I have permanent congenital hearing loss in both ears. When I was a little girl, the first time I told someone I’m hard of hearing, I think I was in fifth grade. The conversation at my school’s recess went something like this:
The Girl: TWAAAAANNA!!!
ME: What?
The Girl: Are you deaf?!?!? I’ve been calling your name.
ME: I didn’t hear you. I’m hard of hearing.
The Girl: [laughs, doesn't believe me] What?
ME: No, seriously. I was born with hearing loss and I’ve had surgeries on both of my ears.
So, of course — because kids can be shitty little assholes — the girl proceeded to pretend she was using sign language and did a so-called “mock retard” move by beating her hand against her chest. Thinking about it now makes me laugh because it was so fucking ridiculous. But, then again, I’m several decades removed from the experience and pain. Perhaps, I should’ve had thicker skin as a child. I didn’t. So, it really hurt my feelings.
We moved around a bunch when I was a kid. I was often the new girl who didn’t have friends in school, and I didn’t really fit in. I’m not a special case; I’m sure lots of people felt out of place in elementary, junior high or high school. Each of us has our own scars. One of mine is that I was sensitive about my hearing loss — mainly, because it was invisible. If I was Deaf, maybe I’d speech read, speak with a deaf accent or use ASL. And, of course, people would think it was insensitive to make jokes about my situation. But, I wasn’t deaf; I just couldn’t hear very well and it wasn’t something you’d notice unless you knew the signs. I still have them.
- My television is never on without closed captioning.
- During summer, if we’re in a room with an oscillating fan, I’ll turn it off or move away from it. You see, the background hum of the motor’s whirl blends with your voice and my ears can’t segregate which sounds are words and what’s just noise.
- Men with really deep voices who mumble annoy the shit out of me. I can’t hear them, and they frustrate easily when I repeatedly ask, “Huh? Sorry? What did you say?”
- If I’m on a street corner and you call out my name from the distance, I’ll spin in all directions to find you because I can’t tell from which direction your voice came.
- If we’re in a crowded place like a bar, I’ll lean into you much closer than others so I can actually hear you.
- In some cases, I’ve had a few people SHOUT at me when I tell them I’m hard of hearing. You need only speak louder; you don’t have to yell at me.
“Can’t you get a hearing aid?” people often ask. Hearing aids (and, quite frankly, sound in general) are more complex than I thought before I started really getting into this stuff. The quick and dirty is this: When people hear the phrase hearing loss, they typically think of old folks. Grandma and gramps aren’t “sexy,” so a lot of innovation in this arena isn’t as strong as it could be …. kind of like how HIV/AIDS didn’t get mass attention until Ryan White got it. My guess? Research about hearing loss will matter more when more people who “matter” lose their hearing. Come on boomers!!! I’m holding out for you!!! But, I digress.
In case you were wondering what any of this has to do with sex, dating or relationships … Rewind to last night. I’m reviewing a sex-related movie that hasn’t come out yet. The film’s people sent me an advanced copy so I’ll actually know what I’m talking about when I interview the director the next day. Sitting on my couch, I’ve just popped a bag of Orville Redenbacher‘s yummy microwave popcorn and I slip the DVD into the player. No closed captioning. I’m used to it. Because screeners are rarely captioned, it takes me 1.5 – 2.0X as long to watch them, rewinding and replaying the parts where people talked so softly that I couldn’t hear them. (You’d be surprised how often actors mumble on camera!) Ah, hearing loss. It’s certainly not tragic; it just is what it is.
kinda like Gil in CSI….. only in real time…… damn…. am not gonna ask all the dumb stuff people do….. am just a little misty ….. I know a few going thru this…
I dont take what I have for granted….. as a bassist….. I wear plugs…. specials…
I use to be full bore…. 11 up…. too much was just not enough…. then Pete from the Who…. then a few more….. when you start to hear ringing and you know it's
not the phone….. or high pitched white noise…. ya know ya did wrong…. but with
yours from birth it takes it to a different level…. wow…. thanks ever so for sharing…..
lamesabassman….. am so misty……
For a moment, I thought this was a post I wrote but then I remembered I don't have a blog. LOL
I was born hearing impaired too and have experienced many of the things that you write about. I've had over a half-dozen surgeries on both ears and have worn hearing aids since I was the age of 3 (when the problem was really caught).
At the age of 3, I was put into a program designed for deaf kids because though I wasn't one, I suffered with delayed speech problems due to me not being able to hear what was being said to me. So my first form of real and meaningful conversation was through sign language. I stayed in that program for 2 years before I was caught up in vocabulary and speech and mainstreamed with the “regular” kids.
My impairment wasn't invisible…I had the hearing aids (and then there's the hissing sound of the letter S, which to this day I still cannot properly make) to show I was “different” so I've been there with the taunts but like you, it's a chapter that's over and something I can laugh off as kids being kids.
The only thing I do not do that you wrote about is closed-captioning. I absolutely hate it (yeah, imagine that) but I find myself focusing too much on the reading of the words and not the actual movie that I feel like I could've gotten the same experience reading a paper transcript because I don't remember what went on or who starred, only the words I read, so I bypass it at all opportunity. I guess I'm not used to it, I instead turn my television to a comfortable level where I can hear or ask the person in charge of running the TV if it's ok to turn it up a little bit more, without making the non-hearing-impaired folks uncomfortable. So far, so good.
But anyways, enough about me…I really wanted to write to be sure that I was reading your words correctly, that you do not wear hearing aids. You're right it's complex and most people think it's for old folks but there are a lot of amazing aids and audiologists out there for those of us with a more serious and more profound loss of hearing, you just have to find the right one. Technology is getting better (and smaller!). You should give it another go, you might be surprised this time around.
Lastly, thanks for sharing your story. It's one of those that makes me more and more comfortable sharing mine. :)
I just wanted to come back and add that I just read my post over and I recognize that I might have come off as lecturing in the part about hearing aids, not my intent so let me apologize right now if it comes off that way. SORRY.
I'm sure you're doing what works best for you, funkybrown.
Very illuminating for those without hearing problems — good post!
I would be my usual obnoxious self and make a comment about HAVING TO TYPE LOUDER, but that would be hurtful, offensive, and decidedly unfunny.
'Course I did it anyway. I'm one of those shitty little assholes you hated so much as a child. :)
Surgery in both ears? Yikes, that's harsh. Is it anything that more recent technology can help with? One cool thing about medical technology – it tends to get better. I don't know anything about ear surgery, but I know that an ACL rupture in the 70's was the end of an athlete's career, and now they repair those things every day. A snip-snip here and a sew-sew there, and you're as good as new! (Almost.)
Anyway, I'm sure the guys in those crowded bars that you have to “lean in close” to do not mind in the least!
That really sucks. Sometimes I wonder if my hearing is slipping or if people aren't directly addressing me. Like if I'm in one room and there are multiple people in the room, If you don't say my name, I'll have no idea you're talking to me. Sometimes I'll hear a high pitched tone that no one else hears.
kids can be cruel.
and honestly, if the answer to a guy not hearing you well, is that you have to get closer…..I'd be all over it. I mean who wouldn't want a woman as fine as yourself to be closer and interested in what you have to say. although conversations get difficult if you end up making out every 5 minutes
;)
Great Post, Twanna! I am also hard of hearing, but only in my right ear. Doctors think it’s the result of an inner infection that I had as a baby that went untreated. I have perfect hearing in my left ear. When I was in 5th grade, my parents had me fitted with a hearing aid, but I hated to use it – aside from the teasing (I also wore glasses), it was a hassle for me at that age, especially with the annoying feedback.
Now in my mid-20s, like you, I’ve learned to adapt. I always have the captions on when I watch TV, and thank god for DVR, if captions aren’t offered, I’ll rewind so I know what was said (actors & their mumbling!). I tend to walk or stand on the right side of people so I can hear them, especially if we are at a loud venue, and if someone leans over to speak to me, I’ll immediately turn my good ear toward them. I also look around to figure out who’s called me form a distance, and the most annoying for me is hearing a siren while driving through NYC and looking in all of my mirrors to figure out which direction the cop car/ambulance/fire truck is coming from. I’m not too shabby with speech reading, either.
Unless I tell people that I am hard of hearing in one ear, it’s not recognizable unless you notice that I have a slightly louder speaking voice. My friends have to remind me at times to lower my voice, and for those that don’t know, I explain to them the reason why I tend to speak loud.
Now that I’m a little older, I’ve considered getting a hearing aid, but I’m not sure that it’s especially necessary right now. I do know that I should probably have a check up on my hearing, it’s been a while!
Thank you so much for posting this.
I’ll admit I was completely ignorant as to the difficulties of being hard of hearing and Deaf until I met my now best friend.
There are so many things that could easily be made easier if people just took the time and thought.
I’m still pissed that the apple store doesn’t offer more movies with CC, that employers can easily deny someone a job (and just make up some other excuse), and how insensitive people can be.
hey sistah….. am still misty…. but that was deep…… yeah… am crying as I write
this….. after all the pictures…. the smiles for miles…. that edge that gives you
that edge…. and so it’s true….. when one has less… it brings out the best…..
lamesabassman…… makes you who you are…… hellacool.
And yet when I met you in that noisy club, you understood me on every pass, whereas I was unable to comprehend anything anyone said in fewer than three takes.
…I’d go get my hearing checked, but they tell me it’s better than it ought to be.
thanks for posting this! and what a lot of people don’t realize about hearing loss, is that many hearing aids just amplify sound, without making that sound more distinct…so it’s still hard to hear!
I’m working on my website. Hey lady. Love your blog. I mention you on the blog I am getting ready to publish. I have an undiagnosed, or maybe I should say self-diagnosed hearing problem. Sometimes I think its because I am not paying attention, but generally I find myself really leaning in and listening intently to make sure I do hear. Either way I’m going to have to do something about it soon. But, it won’t be a hearing aid – I’m at Cougar status and a grandmother, but I don’t want the grey hair nor the plug in my ear. May eventually have to deal with both, but not right now.
I am new to your site and this is the page I landed on….what a trip~ Â I am in my mid-forties, a mom, and officially out of the hoh closet. Â You touched on many things that I can relate to: Â teasing, isolation, invisibility, and sensitivity to my own hearing loss. Â I, too, have CC on all the time, stay away from noisy electronics, can’t understand men’s voices, and yes, I am a spinner…can’t tell where the heck a sound/voice is coming from.
I just started my blog and just beginning to share my story. Â I will definitely be following yours!
I’m hard of hearing. I wasn’t born HOH, but as a newborn, I got really sick and my illness cause my impairment. A lot of what you said is what I do. Im a expert speech reader so I relay on lips. It’s hard to be the new kid and be HOH, you are teased and made fun of , but I learned not to let them give crap to you over a little trait you have. I have never have surgeons on my ears but I
just have to learn to love out your hearing loss.
I am deaf as a post in one ear (and don’t hear all that well in the other anymore). I, too, am not totally deaf; but am hard-of-hearing. The best definition I have ever heard for HOH is: Deaf is not hearing anything. Hard-of-hearing is when you don’t notice that your girlfriend snores like a firetruck siren, but you are awakened by the sound of the people in the next apartment opening a pack of cigarettes and crinkling the cellophane,
We could discuss this for years, but that would require another site (this one is about dating and relationships.)