Everybody Needs Somebody (Jewish) to Love
Yesterday, I left off halfway through a conversation about dating Jewish men and stereotypes about JDate. I’ve always had the impression guys on the site were mid-30 to mid-40-something dudes who’ve hit a certain point in their career … They have the fancy car, the swank house, a good set of friends BUT they haven’t found the right woman yet. So, they sign up for JDate to find a nice Jewish girl to marry. It’s a spouse-hunting destination. Find someone just like you and wed; the eharmony for Jews. But, I’m learning my assumptions — as assumptions tend to be — are wrong.
“You know,” said the pretty Jewish girl from dinner the other night, “I think it’s easier for non-Jewish women to find dates on JDate.” She gave a lot of reasons why this might be the case, but I was most interested in her details about the differences between Jewish guys. “It’s not just about dating a Jewish guy,” she said. “Sometimes you’ve also gotta find a guy who’s the same level of Jewish that you are.” By “you” I figure she meant her — not literally, you know, “me.” I’m a Gentile. But, I think I get what she means: not everyone within the same “ethnic” group belongs to the same culture. For example, I could decide to solely date black men because I want to date someone who comes from my same background; however, various men from Jamaica, Ghana, Guyana, Brazil and elsewhere might be “black” but they wouldn’t necessarily share my culture. Ooooh, don’t even get me started on culture conflict and the differences between “African culture” vis-a-vis “African American culture.” But, I digress. Back to me and dating.
I don’t want to be alone forever. True, I have no desire to get married and have kids. At the same time, that soooo doesn’t mean I want to be completely devoid of sexual / intimate relationships with men. Although I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, I’ve dated absolutely lovely men in my past. And, yeah, I’m sure I’ll date other fabulous men in the future. It’s just, you know, I don’t know any single, eligible New York guys with whom I share a mutual attraction. At least not right now. Whatever. I guess what I’m trying to say is this … There’s a really simple truth behind my lighthearted talk about being a black woman with adventures and misadventures on a Jewish dating site: I want to share my life with someone. If I stumble across that fabulously interesting person on JDate, great. If not, life — albeit still single — goes on!
Cue the sappy music.
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“Jewish Heart Pin” is available for purchase at www.wendylewis.com.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I’m sure post something when you meet a nice Jewish boy. L’haim!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I dated a Jewish woman when I lived in L.A. When I’ve been on dating sites I’ve always left the religion and ethnicity options open. I think you’ve got a good attitude and approach to this. I’m about to start a rather involved makeover process (details on the blog shortly) and I may be wandering around JDate when i get to that point.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:27 pm
You lead an active social life and live in a city. I find it hard to imagine that you don’t meet any men! But you may as well sign up if you want, provided you can figure out how to describe yourself given the options available…
May 21st, 2009 at 5:07 pm
it will be kinda like dating a black man… but with a hellacool swerve and 10 sec hang time..
lamesabassman…… I once dated a woman with a strong Jewish passion and I was rocked…
and it takes whole bunches of cool to move me….. I was moved….. be true when you do..
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:33 am
is this because the asian boys aren’t showing any reciprocity towards your pro-”blasian”-couple posts? their loss.
in all seriousness, as a fellow inter-racial dater, i think your idea is great. best of luck.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 am
Hey..its a free country..dating is a bitch..but nothing is wrong with variety…Viva FBC..
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 am
I am totally digging this 50 something Jewish man at the firm I work for. He’s smart, funny, witty and extremely confident. When I am in the same room with him, my nipples get hard. I can’t do anything about it tho, he’s married and we work together. But honey chile, the fantasies I have….
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Baba Doodlius: L’haim indeed!!! :)
Raymond: Hmmm … I’m interested to hear more about this makeover process? What are you doing?
A.: I meet a lot of men. I just haven’t met any where there’s been a mutual attraction and one of us has indicated they’re interested. I know several men who’d fuck me if I wanted it. But, I’m not looking for that; I want something more substantial.
lamesabassman: Glad to hear you were moved.
dan-E: Interesting fact — After I posted the thing about Asian men, a lot of Asian dudes I’d never met friended me on Facebook. I thought that was cute and I added them all. :) Thought, it’s worth mentioning no one ever asked me out. Thanks for the good luck wishes!
mrsbigg: And VIVA variety!!! :)
Miss Pam: Girl, the fact that you work at the same firm and he’s married probably makes it MORE likely you’re going to fantasize about him. Nothing’s hotter than men / things / places that are supposed to be off limits. As long as you look but don’t touch, you’re probably okay :) You know what they say — don’t get your meat where you make your bread!
May 24th, 2009 at 12:37 am
I think your friend was right when she said that non-Jewish women had a better chance at finding a date on JDate. It can be hard to date inter-culturally. I know it is for me. Being a Black woman, I have the same experience you do. Not only is there a difference between African and African American culture, but there are differences within the African American culture. We all don’t grow up the same, have the same experiences, and I find it hard to find someone who is “black like me.”
I consider myself “bicultural.” I come from a lower middle class Black family who lived in the city, and I was bussed to school in the suburbs. Essentially, I grew up around white people, but I’m still in touch with my own heritage. Anyway, it’s hard for me to connect with some black men because they think I’m stuck up or don’t understand their struggles. It’s also hard to find a black man on the same level as me educationally and professionally.
I’ve come across many women like myself, but it’s been so hard to find a man with the same background. I guess this really isn’t anything new, but I’d love to hear your perspective on this situation, Twanna. Thanks.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:29 am
Mydria, oh man, I could talk about that topic for YYEEEEAARRSSSS, and I’ll probably do a full post about it in the near future. For now, suffice it to say, I get what you’re saying. So many friends and others are like, “Why are you married yet?” or “I don’t understand why you’re single.” I’m not special. There are a million other single black women just like me. Actually, I really think I WILL write a full post about the unique difficulties of being a single black woman in NYC.
I’m a bit scattered because I’m in the middle of moving from my old apartment to my new one. If I forget to cover that topic within the next week or so, please email me or leave a comment to remind me!! :)
June 5th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I always thought that Jdate would be a great source for finding serious men who were serious about finding someone. That’s a very attractive quality for many women. Unfortunately, that’s not the fish that those Jdate men are hunting for.
If you read my blog, I have an entry about Jdate.
June 6th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I think you should go for it. A lot of black women in America date Jewish Men. Look at Diana Ross. You should continue this discussion. Great Post.