Aug 032009

I saw my matchmaker over the weekend. As I mentioned before, I linked up with her because she’s a pal of my friend Julia. Over brunch, the three of us talked about my love life. Funny but I rarely, if ever, have conversations about things like: (1) what are the most important qualities in a mate; (2) what are my dealbreakers; and (3) how important is sex in a relationship? Granted, I wouldn’t go out of my way to bring any of this stuff up during a first date. Sitting across the dinner table, I’m usually all about getting to know more about the dude. Who is he? What makes him tick? What are his interests? Do I like him? Etc. Usually, he’s sussing me out, too. Based on that, we decide whether we’re worth each others’ time (i.e. is he someone I want to see again?). What gets lost in that interaction is this: Are we a compatible match for the longterm? Enter the matchmaker.

Michelle spent a lot of time getting to know me: my history, my past and dreams for my future. We talked about my views on religion, sex, relationships and monogamy. I told her about my worst heartbreak. (I still can’t tell that story without crying.) And, I filled her in on details about my hobbies: film, art, museums, travel and soccer. After the discussion, in passing, she said something completely unexpected: “You need a guy who’s an adventurer, a partner in crime.” We talked about a bunch of other stuff, but the “adventurer” thing stuck out most. Why? Because it never occurred to me. Some but not all of my corporate exes (Goldman Sachs, PricewaterhouseCoopers, ABN AMRO and other employees) were hardly known for their sense of adventure. After all, they built their careers on calculating and avoiding risks — not taking them. But, I always figured we balanced each other out: they were the yin to my yang. I had the inside scoop the all-male ballet troupe from Djibouti would be in town for the weekend; my exes remembered to buy the tickets and stick the date on the calendar. I brought the fun. They brought the foundation and stability. That’s not necessarily a bad pairing.

That said, my matchmaker noticed something I didn’t. During their spare time, my former beaus were more likely to surf bars & pubs with their coworkers than go kayaking, whitewater rafting, adventure traveling or off-road cycling. I’m open to new things, I bore easily and I’ve moved around a lot in different cities and countries. The idea of dating someone with a passion for life, love and adventure sounds really appealing. In fact, my vault of Manly Monday picks include: surfer Laird Hamilton, male Olympians, a wrestler, soccer players, motorsport genius Lewis Hamilton and footballer  David Beckham. I dated a guy in New York (Boy #2) who ran marathons. I don’t like super beefy guys, I’m certainly not an athlete, and I’m not saying I need to date a jock. It’s just, you know, interesting the matchmaker noticed a trend in my preferences that I hadn’t noticed before.

So far I’m a fan of Michelle’s matchmaking process. She seems really thorough and she’s making an honest effort to know more about me. (Today, I sent her 1/2 dozen pictures of my exes so she’d get a better idea of my physical types — the men I find most visually appealing.) In a week or so, we’ll touch base with her again to see if she has any guys in mind. It’s worth mentioning I will NOT write any specific details about my dates. In the past, I’ve shared a bunch (perhaps too much) info about my dudes, and I’m not sure if that was a wise decision. It’s my website and I feel totally fine sharing info about me, but I’m not gonna share specific details about my dates. It’s not their fault I have a blog, right? Anyway. Michelle has successfully produced for others many dates, couples, one marriage and a baby. I’m not interested in a husband or kids — just a dude who sticks around monogamously for a while. As I told her: “I’m cautiously optimistic. If it works out and I go on a fantastic date or two, great. If I end up meeting a longterm partner, wonderful. If I meet no one, at least I gave it a shot.” Wish me luck!

Photo credit: Image of Lewis Hamilton is from Wikipedia.

  11 Responses to “My Matchmaker’s Observation About Men”

  1. It sounds like you’re making a great move forward with this matchmaker.  I’m excited to see how it turns out for you!  I’m not terribly surprised that your matchmaker is steering you away from the corporate bankers.  While they do have the money, the nice clothes, cars and connections, they also have a lot of the qualities that many women find unappealing in a man, including inflated senses of self-worth, misogyny, and placing the importance of wealth over other human beings.  After all the corporate greed and duplicity that has left the economy in tatters lately, and the trickle-down effect it’s having on women everywhere, I find it a little sad that so many women still consider the corporate big-shot to be the ideal man. 

    I hope you find new love with someone who shares your sense of adventure!

  2. so, um, this matchmaker… she taking on any other clients? And if it’s not too personal… how much? (this IS NYC after all)

  3. I hope it works out well. I ‘m sending good vibes your ways Is it funny how someone can point us to  stuff  that we did not know about ourselves. That is how I found my passion in life.
    good luck!

  4. Well..Good Luck and happy dating..u know i believe michelle is right about finding someone who is like u. I don’t believe in opposites attract..usually its the same kind of folks who are attracted to each other.  Hope u find someone who loves u for u !)

  5. be true 2 you……

    lamesabassman……. and all will be well….

  6. Just please tell me this is the broad sporting the jet-black hair with the bangs and Barbara Streisand nose on the Bravo Channel!!! What the hell’s it called??? OH YEAH! Millionaire Matchmaker?!!!  I don’t know if you could handle her blunt candor. I surely couldn’t w/out punching her in the jaw. LOL!

    So this matchmaker… (if she’s not the Bravo one) is she in NY or do you have to travel outside and see her? I think this would have been a great idea for me during my single days just because I like getting the person standing on the outside and looking in opinion. They can sometimes really see much more about ourselves than we can.

    Have you went on any dates so far? I used to like going on dates w/the new “kid” on the block and I knew he was good to go when I would get the butterflies in my stomach, but you could keep the internal gas it would create! LOL! I would be totally into engaging in new conversations and wish upon a star this would be the “one”. Yes, called me a hopeless romantic, but I’ve always been the one to settle down. Maybe this is why I’ve had many failed attempts and nope! I wasn’t fatal, but I chose those under me in hopes I could change them into something new.

    So yeah, get back to me. I’m dying to know if it’s the arrogant match maker from the Bravo Channel. *teehee*

  7. I’ve just discovered your blog and love it!  You sound a lot like me.  I’m also a funky brown chick who’s traveled the world, and loves adventure as much as the ballet. 

    I dig what your matchmaker was saying, getting to know what you want out of a person and a relationship.  At the same time, the danger seems to be going into situations with a laundry list (I know so many women who do this!) then ditching a perfectly fine man because he doesn’t fit the bill.  Like you, I enjoy just getting to know the person and seeing if there’s a click, though yes, some deal-breakers and relationship “goals” should always be in the mix. 
    Speaking of soccer players, ever hear of Frederik Ljungberg?  He gives Beckham a run for his money!

    Good luck!

  8. YAY! I am so excited for you!!!

  9. Everyone THANK YOU for the good luck wishes!!! :)

  10. [...] got posts brewing about, the British boy & his girlfriend’s shoes, an update on my matchmaker, JDate stuff and a bunch of other things. I’ll post again later today. As always, if you need [...]

  11. [...] was thinking about this last night as I sat and listened to Funky Brown Chick tell me about her meeting with a matchmaker.  One of the things she did was talk a lot about her exes and “her type” and post [...]

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