Steve: Oooh, I like AAG’s blog! :) She’s filled with good stuff.

The story was commented on endlessly last week in newspaper, talk show and blog. I took in all the ways people excused his behavior, amazed that they chose to stand by him with little concern for the girl he raped. Throughout it all the thought sputtered in the back of my mind but never quite took hold — why is this upsetting me so?
Then I read this: “Let us be absolutely clear: Those shielding Polanski are choosing the sex abusers over children. It is an either-or choice.” The reason for upset became clear. Just like my mother did for my father, that group of petition signers, columnists and commentors made the choice to protect the abuser. Having done so, there is no protection left for the one abused. Their concern cannot go both ways.
It was just one instance, I thought, one instance that took place some 30-odd years ago. But for each case visible due to celebrity how many similar yet silent tragedies happen every day? How many times in 30-odd years have 13-year-old girls (or adult women, or girls, or boys, or grown men) had their refusals ignored, then watched in amazement as friends, family and strangers shielded the very person who caused the abuse? Dozens of times? Hundreds? Thousands?
My parents had two miscarriages before I was born. Tenaciously I clung to that bloody field, unwilling to be washed away. But my half-alive dreaming siblings had it right, I think. They gave up when the getting was good. They let go; they went back into that vast queue of souls waiting for placement with another family, a better family. They must have known not to come into that godforsaken stew of abuse and denial. Why I didn’t follow their example is a mystery to me.
In the bluntest possible terms, then: After reading that piece I sobbed. I stood on the deck at midnight in the rain trying to stop, trying to remember that it was long over and that his case had nothing to do with my own troubled history. I failed; I stayed there wet and cold until the worry that my neighbors would call the cops on the crazy woman out in the rain forced me back inside.
If there is any lesson to come from this sorry mess it is this: Every time you make an excuse for a rapist, an abuser, a person who got “carried away,” past victims watch. They listen.
And they are hurt once again.

He was not in hiding except in plain sight but they delayed all this time and failed to act or exercise due diligence. The saddest part is that the victim has had to relive this every day any time Polanski’s name was mentioned and the media chose to reference the events of that night.

I imagine she has forgiven him in order to put the events of that night behind her. Forgiveness is not about letting the perpetrator off the hook but rather letting go of the anger, shame, hurt and rage so as to heal and not stayed tied to the event and have it shape the remainder of your life.

Forgetting for her in this case was even more impossible because of it being constantly re-hashed in the media. So much for rape shield laws. If for no other reason than the pain his actions and subsequent flight and the repeated rape in the media have caused the survivor he deserves jail time not to mention the chilling effect it has and will have on rape victims. No one in their right mind if raped will want to report it if there is even a chance that they will be treated as she has been.

If he were dare I say Joe the Plumber or Jose, Leroy or Abdul or Vinnie his happy self would have never had the opportunity to flee – he would have had to surrender is passport and remain in jail until the trial was and immediately remanded over for sentencing.

Autumn: Ditto. I love his movies and I think he’s a brilliant director. Haven’t seen Chinatown either. I sooo need to rent it.

Howard: Oooh, thanks for the link!!

puma73: Yeah, that woman is VERY brave.

Autumn: Good point. Over at ModerateLeft, Jeff Fecke eloquently reminds: “I understand the victim’s feelings on this. And I sympathize, I do. But for good or ill, the justice system doesn’t work on behalf of victims; it works on behalf of justice.” Also, on Slate, Kate Harding has really poignant commentary about sexual violence in general:

Roman Polanski [...] performed cunnilingus on her as she said no and asked him to stop; put his penis in her vagina as she said no and asked him to stop; asked if he could penetrate her anally, to which she replied, “No,” then went ahead and did it anyway, until he had an orgasm. [...] Everyone makes a bigger deal of her age than her testimony that she did not consent, because if she’d been 18 and kept saying no while he kissed her, licked her, screwed her and sodomized her, this would almost certainly be a whole different story — most likely one about her past sexual experiences and drug and alcohol use, about her desire to be famous, about what she was wearing, about how easy it would be for Roman Polanski to get consensual sex, so hey, why would he need to rape anyone?

Antonio: Above anything else, I really admire and appreciate your honesty! Just sent you a personal email as well. :)

lamesabassman: Yeah, I’m sure he HAD to know it would eventually catch up with him. Curious to see how this plays out.

Steve: I agree on the “come back and settle it” stuff. Having lived in Europe over a period of four years, I would agree: “I think many Europeans would not consider being unable to travel to the U.S. a punishment.” :)

lisa: Spam?

JJ: You ask: “Why should Roman get a pass?” He shouldn’t. I agree with what Steve said above: come back, go to court and face this thing head on.

No Nonsense: Yep. Plenty of people had shitty childhoods — some waaaay more severe than others.

Nauseated Blonde Man: Beautifully stated: “If we want our children to do right, then we must do right by our children.”

I don’t care if the case involves a film director, pop star or priest, the rape of a child is always wrong and in the US against the law and I am sick of the apologists.  If we want our children to do right, then we must do right by our children.