From the monthly archives:

March 2009

How to Use Lube (PRODUCT REVIEW: KY – Intense Arousal Gel for Her)

Product Review Coming Soon (Pun Intended)I’ve been given an advanced sample of “KY INTENSE Arousal Gel for Her.” I love lubricant. I didn’t start experimenting with sex toys, lube and other adult playthings until I was in grad school. But, it’s kind of like that jingle: Once You Pop [The Sex Toy Chest], You Can’t Stop. ;) Anyway, so, I’m a big fan of sexual health and getting to know my body — whether on my own or with partner(s). So, when the lovely free sample of INTENSE arrived, I actually got kind of excited about giving it a go. In case you’d like to try it out for yourself, here’s my step-by-step approach to getting down and greasy:

  1. UNDERSTAND LE BODY. It took me a while to figure it out. Condoms often give me yeast infections and make sex uncomfortable. So, I used to always use lube to make everything flow easier. BUT … After a couple gynie visits, my doctor and I figured out the spermicidal lube on the condoms irritated my skin more than the condoms themselves. So, I sometimes buy other varieties when/if I feel like playing around with that stuff. And, sometimes I just don’t use it at all.
  2. MAKE MY PARTNER WORK HARDER. If I’m with a guy and I’m not self-lubing, it could be because I’m not wet. If I’m not wet, it’s likely my partner (or me) isn’t doing enough to get me aroused. In those cases, fuck lube — I just get a bit more vocal in bed. “Baby, touch me here like this instead.” Then I begin manual instruction or, if desired, a self demonstration.
  3. TEST SHIT OUT ON MY HAND FIRST. INTENSE is a tiny 0.34 FL OZ / 10 ML black bottle with “20 uses in pump.” Because I’d never used the product before, I squirted a bit on my hand and massaged it in. (1 down, 19 17 to go.) As I’ve mentioned before, I have sensitive skin. Everywhere. I’d rather go to my doctor with an inflamed hand than an inflamed hooha. You’ll be happy to know INTENSE, inflamed neither. ;) It’s actually a pretty nice product. Not at all sticky, very smooth. Because of its name, I think I expected it to burn / over warm (like that icy-hot stuff they stick on athletes) when I applied it, but it didn’t.
  4. KNOW WHAT’S IN IT. Sex toys are products. Products are made of chemicals. A Chinese toy recall was instituted for the younguns’ playthings, right? Um, where are many vibrators are made? Ding, ding, ding. China! And, of course, US and other factories aren’t above tainted chemicals either. (Sidenote: Learn about phthalates.) Before I rub anything on or insert it into my horny bits, I search online about for details about the products’ chemicals. For example, KY INTENSE Arousal Gel for Her contains propylene glycol, ethylene glycol, PEG-8, hydroxypropyl cellulose, tocopherol and niacin. Thankfully, all relatively safe. If you’re curious about organic options, I think the calendar party gift bags contained Sliquid. They may or may not be organic; I’ve gotta look into that a bit more to find out.

So, there you have it! If any of you are interested in trying out KY INTENSE Arousal Gel for Her, stay tuned. I might have a lube “Pleasure Giveaway” on Funky Brown Chick soon. Very very soon.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

{ 16 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Life Is Neither Fair Nor Easy

God, I hate it when people die. Seriously, I do. Reading about Natasha Richardson‘s skiing accident was so depressing because: (1) it was so unexpected and (2) she was relatively young. Sidenote: When I was 18, I thought 45 was, like, REALLY old. My how times change. Anyway.

So, lately, I’ve been really contemplative about “adulthood” in general: career choices, love life, finances, etc. If we’re friends on Facebook, you know my latest status update was something like, “Being an adult is a lot harder than I thought it would be.” Maybe I was naive when I was younger, but I really thought things were much simpler then. All people were good. Dreams were meant to be fulfilled. People who hung out with me chose do so because they liked me. What I got out of life / experiences / etc was 100% direct result of what I put into it. And, so on.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned not ALL people are good. Some people are just assholes with shitty little lives, and they’ll try to do anything they can to attempt to make you feel as horrible as they do about themselves. Hanging around them only sucks your soul and makes you unhappy. Some dreams (like hearts) — no matter how noble or how bad you want them — are broken and/or never come to fruition. And, sometimes, really bad things happen to really good people.

In my therapy sessions, my shrink and I have been talking about the whole “life isn’t fair” stuff a lot. I eat therapy up like it’s breakfast, and I’ve found some of the strongest critics of mental health / wellness are the people who need it the most. (See: “How to Find a Therapist” for details.) Anyway. Most of the times, my sessions are light & chatty like life coaching (i.e. What are my personal / career / financial goals and what life choices am I making to move me closer — or further — from them?) Sometimes, it’s esoteric stuff like: Why isn’t life fair?

On this site, I’ve been equally open about my successes and failures. I’ve lived in New York for approx. 48 long months. Almost exactly 1,425 days. And, quite frankly, many of them weren’t good. After leaving a fairly plush life in Chicago, I got fired from my NYC job shortly after I spoke to HR about an emotionally abusive boss who — after firing me — was eventually fired herself. (I wrote it off as karma.) I lost an apartment because I couldn’t afford the price tag anymore. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how I’ve had my heart broken so many fucking times it’s getting ridiculous. (Search: “Boy #2″ for the most painful one.) And, I think my lowest point in New York came when I was laying on my friend Bro’s bathroom floor alone, sobbing so hard my stomach hurt as I wondered: Why me? Why is life so difficult for me?

But … For each of my most pathetic days, I’ve had almost as many beautiful moments — on my own, with friends and with lovers — when I’ve thought: “I’m quite certain I haven’t done anything to deserve the amount of luck, fortune, wealth or love that’s been heaped on my life.” At the moment, my life is good. I have an awesome job, family and friends who love me and … here’s my favorite part … I’m slated to finish the first full draft of my book by the end of this month!!!!!! There will come a time again, I’m sure, when things won’t go so well for me. Granted, I haven’t liked the rough patches I’ve hit in various stages of my life, but I’m grateful for the lessons they’ve taught me.

This month marks the opening of year number five of “My Life in New York.” Yep: life. My heart goes out to Natasha Richardson’s loved ones — as many of us know, losing a family member is extremely difficult. Life is neither fair nor easy. Unfortunately, acknowledging that doesn’t make it any better; it just makes it what it is.

Technorati Tags: , , , ,

{ 11 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

Is Good Sex a Basic Human Need?

I’m back in New York. A couple of my Twitter followers and FBC readers contacted me to ask if I hooked up with anyone while I was in Texas. Nope. I haven’t had sex (with another person) since last summer. Yep. It’s been something like 6 -8 months. How do I survive? Quite frankly: vibrators. I’m not on a wacky, self-imposed sex diet or anything like that. Trust me; nobody wants me to get laid more than I do. I’m just kind of, I don’t know, “over” the casual dating / sex scene. Meet a guy. Date a guy. Go on another date or two. Sleep with the guy. Go on more dates. I stop calling him. Or, maybe, he stops calling me. Or, possibly, we mutually agree that we just don’t want to date each other anymore. It gets old.

I want something more inspired. Something with a bit more spark. Maybe I’ve been spoiled? I’ve had fairly good relationships — with a few crazies sprinkled in between, of course — in my past. I don’t want to date someone just for dating sake and you all know how I feel about marriage. I certainly don’t want this shit or this ideological crap. So, here’s what I want: I actually want to feel excited about a man again. I want a guy to call me and I want to get so happy … no check that … ECSTATIC when I look at my phone and see his name or number. I want go on a date by a dude who impresses me so much that I actually spend HOURS thinking of the “perfect” outfit to wear the next time I see him. I wanted to feel goofy, not-quite-sure, happy, cherished and desired. Newbie stuff aside, I want the longterm satisfaction ( … yes, even after the “fun” stuff fades … ) and I want to be  monogamously commited to another person again and vice versa. Sure, I don’t NEED those things. I need food, water, love and shelter. I have that and I’m aware that many in the world don’t; so, I’m blessed / privileged. Still, it’d be nice to go on a date with a guy I really care about and it’d be wonderful to get laid properly. Maybe that makes me seem frivolous, shallow or whatever. But, it’s what I want … dare I say need?

At SXSW, I privately asked random people, “When’s the last time you got laid?” The answers ranged from 4 years ago to 4 hours ago. Can I “survive” 6 to 8 months as a single person without good sex? Sure I can. Can a married woman “survive” 15 years in a dead relationship filled with horrible sex? Sure she can. It’s not about that. A better question is: “What is surviving?” Is survival “living” without having your basic needs met? Or, take this more direct question: Is “having good sex” a basic human need? Some might say yes. Some might say no. Please use the comment section below to tell me what say you.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

{ 48 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

How to Protect Your Brand

THANK YOU to everyone who supported my SXSW panel — from the early days of panel picker voting to attending the event to rating it on SXSW’s system. I’ll post a list of intellectual property educational resources (e.g. Copyright 2.0, EFF, Creative Commons, etc.) in the days or weeks ahead. In the meantime, here are links to each of the panlelists: Oren Bitan, Danny O’Brien, Elena Paul and Eric Steuer. If you weren’t able to attend the panel, a podcast (and, maybe, video?) will be made available as soon as I get my hands on copies. Also, to the folks not in Austin, I SWEAR this isn’t turning into a SXSW-only site. I leave Texas tomorrow morning. I’ll be back to my NYC life — and writing about sex, dating, relationships and other stuff — very very soon.

——————
UPDATE: Shout out / thank you to Adrants and Austin American-Statesman for writing about the panel.

Technorati Tags: , , , , ,

{ 13 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

CHOOSE: No Underwear or Sexy Panties?

Whether it’s women who have sex strictly for recreation, dudes who wear thongs, Australian men’s droolworthy factor or whatever, reading what you guys write in the “comments” section is one of my favorite parts of this site. So, I recently (um, like, yesterday) scrapped the old comment system and I’m trying out Disqus (pronounced: discuss) because it’s easier to use. You’ve probably already seen the format on Gawker, Mashable, HuffPo and other places. Basically, I made the change because I got annoyed with scrolling up and down and replying en masse to 20 comments with a long list of “@ @ @” stuff. The new system works for me, but I want to know if it you like it too. To try it out, answer this quick & easy question: Which is a bigger turn on — secretly wearing NO underwear (i.e. vajayjay al fresco) on a date or dressing up in a pretty, matching bra and panty set? Ready? Set? Try out the new comment section!

———————
Photo credit: Image and purchasing information appear at Bueno Style.

By the way, more changes to my site are coming up. I’m going to upload the new logo Mariana designed sometime today or tomorrow morning. I design my site myself and I’m soooo not a web designer / web developer / whatever, so it takes me a bit longer to do this stuff than it should.

Technorati Tags: , , , , ,

{ 39 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

You Know You’re in Texas When …

Welcome to Austin, TX :)

Ah, Texas is so special. I’m at SXSW. I’ll try to update this site while I’m down here, but you can also get down with the funky brown by following me on Twitter for play-by-play action.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , ,

{ 8 folks got down with the Funky Brown }

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →