From the monthly archives:

January 2009

Flowers, Rhythm, Romance & Robin Thicke

Red TulipsOkay, so 50% of this post might actually be useful. The other 50% is a public profession of my adoration for 1-800-FLOWERS and my newfound crush on Robin Thicke. Useful stuff first. As some of you know, I used to live in The Netherlands — home of the tulip. I love houseplants and fresh-cut, brightly-colored flowers. (Red, orange, purple and yellow tulips are my favorite springtime flowers.) Anyway, so, I’ve typically used 1-800-FLOWERS to send deliveries to random platonic friends. However, non-occasion / “just because” flowers are very sexy gifts for lovers, too. White Dendrobium Orchids are perfect for this time of year. I’m not a fan of red roses. Too trite. Calla lilies, nerine bowdenii, narcissus and Amaryllis are good choices. Last night’s party gift bag included an incredibly useful, AWESOME book called a “Year of Flowers” or something like that. TONS of useful advice about flowers. It’s at home. I’ll get it later and update this post with a link for more information. Speaking of last night’s party … THANK YOU to 1-800-FLOWERS for inviting me to their private little shindig Robin Thicke and 1-800-FLOWERS Present an Evening of Rhythm and Romance at Gibson Guitar Showroom. I almost didn’t go. Because, typically, when I get an invite that says “VIP” or “private”, I assume it means “we’re douches and we put words like ‘vip’ and ‘private’ on our invites so you and the other 8,000+ people attending will think you’re special.” Not the case with 1-800-FLOWERS. They honestly put on a killer, class act last night for a very tiny handful of people. I even met Jim McCann; he’s got a great sense of humor.

GOOFY LITTLE ME: Thanks. Seriously. This event was awesome!
AWESOME CEO DUDE: [joking] Oh, we do parties with Robin Thicke every night. You didn’t know? You must be on the wrong list.

Funny! :) LOVE THEM. What’s more? The gift bag was 500 shades of amazingness. Old-school style 8 X 10 glossy of Robin Thicke, free copy of his CD, chocolate, cookies, books, etc., etc. AND they fed us cute little heart-shaped sandwiches, champagne, strawberries and chocolate fondue??? When did 1-800-FLOWERS get so awesome?!?! Seriously, I think Robin Thicke loves them, too. At one point he actually clapped his hands and excitedly chanted: “Let’s hear it for 1-800-FLOWERS!!! HERCULES, HERCULES, HERCULES!!!” Fun party. Extra TV was there too, so you can watch his performance on the Extra Raw Channel. Last time I checked, they hadn’t posted the video yet. I’ll update the post with a link once it’s live. And, finally, of course, THANK YOU Robin Thicke for placing his sexy drop of deliciousness next to me. (I didn’t bring my camera, so the random fuzzy pics from last night are via my Blackberry.) Interestingly, he’s even MORE attractive in person. Hmmm …. I smell a new crush. ;)

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Credit paid: Image of flowers, Passionate Tulips by Jane Packer, appears online at 1-800-FLOWERS.

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{ 8 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

“Slumdog Millionaire Sucks”

I knew I’d hate Slumdog Millionaire. Everyone I know ( … and I mean EVERYONE … ) who’d seen the movie told me: “You have to see it. You would love it.” I can be stubborn; so, I made up my mind: I was going to hate it. No film, no matter how great, can live up to such hype. Nevertheless, I went to see it “just in case” my friends were right. Plus, I hate it when I wait so long to see a movie that someone ruins the end for me, sing-songingly apologizing, “Soooory, I thought you saw it already.”

I go to the 7 pm showing at The Angelika Film Center — a cutesy little arthouse film center on Houston Street with a coffee shop as a lobby decorated with dainty cafe tables and wireframe chairs. The place is packed even though the film has been out for weeks. “Oh, now I know I’m going to hate this,” I figure. I don’t usually follow the pack on movies; I’ve vomitted over tons of flicks others thought were brilliant. (Jurassic Park, Harry Potter, Gangs of New York, Indochine and Monsoon Wedding come to mind.)

Unusual for me, I skip popcorn and pop to head straight to the theater. I get a good seat dead center. Lights go out. Film starts. For the first five minutes, I hate it. I mumble under my breath, “It is written … Slumdog Millionaire sucks!” But, seriously, by the sixth or seventh minute in … I fell in love. Shocking, right? Honestly, I surprised myself by liking this movie so much. Granted, I’m a Danny Boy fan. Trainspotting and 28 Days Later rock. Also, I love movies with cinematography that show lushly colored scenery (e.g. Baz Luhrman’s Paris in Moulin Rouge and Ang Lee’s American West in Brokeback Mountain). And, yeah, I like foreign film better than homegrown stuff. But, yeah, I still thought I wouldn’t like Slumdog. Yeah. Anyway. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly reccommend it. I’m sure people walk away from it with different messages; for me, it was about how heartbreakingly painful and sad life can be — even when it’s progressing “exactly as it should.” Cue Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata.

Dev Patel is today’s Manly Monday pick. He’s the dude who plays the lead, Jamal Malik — doing it in a way that makes him seem honest and hopeful, yet not naive. Jaded and frustrated, but optimistic. Damn, I’d like to write more about him and the movie but I don’t want to ruin it if you haven’t seen it. If you’ve already bought and used a ticket to see it, I’d love to hear your impressions. Let’s chat about it in the comments section? By the way, thanks and big drippy kisses to Fox Searchlight Pictures for making the behind-the-scenes footage below available:

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{ 30 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Divorce & the Nip Tucked Kidney

He put it in her; now, he wants it out. Oh, sweet Jesus! I swear the world gets more interesting each day. A couple years ago, my friend Samirah told me one of her coworkers gave her sickly husband a kidney … then the dude left her. Read my blog post about it here. Back then, I joked: “in the divorce settlement, I would have asked for my kidney back.” I meant it JOKINGLY, figuring I’d never actually be in that hypothetical situation. No one would. Well … If you’ve not yet heard about Richard and Dawnell Batista: “Divorce and the Case of the Nip Tucked Kidney.” He gave her a kidney. She later cheated on him and filed for divorce.

He wants his kidney back.

Two questions: (1) Would you give away a kidney to a loved one who needed it and (2) should this Batista dude get his kidney — or its financial equivalent — back?

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Related: Man wants wife’s kidney back–or $1.5M

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{ 17 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Is Marriage Worth It? I Say No.

Is Marriage Worth It?Love is in the air. Elsewhere. I live in New York City where “air” is urine-scented steam rising from manholes. That said, I’ve decided to write about “love” and (separately) “marriage” today. Let’s talk about five future brides, shall we? I stumble across Essence magazine’s Will You Marry Me? contest. “We offered 5 men the chance to propose,” the mag explains. Vote. The most popular couple wins $50,000. The female contestants? Proper black girls. Straightened hair. Polished. Appropriate. All very beautiful. I’m rooting for this woman. Recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, she: genuinely looks cute and happy with her dude; wears excellent sexy summer dresses; makes funny faces at cameras; and gets freaky-deaky(?) in hot tubs. I love it! What’s more? When her boyfriend proposes, the chick gets so nervous she acts downright quirky. Nervously flipping through a magazine, she darts her eyes around the room then says: “Huh? What the?” Video: 02:44. That’s awesome!

I imagine I’d react the exact same — if I believed in getting wed. Nope, kiddies. It’s just not for me; I don’t see the point of marriage. Few would tolerate its failure rate elsewhere. Imagine 50% of MTA trains crashed during rush hour, 50% of planes fell from the sky or 50% of NYC taxicab drivers knifed their passengers. If any of this occurred, alarms would sound. Clearly, something isn’t working. Right? Not the case with marriage. “It works, dammit! IT WORKS!!! For everyone!!! You’ve just gotta believe in it hard enough.” The assumption? Divorce is failure; however, sleeping next to someone in the same bed without fucking them for months, hell, even YEARS at a time is “success.” Being an adult, walking away from an agreement that once worked very well but no longer fits either party, is “quitting.” Sticking together through the bitter end — and, I mean BITTER fights, namecalling, cheating, loneliness, family feuds, unwanted children, etc. — is “commitment.” Let’s not pretend all marriages are perfect, shall we?

Racialicious gives it to you straight, “plenty of black people – I’d say most – are really committed to the idea of two parents and a stable marriage.” Nuh-uh. Not me. :) Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ANTI marriage, mind you. (Ditto for gay marriage. Whoever wants to marry should be able to marry.) For some, it works. When proposing to the awesome contestant I mention earlier in this post, her guy says, “You once asked me if I could meet anyone, who would it be. The answer is, and always will be, our children.” See? Beautiful. That’s love. I sincerely wish them the best in marriage. For me, for now, I’m okay being single and childfree. How about you? I check the demographic stats on my blog. Interestingly, most of you (54%) are men. Sexy white folks, gorgeous black people, Asian hotties and other lovely readers like getting down with the funky brown. Married, single and divorced people read this site. This blog is most interesting when people respectively disagree; so, tell me your answer to this question: Marriage. Is it worth it?

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Credit paid: Image pf hands is by Kostya Kisleyko.

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{ 61 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

The Best of 2008 Manly Mondays

Oh, the pressure. The pressure!! If this is your first time getting down with the funky brown, Manly Mondays are weekly celebrations of everything wonderful about M-E-N. Sometimes we drool over a particular guy; however, more often than not, we gab about general testosterone-related subjects of the day. I wasn’t sure who should be the first Manly Monday pick for 2009. Barack Obama would be an obvious choice, but I’m saving that delicious nibble of a man until inauguration because I’m going to DC for the festivities. In the spirit of “closing” last year, here’s a round up of some of my — and, based on comments, your — favorite 2008 Manly Monday picks. Enjoy!

The Brown Chick Who Sometimes Dates White Dudes
I like my milk like I like my men. White with no fat.

Are Good Guys Drawn to Bad Girls?
Is it true that good guys are drawn to “bad girl” girlfriends, but they settle down with women they think would make “good girl” wives? (For the flipside, is it true that good girls are drawn to “bad boy” boyfriends, but they settle down with men they think would make “good” husbands?) BONUS: For my views on the “good girl” vs. “bad girl” bullshit, read: Twanna, The Madonna Whore.

How to Hide an Erection
Funny, informational video that provides excellent tips for concealing unexpected boners.

Manly, Hot, Asian-American Men
“[S]tatistics show that ‘Asian man/black woman’ is the least common of all interracial combinations, representing less than 0.01 percent of all marriages in the United States — a total of just 6,000 couples across the entire country.” Change starts at home; I’m ready to be part of the solution.

Top 10 Hottest DILFs (Dads I’d Like To Fuck)
Men with children have never been hot … until now.

A Guy’s Perspective on Thr33somes
ROYAL YOUNG: While discussing fine wines with Twanna at an East Village loft after party for a reading at Gramercy Park National Arts Club, she told me she had just had a thr33some. “I’m writing about my thr33some!” I exclaimed. Being a dude, I was eager to hear it from a ladies’ perspective, especially since the two ladies involved in mine had jilted me.

Penises: Cut vs. Uncut
Light-hearted discussion about the relative merits of circumcision.

Who’s Responsible for Orgasms? Men or Women?
When two people are in bed together, are both entitled to an orgasm if each desires (and is able to have) one?

How to Buy Men’s Sex Toys
Learn more about (or purchase) the toys.

H-A-W-T!!!! Jon Yongfook
Fuck. Look at him. God, he’s gorgeous, isn’t he? In his own words, Yongfook hails from “Her Majesties United Kingdom of Great Britain Scones Tea Cricket Beer.” Beauty *and* a sense of humor?!?! Somebody dip this man in honey and bring him to me so I can lick him!!

Men Who Like BBW Sex
I think a blogger named Mollena hit the nail on the head when she said: “I do not think that there is a correlation between sexual activity and weight.”

Does Size Matter?
I could espouse the joys of being with a big guy. At the same time, I’ve certainly had thrilling “Os” with little guys who really knew how to work their magic and please women. Does size matter? Or, is technique more important?

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{ 4 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Happy New Year, I’m Starting Over!

Out with the Old, In With the NewAlmost seven years ago, I moved to Chicago. Having U-Hauled my stuff from Florida, I’d just been dumped without reason by a man I thought loved me more than anyone had previously. He told me there wasn’t another woman and I hadn’t done anything wrong. As Woody Allen has said, “the heart wants what it wants.” His didn’t want me. Since I couldn’t blame him for his desires (or lack thereof), I blamed me. What did I do to make myself so incredibly unlovable ?, I wondered. I was hurt, depressed, unemployed and crashing at an old college friends’ place — a gainfully employed corporate banker who offered me her guest room then later, unexpectedly, asked me to pad her wallet with back-rent when I moved out.

Struggling with a heart broken by my ex, a job search failed and pain from a friend’s perceived betrayal, I wondered: What Should I Do with My Life? I schlepped to Borders Bookstore on Chicago’s Michigan Avenue and bought hottie Po Bronson‘s book by the same title: What Should I Do with My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question. I’m not going to tell the tale of my three-year stint in the Second City and subsequent move to Manhattan — or the story of how I got over the boy — because that’s not the point of this blog post. Out with the old, in with the new. Happy New Year, it’s my fourth in New York. Around this time last year, I walked away from my full-time publishing gig in the financial district to dedicate myself to my own writing. As a result, I can honestly say 2008 was my first “good” year in NYC — on all fronts. (Psst! My last 2008 piece / first 2009 piece, I’m a Writer, Not A Child Pornographer, is now published at Huffington Post.)

I don’t remember the exact passage, but Po mentions very few people discover their “purpose” in life after hearing a commanding voice from the sky. I’ve fallen on my ass, made poor decisions, run up a lot of debt, second-guessed myself throughout various periods of my life. I’ve also succeeded. I try to make the best decisions I can with the information I have at a given time. And, I move forward on faith. My purpose, my goals for 2009 are to: (1) finish my book and (2) unclutter my life. I’ve already written 5.5 of my book’s 13 chapters, and I want to wrap the remaining 7.5 up by December 2009. Regarding clutter, I want to lose: weight I said I’d lose by the end of 2008 but didn’t, the mess in my apartment and any unnecessary drama and/or loose ends with exes. I’ve got a good feeling about 2009. I hope you do, too. For fun, listen to oldie-but-goody NPR podcast interview with Po Bronson. Read Marci Alboher‘s archive of her New York Times Shifting Careers blog or her book One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success. Sincerest wishes that this year brings you peace, prosperity and any insights needed to make changes and accomplishments in your life — if that’s what your heart desires.

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Credit paid: Ribbon cutting image is by Jason Morrison.

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{ 35 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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