I haven’t seen the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I think it came out around this time last year. I remember because Rach and I were walking through lower Manhattan when we saw “I HATE SARAH MARSHALL” graffiti plastered over billboards and yellow taxicabs. We were like: Ummmm, wouldn’t that be funny if it was actually true? So then the conversation went like:
ME: Imagine if Brad and Angelina Jolie ever split, and she went wacko by launching an anonymous “I HATE YOU BRAD!!!” campaign in Hollywood.
RACHEL: Yeah but ‘Brad’ is such a common name. He could always say it wasn’t him.
ME: True.
RACHEL: But, imagine if someone did that to either of us? Like, I would totally freak out if I walked through town and saw ‘I HATE YOU RACHEL KRAMER BUSSEL’ signs everywhere …
ME: [laughs] Oh, yeah, like, ‘I SOOOOO CAN’T STAND TWANNA A. HINES’ plastered over Manhattan??
RACHEL: [giggles] Exactly!
Sometimes having a ‘unique identifier‘ name kinda sucks. You can’t really “hide.” Take me, for example. There aren’t millions of people in the US with the last name “Hines” and even fewer the first name “Twanna.” So, if you come across a “Twanna Hines” online, it’s me. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t kind of creep me out that exboyfriends and lovers, college friends, high school enemies, church members and everyone else knows it’s “me” when they stumble across my writing. I always think they’re going to judge me. And, truthfully, some probably do.
In the comments section, I know some of you use your real names and some of you use nicknames. After reading pieces like 10 Reasons Why You Should Use Your Real Name On Twitter (via here) as well as Why don’t you use your real name?, I wonder if more people will switch from nicknames to their real names in the years or, possibly, months ahead. (Time flies online!)
When people ask me what it’s like to put myself out there and/or if they should use their real name online, my answer if always the same: it depends. Sounds trite to say it but, if I knew then what I know now about being “out” online, I’m not sure what (if anything) I would’ve done differently. Writing anonymously (i.e. without showing my face) certainly made me bolder. For example, I sooooo don’t think I would’ve had the courage to post pics of myself in my underwear if I knew others would see me. But, since I DID post anonymous pictures of myself in panties earlier on, it made me more comfortable to pose with a lot of face and not much else later. That said, being “public” has also been kind of limiting. For example, I think writing is cathartic; so, there’s a lot of stuff I’d LIKE to write about — BUT, because I’m no longer anonymous, I feel like I can’t. Ahem, more on THAT topic next week when I talk about the male friends I’ve slept with in my past who’ve recently told me they’re getting married. In the meantime, whether you use a nickname or your real name, I’m curious to know if any of you have good stories about getting “found out” and/or finding someone else out? I seem to remember a certain SOMEONE who regularly comments on the FBC saying something about his son finding pictures of his new wife on an anonymous “big booty” site or something like that?!?! :)
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I use my real middle name since that’s what everyone in real life calls me but I’ve never posted a first or last name, nor have I ever posted any photos of myself. Then again, I don’t look nearly as good in my underwear as you do.
HEY!! Your page says 1 person POT down with the Funky Brown Chick, instead of GOT down…I think that’s something you want to fix right away.
In some places I use my real name, and in other places I use a nickname which is readily associated with my real name, and in still other places I use a nickname which isn’t readily associated with my real name. I use different nicknames for different contexts. Once I went so far as to create an entire persona, with a name and email address of his own (I was curious if men were treated differently on some forums I was visiting). If I use my real name I’m fairly careful about what I say (insofar as I am careful–I’ve got a rather big mouth). If I use an alias I’m more flippant but I’m still aware that it can probably be tracked to me, as I am not taking great pains to conceal it. It’s mostly about having some separation between my personal and work life.
Ps. I expect my high school enemies are (computer) illiterate, but seeing as they were telling me years ago that I was going to hell, I’m sure they’ve already judged me without acquiring any new evidence.
In my early blogging days (circa 2000-2003), I was very open about my identity and also about what I wrote. Then in 2006, for about a year, I experienced some rather unsettling personal drama that played out almost entirely online, and for nearly a year after that I was an online hermit: anonymous, and painfully carefully about what I wrote about. But my desire for honesty and openness online (“transparency”, if you will, or, rather, as much “transparency” as a fiction writer can be believed to have *wink*) eventually won out, and I soon began posting as myself again, with photos and references to real people and jobs in my life.
Eventually this, as well as the more considered writing about my life that I learned to practice diligently over the past two years, and a certain increased amount of caution that I never before had online, has led to the kind of name recognition that immediately makes me known to people, because they know what to expect. It’s gifted me with writing gigs, design clients, and even full-time employment and a host of amazing friends. So I’d say the trauma I went through because of being too “out” was eventually well worth it.
Also, once you have, as I have, had “I HATE YOU ATHERTON BARTELBY!” leveled at you across the entire world wide web, seeing it sprayed across the side of a bus is really not such a big deal anyway. ;-)
i use variations of my first, middle and last names on the interwebs…
I use my real name on twitter and most other social nets.
Nicknames for others.
why hide….. if one wishes to find one….. it’s pretty simple if one puts their mind to it….
lamesabassman……. this is a very small world, be kind…
Thanks for sharing the link to my post.
Recently, I sat in on a talk where someone made a pretty persuasive case for mixing your name with something descriptive about what you want/like to do online… for me, that could be something like epnewmedia instead of ericpratum. I’m pretty sure I’ll stay with just ericpratum, but it was nonethless an interesting idea. Not seeing it a ton though online.
Just imagine if your name were Baba Doodlius – how’s THAT for uniquely identifiable?
I’d worry about people impersonating me more than what I would post under my name. I just read something Michael Ian Black posted on his blog about LeVar Burton. There was a mean comment from Wil Wheaton, then another from “the real” Wil Wheaton.
@ dan: Aww baby thanks :) But, I sure you look FINE in your underwear.
@ Pegs: Thanks for catching the “pot” typo. Just fixed it in the index.php. I’ll check to see if it appears anywhere else, too. By the way, I’m coming to Chicago this summer because I’m speaking at an event. Will shoot you my travel details when I have them.
@ A: Ooooh, VERY good points — especially the stuff about work life / personal life and how people might be treated differently based on their nickname. There have been a few articles written about how people react to online nicknames that reveal sex, ethnicity, region and other stuff (i.e. CaliGirl84, thug4eva, PinoyPower, etc.). Interesting reads. And I hear you on the “already judged me without acquiring any new evidence.” I actually had someone from my old church meet me for the FIRST time and say, “I heard about you. You’re one of those cases where people say your reputation proceeded you.”
@ Atherton: You’re funny!! :) We should soooo meet in NY for coffee / drinks sometime. :)
@ Letinstar: Okay, so now I’m curious to know what both are. :)
@ AnthonyB: That’s two people who’ve said, basically, “it depends on the site.” That’s interesting. I haven’t been on online dating profiles in a while but, if I ever go back, I’m not sure if I’d use “funkybrownchick” as my username. Men FREAK OUT when they think I’m going to write about them.
@ Lamesabassman: Got point about the “why hide.” My theory is: It’s IMPOSSIBLE to be anonymous online. Sure, you can make it harder for people to find out your name — hence, shutting out people who can’t be bothered to make the effort to find out — but you’re never completely anonymous.
@ Eric Pratum: No prob, babes! :) I like sharing interesting links I find online. And, yeah, I think the “say what you do” stuff is smart. I noticed “Tiffany” switched to “Tiffany_PR” and now everyone knows what she does. I thought that was a very smart move! For me, I’m sticking w/ “Funky Brown Chick” because it’s who I am. :)
@ Baba Doodlius: I wondered what you were going to say. :) And YES Baba Doodlius is very uniquely identifiable.
@ Merri Lee: Unfortunately, the world is filled with people who lead miserable lives and/or lack a strong sense of self-identity / self-worth. When you’re happy with what and who you are, you don’t want others to think you’re someone else, right?! Like, seriously, using your example, the dude who posted something PRETENDING to be “Will Wheaton” — if that wasn’t his real name — had to have something deeper going on mentally. When I see stuff like that, my question is always: “Why would someone do that?” Rarely is the answer: “Because they’re a well-adjusted person who leads a happy life.”
My name is very common. I even have a first cousin with the same first and last name, which was accidental. I use a combination of real and pseudo online but they are tied together. Since I’m focusing more on the writing that I do offline, I only post online where I don’t mind the two associations converging.
Pamela: Very smart (re: offline / online). :)