Jul 012009
 

Cougar
I like younger men. So, the other day, I updated my Facebook status to say: “Twanna A Hines thinks 20-something dudes and 30-something women go well together. It’s kind of like pairing a fine wine with a nice meal.” The responses were hilarious. A guy friend from Florida asked: “Who’s the wine and who’s the meal?” A dude here in New York said, “You do the drinking, they do the…” Ladyvoices chimed in, too, but most were against my fine wine / nice meal pairing. One woman commented: “TOTALLY disagree. That’s like putting a fine wine (30 something ladies) with a happy meal (MOST 20 something boys).” A friend from LA said, “[20-something guys] weren’t great when we were in our 20s. Why would they be better in our 30’s?” I started to feel bad for the young ones :)  Hmm … Is it true that guys in their 20s are more immature than men in their 30s or 40s? Possibly. Possibly not. It’s worth mentioning, I dated an 42-year-old older man several summers ago. At the time, his age seemed ancient to me, but it didn’t matter — he turned out to be woefully childish. Lied, cheated and chased booty like he was a desperate, 15-year-old virgin who’d never had any before. There’s a saying: You can be a child only once, but you can be immature forever. Sooooo true — in life and in relationships. So, here’s the question: Are 20-something men too immature to date? Tell me: What are the benefits of linking up with a 20-something man (besides the obvious: better SEX)? And, what are the benefits of dating a 30-something woman (besides the obvious: better SEX)?

  26 Responses to “Are Men in Their 20s Too Immature to Date?”

  1. old enough to serve your country…. old enough to get laid…

    lamesabassman….. ’nuff said…..

  2. If I knew at 20 what I know now…….

    My life would be sooo very different.

    I’d probably be a gigolo. LOL

    I’ve always had an apreciation for older women, if for no other reason, the bullshit factor is lower than with women your own age. An older woman is more apt to tell you what she wants than a younger woman who will get frustrated with you, yet forces you to guess at her wishes.

  3. There are no absolutes in life, but in general ANYONE (men and women included) in their 30s or 40s will be more mature than someone in their 20s.  You live, you learn, you develop, you change – in a word, you *mature*.  When you’re a 20-something, you just haven’t had enough time in the oven to get cooked all the way through (to stick with your “meal” metaphor).

    The only arguments I imagine I’ll get about this are from 20-somethings who think they know it all (I’ve met many of them).  To them I say, wait 10 or 15 years – just imagine what you’ll know then.

  4. I wish it were that simple. I’ve been all over the age spectrum as well, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s. (I’m a 70s baby.) Most guys, regardless of age, seem to act old/slow/boring if they are focused on having a family. That’s not my focus. Maturity varied with these men too. I was taken aback by the near temper tantrum the 40-something had. And, surprised by the 20-something who acted as if he was about to move into a group home.

    It’s all about lived experience. Some have lived, some haven’t. Some have learned from it, some haven’t. It’s a mixed bag.

    A 20-something man and 30-something woman could have a lot of fun if they move at the same speed and have similar interests.

  5. I’m in my 20s and I prefer men in their 30s usually. I find men in their 20s are looking for novelty more than a connection. That’s not a diss or anything since they are well…in their 20s. But the 20s seem to still be a highly experimental stage and therefore not enough time and energy is given to make a great connection (emotionally or sexually). This is of course just a very broad statement and I’m sure there are many, many exceptions. In my personal experience though, this is what I’ve noticed.

  6. to date? of course not. 20-somethings are wonderful to date. i’m less convinced about their suitability for something longer term. i think that’s true of 20-something women too. not enough lived experience. not that you have scads more in your 30s, but i think 30 brings a certain level of self-awareness that you don’t realize exists until you hit 30.

  7. Age is nothing but a number. Men can be 21 or 61 and still act immature (women too). Perhaps it’s expected from the younger ones.

  8. I think most people, not just men, aren’t long-term material in their 20s, but it also depends. I must have found a gem because my now-husband was 21 going on 22 when we met (I was 22 going on 23). We got married at 24 and 25 and are still together. I had dated older guys before and always assumed I’d marry a guy who was 5 years older, but as my luck would have it, I ended up with a slightly younger guy. He’s beautiful, amazing and everything I’ve ever needed. We’re now entering our 30s and are looking forward to taking walks, holding hands when we’re in our 90s. We have a solid relationship, have never broken up or cheated on the other and are in it for life. Divorce isn’t an option for us; sticking through thick and thin is. <3

  9. When I was a 20 something I would have scoffed at the idea that I was too immature to date an older woman. That just goes to show that I was too immature to date an older woman.

    Matters of the heart should give us pause. Questioning a decision is a sign of maturity, not questioning it is a sign of immaturity.

  10. To date seriously yes to have fun why not?

  11. thanks, Mr. D ……  well said ….. one must think outside the box….. and that box is
    the one that always says that all is not known under the sun…. one must learn to grow
    and grow to learn…… it is far better to know the limitations of yourself before you
    extend yourself to the limitations of another… that is unless you are a ” danger ranger ”
    and your motto is ” no pain, no gain “….. then what you reap will be the 5 easy pieces of
    your heart laying at your feet looking at you all the days of your life wondering what’s up
    with you…..

    lamesabassman…… the more you grow…..

  12. I think most women of a certain age group would dislike being all lumped together, so why is it acceptable to think all men in their 20’s are going to be immature, or all men in their 40’s to be mature, stable, forthright, etc?  Demographically, younger men will tend to have grown up with more openness with gender issues, sexual politics, etc., there are geography and cultural differences that are always going to create vast differences in the way men think and behave.  I think a key factor in a man’s suitability for dating is not his age, but how willing he is to change his own paradigm as time goes by.  It’s not like men in their 20’s suddenly became better to date:  women started deciding that if men got to date women from all sorts of age ranges, why shouldn’t they? 

    And really, why shouldn’t they?

  13. I look at the person, not his age.  I’ve ranged from +13 to -11 in terms of people I’ve been involved with, and for me it’s all about finding someone you enjoy spending time with.

  14. i have no problem dating younger as long as we both have things in common and enjoy each other’s company…

  15. to reiterate what others have said, i think it all depends. i’m in my 20s and i’ve dated a younger man and an older man, and surprisingly, the olden man was much more immature than the younger man.

    by the way, i don’t know if you knew this, but the term for a woman in her 30s dating a man in his 20s is “puma.” “Cougar” usually refers to women 40 and up. :)

  16. Hey. First, this website is great keep up the good work. (my nose is brown now lol) This is my first post and i had to chime in on this subject. It’s just so real life to me. I am a 23 year old black male and am in a relationship with the most amazing person i have ever loved in my life. It just so happens that she is 37. Believe it or not but i know plenty of 20 something guys that just dont want to deal with the bullshit that dating a 20 something female brings and we feel like if we have to go outside our age range to do it then so be it. Older women and younger men a moren open about there needs and wants. Nobody wants to be a mind reader. I think that in this high-tech age everything is now, now, now, nobody wants to wait ten years to grow with someone. Gotta get those kicks in asap. Cougars, pumas, whatever, they’re perfect!!!

  17. When I was 32, I swore I’d never date another younger guy EVER AGAIN!!

    When I was 34, I met a younger guy. He was 21 at the time. We both flinched when we found out each other’s respective ages. Our separate friends encouraged us to not worry about the age thing so much, to just have fun, and so we did.

    The thing is, we kept having fun. It turned out that we had enough stuff in common to keep things interesting. And it also turned out we had enough complimentary traits and quirks that we really balanced each other out. To steal a line from Charlotte Bronte: “Reader, I married him,” … just last August, in fact. We’ll have been together 5 years, the end of September.

    So yeah, what everyone else said, you can make generalizations, and they’ll even almost always be kind of sort of right; but you shouldn’t let hard and fast rules based on  generalizations determine your life choices. Our friends’ advice turned out to be solid: don’t worry about the age thing too much–just have fun–because you never know what might happen in the meantime.

  18. it’s only rock ‘n’ roll….

    lamesabassman….. and I love it….

  19. Let’s face it, a woman in her 30’s is in her prime and sex is always on the mind; a man in his 20’s may be more apt to quench this thirst than an older man. It also depends on what the 30 something woman wants; a casual dating relationship with a 20 something year old guy could offer her the kind of fun dating experience she is after; unlike a older man who is boring and predictable.

  20. there is nothing more predictable than an immature thought…… if ya wanta say that all the
    young dudes that have staying power can hang and to the ones that have peaked get kicked
    to the curb….. gee, that would be like saying a woman in her 20’s is a better catch than a cougar in her 30’s…… and prime … well , as that could be in the eye of the beholder, is a
    state of mind which varies between the known and the wanna be….. a 30’s barely can dress
    herself rather than hold a complete thought about love,peace and happiness and a 20’s guy
    could very well be the oldest man on the planet depending on whatever he has experienced
    at that moment of hello…… nothing stays stabile when sex is added to the mix……
    just like the words to the song, ” Money changes everything…”  well … so does sex and the
    ultimate rush of possessing.. even for a moment …. the trust, love and understanding of
    someone that you really dont care about.. that you are about to do… short term or long…
    well that depends on just how long you’re in for…. there are dudes who are in their 40’s , 50’s
    and 60’s that can hang and hang tough…. and the same could be said for the Ladies in their 40’s , 50’s and 60’s that could bend your johnson or munch your carpet…. and that’s
    the beauty of Life…. ya never know what’s behind Door # 2 while rollin’ on the One…

    do you surrey or do you picnic….. having been with 20’s.. 30’s 40’s 50’s and 60’s women
    I have enjoyed all the blood,sweat and tears to fears from them all and learned more
    about the many corners of Love …. as well as Life and Death in G and A….. and I would
    not trade a day… for it made me fully understand the wonders to behold once one steps
    outside the Box of You…..

    lamesabassman…..” the Love you take is equal to the Love you make…..”

  21. I don’t think that 20 something year old men are immature. I have had my share of guys that are younger than me and for the most part they turned out to be a lot more matture than the guys that I have dated that are my age. I myself am a 32 year young woman and I am the mother of a 14year old son and I am very careful about the men that I chose to spend my time with and if my son proves to have more common sense than the guy that I am dating than its back to the drawing board. I have never dated an older guy say like 40 and up there have been those that were interested but when I show’d interest in return they started to sing a different tune so Im not sure what I did or didn’t do wrong.. but I love the younger guys and its not always about the sex for some of them dont know what they are doing when it comes to the sexual part of a relationship, but I find that younger men take the time to “actually”get to know you, they make life more interesting and fun at times. True there are those who can be a tad bit immature but hey that is when you school them on how to act and if they aren’t feeling it then they know where the door is……

    Smooches :)
    Dat #1 Ladii

  22. bravo,ma’am… no one could have said it better than you…..

    lamesabassman…… and from the sound of your words, your son is gonna be sooo cool…
    no worries there….

  23. I am 37 and recently started dating a 21 year old.   It didn’t take us long to get to the sex, and at first, I was really disappointed.  We had talked a lot about it beforehand and he bragged about his experience and ability to go all night.  The talking alone was fabulous foreplay.   Once we got into bed though, it was close to “jackrabbit sex” on his part and felt like I was just there to be a body for his masturbation.  I like it rough from time to time, but absolutely no one feels good just being pounded for 30-40 minutes straight.   I tried to slow him down several times, and the last 2 times we did it (5 times that night) he was getting there.  Not sure why men in their 20’s seem to approach sex this way (is it an abundance of porn?) but there are so many other ways to connect and satisfy in bed for both of you.  I’d say not too immature to date (he really was able to carry on some fabulous conversations with me outside of the bedroom) but you BOTH must be willing to talk about exactly what you want.  No shyness allowed in this relationship if you want to make it good for both of you.

  24. I’m so glad I live in a city like New York, where people are generally active, curious, open-minded, and can always find something ‘exciting’ to do regardless of age. People reinvent themselves at different stages of life. I’m so glad women my age (I’m 34) are able to make their own life interesting and exciting, freeing them to date like-minded men of all ages. It’s quite freeing to know that life has millions of options — and that limiting myself to think a certain age group (or ethnecity–hell, even a certain gender) is more fun, mature, open-minded or someone eleveated than another. Personally, I like anyone who has a passion for the vigour of life.
    The human mind is maliable–you can continue to learn, develop, and refresh your experience at all stages of life if you’re open.

  25. A woman in her 30’s dating a younger man or a woman in her 40’s dating younger men are called ….women.

  26. I think it unfortunate you haven’t yet had better sex with an older man. I’m a much better lay at 30 than i ever was!

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