I’m still in DC. I’ll write about the car and the weekend when I get back to New York. In the meantime, I wanted to send your eyes over to an article over on Essence.com: Black Couple Adopts a White Daughter. It caught my attention because interracial adoption has been on a mind ever since a single white friend from college recently told me she’s adopting a black child. I’ll probably write my thoughts about interracial adoption next week. Until then, feel free to read the the full Essence story:
“[Mark and Terri Riding's] children are all healthy, normal-looking individuals, but it’s their 9-year-old adopted sister/daughter Katie O’Dea-Smith who draws all the attention.You see, the Ridings are Black and Katie is White [...] In a candid interview, ESSENCE.com spoke to the Ridings about why they adopted Katie, how they handle all the misguided attention, and how they plan to have an honest conversation about race with their White daughter.” [Continue reading.]
If you’d like to learn more about the family, you can also check out this Newsweek piece or this blogHer post.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
what’s this color shtick ….. all I see is people loving people….. kinda like when The Prez
made the time to take His Lady to a Broadway play…. during the course of His day….
just how deep is that….. message ….. just how many world heads take the time to do the same….. people taking the time and the love to make whole again the human fabric that we all wish to be but .. at times… miss the mark.. there may be a time soon when such joy is done by all…. and it will be so natural….
that we wont remember …..
lamesabassman…. when things were not as so…..
I don’t see why it should matter. It’s about having a loving home instead of an orphanage, right?
I think there will always be a certain amount of concern when the child doesn’t look like the parent, because people want to be ‘alert’ to prevent child abductions (the fear is far out of proportion with the reality, and looking at the child’s behaviour is a better indicator than looking at the colour of the people involved, but, well, you know people). Provided that’s all it is, it’s reasonable that the parents will just have to adapt to the stupidity of those around them. However, from reading the article and the father’s description of how people reacted when they had to discipline their daughter in public, it’s obvious that there are still some people who haven’t adjusted to the idea of black parents adopting white children.
One thing I don’t agree on is their decision to bring up Irish mythology. So their daughter is (at least somewhat) of Irish descent. So what? If she finds herself very interested in her genetic origins, she can look them up later on. Instead, why not create a family mythology that borrows from many different traditions? In most stories, the appearance of the character isn’t even mentioned, and if the parents want to add descriptions they can make sure they get some kind of a racial mix. So, sure, tell some Irish stories, but also tell some Japanese ones, and some Native American ones… When it comes to holidays, celebrate the ones which were important in the parents’ childhoods, or celebrate them all (with varying amounts of celebration). An excessive focus on origins just draws attention to differences, and what parents should be teaching their children is the similarities between all people.
On the subject of celebrities adopting children of different races, this isn’t a new thing. Josephine Baker did the same. She also adopted from poor, war-torn countries; if I recall correctly, she adopted a Finnish child after WWII. I admit my source of information is the biography written by her ex-husband, so it was largely favourable towards her, but she did seem like a generous person who adopted for the right reasons.
So looking at the current crop of celebs, once the furor of the adoption/birth has passed, they do seem to keep their children out of the spotlight. So isn’t it possible to give them the benefit of the doubt? Being touched by the plight of a country and wanting to adopt a child who has suffered as a result of this sounds like a relatively compassionate reason to adopt. People such as Madonna are often accused of being paternalistic, but isn’t it equally paternalistic to believe that a child will be better off surrounded by traditional customs than in a country which isn’t impoverished and war-torn? After all, some adults stay in their homeland no matter what, but others immigrate or apply for asylum.
this looks like a happy, loving, family…and that’s all that matters…
like letinstar said!
Here’s a girl that needed a home, and someone came forward to provide for her.
Isn’t that the real story? Props to Mark and Terri and congrats to Katie!
What a pleasure to read such a loving and compassionate story.
I know people have very passionate views on adoption. I frequently cringe at breeders saying ” I want one of my own.”
However, studies do show that adoptive children have less problems than bio kids.
One of the more famous studies is from
Kathlyn Marquis and Richard Detweiler of New York City’s own Drew University.
I don’t see what the issues is. Nobody says anything when a white couple/person adopts a black kid.
well…….
I think it’s a supply and demand issue. There are a disproportionate number of black kids available vs. white kids. I really think that in order for this couple to adopt a white kid they would actually have to aggressively pursue a ” white child”.
For example, My ex wife and I were not capable of having a child, went through all the infertility treatments and everything . So we decided to adopt. Now you always hear about the “waiting list” and how you have to go abroad to adopt and so forth. That applies to white babies. We went to the hospital and believe it or not they actually call it this ” the baby bank” walked into the nursery and there were 7 black babies waiting to be adopted. Keep in mind this was a small hospital. After i did some digging the larger hospitals generally will have upwards of 20-30 babies waiting to be adopted. So many in fact that they don’t have the nursing staff to hold the babies and properly socialize them.
People are standing in line to adopt white babies, while black babies are being moved along into the fostercare system….and we know how much fun that is. Did I mention that the mother that we were adopting from was a lifetime foster kid? Did I further mention that this was her 4th kid by the age of 16. About a year later the fostercare people wanted us to adopt her new twins……That’s right the system was thowing black babies at us for adoption.
So when people look at this and think it’s weird or out of the ordinary, it’s not just because she is white. It’s because they actually had to elbow past a bunch of other white people and totally disregard all the available black kids to specifically adopt a white baby.
It turns out that they had developed a relationship with the girl while she was a fosterchild with someone they knew.
I take your point about black children languishing in foster care. That being said that black couple did the right thing for that child who was already a defacto member of their family. My husband and I are black too and are adopting caucasian children who have been our foster children for several years. We love them and they love us.
Do you believe they (other couple) should throw out the existing child they had been helping to raise and damage her psychologically and in particular her ability to attach to caregivers for life etc? What about the attachment with their bio child. They did the right thing for the right reasons or so it appears. I believe we are doing the right thing for the right reasons. I am a Christian and my Lord said suffer the little children to come unto me. He didnt say anything about what colour they were nor do “I believe he would pleased to see us reject one because of race or because of the situation you describe.
Nevertheless black children need good and permanent homes One idea, and ;many more ideas are needed, is calling all ministers to exhort congregations and mnake them aware there is a need, This is God’s work and therefore our work as we are His Royal \Priesthood.
I have to agree that anything beats a zero and as long as a child is cared for, nurtured and equipped with the things they need to survive to be a contributing member of society then all is well. The fact of the matter is that culturally there are differences between ethnicities that are often pointed out publicly and we all know how cruel people can be. Maybe the day will come in this country that ethnicity won’t matter; but I won’t hold my breath.
This is a wonderful story. When I was in J school, I chose to do a project on transracial adoption, and attended events that introduced parents interested in it to children that needed loving homes. It was heartbreaking to see these “undesirable” children – older, often siblings, or minority kids – who would otherwise languish in a foster care system poorly equipped to deal with them. I was in favor of transracial adoption anyway, but seeing them there, effectively on display like unwanted pets waiting for adoption, sealed not only my belief that children should, first and foremost, have loving parents of *any* race, but that when the time came, I’d adopt a child as well as have one of my own, if able.
I’d challenge anyone with strict anti-mixed adoption views to spend time at one of these events, meet these children, hear their stories, and then look one of them in the eye and tell them they should stay in the system a little longer in hopes of a family of the “right” color taking an interest. I mean, it’s not like the statistics suggest most of them will not be lucky enough to be “chosen” and will end up alone and without appropriate support networks once they reach the age of majority. Oh wait, that’s *exactly* what usually happens.
This family met a little girl in need. They didn’t go out looking for her. For whatever reason, the system and insert-your-deity-or-belief-of-choice brought her to them, and they stepped the fuck up and opened their lives to her. And they did it in spite of what they must have known would be racist backlash. Good for them. And good for the rest of us and that little girl (given up by a DOZEN previous foster parents) that people like them exist.
@dkzone
I’ve read that for older children–regardless of race–it’s harder to find a permanent home. So I don’t think the black family “elbowed” a lot of white folks out of the way to give this child a home.
Hello Ms. Hines,
My name is Colby Spence and I am a transracial adoptive person who can input some insight in the rollercoaster life of a transracial child. I am Japanese and my parents are Afro-American. I was brought up during the Civil Rights era. My age is 59 years old. I am doing a research paper on this subject. In saying this I would like so insight from you and will give you a detail version of my life so far. If I could I would like your thoughts or input.
Colby Spence
Norfolk, Virginia