He designs womens clothing… and well i was called to model for him. I’m no model–i have an amazing career, but i just wanted to know a designer. I sat, talked, and hit it off. We had a bottle of champagne.. loud music.. and started dancing. In my head, i kept thinking this is a cool guy.. someone i wouldn’t mind being a friend with.
We didn’t get intimate, but we did kiss and i backed off saying.. Woah you’re married.

All went well… we just laughed it off.. and i went back home thinking i’m an idiot. Following week, i went to pick up my dress.. and he didn’t charge me.. he apologized for making me feel uncomfortable… when in all sincerity, i didn’t feel uncomfortable at all.. i figured it’s just one of those things.. he’s a nice guy.. would never want a relationship with.. but can’t help being attracted to.
Again, talked.. laughed.. and decided we’d grab a bite to eat.. I asked him about his family..

he had a son, a wife–whom he married because he just needed to be married and she needed to be married. now i’m thinking in my head, sure he’s just saying that to get in my pants. BUT HECK i can’t help being attracted to him.. Good pheromones i guess… He specifically said to me, “my wife knows i’m always surrounded by beautiful women. I’ve had many sexual encounters with women which i find to be spiritual and mutual.” He went off explaining why he was physically attracted to me.. Said i reminded him of an affair he had when he was younger (not his first love.. but an affair) He even told me, he went to that affairs wedding.

I’m fascinated by the entire story, thinking, is it really wrong? my ex and i had problems due to another woman.. he left me for another woman. and the thought of it kept repeating in my head. Just like every other woman i was blaming the woman.. when i should have blamed the man. So now i’m starting to realize it was the MAN who actually played the biggest role in this. and now i just didn’t want any commitment whatsoever.

To make it short, the next time i saw my designer friend, i had so much anger built up inside me, i drank and drank.. danced.. had a good time.. and started making out with him. i wanted to see a reaction out of him… i guess.. and didn’t get intimate—again.. and i did get a reaction.

The reaction was, “you are a beautiful woman.. and you deserve a good man. I’m so attracted to you… you turn me on.. but alas i have to go home to my wife.”

That same night, on the local station, i see my friend and his wife being interviewed.. The reporter asks the wife, “how do you feel about **** working with many women” his wife laughs and replies, “The industry is full of beautiful women, but I’m the one he returns to at the end of the night and my ring is still on my finger.”—they laugh it off.

So that’s where it began. I continued to see him.. and we got intimate every time.

The fortunate part was I felt comfortable knowing that i didn’t have to commit to him at all. He knew i didn’t want commitment for him.. our friendship grew.. and all i wanted was for him to keep his wife extremely happy.

I know it’s not alright.. i know it’s wrong to do this.. but i feel no emotional bond with him and i can detach whenever i feel it, without getting mine or his feelings hurt.

The Unfortunate part is, i have met his wife.. and i know she knows. because she gives me one of those half-ass smiles which translate to.. i’m watching you.

I dont’ know.. i’m a horrible person… i’m responsible for my own actions.. but i just don’t feel it being wrong.