From the monthly archives:

February 2009

Growing. Changing. Dating.

“Dating sucks,” Time Out New York tells us. <deadpan>I hadn’t noticed.</deadpan> So, I went to Time Out New York‘s singles party at (Le) Poisson Rouge last night, right? I didn’t meet any guys, and I wasn’t looking to hook up. TONY was my first subscription when I moved to the city (gasp, gasp) four years ago. I like the mag. I’ve met a couple of their editors in previous encounters, and a dude I used to work with at Newsweek now works there. So, when my friend “A.M.” said she was going to the party and invited me to tag along, I said sure. To get on the guest list, I had to: text the word “SINGLE” to a random number I can only assume belongs to Satan; receive an auto-response telling me to get buzzd; sign up on said site; receive a response email telling me to calmly wait in purgatory until a decision had been made about my guest list-worthiness; and, finally, I received a text that said something like “oh hai, Twanna A Hines. u’re confirmed. tonight 7pm. show this text to teh bouncer. okaythanksbai.” Ah, New York City.

Despite the brouhaha it took to sign up, the TONY party was a really laid back event. Good vibe. Great people. I didn’t ogle the male eye candy because I spent most of the night bumping into random people I already knew and catching up with a girl who recently joined one of my writing groups. Still, I have to admit, I was curious about Time Out New York’s selected 100 hottest singles. A bunch showed up for the singles party, and I wanted to know who these people were. So, at the end of the night, I got home and I checked some of their profiles [waves at Chloé, Dacia & a couple other familiar faces]. TONY included brown chickadees like this one, this one, this one and others. I love that. New York is diverse; it makes me happy when the city’s magazines actually make attempts to capture that. In any case, I perused profiles and found three who seem interesting …

  • Denson is half black, half Italian and 100% a Manchester United supporter. I like guys who like soccer. Plus, his quote was great: “Life is for living; really, why else are we here?”
  • Massimo‘s online profile starts, “I come from Rome [...]” Honestly, I didn’t read further because that was enough to pique my interest. I’ve been to Italy, studied the language and I’m in love with the culture.
  • Mark seems great because he comes across as Mr. Zen — searching for self-growth, inner happiness and escape from anxiety. “Love is what we’re born with,” he says, “fear is what we learned here.” That’s beautiful.

A year or two ago, I probably would’ve emailed each of the guys to e-flirt and, if I encountered any luck, publicly chronicle our date(s). Now, not only am I not typing the blow-by-blow, I’m not even emailing any of the guys. Two things: (1) I’ve actively decided to date less and (2) I’m kind of over putting the guys I do go on dates with “out there” like that. More on #1 in a different post. Let’s stick with #2.

I don’t I mind giving out TMI. I’m still very much an “oversharer” when it comes to my personal life, but I’m re-evaluating how much I talk about my dudes’ lives. Plus, if I’m honest, it’s hard to repeatedly publicly stomach heartbreak. With each first (second, third, …) date, I get really excited to learn more about the guy, find out if he really likes me and discover what makes him tick. So, when/if things don’t work out, it’s frustrating to publicly re-live the disappointment. Anyhoo. Hmm, I guess I don’t really have a point to today’s post. Just random reflections on my ever-evolving relationship with my dates, this site and guys I meet in New York. More coherency tomorrow.

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{ 11 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

In Pictures: NYCTwestival, Thurs., Feb 12

I went to Twestival last night. If you haven’t heard about it yet, it’s a 100% volunteer-organized fundraiser in 175+ cities. All the money raised went directly to support charity:water. So, yeah, basically, a bunch of Twitter folks got together to have fun, dance and support a charity. Here’s a video about the event.


Twestival photos. Pssst, follow me on Twitter if you don’t already. :)

Twanna A. Hines (Funky Brown Chick) & Streeter Seidell (College Humor)

College Humor‘s Streeter Seidell gives good leg hugs. :) And, now, more photos.

Riot (she’s online … by the way, her “where” page is brilliant. I’m gonna add one) and the other photo is of Welcome Mat (website, flickr, twitter) and me (flickr, facebook, website, blog).

Love it! Pink is the new blond. :)

@funkybrownchick @thegirlriot @peteramckay

@funkybrownchick @thegirlriot @peteramckay

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Additional pics are on my Flickr. If you attended the Twestival, add your pics to the Flickr pool.

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{ 3 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Love Honestly, Truthfully

I really enjoyed reading at the Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak event at Borders yesterday. I gave the most honest delivery I could. It wasn’t a saccharine-sweet “my life is perfect” tale. But, I can’t help it; I rarely hide messes in my personal love affairs. I figure we all have heartache & sad things happen to us; so, why not talk about it? In fact, one of the first pieces I ever read at SMITH magazine — the producers of Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak– was story about a guy whose sibling died: Something happened, and he drowned.

“Chris, my older brother, died four years ago,” Something happened starts. “He was 34, single, and living in Chicago. I just turned 35; I’m now older than he ever got to be.” Read the whole story. It’s touching. Maybe I relate to it because I’ll be 35 next year and I couldn’t fathom losing my sibling at this age. Maybe the story resonates because, though I now live in New York City, I’m originally from the same city as the piece’s author: Chicago. Or, perhaps I like the piece so much because — whether on the page or on film — I’m inspired when others share stories about painful loss, heartache and failure because it lets me know life isn’t always perfect and, therefore, it’s okay if I’m not either. Love is an amazing, and it’s most honest (and most truthful!) when we don’t ignore its sinister sister: heartache. It’s like that saying goes [not sure who wrote/said it]: “Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” So, THANK you to Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser for including me last night’s program, allowing me to share my “heartbreak story” with others. Now, on a cheerier note, my friends at YourTango just shot me an email with a bunch of links to Valentine’s Day-related stuff; so I thought I’d share the info with you. Full disclosure: The mag named me their blogger crush a short while ago and, of course, the love is mutual:

Video: 5 Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts
http://www.yourtango.com/200910139/5-worst-valentines-day-gifts

Video: What Men Secretly Think About Valentine’s Day
http://www.yourtango.com/200910667/what-men-secretly-think-about-valentines-day

Valentine’s At Wendy’s & Other Quirky Customs
http://www.yourtango.com/200910588/valentines-day-at-wendys

Why It’s Better Not To Have A Valentine
http://www.yourtango.com/20083562/5-reasons-its-better-to-be-single-on-valentines-day.html

A New Way To Celebrate Valentine’s Day: Keep Romance, Lose Hallmark
http://www.yourtango.com/200910507/reclaiming-v-day-keep-romance-lose-hallmark

Show Affection Without Getting Sappy
http://www.yourtango.com/200664/dont-worry-be-sappy.html

Romance On A Budget
http://www.yourtango.com/20086035/romance-on-a-budget

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{ 3 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Listen Now: Computer Love

Want to more about how technology affects our lives and the way we live? Listen to Nora Young‘s show. She’s the host of CBC Radio‘s Spark, co-produced with Elizabeth Bowie and Dan Misener. If you’ve been on my blog or my personal site before, you already know I write and speak about relationships. Hugh thank you to Nora and the gang for having me a guest on their show to talk about technological compatibility. You might ask: What the hell is that?

Computer Love

“In time for Valentine’s Day,” CBC teases you, “Spark looks into what happens when one half of a couple is a tech nerd and the other half is not.” Technological compatibility is about how we negotiate differences in usage and meanings attached to online activity. Here’s a scenario: Relationship troubles boil over in a 5-year marriage, and one partner stops wearing their wedding ring. That physical “change” (i.e. no ring) could be a source of concern for the other partner and a socially acceptable topic of discussion; however, what if the “change” occurs online? (In fact, I know exactly three recently-divorced couples who experienced the awkwardness of removing their “married” status from Facebook.) Reigniting a connection with an old flame via Facebook, googling exes, mentally unplugging from a partner by doping up on online video games and increased internet porn addictions are all various means in which technology affects our love lives.

As a society, we’re still in the n00b stage of talking about tech gaps in relationships — and, more widely, about how technology affects our lives. So, yeah, if you’re interested in this stuff, tune in. Listen to me and the others on CBC Radio One today at 11:30 a.m. (12:00 NT) or Saturday at 4:00 p.m. (4:30 NT). The segment also airs on Sirius XM Radio 137 today at 4:32 PM EST and Saturday at 2:00 PM EST. Or, of course, you can listen to the podcast right now.

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Related: Last year, Fast Company magazine published my article “Is Facebook Helping or Hurting Your Love Life?” as their Valentine’s web exclusive.

Photo credit: Image by Laura Nubuck

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{ 2 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

This is What Heartbreak Sounds Like

I’ll talk about heartbreak in a sec. First, if you want to see me at 17-years-old wearing braces, floral tights and a sleeveless, pink shirt dress while dancing the mashed potato, running man AND the Thriller dance all in one go, behold the clip on my Facebook page. My friend Tina Cox uploaded it last night. She and I met as teenagers on the same pom pon cheerleading squad in Illinois; the recording is from one of our competitions. (By the way, Tina still dances & now she makes good dance music; listen to it.)

Ah, memories. Watching my toothpick legs do high kicks zapped me back to ages ago. When I was a teenager, I thought I’d get married by 23 because that’s people around me were doing. I already knew I didn’t want to have children when I got older, but I thought I might possibly adopt because, again, everyone else had children in their family so I figured I’d have to have them in mine. Also, I truly thought I was going to marry my college boyfriend. Strange, no? At one time, I thought I’d marry the guy; if I met him now, I wouldn’t give him a second date. It’s interesting the “life” I thought I’d live vs. the one I chose to pursue. Things certainly haven’t always happened the planned. And, thankfully, most of the times that’s been a good thing.

Now, let’s talk about this “heartbreak” stuff. Reminder: If you live in New York, come to Borders Bookstore at Columbus Circle tomorrow at 7pm. I’m reading my contribution to Six-Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak. Basically, I’ll quickly sum up my views about love lost and then read my entry for the book. Other lovely people who contributed stories will share, too. So, you’ll hear the sound of anonymous hearts breaking and/or being united in love. Should be fun. Hmmm … I guess I’ll end today’s post by asking YOU the two short questions I’ll answer during my short story at Borders tomorrow: How would YOU define heartbreak? Men, women, tell us: What is it about having love and losing it that makes it (at the time) so painful and (later) memorable?

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{ 8 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Kanye West: A Black Man and His Mullet

Aaah, babies, the competition was stiff!!! I almost picked Ben Brewer, the babydaddy of the nine-month pregnant M.I.A. — who performed at the 51st Grammy Awards, on the day she was due to give birth, wearing only a skimpy polka dot / nylon faux bikini — for the Funky Brown Chick “Manly Monday” selection. But, no, no. It’s not Ben’s turn. I wanted to pick Rihanna’s BREAKIN’ THE LAW, BREAKIN’ THE LAW domestic violence boyfriend Chris Brown, but that story’s too sad. So, for the first time ever, a man’s hair follicles are the winner(s). Behold: The Black Mullet.

Yes. Kanye West. Has. A. Mullet. Um … ladies and gentlemen … I’ll direct you to NahRight exhibits 1a and  4b as well as Complex magazine’s unabridged History of the Black Mullet because, quite frankly, I have no words. None.

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Photo Credit: Image appears at NahRight.

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{ 21 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Kissing Naughty Spaces?

I was told I’d be given riches and kisses in the most intimate places if I tell you all about a Netflix contest. Okay, so, maybe it wasn’t “exactly” riches ( … nor kisses … damn it! … it was just $50 but whatever … ). Here’s the scoop. Last Sunday, I read an email that tipped me off about a contest. “Recreate” your favorite film kiss, upload it to Netflix’s YouTube channel and win a trip. Good news? I looks like less than 200 people have signed up. They’re picking 3 finalists and 1 winner; so, your odds of winning are actually pretty decent. Bad news? The deadline is coming up quickly: 11:00 am PST, February 9. Yeah, like, next Monday. I know, I know. Sorry! If I knew sooner, I would’ve told you. I didn’t update my blog on Monday and I forgot to blog about it yesterday. Anyway. I want an FBC reader to win!!! Watch the video below for full details read their FAQ.

I’m such a fucking sap about this stuff. One of my favorite film kisses was from The Notebook. (((Le sigh))) Ah, who doesn’t love kisses? And cinema, too! I’m a HUGE movie freak. I’ve been to International Film Festival Rotterdam, Toronto, Chicago and a bunch of others. I even worked at Robert DeNiro’s Tribeca Film Festival (volunteered in ’06, was hired for pay in ’07) and volunteered at the Amnesty International Film Festival in Amsterdam. God, I love film. I soooo choke up every time I see that final scene in Cinema Paradiso. If you’re a cinephile and you haven’t seen that movie, rent it!

day 195 - doux baiser

In case you wondered, the words smeared on the woman’s neck above, translated from French, reads: “A warm summer breeze tickles my neck like a soft blown kiss on my skin.” Kisses. On the neck, right above the collar bone / clavicle. I love that. Ooh, one of my other favorite spots to be kissed is the back of the neck, to the bottom right of of my hairline. Ummmm, here’s a lip-related question for ya: What’s your favorite place to be kissed? I’ve asked this question on the blog before, but we’ve got a few new commenters around here. So, I thought I’d give everyone another chance to whisper one of their secrets: Where do YOU like to be kissed most?

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{ 32 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club

Sometimes I feel lonely in New York City. As I’ve said before, loneliness is about not having one’s needs met and it doesn’t have anything to do with the # of people around you. In my past, the times I’ve felt most alone were when I was in a relationship with a man who was either incapable or unwilling to “be there” for me emotionally when I needed him most. But, he’s a topic for a different day, a different blog post. Back to me. So, if loneliness is about not having one’s needs met, I wonder: what “needs” do I have.

Um, I’m not getting laid on a regular basis. That, of course, sucks. I had some dude / “Facebook friend” I’ve never met offer to give me a massage. Horny as I am, I still declined. I’m not in the habit of making appointments to meet strangers in unknown spaces by myself and letting them touch my naked flesh. I NEED A FUCK BUDDY. Where are my male friends in my hour of need???? ;) That aside, I guess I felt pretty lonely recently because the Chelsea v. Liv’pool game was on Sunday, and I didn’t have anyone watch it with me. My fellow soccer fanatic, Bro, wasn’t in town and I don’t think Irene watched the game. Ro was supposed to meet me at the bar, but she got delayed at home then caught up in parade traffic. I ended up watching the game at Slainte by myself. It was the first time I’ve ever done that. It was great because I was around others who got PISSED OFF when Lampard was sent off for no good reason … and when that smug little fucker Torres slid into a pose after his first goal. But, truth be told, being there also felt kind of strange, like a public declaration: “I’m sitting on this bar stool alone because I have zero friends.” Nonsense, I know. I have friends. I just need to meet more people who actually like soccer — that way, I don’t have to watch games by myself. Thank God for Meetup! I joined the New York English Premier League and World Cup group. Also, I might connect with the New York Blues; they support one of my teams, Chelsea, and they seem even more hardcore than I am.

After the game ended, I met up with Sakes, Angie and Ro for our Beautiful Brown Girls Brunch Club. (Some members pictured below.) Every couple months or so, a group of brown-skinned friends from different ethnic backgrounds get together to talk about our relationships, the black men in our lives, dating, jobs, etc. You know, the stuff that makes live beautiful. Stuff like friendship. “In a 90s 00s kind of world, I’m glad I got my girls.” Anyway. Last time we met up, we went to Insomnia Cookies; this time, we went to Essex. Chatting, Sacred told us Facebook recently disable Sacred’s account because her name didn’t sound real or something like that. Crazy, right? What’s more? This TOTALLY sucks because she’s an international humanitarian aid worker abroad who honestly NEEDS that site to send birthday greetings to friends, view pics of loved ones and do other stuff that helps her keep in contact with the rest of us back home. It’s her lifeline to stay connected to us while she’s living in fairly harsh, isolated, dangerous and, yes, lonely conditions abroad. Thankfully, for now, we’ve got her in New York visiting for a while and my fingers are crossed that Facebook reopens her account before she leaves.

Ksakrad, Angie, Twanna and Rochelle

Taking a page from Grateful Dating, I should probably spend more time focusing on the things for which I’m grateful. Today, it’s friendship. How about you? What makes you feel grateful today?

{ 22 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

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