Sometimes I just want to get fucked. Seriously. I crave the sensation of a guy’s hard penis gliding inside my crevices. I love it when men know exactly how to handle and touch me in a way that makes me feel desired. Whether it’s on my ass, the small of my back, my neck or inside my vagina, I like how men’s strong hands & fingers feel when they touching my body. And, oh my goodness, how much do I love erections?! Looking at a firm tube of flesh (or discretely feeling the bulge through a clothed man’s trousers as he presses again me), is like experiencing several inches stand at attention while crying out to me: “Heeeeeey, Twanna, I am aroused and I want to enter your body.” I. Love. That. Screwing. Boinking. Getting nailed to my mattress as the full weight of his masculinity rubs against me and I grew hotter, hornier, wetter. Sex for fuck’s sake. Literally. Like, you know, when I’m into a guy & we’re dating, I have sex because I like it and it feels good. Who doesn’t like it? Weeelll ….
I recently read about University of Texas at Austin psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss’ book, “Why Women Have Sex.” Published this week, it’s getting a lot of press because they claim there are exactly 237 reasons women have sex — most of which have very little to do with pleasure. The Daily Mail, The Guardian, Huffington Post, Fox News, Newsweek, and others are all gossiping about this, but one piece caught my attention in particular. CNN‘s coverage. Here, watch their video:
In the article that accompanies the clip above, CNN mentions — of the authors’ approximately 1,000 interviewees — “about 80 percent of the women said they were in a relationship at the time.” They close with this observation / excerpt: A 26-year-old heterosexual woman wrote, “When I was single, I had sex for my own personal pleasure. Now that I am married, I have sex to please my husband. My own pleasure doesn’t seem as important as his. I believe he feels the same way.” Unfortunately, she’s not alone. In the movie above, the woman with the cute accent proudly admitted: “A lot of times when you don’t want to do it, you do it just to pleasure your partner … Because you don’t want to disappoint them.” Her dude stood by her side in agreement.
Um, what the hell? I don’t care if you’re a man, woman or other: If you’re seeing, dating or married to someone who thinks your needs aren’t nearly as important as theirs, that’s not just a sex issue. That’s a relationship problem that likely manifests itself in many ways — not just the bedroom. Thank god CNN highlighted the married woman who confessed, although she’d been married two years, she never felt is was her “duty” to have sex. Couldn’t agree with her more. Here are a couple questions for you; feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section below: (1) Do you think married women feel a greater sense of obligation to have sex than single women do? (2) Male and female Funky Brown Chick readers — whether you’re married or single — tell me why do YOU have sex?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Ok ..I’m married and no..it is not an obligation to have sex..dammit..its a shared feeling of wanting to feel good..sex is fun..stress releasing..and may i say it..great at any time. Most of the time i have to admit i’m having sex to feel good as well as to please my husband..but we are in this together..there is not really a time where i say i don’t want to have sex. I know headaches..not feeling great..whatever..anytime you can be intimate with each other is in fact a blessing..so I don’t play that game of “I don’t feel like it.”
I think people in relationships have sex because they want to and because they also want to please their partner; translation: there are times they want to fuck and times they’d probably rather go to bed, but give in so as not to cause waves. Women are no different than men. I have known some HIGHLY sexed women who wanted it more than I did, so it goes both ways.
Why we have sex is pretty basic… because it feels good. If I’m turned on, I want to fuck. If she’s turned on, SHE wants to fuck. If you’re single and NOT turned on, you say “no thanks” and hang up the phone. If you’re dating/married, you muster up the energy to give them an orgasm and THEN you go to bed. We WANT to have sex, though, because it’s a primal thing.
disagree….My wife and I are in the category of married folks that are 100% committed to each other. It goes both ways for us. There are times when I don’t want it (I know, take away my man card) and there are times when she does not want it. By not wanting it, I do NOT mean against it, just not necessarily in the mood one way or the other.
Sometimes each of us don’t feel like it…but if the other does, we have a desire to please each other, so we have sex, make love. Does that make sense? The desire to please each other outweighs the lack of desire to have sex sometimes. Usually this leads to the person that “wasn’t in the mood” having a great time. I think marriage is an obligation on all fronts, including intimacy. It’s not “all about me” anymore. If you can’t put the wants and needs of your partner before your own, what kind of relationship is that?
ick….sorry about my grammar. Proof-reading prior to hitting the “submit comment” button is a good thing.
this is a serious question… when am with someone and we are in the mood…. and we are
on the same page…. ’tis tres’ cool…. I gotta dig you deeply…. when am with you am with you….. and that’s when it’s soooo hellacool…
when I want to get boned…. I make a dark 30 call…. dont we all….. there are times when
you just want release…. and times when you want pleasure….
life is not that complicated …..
lamesabassman….. unless you wish to be….
I’ve been having sex and loving it for 24 years. I can count on one hand (ha ha..one hand…) the times I engaged in sex that had no benefit to me. I certainly HAVE had sex where the primary purpose was to please my partner. And I can say I have had sex where the other person’s goal was to please me. I think that is a fair exchange. But if the core priority disregards the pleasure of one of the participants, that is a recipe for a slow death.
I have had many, many ups and downs in my sexual desire. When I am not in a relationship, I will have sex with a casual partner because I just want the fuck. The older i grow, the less I do that. About sex I can now sat skill, intimacy and familiarity are far more exciting a prospect to me than “fresh meat.”
In the context of kink relationships where a power dynamic can make this argument even more nuanced, I can say this: if the dominant or the person in charge of the relationship really REALLY never takes the desire of the submissive or bottom into account, they are likely to lose them. If your kink or fetish IS to be relegated to the realm or “pleasure slave” of sorts, this dynamic can work well. Those folk’s sexcualtui is defined by denial.
And, interestingly, the VAST MAJORITY of people who enjoy that type of denial are men.
Go figure.
Women who fuck from a place of unhappy obligation are creating a deficit fpr which there is no market correction.
HOWEVER.
Giving someoen sex purely to benefit them, to satisy their need, to be in that intimate moment is fine, so long as you do it from love. The lesbian couple in the above clip exemplified this perfectly, I feel. They have different sex drives, and the one with less of a drive still wishis to bring pleasure to her partner. And they both seem pretyt happy with the arrangement!
Peace
Mo
I agree with Horton.
I’ve had sex for my partner when I wasn’t in the mood (those times were few and far between) and I’m sure my partners had sex when they weren’t particularly in the mood for me. It happens, it’s okay but just to have sex for my partners sake? Oh hell frickin’ no…I love sex way too much to be left unsatisfied repeatedly.
I have sex because I like that way it feels when I’m with someone I’m into. I can take it or leave it otherwise.
dang…. did I check in on Wall St.
when did sex take a holiday….. dont we all enjoy a little slap ‘n’ tickle every bit to keep one loose…. tip top is all…
‘n’ if we have “come ” to this…
lamesabassman…. am corner the market on D batteries… pronto…
Sex is all about me. Me, me, me! If I want it i just take it. And then I fall asleep, snoring loudly
mrsbigg: Okay, point taken: part of “feeling good” could be “pleasing someone you love.” As long as it’s mutual, I don’t really see how that could be a bad thing.
Buddha: You said, “I have known some HIGHLY sexed women who wanted it more than I did, so it goes both ways.” Indeed, you’re right. I have a very high sex drive, and I’ve had more than one ex give me a hard time about pressuring them for sex. They made the (very valid) argument, that I’d give them a hard time if it was the other way around and they were always pressuring me. Of course, my comeback was, “But, I always want to have sex with you.” :)
Horton: Totally makes sense. And, as long as it’s mutual, it sounds fair. And, by the way, sooooo don’t fret about grammar. I’ve had this site for nearly five years and it’s got more than 900 posts. TONS of typos and errors here. :)
lamesabassman: :)
Mollena Williams: GREAT comment filled with lots of food for thought!!!
Cynthia: You said, “I have sex because I like that way it feels when I’m with someone I’m into.” YAY for pleasure!
Baba Doodlius: Hell yeah!!! That’s what I’m talking about!! ;)
Well I have sex cause I like to fuck, I like to please my partner in every way possible, that’s a huge turn on for me. That being said, I have a VERY high sex drive and some can’t handle that, but I would never do it if it wasn’t beneficial for both parties
i think married and single people feel obligated to have sex, but in different ways. for married people, it can be one of those unspoken expectations, especially in the husband’s mind who thinks his wife is there to serve him whenever he wants it. basically, i think married people think “we’re married, we should be having sex all the time because we can” (and if they are married and not having regular sex, they are thinking that they should be).
For singles, I think they feel the pressure to have casual sex and the obligation to keep up with sexually with the rest of their peers.
I wouldn’t have sex if I wasn’t in the mood. However, it’s quite rare that I can’t be put in the mood. I’d expect the same from a partner.
I’m married. 37. YES YES YES you feel a greater sense of obligation to have sex when you’re married than when you’re single. I had sex, for the most part, ONLY when I wanted to when I was single. If I wanted to go a year without, a month without, however long without I could and did! I felt no sense of guilt.
I love making love with my husband but I’d be happy with once a week, hell, sometimes once every two weeks! But, he’s so sweet and good to me… I know he needs it more, so I feel like I have to give it to him. And, actually, once we start I’m into it just as much as he is. I am just lazy about it.
Clarification: I’m just lazy about it in the PLANNING stage, not during the do! LOL
Sex when you want? I can’t remember the last time i was able to do that. I’ll be forty in a couple of months and can honestly say that there isn’t a woman on the planet that has thought that way about me in years. More than five years, at least. I’ve resigned myself to think that I’ll probably never get the opportunity to be with a woman again for the rest of my life.
Don’t take it for granted…
A 26-year-old heterosexual woman wrote, “When I was single, I had sex for my own personal pleasure. Now that I am married, I have sex to please my husband. My own pleasure doesn’t seem as important as his. I believe he feels the same way.
I, personally, interpreted this in a very positive way: “I think his pleasure is more important than mine — and he thinks mine is more important than his.” Which is actually kind of awesome in a lot of ways…
bwill: Good point; it’s best when it’s beneficial for both parties.
mydria: Although I don’t necessarily agree that most singles need to sexually keep up with with the rest of their peers, I think you’re right about singles feeling obligations. One of the week said, “he bought dinner” or something like that.
A: You and Horton make great points; it’s possible to be put you in the mood — even if you weren’t originally aroused.
Smokie: Thanks for the clarification :)
justaguy: Thanks for your honesty!!
J: Hopefully that’s what she meant. Though, she didn’t say it — nor did her dude :(
I’m married and I think my wife and I feel an obligation to each other to have sex. bottom line is …..we’re happier people when well fucked.
Sometimes we just have sex because it makes for a good nights sleep.
DKZONE: Thanks for the comment :) To quote Sir George Michael (not knighted yet, but I’m sure it’s coming): “Sex is natural, sex is fun.” :) Here’s raising my glass & wishing all Funky Brown Chick reader many days, afternoons and nights of pleasure.
Just discovered this blog. It’s brilliant. Love the honesty. From one dating/love life blogger to another, respect.
I LOVE having sex. Completely. I am a 22 year old female with what I think to be a healthy sex drive, and I give it a good workout whenever I can. And I also have no problem being selfless; when it’s “that time of the month” you can believe my man does not go without. Mm, blowjobs… but that’s a different post entirely. =D