I do feel that some women enjoy the act of rejecting men more than sex.  Those women are the cock teasers.  They do everything to imply that your going to have sex, and then pull back.  Those women live for the man to beg them.  But like an earlier poster said.  It is not hard to spot those women.

What’s the male equivalent?

lamesabassman….. then… you are what you are and may the devil take the hindmost….

lamesabassman….. never let them see you sweat while you enjoy…. the flow…  

I do feel that some women enjoy the act of rejecting men more than sex.  Those women are the cock teasers.  They do everything to imply that your going to have sex, and then pull back.  Those women live for the man to beg them.  But like an earlier poster said.  It is not hard to spot those women. 

Now simple flirting between adults is actually normal.  You both can sense that its going nowhere at that moment, and possibily could lead to something in the future.  I believe the possible future sexcapade is the appeal of flirting.

But that is the difference in my opinion.

dkzone: Seeee, you get it!!!! “Putting a smile on a complete strangers face is …well…..like eating the perfect brownie on a sunny day when everything goes right. It just feels heavenly.“  [bats eyelashes] I knew there was a reason I liked you. ;)

@thepopculturist: I’ve heard the “catch more flies” saying, too, and I try to live by it. And, you’re right: a little charm goes a long way. It’s usually much easier and productive to be kind than it is to be an asshole. By the way, you mentioned “VERY few guys will just stop at the kissing and say “I really respect you and I don’t want to force anything on you.” I can honestly say each guy I’ve slept with has usually said something like this on the first time; they usually go out of their way to be sure they have the green light.

Baba Doodlius: I totally got stuck on the part where you said “guys you meet are going to WANT to have sex with you.” If only I knew more who actually wanted to date me. :) I could get laid any night of the week ( … I’m not special, I’d venture to say it’s the case for most women … ) but it’s much harder to find a quality person to date. If I knew as many men who wanted to DATE me as SLEEP WITH me, I’d be a lucky woman. That reminds me; I soooo need to post an update about my JDate stuff.

fatlady: Whenever I see your comment, I always feel like it’s going to be the last word on my posts. I think: “She’s singing, she’s singing!!!” ;) Funny you mention flirting and teasing are one of the same. It’s the similar for men? What’s the difference between harassment and flirting? Hot guys flirt, men you’re not attracted to harass/annoy. By the way, your anti-flirt / cut the bullshit approach TOTALLY sounds like my friends Mags and Bro. They both say they feel like they’re being playing with and/or led on when others flirt with them with no intention. Completely unrelated but, if you’re not into guys who “ALWAYS think that a no can be turned into a yes” sooooo stay aways from dudes who work in sales. They’re the worst.

lamesabassman: Indeed. Everyone is expressing themselves in one way or another; the trick is to be sure you’re understood and that you understand others — in dating and in life in general, no?

lamesabassman….. nothing ventured , nothing gained…..

We live in a society that encourages the somewhat natural inclination of men to want to pursue or chase the people they are interested in.  Because of this, it can be beneficial to be a woman who is good at being chased.

Flirting (or teasing – I think they’re the actions are the same, it’s merely the perception that differs) is part of that chase.  Women who are good flirts, get and maintain men’s attention and can then decide what they want to do with that attention.

Basically, men like the play the chasing game, and flirting is part of that game. 

If you accept that is the game and all players involved know where they want the game to go – then all is good.

The problem with the game is when different players want different things, or when one party isn’t good at playing the game, or when someone tires of the game.

Basically, if a man is playing the game and enjoying himself, then the woman is a flirt and that’s good.  If the game goes on too long, or the game doesn’t eventually reach the resolution the man was hoping or (sex) then the woman suddenly becomes a tease.

Women who refuse to play the game – are either sluts or frigid.

It’s all about men’s perceptions.  And that’s my problem with the game.

I don’t like games.  Flirting is fine I suppose, but I’m not particularly fond of it, the same way I’m not particularly fond of window shopping.  If I want something (or someone), I want it and if I don’t want something, I can’t be bothered.  I’m not going to flirt with a man I don’t want to sleep with.  And I’m only going to flirt so long with one I want to before we need to stop playing and start getting real.  And I don’t like be chased.  If I want you, then you shouldn’t have to chase me.  And if I don’t want you, I sure as hell don’t want you to chase me.  Ewwww!

But the problem is (for me at least) that we live in a society that encourages men to chase and encourages women to be chased.  So men ALWAYS think that a no can be turned into a yes.  They just have to figure out the right approach.  Too many men have been playing the game for so long, they really don’t know what to do if someone won’t play or if someone has a different end game in mind.

So, yeah, you’re entitled to flirt as much as you like.  But keep in mind that the man you’re flirting with quite likely expects that eventually you will end up in bed.  The flirting is all part of the chase for him and if he’s chasing you – he expects that eventually you will get caught.

Now on to going back to a guys place. I feel that as a modern and secure strong woman if I want to go back to a guys place, hell, I’m gonna do it. If he assumes that means I want to have sex with him, that’s his fault and he’s setting himself up to get played. I have no problem shutting that down immediately and getting up and leaving. Its all about your body language. Now if you go back to a guys house who you’re not 100% sure that you want to have sex with – yet you’re being all EXTRA flirty and sitting all cuddled up with him and letting him massage your feet while you give him the “bedroom eyes” or end up making out with him, do expect that he will try to take it a step further. That’s just what men are hardwired to do when they are given an opportunity. VERY few guys will just stop at the kissing and say “I really respect you and I don’t want to force anything on you.” (However some guys WILL do this to trick you into believing they’re this nice sensitive guy so the next time you’re alone together, he’s basically guaranteed to get some – a guy actually told me this).

However if you go to a guys house (or invite him to yours) and just keep it very professional and light (and brief!) and you don’t get too comfy (or drunk) and make it very clear through your body language that you’re not there for any shenanigans, a guy (at least a smart one) will pick up on that. So as soon as they say “why are you sitting all the way over there, come closer” or “I just want to cuddle/hold you” or “do you want a massage” that means they’re moving in for the kill. That’s your cue to either a) start making your exit or b) stay and get groped and then be labeled a cocktease when you act all surprised and insulted he tried to make a move on you. On the other hand, if you’ve already made up your mind before you get to his place that you don’t care if this guys calls you tomorrow or ever again, then go for it!!

Its all very simple once you realize how men think. Sex doesn’t just happen and one thing only leads to another if you allow it to because you always have a choice. Because the moment I don’t feel comfortable anymore, I’m out of there plain and simple. Call me a cocktease or whatever you want, I don’t owe a man sex or anything else for that matter just because I flirted with him or he bought me dinner or was nice to me. Its my body I’ll do whatever the fuck I want and if you don’t like it, fuck off!!

I think the real problem is this arrogance and sense of entitlement with men that leads them to feel you owe them your body just because they spent some money on you or bought you something. Bottom line, if he’s worth it, he’ll wait and be respectful of your comfort level and when you’re ready. Remember, its YOUR body, you don’t owe them a damn thing, fuck how they feel!!

PS – I’m not a feminist or a lesbian or anything of the sort. Just been in this situation a million times and gave in because I didn’t want to be considered a “cocktease”