How to Date a White Guy
Oh yes, my sweeties, today’s Manly Monday pick — weekly celebrations of everything manly — is/are: White Men. (You knew this was coming, right?) I got the idea to write about white guys in particular after receiving the following email from a Funky Brown Chick reader:
Hi Twanna,
Not sure if this constitutes [a request for] dating advice but here it goes…
I read your blog often and I notice that you date all races of men. I have only dated black men but I am interested in dating men of other races. Problem is, I do not know how to meet them, or at least I don’t know how to meet ones that are interested in dating black women. I feel like I see enough of them on the daily at work or happy hour but it seems as if they don’t even look at me as a dating prospect [...]
If it will help you to answer the question, I am a 28 year old [job redacted] living in Baltimore. I enjoy cultural events and people who are diverse in their lifestyles and ideas.
Hope that helps.
[name redacted]
Ah, we all know how I feel about dating advice / dating experts. That said, I’m gonna take a stab at this one because: (1) I think it will be fun and (2) I thought I’d share my wealth of knowledge since I’ve dated a lot of white dudes, Latinos, half the countries in Western Europe, a Moroccan guy, black Americans, and … whatever … the list is too long. Anyway. If you’re a brown-skinned woman who wants to date Dudes of Different Ethnicities (DDEs), here are a few TOTALLY “politically incorrect” tips.
SOCIALIZE. If you want to meet new men period (whether black, white, Vietnamese or any other ethnicity), you gotta go to the right venues. Generally speaking, sports venues attract a higher percentage of dudes … just like, say, nail salons attract more women. I have one word for you: SOFTBALL. If your job, church and/or city has a community league, join it. In Baltimore, I know there’s the Baltimore Sports & Social Club. If you don’t like softball, try golf, tennis, rugby, water polo or lacrosse tournaments to meet all different kinds of guys. STAY AWAY FROM HOOPS!!! Because we all know who plays basketball!!!! ;) Say you don’t like sports? No problem. Go to political networking stuff. Though there are exceptions, right-wing nutjobs aren’t necessarily known for loving brown-skinned women. Go left: Obama groups, Drinking Liberally, MoveON or book readings at independent bookstores. You’ll find scores of DDEs who are open to brown girls.
MOVE. You mentioned you live in Baltimore.You might have better luck in Seattle, Portland or San Francisco. Those cities are STUFFED with fair-skinned liberal folks who love brown-skinned people and will gladly tell you: “Some of my best friends are black.” ;)
LOOK ONLINE. There’s been a boom in interracial online dating sites. I mentioned this in an article I wrote for Mashable a while ago. Click here and see #3 for details.
LIGHTER OR WHITER, BUT NOT WASPY. Try to find your oppressed allies: The Scots. Puerto Ricans. Jews. Irish people. Italians. Generally speaking, they’ll understand prejudice, racism and discrimination better. This will greatly cut down on your “I Don’t Have Time To Tell A ___ Dude Everything He Needs to Know About Black Women” lesson planning.
There ya go, my dear! :) Kisses and good luck. Now, for the rest of you, feel free to leave additional tips, comments and other thoughts in the comments section. Ooh, ooh, ooh … and be sure to tune in tomorrow for my “How to Date a Black Chick” post.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:51 am
Hilarious! I love your advice! I would also add reggae concerts in the park, guys who attend tapings of The Daily Show.
April 13th, 2009 at 7:57 am
Hey now, I am a “WASP”….and if I wasn't more than happily married, I'd date a non-white woman. What's up with the stereotype?? Not saying it is not more true than not, but it is not 100% accurate. If I were to post similar comments the other direction, the “left” would jump all over me as a bigot, etc, etc.. I really enjoy your blog Twanna, but don't be so down on us white, conservative, Christian guys…we aren't all judgemental jerks. :)
April 13th, 2009 at 8:43 am
this is absolutely hilarious! i love the 'move' advice. it sounds both simple and daunting, but can be exactly what one needs to revive a stale dating life; to broaden your options. i live in spain now, and dating a serbian who lives in serbia, and i have to say, in belgrade and novi sad there are droves of tall, beautiful, ultramasculine men. because serbia's not part of the eu yet, there all just caged in there waiting to be discovered. and their contentious relationship with the west qualifies them as definitively un-waspy. a love of hoops is an absolute advantage there as well because they are super tall on average (mine is 6'7) and everyone, EVERYONE plays basketball. great post!!
April 13th, 2009 at 9:04 am
Hmm, whatever happened to dating someone based upon his personality rather than the colour of his skin? I seem to recall a funky brown chick who recently posted that she didn't date white men who ONLY want to date black girls because it's slotting into a fetish[1]. So how's that different from someone who is looking for a white guy? ;)
[1] In this thread: http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/04/09/if-i-grow... – there doesn't seem to be a way to link to a specific post within the thread (another point against this comment system).
April 13th, 2009 at 9:43 am
This gave me a chuckle. For you white guys out there, don't be offended by the advice seeker. She wasn't being stereotypical when saying that the white men didn't seem interested in her.
I only recall being approached by a white man ONCE. I think that even if they are interested they assume we wouldn't be. So even though the advice was funny and cute I think the “meeting them on their own turf” advice is actually a good one. It lets them know that we are open.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Your reader should also not neglect to check out the comprehensive list at http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
April 13th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Oooh, you weren't kidding about that 'politcally incorrect' statement. I love it!
If you *really* want to meet white guys, just go to ComicCon or a Star Trek convention – almost as white there as the Republican National Convention, and a lot less insanity. :)
April 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
True Dat…..Mr. D
lamesabassman….. and dont forget the boat shows…..
April 13th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
There is actually a book on this topic. It's called “Supposing I Wanted To Date a White Guy” by Halima Sal Anderson and can be found here (http://www.dateawhiteguybook.com). There are a number of websites that offer tips, many of which are similar to what Twanna and some of the other commenters offer here.
By the by, Twanna, your blog is crazyphat.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
The best way to date a white guy is through online dating, “Online dating and socializing is a fun way to meet people. I have met alot of great people thru chats, IM, e-mail. You can talk to anyone from your own back yard to the other side of the world. Granted it can be dangerous if you do not follow the rules, but so is conventional dating. I wont meet someone within the first week of chatting. And never meet anyone alone…always bring a friend and meet in a public place. Stick to those little rules and you should stay safe. There are more pros to online dating and socializing than there are cons. It is so much fun. You should try it. “
April 14th, 2009 at 5:27 am
… and outdoor blues festivals!! :)
April 14th, 2009 at 5:33 am
Baby, I'm sorry. Forgive me. If you weren't married, I'd suggest we kiss and make up. ;) And, yes, I freely admit there are a lot of white, conservative, Christian dudes who are NOT judgmental jerks.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:34 am
Mental note taken: Must. Move. To. Serbia. ;)
April 14th, 2009 at 5:38 am
I could be wrong, but I kind of got the impression the woman said “I am interested in dating men of other races” as codespeak for: “I'm single and I don't want to be, so I'm looking for ways to expand my options / widen my field of eligible.” I think this because, when friends approach me w/ the same question ( … because I'm kind of sort of known as the “Rainbow Fucking Queen” in my circle …) that's usually what THEY mean. That's why I started the advice with, “If you want to meet new men period [...]” But, again, I could be totally wrong.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:39 am
:)
April 14th, 2009 at 5:39 am
OMG, that is an EXCELLENT idea!!! :)
April 14th, 2009 at 5:56 am
That's a lie!! The Republican National Convention isn't 100% white. I'm sure Michael Steele and Alan Keyes show up, too!!!
April 14th, 2009 at 5:57 am
Thanks for the compliment :)
April 14th, 2009 at 6:02 am
A, she's not looking for a white guy. The FBC reader says she wants to date men of other races, but she's having trouble finding ones who are interested in dating women like her.
It's pretty clear that Twanna was writing a humor piece, no? Although physical attractiveness is important and skin color is one of those first-things-you-see, no?
April 14th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Whenever I did the online dating stuff, I liked it because it offered a bunch of opportunities to meet different people in general — not just on the ethnicity front. In New York, most of my friends are writers and/or are connected to media. Dating online, I met school teachers, a hand model and other folks with whom, in most cases, I would not have crossed their path. Especially the hand model. He was the first one I'd ever met.
April 14th, 2009 at 8:29 am
I think you're right, she wants to expand her horizons. And good for her for doing so, and for you in responding. Good advice, too, especially the Moving idea. I used to live in SF and it is chock full of mixed-ethnicity couples.
Xo~Sadie
April 14th, 2009 at 8:42 am
and boy howdy, do they ever have to deal with issues when they do show up
lamesabassman…… didnt know that there would be rivers to cross when dating….. this is something we got a handle on in Cali…. I think….
April 14th, 2009 at 8:44 am
and….. was he…er…. handy….
lamesabassman…… did an all-nighter at the studio…. got one eye open….
April 14th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Exactly my point: Steele and Keyes at the RNC feel a lot like Nichelle Nichols and Michael Dorn at a Trekkie ball.
April 14th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Yes, it's clear she was writing a humor piece. I was just trying to tease her a little bit, hence the use of ;) and later mentioning the site stuff white people like.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:29 am
lol. You dated a hand model? I swear to you, I sent in photos of my hands to Parts Models last November to try to break into the biz. Does he have any contacts??
April 14th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
this coming monday (april 20th) is the boston marathon…not only will there hordes of white men, but white men from various different countries…
April 14th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
I dated a hand model once. Of course, it was just my hand dressed up in lingerie.
It was a good date, though – I didn't even have to buy dinner and I still got lucky!
April 15th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Your writer should simply chat them up. No man's ego is going to feel bad about a dame showing interest, so at the very least they should be polite.
But they're not interested? Cripes, my eyes break my heart about 20 times a day in New York, and at least a quarter of those girls are black. How many times do I have to say it? Hot is hot.
The best way to meet a white guy? Well since you're too far away from Williamsburg to throw a rock in any direction there, I recommend comic conventions. 21st century geeks can be surprisingly mature.
April 17th, 2009 at 9:04 am
dont sell yourself short…. everyone is entitled to whatever gets them thru the night…. now, if your buds call you the ” RFQ”…. could be you get more
than they do…. so they're kinda pulled out of shape…. by now you know
what you want.. when you want it.. and from whomever you wish to share
with… and when you're at that point …. color…size…. shape is not gonna
matter that much….. at that point it's just how in tune the both of you are
and just how long you plan to stay that way….. it aint about color….
lamesabassman….. it's about the moment…..
April 17th, 2009 at 9:06 am
more like the size of the paddle …….
lamesabassman…… to create a motion in the ocean….
April 17th, 2009 at 9:07 am
been there…..
lamesabassman…… boy howdy….
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 pm
lol this is funny and real. I’m so happy. I’m signing up for softball this year. ^^
I love you funky brown. Keep postin’ mama!
August 24th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
[...] count all my exes from Europe as “white” then, technically, I’ve slept with more white dudes than black men. Still, that doesn’t mean I ONLY date them. Nor do I have the desire to ONLY [...]
January 28th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Once you go Black Irish… you don’t go back.