A couple months ago, a fellow brown-skinned black woman in media casually told me black people don’t have sex. Well, technically, she said: “Your site’s not really a site about black issues.” I write about sex, dating, relationships and other stuff. My recent posts cover topics like to breed or not to breed, birth control and recommendations for top-selling dating books (including Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man). So, if talking about that stuff means my site’s “not black” that’s like saying “black sites” and “sex sites” are mutually exclusive — i.e. black people don’t have sex. No one told my vagina the news!! :)
It’s been said, “[b]lack is not just a skin color; it’s a quality of voice.” Tony Award-winning performer Sarah Jones and linguist John McWhorter talk about this topic further on PRI & WNYC’s “Studio 360 with Kurt Andersen” clip below. (Produced by Studio 360′s Derek John.)
Audio URL: http://audio.wnyc.org/studio/studio102408c.mp3
Nearly four years ago, I launched my site and named it Funky Brown Chick. I might move to a different city, switch up my profession or make other changes in my life, but three things will always stay the same. I’m always going to be funky. Before I was born, the word for people who looked like me morphed from “colored” to “black.” Lately, it’s African American. And, it likely the name will change again. Nevertheless, I’m always going to have brown skin. And, I’m always going to be “chicky.” I’ve been a funky brown chick since birth. I’ll still be a funky brown chick in the future.
No one needs to tell me I’m black because I already know that. So, here’s a wacky concept: It’s quite possible the sound of one’s voice — just as their chosen profession (e.g. sex/relationship writing) — doesn’t always clue you in about the person’s internal views about self-identity. Here’s an even MORE insane thought: Why don’t we agree all people are allowed to speak, write about topics, think and act as they please — no matter what they look like. I know, I know. It’s a downright kooky idea. Just saying.
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Hear my voice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0l9Z0f4fqI
Related book: Not a Genuine Black Man: Or, How I Claimed My Piece of Ground in the Lily-White Suburbs
the voices at the end of the clip are hilarious!
I’m with you on people talking about what they want to talk about, without someone else telling them that they don’t sound “X enough.” How X you sound is only an issue when you purport to speak for all Xs, and I find it rather suspicious anyway when someone claims to be the mouthpiece for an entire group of people.
Yeah that clip is funny at the end… You know i hate the “You ‘sound black” thing… Like literally, I just feel like I’m ‘supposed’ to sound like I just walked off the plantation or something… My job is to speak, I don’t think I’d do a very good job of it if I sounded like a ‘bama’ or something – sheesh…
Two things: First, I am completely done with the idea that anyone or anything outside of my person (up to and including whatever critical mass of color-coded readers the proverbial “they” have decided is optimal) can define my “blackness.” Done. I reject it. I reject it hard, on fire, and right out a window.
[That said, she was in media. Hoo-boy, your target demo defines EVERYTHING in the business. How else will Kraft know where to advertise cheddar and where to advertise Singles?]
What’s so nutty to me about the assertion that you’re not a “black” site is that just a few days ago I was telling someone how nice (and important) it is that you provide a healthy, normal view of black female sexuality that isn’t coded with the kind of pathology/noise typically associated with black female sexuality. Boooooo, self-appointed arbiter-lady of FBC’s relative blackness. Boo.
Grrr. sorry, i’ve only been awake 15 minutes, so i hope this made some sense :)
ya mean…… you are…..??????
lamesabassman…….. who knew…….
That clip was hilarious. I don’t know how I missed that episode. Leave it to Twanna to tie it all together. Brilliant.
I can relate to Sarah’s story about getting a job over the phone and having the interviewer back-peddle during the face-to-face meeting.
Our Blackness has been constructed from the outside and within our own community, so we are judged twice. McWhorter’s comment about voices conveying a particular feeling is linguistic signifying and coding. It’s geographically based and is realized through a person’s experiences and ideas about race, class and gender, i.e., McWhorter craving fried chicken after hearing Sarah’s old Black woman accent.
Your fellow brown-skinned friend in the media already has an idea of what a Black website on sex and relationships looks like. Yours is not it. In her mind it probably needs to look like this: http://www.essence.com/relationships/ If you look closely, the advice is similar, but Essence taps into the issues specific to the Black community. Your associate is concerned with the specifics, and she should be. Unfortunately, her focus causes her to negate your efforts.
Oh yeah! Do you sound Black? Yes, if you didn’t this wouldn’t be a topic of discussion. [wink]
ahhhh….The age old conundrum. Speaking ” Black” or speaking “White”. what it basicaly boils down to is, are you speaking “proper English”. Usually this is more an indictment of where you went to school, than your actual ethnicity. I was born and Raised in Montclair NJ, a nice sized suburban town with a good mix of both black and white people. The highlight of this story is that the schoolsystem is really good. With that said, my mother, back in the 60′s, ditched school and decided to hangout in the village, with all the other Bohemian types. So she’s talking about Geo-political issues, art and soforth. Then someone walks up to her and says ” you’re from Montclair ….aren’t you”
needless to say her jaw dropped that someone could finger her for a suburbanite and bust her coolness, by implying her bourgoise origins……
She responded yes, and then asked how they knew. The person said ” When I close my eyes and listen to you….you sound white”
=0
I and my family have been living with the stigma of an adaquate education system for years…… Oh how I suffer under its burden….LOL
Hi FBC,
I am fairly new to your blog and so far it is always a good read!I find it amusing that her attitude still exists. If we choose to live in stereotypes, then we will always be stereotypes..and where is the originality in that?
I ALMOST want to say that I can’t believe someone actually said that to you. Then I remembered that people are nothing if not nervy. I hope that person is aware that such statements provide support to other, larger racist ideas. Black people can be found all around the world speaking a variety of languages with their own dialects, etc. So how can there be one “black” sound? Goddess, that is so fraking ignorant!
You sound like a human to me.
dkzone….. ya on point….. back in my day….. I went to a Catholic grade school and a Catholic High School….. so,when applying for summer jobs, am on the phone and scoring on the interviews ….. but when I have to go sign up and get in
because I got the job….. wellllllll…… boy howdy, does the script ever flip….
it’s kinda like they “know ” just how we should sound like…… bummer…. but I always got the gig…. ’cause they knew that I knew that I could handle the gig…
lamesabassman….. the more things change…. the more they remain the same…
not only do i get the “you don’t sound black”, but since i’m from boston, i also get “you don’t sound like you’re from boston”…both are supposed to meant as “compliments”, but really they’re not…how am i supposed to sound? in my younger days i would’ve been angry, but now, it’s just other people’s ignorance that i will no longer feed into….
Is your site supposed to be a ‘black’ site? Sounds to me like someone else is doing a little stereotyping of there own. I don’t think your voice gives any indication of your ethnicity or geographic background (for whatever that is worth). I enjoy your site, and that is good enough for me.
Ok, so I’m new to this site. I gotta say, you port interested me because this is something people always seem to talk about. Although I’m not quite sure how you made the leap from the comment: “Your site’s not really a black site” to “black people don’t have sex.” Maybe it’s just me, but those are two totally different comments.
As far as this not being a “black site”, it isn’t! It is a site where you talk about what you talk about… from browsing through some of your posts. Some of your readers happen to be black and the majority are causcasian (as you pointed out). You shouldn’t be so worried about what others think, you have your audience and they have theirs… no matter how it is labeled.
I agree that there should not be a label. Yes, it’s wrong to assume someone is white because they “speak properly” but the fact of the matter is that being a minority does mean having to deal with certain issues that a caucasian person may never have to deal with. This may include experiences with sex but covers much more. Sometimes it is nice to read about someone’s experiences that are similar and share with others that are like you.
i have to say, you sound/read pretty black to me. in my opinion the statement that your site isn’t a “black” site, means that it doesn’t cater to the stereotypical or popular urban flavor that the masses seem to define as black. since a lot of what you write about [appears to be] about your personal experiences, the level of diversity you encounter and involve yourself in is not what is assumed to be encountered by most “black” women. so what. it’s interesting reading. sometimes it’s good advice — or bad advice. it is also black, simply because you are (at least as far as government check-boxes are concerned). i think your writing may reflect similar encounters many black women have when “single and looking” because despite your reading demographic, the people you encounter offline will react to you as a black woman.
in recent years i’ve been struggling w/ the whole identifying myself with the race issue. the majority of music i listen to and identify with is metal. i don’t really like hot sauce. i’ve had to consciously stop myself from over using the word “like”. i watch more anime than any sort of real-life television, including the news. do i sound black?
Who says that being black means being just a certain way. I’m a Chesapeake Indian/Black female and frankly there are several characteristics commonly associated with being “black” that personally I do not relate to at all. I love your site and the topics that you write about. They are fresh and relative to what people of ALL races are interested in reading about.
If you wrote about the usual topics that are considered “black” I personally would not be a committed reader of your blogs. There’s more to most black people that the stereotypical image that is associated with us. A large percentage of black people that I know don’t even listen to rap music. Not because we are not black enough but because we can’t relate to the lyrics. Please don’t put us in a single box. We come in wide varieties and usually fall way outside of that.
We need to redefine what black is… and who better to do so than black people. We are Black before African. Most Black Americans have never been to Africa so I’m not quite sure where this African American title came from…. We are Black Americans or just plain Black. Why is it we are the only group of Americans to continually be renamed?
Black is beautiful.
Twanna, Great post!
@ZuelaPooh: Um, Hispanics/Latinos? Hispanic used to be the “standard” though that’s shifted to using Latino more and depending on who you ask the term Latino could or could not include Brazilians who are descended from the Portuguese colonists as opposed to the Spaniards. Asian-Americans used to uniformly be referred to as “Oriental” which, until about 30 or so years ago, wasn’t considered the slur it is now. The term “African American” was popularized by Jesse Jackson in the 1980s.
@ Taiwan Brown: I know, right?? :)
@ A.: You always leave interesting comments.
@ DJ Ed-Nice: Heeey, you’re getting a present from me!! :)
@ Sid: Visit New York! I miss the way you think.
@ lamesabassman: :)
@ Bryan R. Adams: WNYC is awesome. I’m a huge fan of public radio. And, of course, a huge fan of you too. :)
@ akeela: :)
@ dkzone: Good point. “Voice” often includes a lot of different things: race, class, region, etc. Hills of North Carolina, NYC, Mississippi, Chicago and San Diego all have different accents.
@ Cinnabit: :)
@ Aspasia: LOVE your comments!!
@ Baba Doodlius: :)
@ lamesabassman: That “the more things change” stuff is soooooo true.
@ letinstar: I wonder if there’s something to this whole “aging” stuff. I used to ARGUE people down — even when it was totally clear neither of us was ever going to agree with the other’s point of view. Now that I’m older — and, not coincidentally, more zen and more certain of specific views — I don’t really see the point of arguing for the sole point of being argumentative/combative.
@ Chuck: Thanks baby. :) Glad you like the site. No misrepresentations here; my site’s supposed to be about what the about page says it’s about: I’m a sex, dating and relationships writer, and this site’s about my daily life. :)
@ Carol: Welcome to my site!! :) If you keep reading Funky Brown Chick, GREAT! If not, you’ll be missed. Couple things. (1) If you’re new, check out the about page. (2) You mentioned you’re not quite sure how I “made the leap [...]“. Re-read the post.(3) Here’s where I think we might disagree: I think sex is sex. Period. Saying Funky Brown Chick isn’t an appropriately black site is like saying Grey’s Anatomy isn’t an appropriately black show. I, like Shonda Rhimes (Grey’s creator), am black. Whether or not I (or my writing about sex/relationships) fits your pre-defined stereotype(s) is, of course, your opinion. And, you’re entitled to it.
@ Anna Molly: WHAT?!?!?! You don’t like hot sauce?!?!?! YOU’RE NOT BLACK!! :) Kidding of course!! ;)
@ ZuelaPooh: “Who says that being black means being just a certain way?” Bingo. :)
@ Aspasia: Whoooooa Mrs. History Buff, you are! :)
@Twanna: *smiles* Thanks! Well, I AM a “Twitterstorian”! Anyway, I’m full of random history knowledge bits. And yet, I’d totally suck on Jeopardy!.
I’m sort of dumbstruck that she said: “Your site’s not really a black site.â€
Dumbstruck.
and regarding “your site isn’t really a black site”, what the heck does the person who said this thinks about when go to your site that clearly states “funky brown chick”? a smelly female with a deep tan?…i’m sleepy and i’m going to bed now…
@Letinstar: “a smelly female with a deep tan?.”
LOL! Actually, that describes a lot of people in the summer…:P
smelly females with a deep tan…… ya’ll summer in the south of France…..
methinks a funky black chick means an ambidex lady who can seriously hang…
she has the talk, the walk, the angle… and wont ever let you dangle out there
on a limb…… she will caress you ….. confess to you ….. feel you …. love you…
as long as you are super straight with her….. cross her in any way… and she will
let you know that the last thing that you will see in this life is her face as you leave this earth….
lamesabassman…… sistahs can be very serious…. when you’re hole card is peeped…..
Another interesting article from your blog :) When will it stop….hopefully never
I love this. How the H does someone SOUND black? Ugh… crap like that just chaps my hide.
You should have told that woman to stuff it. Apparently she’s a little repressed since she things black people don’t have sex…… perhaps she needs some.
Sounding black… like our race is limited to only certain conversation topics! What kills me is that a black woman actually allowed this mess to spew from her lips. UGH that just pissed me off.
*leaving the stage*
 I read your blog and GASP— I’m black. I know I’m over a year late to this post, but what that woman said to you was crazy. Why wouldn’t black people be interested in a sex blog?  I get so tired of hearing “black people don’t do this” and “black people don’t read that.” And just b/c you are black doesn’t mean you have to just write about black issues. Keep doing your thang Funky Brown.Â