10 Responses to “Do The French Do It Better? (Kissing, Dating and Sex)”
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Hi, I'm Twanna. I'm a sex, dating and relationships writer in NYC.
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June 19th, 2009 at 2:09 am
wow….. well if one is able to travel…. then it’s possible that this is known…. and to the ones
that dont…. then the world that we so happily live in… is kind of a ” Matrix thang” tip….
it seems when it concerns dating in America, it’s all about the deal or no deal way of doing “the for unlawful carnal knowledge tag you’re it ” rule of thumb gambit….. 10% of some of
ya’ll are in such hellacool relationships that ya’ll need to be on your hands and knees sayin’
thanks whole bunches….. while the rest of us go bonkers like we’re all Gordon Gekkos on
some heavy metal ganja tip with the Donald ….. we deal over peanuts ’cause for some that’s
all we know..but instead of looking towards the inner self of the one you’re with… the Ladies either go for the mind or the wallet,or in the Mens’ case: the purse or the booty ….
for the last one …. check out J.Geils Band song ” First I look at the Purse….” cool but kinda
telling… yeah, we dropped the ball big time when it’s come to Love, American Style… we make some hellacool movies on the subject but become faint of heart when we chance to
imitate Art…. to the French, love is love …. sex is sex…. feeling is everything and at times … trust rules, period… yeah, you may be number one or somewhere along the
food chain but you do know where you are it ….. here … you are in a Free Fire Zone…
24/7….. 365….. you pick your spots ‘n’ take your shots…. some will be lucky to join
the 10%…… while the rest of us…. live in the “90’s”……
lamesabassman…. well… it beats ice fishing …
June 19th, 2009 at 3:43 am
I had no idea that there were rigid rules and formalities in the US. I remember them from high school, but by college they no longer seemed to exist. That leaves three explanations: (1) the Pacific Northwest is very different from the rest of the country in this regard, (2) I and everyone I know is very different from the rest of the country, or (3) the whole idea of “dating” is vestigial and propagated by Hollywood. I incline towards the last hypothesis, because this wouldn’t be the first bit of conventional wisdom about sex and relationships which has turned out to be completely unrelated to my experience (both personal and observed in others). Probably people did “date” in the 50s, and there are still a few places where it exists, like high school, formal ‘meeting people’ places like online dating services, and Iowa.
June 19th, 2009 at 6:48 am
A: People still date. I think it’s less about rules than it is about culture. Or, maybe “culture” = “group rules.” For example, although there is still a bit of variation, I’d say many American women have been taught to expect a guy to pay for the first date — especially if he asks the woman out. A lot of the stuff is so ingrained that we don’t even realize they’re “rules” until someone “violates” them. For example, if you’re going to break up with someone or end a relationship, it’s generally frowned upon if you do it by text message or Twitter. So, yeah, I’d say the US definitely has a dating culture. And, it’s very different than Europe’s. Even the whole idea of a “date” is very cultural. Americans are waaaay more likely to say stuff like “I have a date on Friday” or “he asked me out” (implication: on a date) or “I’m going on a date with this guy I met on Facebook” or “Twitter dating” or “Speed-dating” whatever. And, when you say these things, people have a general idea of what you mean. And, by the way, I’m soooo with you on the Hollywood stuff. If you watch American Hollywood films vs., say, French films, it’s a very different presentation of relationships.
June 19th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Maybe it’s just me and the people I know? I did grow up in the US, and did my undergrad there, but this still sounds really strange to me…not something you do once you’re out of high school. It’s probably my mother’s influence, but I can’t imagine expecting a man to pay for something. Checks get split, or people take turns paying, exactly as I would if I were with someone who was just a friend. The only exception is when it’s someone I know well and I know the payment offer stems from a recognition of my current financial situation (student) rather than my gender. When I had a well-paying job I’d do the same for friends with less money.
The whole getting together thing seems less formal as well. You decide you want to get together, and then you decide when and what, unlike with dating which appears to consist of one person inviting another into an existing plan. It’s almost exactly the same as meeting a new person you’d like to be friends with, except that if there’s interest on both sides there’s more of an effort to find time to meet really, really soon instead of in a couple of weeks. Unlike a date, I don’t try to impress but try to be myself: I’d rather not spend more time with someone who isn’t going to like me once s/he gets to know me better. After a few times of meeting one another (which could be in the company of others), it starts to diverge from a potential friend to a potential partner with the “what do you want: sex or relationship” discussion, which also includes the “is there anyone else?” component. If agreement is reached, a fling or a relationship results.
Is this a form of dating, with equally rigid rules which I just can’t see because it’s ingrained? Or is it, as I believe, a much more relaxed way of getting to know someone?
June 19th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
A long comment with good questions! :) As I mentioned in my email, I’ll do a follow-up post asking: “Is Dating Dead?” sometime next week. This post was really about those lovely people called “The French.” :)
June 19th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
if you wish to view America….. you need a road trip…… first, travel Route 66…. just pick
a beginning and go to the end….. or go as far as your common sense will allow…. just go
and see America …. then decide….. when it comes to Dating in America……
lamesabassman…. it is interesting……
June 20th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
The French must be good at sex because when they have orgasms they say “Wheee Wheee Wheee!
Ha ha. A little Frenglish humor there.
June 24th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I thought EVERYONE screamed “Wheeee Wheeee Wheee!” during sex, no? ;)
June 27th, 2009 at 12:59 am
some sound like that ….. just more French……
lamesabassman….. and some go all the way live…… Dang.
July 16th, 2009 at 7:22 am
I was having trouble finding some french chicks here in my city cause frankly they do turn me on. One friend told me the best way was through the so call adult dating websites. At first i thought it was a joke, but i signed on to an adult site called skipthebar.com and after a free registration i instantaneous started receiveing mails from dozens of girls wanting some nsa sex. Ive passed a filter through all of them just pointing me french related ones and quite surpisingly ive found 3 of them just near where i lived!