve had in the previous year(s). People who are genuinely happy with their lives don’t leave “anonymous” New Years wishes that say: “May you not be the cumdumpster that no one sees as wife material in 2009!” Wow! Be well.
January 4th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
my brother always says that the number of haters you attract is in a direct relationship with how well you’re doing. kind of the logic that follows ‘more money more problems’. so, may twice as many bitches hate you in ‘09!!
January 4th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
(btw, that was my backwards way of saying, ‘i think you’re the shit, happy new year!!’)
January 4th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Aww, baby, thanks. Let’s raise our glasses to being even BIGGER shit in 2009. ;)
January 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
It’s funny you say that about clutter, because my new year’s resolution is to let go. Let go of unneccessary stuff, past grievances, extra weight, preconceived ideas about myself and what I might want…
Seems like it’s time to start running light and fast. I wish you luck in your race this year.
January 4th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Happy New Year, woman! You’ve gone through a lot, and you’re chasing your dream, right where you want to be. That in and of itself is success!
And yeah, to hell with the haters. Anyone with time enough to judge and criticize others out of petty anger or envy should devote a little more time to looking at themselves and figuring out just what it is about someone else that’s hitting so close to home.
My resolutions? Keep writing, keep my job, keep my debt down, get my weight down, keep telling the people I love and respect that I love and respect them, and keep reaping the rewards that mutual admiration. You know, little stuff.
January 5th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Hey, I read Po’s book too. I got fired, fractured my foot and my tenants told me they were getting dog but not to worry about the size of the dog b/c they’d be moved out before it was full grown…. yeaaaah…. Looking forward to the book!!!! And, yes, I feel this will be a great year for many people. Hopefully, we’re two of them.
January 5th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
@ kbarrett: Same to you!! :)
@ Sid: Sounds like things are going well for you!
@ Arista: THANKS. :) Good luck to you, too.
January 12th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Great post! I aspire to unclutter my life this year too!
January 12th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Hi Twanna,
Happy New Year! Thanks for putting me on the mailing list. I’m too busy to spend a lot of time at Twitter, so your newsletter was the only way I was reminded of your blog.
Congratulations on a great year in New York! But more importantly, congratulations on making it on your own without being stuck working at a job that you don’t necessarily like.
I quit my job at the end of 2007. It’s not easy, especially in this economy, but I am determined to continue to work for myself as a freelance writer, erotica writer, erotica editor and with my lesbian dating site. Frankly, I can’t imagine returning to an office. My hatred of that life will help to keep me where I’m at - working for myself.
I’ve also made grounds on weight loss. Even though I’m only 46, I’m now in full menopause, so no periods. It was difficult losing the weight during pre-menopause, but it’s not as difficult now. Of course, I’ve never been fat - or even overweight, but there’s a certain weight I want to be - and over that is not acceptable for me. I just had a check-up today and my weight and B.M.I. are excellent, so I need to keep it there. (A lot of your friends eat cupcakes. Stay away from cupcakes, Twanna. You’ll agree with me when you reach your 40’s - believe me. You can’t just eat whatever you want, or you’ll get fat. If you want to be fat, fine. But you have a great body, so I don’t think you do.)
Keep us informed about your love life! Don’t settle! Make sure he’s quality!
In closing - when Obama became president it was then that I realized that anything is possible if you want it bad enough.
Happy 2009!
Jolie du Pre
P.S. Swing! is getting it’s own domain today. My interviewer is creating questions for you which I’ll be sending you. I hope you will still agree to an interview for the Swing! website. All you have to do is answer the questions and then send them back to me. I’ll be in touch!
January 13th, 2009 at 1:34 am
may all you wishes come true….. are you going to DC to see the main gig….
but…. whatever it is…..
forward ever, backwards never…..
lamesabassman……. eyes on the prize…..