I’ve been battling the phlegm in my lungs and throat for the better part of Sunday and Monday. Time to slow down, take a break and take care of myself. Sorry for the off / “sick day” on the site today. I’ll be back tomorrow with a more engaging topic than “phlegm.”
“Someone suggested [I] write to you,” a reader shot me a email, “and ask you if you could [write] about Transsexual women in New York.” Oooh, sex & gender benders!! I love it. What better Manly Monday topic could there be than men who used to be women and women who used to be men? A while ago, MSNBC did a documentary called Born in the Wrong Body. It was actually pretty good. Watch clips from the show here. Also, one of the individuals featured, Cris Beam, wrote a book called Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers; you can read an excerpt at MSNBC or buy the book online.
I live in New York. Bumping into transgendered people is as common as meeting lefthanders. Although I know several transpeople — acquaintances, former coworkers, friends of friends, etc. — I only have one real “friend.” When I met him 11 years ago, he was a gay black man. More recently, he began the process of becoming a woman. (Sidenote: He says society is more accepting of MtF transsexuals than it is of effeminate gay black men.) To be honest, it’s taking me a bit longer than I though it would to wrap my head around the change. It’s the little things. For example, we went out with a group of people a while ago. The next day, a German friend “F” asked something about “your friend, the girl we went out with the other night. What’s her name?” I rambled off a list of all the women in the group — forgetting one. Quite honestly, until that moment, I don’t think I realized I wasn’t treating her like a “woman”; instead my mind classified “my (former) guy friend” as a “transsexual.” Interestingly, though understandably, the community also self refers as transsexuals, transgendered and trannies … not solely “women” and “men.”
But, back to the MSNBC documentary. I think they did a nice job at balancing young and old, MtF and FtM examples. It was interesting to notice many of the people featured talked about common themes: noticing something was “different” from a very young age; feeling born to the wrong body; experiencing rejection from loved one(s); and thinking the choice was either suicide or a sex change. I’ve heard similar things from the mouths of acquaintances as well as other pop culture documentaries like BBC’s My Secret Female Body. Here’s a question that came to mind after watching the MSNBC segment about the 16-year-old boy Jake (nee Julia): Should teens be allowed to have sex reassignment surgery if desired? Leave your thoughts in the comments section. Head’s up! I’m not interested in shitty “that’s gross” comments about our lovely transgendered folks. (Why? Because take it elsewhere. Assholes are 100% free to be assholes–just not in my [online] home.) I’m also not particularly interested interested in passive aggressive personal attacks about me using the word — or, I might add, transsexuals self-referring to be — “trannies.” (Why? Because fuck haters. As Mollena brilliantly notes: “[S]ome people look for slings and arrows even from allies and empathizers.”) That stuff aside, I’m geniunely curious to hear your thoughts: Should teens be allowed to have sex reassignment surgery if desired?
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Image by Dominik Gwarek
Because I forgot my BlackBerry at home yesterday and didn’t have access to my calendar, I totally forgot about the marlies|dekkers private lingerie event. A friend got me on the guest list and I was going to drop by before heading to a different friend’s party. Damn it! I guess there’s always next time. :( By the way, speaking of underwear and responding to Rachel’s comment from yesterday’s post …
“I thought you don’t wear panties? I’m confused. Either way is okay – I love that you wear matching bras and panties, it sounds so old school, I guess because I don’t know anyone else who does.”
– Rachel Kramer Bussel
Hear ye, hear ye. Let it be known that I, Twanna A. Hines, do occasionally wear underwear. I have proof. Ages ago, back when my family, coworkers, church members and others didn’t know about this site, I used to regularly pose and snap pictures of myself in my underwear. See “Green Bra” Exhibit #1 and Exhibit #2 as well as “Matching Green Lacy Panty” Exhibit B. Seeeee? I do wear panties!!! Just not often. ;)
By the way, for the record, I always feel really happy, pretty and sexy when I wear matching bra and panties. (Pssst!! Victoria’s Secret is having 40% sale!) For that reason, I’m considering reigniting my passion for posting pictures of myself in my underwear. It was a lot easier to do when I wasn’t: (a) “out” with my name and face on the internet and (b) lugging around an extra 10 pounds of winter weight. Hmmm, not sure I feel confortable enough to do panty shots yet. Give me a couple additional weeks running in the park …
I mentioned this on Twitter yesterday but … If you’ve not yet heard, NY Daily News, Gawker, Scandalist and others are all reporting about that sadomasochist, knife-loving, Satan-worshiping, vampire-adoring, 16-year-old kid. Read “The Kinky Sex Murder At ABC News Radio” by Brian Fairbanks. “Seriously, let this serve as a reminder to all of us to use extreme caution when inviting strangers home,” Brian says. That’s probably very good advice.
Additionally, I freely admit I google the hell out of everyone I date. You’d be surprised what you find. Take the satanic kid in the news, for example. His MySpace, YouTube were pretty straight forward. He mentions that he loves extreme violence, violent movies and knives. Nothing wrong with any of that stuff. At the same time, you gotta wonder about a guy who lists those as his hobbies in a getting-to-know-you kind of way. Same thing his declaration: “I’m an Extremist, an Anarchist and a Sadomasochist.”
It’s kind of like looking at an online dating profile, no? There’s nothing wrong with loving sex. At the same time, you can be pretty sure that a dude who lists “sex” under his “interests” section is looking for exactly that. If you’re interested in more info on safety tips and dating online, see “Regard Your Date As A Serial Killer.” For a semi-related (albeit tongue in cheek) post, see Creeps, Serial Killers & Other Hotties
I haven’t shaved my legs in days and my bikini area is looking a little feral. I kind of go back and forward about how I feel about this. During the summer, I have a very strict policy of daily dressing as if I’m going on a date. Sundress. Heels. Perfectly groomed downstairs area. Smooth, bare legs. Matching bra and panty set. Makeup. Product. Perfume. The works. My thought process is: I don’t have to dress up for OTHERS, I can dress up for MYSELF. And, you know what? It’s a really good self esteem booster. When I’m decked out, I stand up straighter, and I think I project an attitude that says: “I am taking care of myself.”
That’s summer. During cold, grey and dressing winter days, I cover my body with lumpy clothing. I can’t be bothered to shave my legs on a regular basis because they’ll be covered with jeans or pants. I don’t wear makeup because, well, quite frankly, I don’t feel like it. And, I usually pack on 5 – 10 pounds due to excessive munching on mac & cheese, mashed pototoes and other comfort food. Right now, I feel a little sloppy, gross, unkempt and unpretty. I guess I don’t have anything else to say about that. Just feeling a bit “blah” today.
I wish it was summer.
Unless you’re a virgin, you’ve probably done it. And, chances are, it was uncomfortable the first time you did it. You know: “It.” Sleeping together. I love sharing my bed with men that I care about; however, sometimes, drifting off in someone else’s sleepspace or inviting them to your mattress overnight can be uncomfortable. The lovely folks at VideoJug put together this “How To” video to show you the ins and out of cuddling up at night with someone else in your space. If it doesn’t load below, see the direct link here: http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-avoid-trapped-arm-whilst-cuddling-in-bed
THE LOVE STORY: How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed
Thumbs up for romantic comedies. I haven’t seen Duplicity yet, but I really really really want to. Who doesn’t love Clive Owen?! Plus, I’m kind of a sap for romantic comedies in general and Julia Roberts movies in particular. Speaking of “married men” (yesterday’s Funky Brown Chick post) and Julia Roberts, Netflix or rent Closer and My Best Friend’s Wedding if you haven’t already seen them. Good stuff. On a completely different note, I could be wrong but — based on her choices of leading men — I get the impression Julia Roberts is down with the brown. Remember Steven Soderbergh’s Full Frontal with JR and Blair Underwood? And, what was the one with Denzel Washington? GO JULIA!!! Wait, shit, where was I? Oh, yes. Right. Ahem. Okay. Moving right along …
Romantic comedies. I recently found out Someone Like You is available to watch streaming RIGHT NOW for 100% zero pennies (i.e. “free”). If you can’t see it below, drop by Hulu for the full feature length film.
“youre no one but a slut who loves to fuck her husband and get pregnant and talk about useless stuff so youre a free rider with nothing better to do in life and you dont work god you suck.” Dooce (Heather B. Armstrong) is funny. Like, really funny. The “youre no one but a slut” quote is from a piece of hate mail sent her way. Call it zen or whatever, but I I’m 100% convinced of this: People want others to feel the way they feel inside. Happy people want others to be happy, and they do things to show that. The “youre no one but a slut” comment-leaver (YNOBASC-L) claims to think Heather’s a “free rider” and “slut” who talks about “useless” stuff … Yet, get this, YNOBASC-L takes time out of his/her day to not only READ dooce, s/he actually expends energy to WRITE to and about Heather too??? Um, yeah, okay. That totally sounds like an unhappy little hater.
I thought Heather’s response to YNOBASC-L’s comment was AWESOME because she didn’t cut her down. She wrote: “[A] slut who loves to fuck her husband? Is this a new brand of slut that I don’t know about? The husband-fuckers? Women who love to go around screwing the men they’re committed to? Because I thought those people were called wives.” Love it. And, I add this … Women who fuck committed men have another name as well: mistresses.
I don’t do married dick. That said, I am fully aware of several single (and married) women who’ve slept with guys who were other women’s husbands. On both sides of that equation — the dude with the ring and the woman on the mattress who isn’t his wife — I think part of the allure is the “forbidden fruit” factor. Very few things are as attractive as the thing you’re not supposed to have, right? I’ve even had married me tell me women wouldn’t give them the time of day when they were single but, now that they’re married, [and this is a quote] “my wedding band is the biggest chick magnet there is.”
Luckily, getting down with the funky brown has universal appeal. Men and women. Gay and straight. Single, married and other. You all read this blog, and I’d love to hear your thoughts: Are Married Men More Attractive? Appealing? Alluring?
Hi, I'm Twanna. I'm a sex, dating and relationships writer in NYC.
