Life Is Neither Fair Nor Easy
God, I hate it when people die. Seriously, I do. Reading about Natasha Richardson’s skiing accident was so depressing because: (1) it was so unexpected and (2) she was relatively young. Sidenote: When I was 18, I thought 45 was, like, REALLY old. My how times change. Anyway.
So, lately, I’ve been really contemplative about “adulthood” in general: career choices, love life, finances, etc. If we’re friends on Facebook, you know my latest status update was something like, “Being an adult is a lot harder than I thought it would be.” Maybe I was naive when I was younger, but I really thought things were much simpler then. All people were good. Dreams were meant to be fulfilled. People who hung out with me chose do so because they liked me. What I got out of life / experiences / etc was 100% direct result of what I put into it. And, so on.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned not ALL people are good. Some people are just assholes with shitty little lives, and they’ll try to do anything they can to attempt to make you feel as horrible as they do about themselves. Hanging around them only sucks your soul and makes you unhappy. Some dreams (like hearts) — no matter how noble or how bad you want them — are broken and/or never come to fruition. And, sometimes, really bad things happen to really good people.
In my therapy sessions, my shrink and I have been talking about the whole “life isn’t fair” stuff a lot. I eat therapy up like it’s breakfast, and I’ve found some of the strongest critics of mental health / wellness are the people who need it the most. (See: “How to Find a Therapist” for details.) Anyway. Most of the times, my sessions are light & chatty like life coaching (i.e. What are my personal / career / financial goals and what life choices am I making to move me closer — or further — from them?) Sometimes, it’s esoteric stuff like: Why isn’t life fair?
On this site, I’ve been equally open about my successes and failures. I’ve lived in New York for approx. 48 long months. Almost exactly 1,425 days. And, quite frankly, many of them weren’t good. After leaving a fairly plush life in Chicago, I got fired from my NYC job shortly after I spoke to HR about an emotionally abusive boss who — after firing me — was eventually fired herself. (I wrote it off as karma.) I lost an apartment because I couldn’t afford the price tag anymore. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how I’ve had my heart broken so many fucking times it’s getting ridiculous. (Search: “Boy #2″ for the most painful one.) And, I think my lowest point in New York came when I was laying on my friend Bro’s bathroom floor alone, sobbing so hard my stomach hurt as I wondered: Why me? Why is life so difficult for me?
But … For each of my most pathetic days, I’ve had almost as many beautiful moments — on my own, with friends and with lovers — when I’ve thought: “I’m quite certain I haven’t done anything to deserve the amount of luck, fortune, wealth or love that’s been heaped on my life.” At the moment, my life is good. I have an awesome job, family and friends who love me and … here’s my favorite part … I’m slated to finish the first full draft of my book by the end of this month!!!!!! There will come a time again, I’m sure, when things won’t go so well for me. Granted, I haven’t liked the rough patches I’ve hit in various stages of my life, but I’m grateful for the lessons they’ve taught me.
This month marks the opening of year number five of “My Life in New York.” Yep: life. My heart goes out to Natasha Richardson’s loved ones — as many of us know, losing a family member is extremely difficult. Life is neither fair nor easy. Unfortunately, acknowledging that doesn’t make it any better; it just makes it what it is.
March 20th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I rarely get to be the first commenter …yay!! Living in NYC is a hazing process; I have lived here 10+ years and I have decided to move to Atlanta soon. I totally agree with you one of my biggest disappointments in life was when my naive assumptions that all grown-ups act don't act like adults. But we live and we learn. Regarding tragedy…what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Although Natasha's death is sad…she did leave a body of work that we can always cherish.
Alicia
March 20th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
No. Life can be quite random, actually.
March 20th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
I left a job in DC last year for NYC. It was a total leap of faith and I don't regret it. I love the diversity, access to the arts, the tempo of the city. It has been hard since I freelance. NYC is a total hustle, and that has been a bit disappointing. What keeps me going is that I'm happier now (emotionally, spiritually) than I was in DC. I even started working on the first draft of my book again.
Good for you for going to therapy. I support that. If you are into written self-help/explanations of life then look at M. Scott Peck's “Road Less Travelled” (quick easy read) or Erich Fromm's “Fear of Freedom,” which I love.
Life is simple. We just make more effort to complicate it.
Congrats on the first draft of your book.
March 20th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Kudos to La Fashiona…… 'tis a hellacool badge of courage to say that one has lived
in the NYC and survived….. NYC is the ” Running Man meets NASCAR….” where
rubbing up next to anyone for any stretch of time can and will leave skid marks on your
persona only if you weaken and let it in…… by living here will prepare you for just about
anywhere on the planet…… with the exception of Boston….. which is kinda like Bklyn
with an accent.. all the grown-ups here are tweeners.. and the kids have PhD.'s….
and on a serious tone….. Natasha R passing is to only let you know that tomorrow
is not promised to you….. that only the here and now count…. while you are here
did you count for something….. did the Eye of the Tiger get you thru what your
Magna cum degree failed to…… Natasha lived the most wonderful life one could
imagine….. to be able to do what she has done for herself and for all who were
inthralled by her ….. her life as she stepped thru it was her gift to us all….. we should
be so lucky……. a wise one once said that Life is what happens while we are busy
making plans……. do what you need to do now …….
lamesabassman……. ” for tomorrow never knows……”
March 21st, 2009 at 11:56 am
I concur.
March 22nd, 2009 at 6:40 am
Each day I live is a new day for me. I had some many dreams to fall through. I had people tell me I wasn't going to make it. Well I am still alive and still dreaming. I stop letting people decide what was best for me a few years back. Life is precious and I am trying to keep it moving…
March 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 am
Forward ever…. backwards never…..
lamesabassman…… stay true 2 you……
March 22nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
it would be easy for me to say to never look back, but then i would be lying…i moved from phoenix, back to boston in 2007 and have been so miserable about that move.. boston is where i was born, but it doesn't feel like home…
on the positive side, my family is all here and i do enjoy that, but i'm ready to make a move…not sure if phoenix is home for me, but i definitely know i can't stay here…
i'm just one year younger than natasha richardson and the one thing i do know is that we are not promised a tommorow…if you have the means, the time and the want, you should pursue what it is you want…and try to live without regrets…
March 22nd, 2009 at 2:54 pm
'tis a wonder to concur on such a rice trail you have travelled….. when moving around
the compass …. you tend to shed some skin…. to make room for the skin you're about
to begin….. Boston is where your flag flies….. but … at times …. time tends to bleed
the color from the lines drawn so very long ago…. but you still carry the glow….. which
gets stronger with the flow of the earned runs of Life that you concur as you move
around the compass…. but … Boston is where your tree grows…. it's roots run deep
and I do now that Family dont come cheap…. so … now,while at the crossroads….
with Jack Sparrow's compass in tow….. you're gearing up for those next Thousand
Miles…… and not knowing which way the wind will take you …. it's the juice that's
got your amp on….. the rice trail's got you name on it and it will take wherever you
wish to go…….. you may be one year younger…… but your light years ahead of your
time…… time to fade the fates….. and roll your point……
lamesabassman……. ” for tomorrow….. never knows…… 'cause she ain't talkin'…..”
March 22nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
my tree is not blooming in boston…;)
March 22nd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
then… you tree is wherever it should be …… it's wherever your heart… mind and soul
is….. you write…. talk …. walk… your life as you see fit…. and let in whomever you believe is safe to share your space with…. but , when the lights go low…. your tree is
wherever it should be….. and wherever your compass or heart leads you ….. you will be
fine…. for I sense that you always land on your feet…..
lamesabassman….. the first step is the deepest…..