Happily Childfree By Choice
February 26th, 2009 Posted in Happiness
Ever wondered what the hell childfree means? I’m a card-carrying member — albeit it somewhat inactive due to my schedule — of the NYC chapter of No Kidding! I received an email from someone letting me know that someone else is doing something about the childfree movement. (Not sure if their thing is public yet; apologies for the sparse details.) I’ll write about it after they do “it.” In any case, in the meantime, the recent email and yesterday’s post made me think of the commercial below. Oldie but goodie. Watch it.
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February 26th, 2009 at 11:13 am
to be child-free is in the mind only…… ’cause you only have to …. go to a park
and watch kids in play….. or view them as they open their gifts on Christmas
Day….. watch them take to the streets on Halloween….. to realize just how sad
it is to be child-free….. then there’s the child in all of us that screams for a brother or sister to be with us…. to raise a little girl or boy … is to enjoy the greatest gift of all…. the sharing the wonder of life…. with a little tyke … by teaching them how to ride their first bike…….
if you cant have.. adopt… and if you can have.. do…. and by doing so … you forever give the very best of you…
lamesabassman…… if we were all child-free… what kind of world would we be
February 26th, 2009 at 11:58 am
@lamesabassman: I gottta disagree. I don’t think it’s “sad” to be child-free. Society has drilled it in our heads that women will only be happy once we’ve popped out a baby and raised it, but all you have to do is take a look at the numerous children who are given up for adoption or just plain ignored by their parents to realize that not everyone wants to or is equipped to raise a child.
There is nothing wrong or sad with being child-free. It just goes against societal norms.
February 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I agree with Lauren 100%. Twanna, LOVE the video! Working at the mall for years on end served as the best birth control for me. Granted, any child I raise wouldn’t be so fool as to act like that in public. Still every kid throws tantrums and I do not have the patience for that.
February 26th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
No papooses here either. Mrs. Doodlius and I are perfectly happy without any. So lamesabassman, you can feel free to have a few for us.
February 26th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I’m on the fence with this subject.
While its true, life without kids is very liberating, and not everyone is cut out to be a parent…..
I’ve witnessed some of the most amazing things with my kids, that far surpass anything that I might have done without them.
1. the time when my dughter got this wild look in her eye and decided to walk for the first time across the room. The look of excitement and determination….it was incredible.
2. The time when my friend reached down to my son, and he huddled closer to me , as a baby…..I realized at that point that I was his father…his protector…and it forever altered my life.
Parenting is hard and its not for everyone. I totally disagree with society stigmatizing women for not having kids, as if to say they are not a “real” or “complete” woman. I tend to think thats some bullshit religious doctrine, designed to keep women from competeing with men in the workforce.
I just want people to also understand that it can be very rewarding.
and Lamesabassman…..I totally agree with the adoption thing. particularly for African Americans, it would break your heart to go into any urban hospital and see how many babies are just laying there crying, because there aren’t enough nurses to hold them and socialize them like other babies…..it truly is sad and of epidemic proportions
February 26th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Oh, I ain’t touching this one. Maybe…oh maybe I’ll grope it just a little.
As an L&D nurse, I’m surrounded by pregnancy and childbirth every shift. I’m up to my ears in it. It’s what I do, and I’ll even go so far as to say “it’s who I am.”. For now.
But we’re not planning on having any, and I haven’t really wanted one since I was a teen, and I’m sick unto death of the way the U.S. masses fetishize pregnancy and infants. It’s revolting, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of baby-bumps on magazine-covers; I’m sick of celebrities who had a big lunch being accused of having baby bumps when what they have is GAS on magazine covers; I’m sick of high-end multiples getting reality shows; I’m sick of not getting a 4-month leave from work so I can travel to Bhutan because THAT deep, mad desire is not as valued as raising a new taxpayer; I’m sick of the vibe I get from many of my patients that they are in some way extraordinarily special or different just because they’re having a baby. They’re not. At all. Birth is awesome as all hell and should be empowering, to boot, but it happens all the time, everywhere, and it has since forever. There, I said it, and I mean it.
Kids are neat. I really like them. I’m now at an age when a huge percentage of my friends have kids, and you know what? It pretty much blows. I’m sick of friends calling me only to have an entirely separate conversation with a toddler on the side. Hey: call me after they go to bed. Similarly I’d love to converse with people on subjects OTHER than a blow-by-blow of their kid’s day. Of course, this is no one’s fault. This is what Mom-brains do. It’s what they HAVE to do. Being a parent makes all other things secondary. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.
I want to go to freakin’ BHUTAN. ON PAID LEAVE!
Whew. Sorry about that. This topic is a shitstorm for me.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
I don’t have any myself, I really wouldn’t lecture anyone on what decisions to make in their lives in this regard.
February 27th, 2009 at 12:04 am
I used to be anti-child, until I actually got one. Now I understand (perhaps it’s just some chemical change in my brain, but who cares).
BTW, I’m calling bull**** Funky! Wanna have my baby (I mean, like, a new one, you cannot have the one I just built)
February 27th, 2009 at 3:22 am
Lauren ….. I feel you….. am just a little misty here…. having been so busy with my life that I am now wishing that I did a few things differently ….. I make up for
it by spending time with my bro’s kids…. they are a total caution but they complete me….. yeah, today’s life and times dont allow for kids if you are trying
to make something of yourself in this life…. but … there are times that if you do
find that right person,then find the time…. am finding out that nothing hurts
more than growing old … alone…
and men need to ManUp and be there for their kids and women need to do it also
and yes, not all can, could or would be able to care for raising a child…. and those are the ones who should not….. growing up, I saw first hand just how my friends and their parents got along…. or didnt…. I guess my brother and I
were the lucky ones who had parents who care deeply for us….
and dkzone… while you say that you’re on a fence ….. I wish I was you to have
your son and daughter gaze upon you with such awe and wonder…. though I
live that thru my nieces …. it must be a total gas live it with your own
when I was a teen growing up in BKLYN.. I spent my summer working in a
summer youth program….. for 8 weeks we planned trips,lunches and programs
for roughly 400 kids…. from 6 to 13…. and we didnt lose one kid…. it was
then that I felt just what it was like to be a parent….. some of kids knew me
by name and sight… some didnt want to go home … they wanted to go home
with me ….. guess homelife for them wasnt a crystal stair….
and Mr.D ….. am trying to find Ms. Right …. which kinda hard to do here in
LA….. but am working on it…. but you have to name them for me…. K
lamesabassman…… and I cant wait to hear from FBC on this… maybe I should
come back to NYC and change my luck….. bon chance….
February 27th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Thank you for this. Love the video.
I’m childless by choice as well. I actually decided at a rather young age (12) and I don’t have any regrets. However, I am not anti-child. I love my nieces and nephew, and I work with children.
Being a parent requires a particular lifestyle and commitment. Too many people approach parenthood without a thought and neglect their children in the end.
I would never tell anyone to not have a kid, but to think about what it means to have one. It is a life-changing experience.
February 28th, 2009 at 2:38 am
People who are childless due to medical issues are one thing but people who are childfree by choice just don’t get it. The greatest joy in my life is my daughter, and I know my brother and I were the greatest joy in our parents life. Why would anyone choose to have no children? One sensible non-selfish reason.
February 28th, 2009 at 4:21 am
“The greatest joy in my life is my daughter, and I know my brother and I were the greatest joy in our parents life.”
That joy is there because a choice was consciously made to have children. I can say the same thing about raising a dog even though there are many people who don’t want to raise a dog or any sort of pet for various reasons that are their own and don’t need to be justified to anyone. I absolutely hate when people say, “Well I AM happy about this situation, why aren’t you? Something must be wrong with you!” How condescending. Don’t project your unique life circumstances onto other people. Again, that’s very condescending.
“Why would anyone choose to have no children? One sensible non-selfish reason.”
First of all, a selfish reason is completely sensible. If someone is selfish, they hardly need to be raising a child who are only going to suffer at the whims of whether mommy or daddy feel like being there in their life. Think about that if you can.
But here are your non-selfish reasons:
1. Bad childhood- afraid of repeating the mistakes of their parents or even their grandparents before them. Maybe there is a history of abuse and that person is afraid that they will do the same to their child regardless of being conscious of this situation. So just to be safe, and not abuse a child who didn’t ask to be put in that environment, they pass on reproduction. Rather that is rational or irrational is not left up to us on the outside. We are not having to raise THEIR child.
2. No money- Poor and can barely support themselves. Oh yeah. GREAT environment to bring in the “joy” of a child. Sure plenty of people actually do this…and we, the taxpayers, have to deal with it. One doesn’t need to be rich to have a child but if you are constantly counting pennies to buy food and worrying about how to pay rent and bills every month without fail? Please, don’t have a kid.
3. No time- perhaps someone has a high-powered career and they’re single or perhaps partnered/married but THAT person is very busy too. Another not-so-great environment for a kid who will end up raised more by non-parents (nanny, grandparent, etc) than the people who gave them birth. Or maybe as an extension of #2, they’re poor and trying to work several jobs to raise themselves OUT of poverty. Again, that’s not the time to bring a child into the world because all that work toward getting out of poverty is going to be null invoid. Children are expensive no matter what your socioeconomic class.
4. Don’t like kids- Never got along with kids and feels very uncomfortable around them. Or just had too many bad experiences with them and therefore avoids them like the plague as people tend to do after having bad experiences. Plenty of these people exist and the ones who are mature, up front and humane do not have children. The selfish, immature ones have the kid anyway even though they never liked them and the feeling certainly didn’t change when their little package of “joy” arrived.
More than that, something that you’re either ignorant of or simply disregard, is that plenty of people HAVE children for selfish reasons. Like constantly “needing” to be in romantic relationships, they use the child to give them identity and a purpose that apparently couldn’t be formed on their own. They have children despite the fact that they aren’t prepared but they want them, we can’t stop them and damned if we’re going to keep them from having what they want! Even if it may be ill-advised.
Just try to make the attempt to think outside of your happy bubble, Jaiart. Quite honestly, we of the childfree could pose the same question to you, “Got a non-selfish reason TO have a kid?” Because guess what, wanting joy in YOUR life? Sounds rather selfish to me.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:07 am
Yup, cause that’s the way G-d designed it.
Beyond that, all the reasons mentioned as justification for no children, ie career, child abuse, poverty, are all nonsense.
Careers end, child abuse is a choice, poverty is a chosen situation in this day and age, etc.
Non-selfish reason for having children. To give another the opportuity to experience life and love and parenting all this world and life have to offer.
Due to the fact that I am the worlds greatest dad. To do my part in the world by raising children to be decent citizens. People are the only thing that makes this whole thing work.
The fact that some get so outraged and launch into personal attacks suggest uncertainty of their “choice”, if they were sure in their “chice” they would not feel the need to get so…enraged at others opinions.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:15 am
Btw, to equate pets to children in truly sad.
Any adult that doesn’t “get along” with children can’t really be called mature.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:18 am
Apologies for the typo’s. Darned Blackberry keys.
February 28th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Well I am child-free and I don’t want to be. I would love to have kids. I do get into those moods where I say, I am glad I don’t have kids. This is only after my friends tell me how bad their child showed out. Me not having kids is being hard on my social life to.. All my friends have 2 or more kids now. So it is hard to hang out with them when they are only doing the kid thing…
February 28th, 2009 at 11:53 am
@Aspasia – Thank you for speaking some sense!
@Jaiart – All of your statements completely elude the fact that everyone is different — just because you wanted kids and they are the joy of your life doesn’t mean that every woman would feel that way. Way to generalize an entire sex!
And seriously — career, child abuse and poverty aren’t justifiable reasons for not having kids? What sort of perfect little suburban bubble do you come from? Those are completely legitimate reasons to not have children. Have you never seen kids who are completely neglected by the parents either because of their jobs, the parents are too young, or they just don’t care? Not everyone wants to or is capable of being a parent.
February 28th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Actually, no I never have seen that first hand so maybe I did grow up in a “perfect little suburban bubble”. Wait, now I remember I grew up surrounded by my family of right thinking hard working American citizens. These so called reasons are self inflicted cop outs, a sad reflection of our conscious-less liberal times where people are over indulged and all take the attitude of don’t blame me for my self inflicted behaviors. IMO women that convince themselves into a childless life are running away from a situation instead of facing it head-on. Men are afraid to tangle with FOC. The solution starts long before that point. Better choices in mates, etc…
All right thinking people would feel the same regardless of gender. Step back away from this over indulgent left wing liberal haze and you’ll see the truth.
February 28th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Actually, no I never have seen that first hand so maybe I did grow up in a “perfect little suburban bubble”. Wait, now I remember I grew up surrounded by my family of right thinking hard working American citizens. These so called reasons are self inflicted cop outs, a sad reflection of our conscious-less liberal times where people are over indulged and all take the attitude of don’t blame me for my self inflicted behaviors. IMO women that convince themselves into a childless life are running away from a situation instead of facing it head-on. Men are afraid to tangle with FOC, or baby-mama drama. The solution starts long before that point. Better choices in mates, etc…
All right thinking people would feel the same regardless of gender. Step back away from this over indulgent left wing liberal haze and you’ll see the truth.
February 28th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
People so livid over an opinion must have had a nerve hit. Not so certain in your “choice” eh!
February 28th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@Jaiart: “Yup, cause that’s the way G-d designed it.”
Your god. Not mine.
“People so livid over an opinion must have had a nerve hit. Not so certain in your “choice” eh!”
Well, that tells me something about yourself you definitely didn’t intend to, you’ve never had a strong opinion of your own. If you have, you’d understand the anger of people being questioned over a personal decision by someone who is only brave enough to do so thanks to the anonymity of the Internet. It has unfortunately given rise to a lot of preachy cowards.
You asked for answers and you got them. You just didn’t like it. Too bad. Next time be careful what you ask for. You’re obviously a right-wing nut job. Why post at this blog? Oh, wait. You think you can come here and preach to people because we’re so ignorant and haven’t considered other possibilities, ie. yours. Wrong. We are livid because people like you continue to preach to us, who are adults, about what we “should” do. Furthermore, people like you have the tendency to vote in people like Bush and other Religious Right, Bible-thumpers who want to dictate to the rest of us how things should be.
“Btw, to equate pets to children in truly sad.”
Only more and more people are doing it because they DO see animals not only as children but as humans. I have seen dogs in snugglies as often as human babies. Dogs have their own insurance, day care, bakeries, clothing lines, hair products, hotels that cater to them, etc. I’m guessing by your response you don’t think much of pets. I hope you don’t have one, it’s probably neglected. Maybe if you step outside of your bubble you’ll notice people anthropomorphizing pets. Oooh, sorry. Was that too big a word? I’m not sure exactly HOW narrow your mind is so I’ll define: it means to turn an animal into a human. You’re welcome.
Okay, I’m done with you. There’s no point in arguing with someone so ignorant and narrow-minded. Besides, I was going to have to get mean soon.
@Lauren: Thank you.
February 28th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
TPeople who launch into personal attacks at someone who offers an opinion they don’t like is obviously uncertain in their position. A sign of intelligence is the ability to consider ideas that are counter to your own. A sign ofa lack of intelligence is attacking people who offer this opinion that counters your opinion. If you feel that any of my opinions were aimed at you, my point is proven. As far as substituting animals for children, does the sickness in that really have to be pointed out?
As for your use of “anthropomorphizing”
You got your 50 cent word in, do you feel smart now? Another sign of weakness of both mind and arguement, using BIG Technical Jargon in an attempt to make your debate oponent feel inferior. Give people plain talk and they’ll love you forever. Yup! I’m college edumacated.
You lose, you get nothing. Good Day Madam.
February 28th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
The G-d part, almost forgot the G-d part.
Do you people really think you have some other grand reason for being alive?
The first duty is propogation of our species. (Oops, I meant to have children so our race,the Human Race continues)
Everything else comes after that.
And btw, I have two pets, a dog and a fish. My daughter wanted them. She knows she will never and can never be replaced by an animal. Regardless of it wearing booties, sweaters, or anything else. To even let a child think any animal is his/her equal… seriously sad and warped state of mind.
February 28th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Gloves are off.
@Jaiart: “A sign of intelligence is the ability to consider ideas that are counter to your own.”
A sign you have yet to show. You asked for non-selfish reason to not have children. I obliged. You then refer to those very good reasons as being insufficient.
“The first duty is propogation of our species. (Oops, I meant to have children so our race,the Human Race continues)” [sic]
And it’s unfortunate that people like you are doing any of the propagating. We have over 6 billion humans and our little childfree-by-choice crowd of less than 1% of the human population isn’t going to make a dent. Also, use spell-check next time, the bad spelling is hurting my eyes. Again, I emphasize the fact that you have a problem with people expressing ideas counter to your own and you certainly are not considering them. Sorry, you have not shown any signs of intelligence by your own standards.
“She knows she will never and can never be replaced by an animal.”
Why should she be? You wanted to have a daughter or son so you had one. Other people do not and so they adopt pets if they so choose. Again, where is your supposed sign of intelligence? Also, and here’s where I get nasty as previously promised, I feel so sorry for your daughter to have you as a parent.
“To even let a child think any animal is his/her equal”
What child? The child that I don’t want and won’t be there to know this anyway? And you’re right. It is wrong to let a child think an animal is its equal when I prefer the animal far above the child! Thank you for pointing that out. :)
And before you even think it, no, I am not a member, sympathizer nor fan of PETA, I am an omnivore and I wear leather and fur. I’ve never hunted, but know plenty of people who do. Yes, I still prefer a dog, cat, ferret, hamster, bunny, or most other four-legged cute animals over having a child.
“A sign ofa lack of intelligence is attacking people who offer this opinion that counters your opinion.” [sic]
I’m glad you recognize this part of yourself.
“If you feel that any of my opinions were aimed at you, my point is proven.”
Oh, here you are trying to sound intelligent and failing miserably. They were aimed at me and everyone else who elects to be childfree for our own reasons whether we voiced them aloud or not. I’d ask you to think before you type (or speak if we were face to face) but that would set the bar far too high. So what did you prove?
“I’m college edumacated.” [sic]
I hope you kept the receipt.
“Another sign of weakness of both mind and arguement, using BIG Technical Jargon in an attempt to make your debate oponent feel inferior.” [sic]
So using a word that is above the fifth grade reading level is a weakness of mind and argument? And you’re college educated? That’s a Karl Rove-level of Orwellian speech. Did you actually work for the Bush Administration? Sounds like it. I wonder why schools continue to teach reading past middle-school then if that is the standard that we must uphold. My argument was anything but weak. Again, I gave you answers to your questions. Just because they were not the answers you wanted doesn’t make them weak. Besides, it is very obvious that your argument was a Catch-22. Oh wait, sorry. That’s above fifth grade reading level as well. It’s pathetic that the lowest common denominator has become the standard in this country.
“Give people plain talk and they’ll love you forever.”
Spoken like a true neo-con. You must have LOVED President Bush. He used plenty of plain talk. When I speak with adults, I use language they should understand if they finished high school. If they can’t understand then it is up to them to access a dictionary and learn. I don’t cater to the intellectually lazy. Considering your attitude toward language (again, I pity your daughter and any other children you’ll have), no wonder SAT verbal scores are so low. A student in my college-level class had to be told what “interchangeable” meant. They probably have a parent like you.
Alright, I’m finally done with you. I can tell you were making a valiant, but failed, attempt to be funny at various points. Believe me, I laughed heartily. You were certainly amusing as most buffoons are and I do wonder if you wear motley on a daily basis. I’m unsubscribing from this post. I’m sure you will fire back with other half-cocked rebuttals and blustering moral indignity and idiotic turns of phrase and Orwellian newspeak.
February 28th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
To Whom ever this concerns.
Yes, I liked President Bush, and President Reagan too. That has nothing to do with this. Don’t go, I’ll be good. I promise. Just because someone disagrees with you is no reason to run. That’s the beauty of America, freedom of thought and speech. Remember, you did not have to address me specifically, the same way I have never addressed you specifically. People don’t have to walk in lock step. Dissension can be a positive force. Stay, dissent, speak your mind the same way I did,do,and will. Healthy,and spirited,debate is what makes this country both supreme and unique.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Also, one day when you’re not being so “nasty”, your words not mine. Re-read this entire thread and think about whom is really being closed minded here. I merely offered a divergent point of view and have been personally attacked here. A simple statement like, I just don’t want children would have sufficed.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Team Aspasia!
February 28th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
“Supreme and unique” – those words seem to sum up your entire argument. The US, for all its many virtues is neither of these. Yes, at present it is able to kill more people in a shorter space of time than any other nation and is not hesitant to exercise that capacity – but that could have been said about any previous imperial power. My own country, the UK was pretty good at it for a while. China and perhaps India may well soon, unless the imperialists of all ilks succeed in blowing us all up, surpass the USA. Particularly after the complete lack of any moral and social conscience in its corporate governance has resulted in the economic meltdown that has engulfed the world.
You speak of some sort of divine mandate to reproduce. You call it a duty? What evidence can you produce? If it is only the bible then please, for the sake of the English language, do not accuse others of being closed-minded. The bible cannot be quoted as evidence except to those whose minds are closed to the possibility that it may be a self serving set of myths collected and concocted by the leaders of a small – and according to their own sacred book, genocidal – tribe in the middle east.
In an early post you claim, ” poverty is a chosen situation in this day and age, etc.” Tell this to a mother in sub-Saharan Africa who is watching her child die through lack of food or clean drinking water. Tell it to those of your own countrymen who trusted the banks to look after their interests and not line the pockets of hedge fund managers and speculators.
No, it is not those who choose to be childless who are closed minded. That accusation coluld be more accurately levelled at those in the developed world whose lifestyles depend upon plundering the planet of its natural resources and backing up that theft with the greatest amount or weaponry yet seen.
February 28th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Jaiart:
Here’s an unselfish reason not to have kids.
World population explosion.
You write, “The first duty is propogation[sic] of our species. (Oops, I meant to have children so our race,the Human Race continues)”
You realise that the world’s resources are coming under ever-increasing pressure as the population expands, right? And that, unless we slow down the population expansion, and eventually reverse it, there’s a good chance that the human race will not survive? I’m no fan of Malthus, but the fact is, the world is finite. The population cannot continue to grow as it has done in the past. So, quite clearly, the decision not to have children is in fact the best way to enhance the likelihood of the human race continuing.
February 28th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Looks like our lovely little Jaiart isn’t quite the right-wing, Christian conservative nutjob we thought she was — just a big ‘ole troll.
Her screen name links to nothing other than “Fleshtone Films, LLC” – a porn production company. Tag line “Everybody f—ks Everybody”
Don’t feed the troll.
March 1st, 2009 at 2:42 am
gee whiz….. wasnt the topic about being child-free….. now it seems that the
topic is so phobic that we’re kinda losing the big picture….. deal or no deal….
can you … will you … have… adopt…. mind spending a weekend babysitting….
or walk away …. will not touch one with a 10 pole….. avoid at all costs…. cannot
stand a crying baby within 100 ft of your person…..
suppose …. for a heart beat, that some took that opinion and ran with it with
you….. did you grow up this way…. were you abused when you were young…
did you witness such acts….. are we as a new generation that callow as to even
entertain such thoughts….. is this the re-birth of the Me Generation…. or is this
the age of entitlement … where we draw a line in the sand and say this is as far
as I’m willing to go as to share my space with anyone that I have to bathe,feed
look after,love, watch grow up , instruct on the ABC’s of life and death in
G and A, dress, sent to school for 20 odd years and basically be responsible
for the rest of your life…… like the ones who took a chance and brought forth
life unto you….
it sounds like…. do I buy Pampers…..or Piaget…. baby food…. or Gucci…
did all ya’ll grow up twisted…. or misunderstood…….. am feeling that way down deep….. you would love to have a child…. and that would be for all the right reasons…. but if you really feel as you expressed yourselves so elemental
above….. riddle me this: just where would you be if someone felt that very
same way about you… would you where you are now,or somewhere in between
waiting for the sun …..
we can go back and forth with this ’till we are blue in the face…. and more and
more … reveal to all our ” inner selves” …. you know …. that evil monkey that
lives in our closets and makes us look thru that Glass Onion of Life and say….
lamesabassman…… ” deal…. or no deal….” Pass the Cheesy Poofs, please
March 1st, 2009 at 3:12 am
Thanks Lauren – never thought of clicking her/his name. Strange that a porn company will not have the courage or honesty to write the word “fuck” in full,
March 1st, 2009 at 4:02 pm
It’s no secret I’m childfree – It’s in my email address! I don’t understand why some people get their panties in a bunch that I’m not having kids — it’s like they have this fear I might go back in time and talk their mothers out of having them! Listen, if I had that kind of superpowers, I would be too busy getting into other kinds of trouble to be looking up any of your mothers! Oh, well, I might take a detour to talk Jim Bob and Michelle’s parents out of ever having them, but the rest of you I’d leave alone.
I have never had the desire to have children which seems like a good enough reason not to. It’s not like I wake up in the morning desperately wanting children, but then I pull out my list of “selfish reasons not to have kids” and read it over to talk myself out of it. No. The desire is not there and never was.
There are so many kids out there who are neglected and abused and I think about THAT every day. These poor kids who are born to parents who just aren’t interested in them and end up abused and neglected or even murdered should be on the conscience of every person who tries to bully childfree people into having kids. If our natural instinct is NOT to have kids, **back off**. Use some common sense here and figure out that if someone isn’t interested in kids, it’s better to err on the side of caution!
No one has ever given me a reason to have kids that sounded at all tempting to me. Meanwhile, people only seem to tell me the “my kids make my heart melt” stories when they are on their convert-me-to-parenthood or belittle-me-for-not-having-kids tangents. Later, when they forget I’m listening, I hear them complain. A LOT. That’s not a good selling point for me. I don’t have a lot of complaints in my life. I’d like to keep it that way.
Just my overopinionated opinion.
March 1st, 2009 at 7:00 pm
[...] Funky Brown Chick’s post, Happily Childfree By Choice, renewed a conversation that I have periodically because I decided to not have children. I was in [...]
March 1st, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Personally, I can’t think of anything MORE selfish than having children.
March 2nd, 2009 at 2:20 am
Phoena….. you are so correctly in tune with your feelings….. I said so many
things in the above…… but the reality of it all is that I feel that I am way past
the child rearing age…… gee whiz, I am a traveling musician who rides motorcycles, drinks Jack D. , drives way too fast at times, smokes Cohibas and
I dont think I’m a poster child for childrearing…. so my time is up…..
yeah, I tossed the dice …. faded the fates and rolled my point… and now have to live with my decision…. I have my nieces, so am cool with that….. am just now
looking for a soulmate ….. someone to love me for myself…. I just dont want
to grow old…. alone…
lamesabassman…… be true to yourself… regardless of what others will think..
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:48 am
@ lamesabassman: Sweetpea! :) Childfree doesn’t equal “not around children.” I see kids quite often in New York; they just aren’t mine.
@ Lauren: VERY well said! :)
@ Baba Doodlius: Love that answer: we’re perfectly happy with what we have, none.
@ dkzone: Are disagree with society stigmatizing women for not having kids, as if to say they are not a “real” or “complete” woman? All ya gotta do is scroll up and read some of the other comment. ;)
@ missbhavens: I. ADORE. YOU!!! I’m soooo with you on the paid leave stuff. A lot of childfree and singles advocates have been kicking up that debate for a little while now.
@ AnthonyB: That’s awesome. :)
@ ErrorBoy: I don’t want your babies. As you and I both know, there was a time that I wanted your dick. But, I never wanted to have babies with you.
@ lamesabassman: Pointing out the obvious and I know you probably already know this but … Having kids doesn’t guarantee that you won’t grow old alone. Your children could die or become estranged.
@ Pamela: I love the little ones in my extended family, too!! :)
@ Jaiart: Ooh, ooh, ooh! THANK YOU. :) I love “Let’s Open Our Mind” challenges. :) You asked: “Why would anyone choose to have no children? One sensible non-selfish reason.” I ask: “Jaiart, try to bring to mind all of the 100% selfish reasons why people DO have children.” Again, I’m not saying people who have kids are MORE selfish than those that don’t. I’m saying the choice to be or not to childfree isn’t even about that. Also, you said: “Any adult that doesn’t ‘get along’ with children can’t really be called mature.” I say: “Any adult who isn’t willing to look outside their mind’s tiny box of personal experience isn’t exactly demonstrating emotional maturity.” Further, you commented: “People so livid over an opinion must have had a nerve hit. Not so certain in your ‘choice’ eh!” Um, huh? Am I missing something or aren’t **YOU** the person who left the highest number of comments on this post?
@ Mahoganydymond: Yeah, that’s why I thought Missbhavens was so on point about the friends with kids stuff.
@ Lauren: I know. Aspasia is great, right? :)
@ pink_thursday: Aspasia forever! :)
@ Brian Charles: You’re in the UK? I LOVE THE BRITS!!! THREE CHEERS FOR THREE LIONS ON THE SHIRT! :) I rarely check my website stats, so I forget to check in to see what percent of my readers are from other countries. But, if I remember correctly, it’s relatively high. Thanks for reading. :)
@ SnowdropExplodes: I’m with you on the population explosion stuff.
@ Phoena: You’re 100% right about what fuels the extreme opposition: fear.
Okay, whew! I think that’s everybody. For the record, two things …
(1) I’m thinking of switching my comment section from the general “scroll, scroll, scroll” feed to the threaded style that Disqus offers. I’ve had an account with Disqus for ages and I use it for http://www.twannahines.com.
(2) I don’t think this post got out of hand; at the same time, as a reminder, the only rule in my comments section is: Be Kind. Be nice to the person writes runs the site and play nice with the people who visit / leave comments. Not directed any any person in particular. Just a reminder.
March 2nd, 2009 at 9:50 am
Oops!! Sorry, Akeela, didn’t mean to skip you. THANKS for the link love. I appreciate it. :)
March 2nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
yes. I disagree with society saying that women who don’t have kids are ” incomplete” or ” not real women”
=)
March 4th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I went back and read your original “childfree” post from 2007…I completely agree! (Also, the above video is hilarious…)
I write for BlogHer (Singles and Fitness topics), and I saw that you’re going to be one of the speakers at our 2009 conference, which is how I ended up finding your blog. Very cool!
March 4th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
yes, but they were not in the tone of the others: “f you”, “you’re ignorant, narrow minded”, etc,etcetc…
Seems that people cannot disagree withoutr bieng disagreeable these days. Just because I disagreed with the popular opinion here shouldn’t be a call for these people to launch into personal attacks. Not that my feelings were hurt or anything, it just amazes me that the “liberal- freethinkers” of this generation don’t seem to be able to have a spirited debate without the personal attacks.
Just because I believe differently then the “agreed upon” belief doesn’t mean I am narrow minded, ignorant, etc. All I was trying to convey.
March 4th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Wow, just because I run a porn company means I am a troll now? What happened to all the liberal freethinking folks on here? Is it you’re liberal about things YOU agree with? Not very liberal minded now is it? Besides, porn is a legitimate business. I pay taxes, I employ people, I bring enjoyment into some people’s lives.
Liberal Folks Unite!!! Besides, liberals are small minded anyway. If I want to be of the opinion that people are here first and foremost to procreate, isn’t that my perogative? If I share my opinion without specifically saying “you, so-n-so must have children!” Isn’t that my perogative? If I disagree with the mob mentality and express my belief’s, once again without picking on a single individual, isn’t that my right?
It’s not only democrat’s, liberal’s whatever people call themselves that have these rights, correct?
Remember our Bill of Rights and our US Constitution.
and this creedo specifically, I disagree with what you are saying, but I defend with my life your right to say it.
March 4th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Zandria, I’m looking forward to meeting you in Chicago!!! :)
March 5th, 2009 at 1:42 am
Gadzooks……. came thru the door and caught a caution…… this is ‘da berries…
answer a quandary and ya get bumrushed …… can I drop two cents here….. can we wrap our minds to this thought….. those who can … do and those who cant
welllllll…. maybe they’ll think it thru….. or go for the price on Wilson….. but…
it aint about the porn biz….. the cult of Personality ….. or mentos…… it’s about
whatever gets you thru the night and how you feel about your self when you get
there……. it’s not about who dies with the most toys wins…… it’s how you
conducted yourself on this particular level of your existence….. and … ahhhh …
there lies the rub…… ya really do wish to be where your friends are with the
play-dates and the way life happens when you are so busy making plans….
for now … things are kinda predictable …… but with the way the world’s going
and all are on the edge of change….. there are a few things that will always
remain the same….. water’s wet…. the sky is blue….. and life is no day at the beach…… it’s more like Costco….. and you walk thru planning not to buy
tooo much and in just a few hours….. be trying to fit a 60″ LCD in to the Geo
Metro ya rolled up in…… it’s cool to be what you want to be ….. just be real wit
it….. dont be PC….. if you live , sleep ‘n’ eat and chill to a vibe…. then vibe on
just do look back on it with a coulda,shoulda,woulda…… stay the course… fade
those fates…. and you feel that you made an ill venture… but, ya karma’s on
deck …then you should have no fear.. but.. when you close the door at night
do you share the tears of a clown, the track of your fears or reeling in the years
spent wishing for horses, so Sally can ride ….. but just how many crossroads
one must pass…. to venture forth towards the days of Future passed… with
the one thought possible…. ” What if I had chosen the Lady … instead of Life’
Tiger…..”
lamesabassman….. if this fills your groove and you know you shan’t be moved
then groove on….. groove on….
March 6th, 2009 at 8:10 am
[...] black site.” I write about sex, dating and relationships. My recent posts cover topics like to breed or not to breed, birth control and recommendations for top-selling dating books (including Steve Harvey’s Act [...]
March 7th, 2009 at 12:28 am
i have a 3 year old nephew i adore…that being said, i am childfree by choice…i didn’t have a bad childhood nor do i dislike children…if you want to have kids, i support your choice to have them…i expect the same courtesy for my choices…i know how busy i am, so i can’t begin to imagine how folks with children can find the time to worry about anything else other than raising their children…
March 8th, 2009 at 1:38 am
Still think you’d be a good mother! ;-)
March 10th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
nope…and now i’m too old…
March 11th, 2009 at 10:27 am
letinstar…… nobody’s ” that old ” ….. you are as young as you feel,say and do…
and … from your answer…. ya got a head on ya……. sooo keep your options
open……
lamesabassman…….. bet ya not even cougar status yet…..meow…..
March 12th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
lamesabassman…tee hee..i do know i’m as young as i feel…you’re sweet…and i am at cougar status…i’m over 40…;)…
March 12th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
and I got a feeling that you still get carded ….. allllll the time….
lamesabassman…… do you believe in the Hereafter….. then you know what I’m
here after……. smile….. keep ya head up…..
March 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
@lamesabassman…..lol…happpy friday the 13th…;)
March 14th, 2009 at 1:12 am
gee……. opened the door to this tome of hellacool stuf ….. and shazam….. caught a caution …… this new street is the berries ….. the flow can move mo' betta… this is what
happens with one too many expressos ….. ya cant spring a new vibe without warnin' a
guy….. ya coulda got a spot on HBO Buzzz and bump this puppy …. nooooo…. ya just opened the door and let us in….. K…. where's the cupcakes…. and the crabcakes….
lamesabassman……. this …… rocks……
March 14th, 2009 at 1:29 am
letinstar……. you are …. but moments of bytes
tho' shape of thought does form measures
full of rice trails once traveled for wisdom
only to find one's self within
the only space where sanity calls home…..
within your mind's eye lies the prize…..
the karma that you mantain
will be the one that will keep you
out of the rain
lamesabassman……. Friday the 13th was veddy… veddy good to me….. ciao….
March 14th, 2009 at 1:33 am
and ….. a shout out to FBC…… live large….. have fun…. have some BBQ and a few wild
adventures …..
lamesabassman….. yo sistah… you do drive .. dont you…. so… gotta know … auto or stick