I saw my matchmaker over the weekend. As I mentioned before, I linked up with her because she’s a pal of my friend Julia. Over brunch, the three of us talked about my love life. Funny but I rarely, if ever, have conversations about things like: (1) what are the most important qualities in a mate; (2) what are my dealbreakers; and (3) how important is sex in a relationship? Granted, I wouldn’t go out of my way to bring any of this stuff up during a first date. Sitting across the dinner table, I’m usually all about getting to know more about the dude. Who is he? What makes him tick? What are his interests? Do I like him? Etc. Usually, he’s sussing me out, too. Based on that, we decide whether we’re worth each others’ time (i.e. is he someone I want to see again?). What gets lost in that interaction is this: Are we a compatible match for the longterm? Enter the matchmaker.
Michelle spent a lot of time getting to know me: my history, my past and dreams for my future. We talked about my views on religion, sex, relationships and monogamy. I told her about my worst heartbreak. (I still can’t tell that story without crying.) And, I filled her in on details about my hobbies: film, art, museums, travel and soccer. After the discussion, in passing, she said something completely unexpected: “You need a guy who’s an adventurer, a partner in crime.” We talked about a bunch of other stuff, but the “adventurer” thing stuck out most. Why? Because it never occurred to me. Some but not all of my corporate exes (Goldman Sachs, PricewaterhouseCoopers, ABN AMRO and other employees) were hardly known for their sense of adventure. After all, they built their careers on calculating and avoiding risks — not taking them. But, I always figured we balanced each other out: they were the yin to my yang. I had the inside scoop the all-male ballet troupe from Djibouti would be in town for the weekend; my exes remembered to buy the tickets and stick the date on the calendar. I brought the fun. They brought the foundation and stability. That’s not necessarily a bad pairing.
That said, my matchmaker noticed something I didn’t. During their spare time, my former beaus were more likely to surf bars & pubs with their coworkers than go kayaking, whitewater rafting, adventure traveling or off-road cycling. I’m open to new things, I bore easily and I’ve moved around a lot in different cities and countries. The idea of dating someone with a passion for life, love and adventure sounds really appealing. In fact, my vault of Manly Monday picks include: surfer Laird Hamilton, male Olympians, a wrestler, soccer players, motorsport genius Lewis Hamilton and footballerÂ David Beckham. I dated a guy in New York (Boy #2) who ran marathons. I don’t like super beefy guys, I’m certainly not an athlete, and I’m not saying I need to date a jock. It’s just, you know, interesting the matchmaker noticed a trend in my preferences that I hadn’t noticed before.
So far I’m a fan of Michelle’s matchmaking process. She seems really thorough and she’s making an honest effort to know more about me. (Today, I sent her 1/2 dozen pictures of my exes so she’d get a better idea of my physical types — the men I find most visually appealing.) In a week or so, we’ll touch base with her again to see if she has any guys in mind. It’s worth mentioning I will NOT write any specific details about my dates. In the past, I’ve shared a bunch (perhaps too much) info about my dudes, and I’m not sure if that was a wise decision. It’s my website and I feel totally fine sharing info about me, but I’m not gonna share specific details about my dates. It’s not their fault I have a blog, right? Anyway. Michelle has successfully produced for others many dates, couples, one marriage and a baby. I’m not interested in a husband or kids — just a dude who sticks around monogamously for a while. As I told her: “I’m cautiously optimistic. If it works out and I go on a fantastic date or two, great. If I end up meeting a longterm partner, wonderful. If I meet no one, at least I gave it a shot.” Wish me luck!