Comments on: Down With Interracial Dating and Marriage? http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/ Twanna is a sex, dating and relationships writer in New York City. She's funky. She has brown skin. And, she's a chick. FUNKYBROWNCHICK™ chronicles her life. Mon, 15 Mar 2010 07:46:14 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: TeacherMan http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124158 TeacherMan Wed, 28 Oct 2009 21:38:04 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124158 Honestly Sara, I don't believe I personally get defensive. I think I get curious. Curious because I really have a hard time trying to figure out where the hell people would pull this idea from?? I have NEVER felt anything remotely close to self-hatred or anything of the like. And it's not just curious because of you. I've heard/read this several times now, and I honestly have no idea why this would be assumed. I like to think of myself as a very open, honest, and curious man, so I think if I felt like that regarding my reasoning for IR dating, I would accept that and elaborate. I don't think it's really that deep. You like what you like. Now, that being said...would I agree that I have my personal appreciations for certain things about black women---yes, of course. I do personally appreciate the beautiful skin tone of "many" black women. I do appreciate the curves and athleticism that "many" black women's bodies possess. I do appreciate a black woman who loves herself, her family, and blackness as a whole, but none of these attributes are anything more than an appreciation because as you can see, I put the word "many" in quotes. This isn't ALL black women. This isn't even ALL women. All women are different. Many white women, and women or other racial/social backgrounds have many admirable and attractive qualities as well. But, as a white man, I have issues with people making reference to black women not being able to find any "good" black men or white men know how to "treat" a black women how she "deserves to be treated." I think a good man is a good man by nature. (Well, that and a good upbringing.) I can appreciate that black women are strong, have endured, and have had to overcome many obstacles in America (and worldwide.) But when white men use this as an excuse (or reasoning, for lack of a better word)as to why they are attracted to black women this also bothers me. I don't think soley because BW have had it hard, you should be attracted to them. White men are NOT the savior. They're men. Period. Some are dogs. Some are assholes. Some are good men.---but, they're men. And black women don't need a savior. Beautiful women are beautiful women, and good men are good men. Period. That being said, Sara, I appreciate your comments. I love when people ask and discuss topics that get people thinking. Please don't feel like I'm questioning you or singling you out. Not my intention. :) Just love some good convo!! :) Honestly Sara, I don’t believe I personally get defensive. I think I get curious. Curious because I really have a hard time trying to figure out where the hell people would pull this idea from?? I have NEVER felt anything remotely close to self-hatred or anything of the like. And it’s not just curious because of you. I’ve heard/read this several times now, and I honestly have no idea why this would be assumed. I like to think of myself as a very open, honest, and curious man, so I think if I felt like that regarding my reasoning for IR dating, I would accept that and elaborate. I don’t think it’s really that deep. You like what you like.
Now, that being said…would I agree that I have my personal appreciations for certain things about black women—yes, of course. I do personally appreciate the beautiful skin tone of “many” black women. I do appreciate the curves and athleticism that “many” black women’s bodies possess. I do appreciate a black woman who loves herself, her family, and blackness as a whole, but none of these attributes are anything more than an appreciation because as you can see, I put the word “many” in quotes. This isn’t ALL black women. This isn’t even ALL women. All women are different. Many white women, and women or other racial/social backgrounds have many admirable and attractive qualities as well.
But, as a white man, I have issues with people making reference to black women not being able to find any “good” black men or white men know how to “treat” a black women how she “deserves to be treated.” I think a good man is a good man by nature. (Well, that and a good upbringing.) I can appreciate that black women are strong, have endured, and have had to overcome many obstacles in America (and worldwide.) But when white men use this as an excuse (or reasoning, for lack of a better word)as to why they are attracted to black women this also bothers me. I don’t think soley because BW have had it hard, you should be attracted to them. White men are NOT the savior. They’re men. Period. Some are dogs. Some are assholes. Some are good men.—but, they’re men. And black women don’t need a savior. Beautiful women are beautiful women, and good men are good men. Period.

That being said, Sara, I appreciate your comments. I love when people ask and discuss topics that get people thinking. Please don’t feel like I’m questioning you or singling you out. Not my intention. :)
Just love some good convo!! :)

]]> By: sarah http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124150 sarah Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:35:56 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124150 Look Guys, I'm sure your all dating for the right reasons! But how come when the topic of 'Inter-racial' stems up people get defensive that their might be 'self-hate' ect fueling people's choices? Look Guys, I’m sure your all dating for the right reasons! But how come when the topic of ‘Inter-racial’ stems up people get defensive that their might be ’self-hate’ ect fueling people’s choices?

]]> By: TeacherMan http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124145 TeacherMan Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:59:18 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124145 Sara, I'm not clear in what you mean by "is it a case of inter-racial" daters getting a taste of their own medicine?" I date interracially, and as I've said in a previous post, have NO issues with "self-hatred" or dislike or contempt for my own race. I feel that most people who date interracially like who they like because of the mere fact of preference of attraction. Honestly, color is the last thing that I personally think about. In fact, as strange as this may sound (and I don't know if any other IR daters out there can relate) I often don't realize their is a difference between us until I see photographs of us together. I cannot see myself while dating a woman. I look into a woman's eyes and her face, and that reflection is what I see. If a black woman sees me for who I am, and treats me the way she wants to be treated, and has no issues regarding black/white stigmas, then that is the reflection I see... I don't see myself as a white man and her a black woman. We are people who care about one another. But it is when I see pictures together that I notice "wow, we look really different together, physically. " But I LOVE that feeling because it makes me love and appreciate the woman I am with because she treats me with the same love, attention, and affection that she would any race. It shows me that she doesn't see me as a (fine-ass)white man(LMAO!)J/k, but as just a man... As far as people not responding to different races on dating sites, I agree with Twanna---it IS their preference. Not everyone dates interracially. And that's ok. :) Sara,
I’m not clear in what you mean by “is it a case of inter-racial” daters getting a taste of their own medicine?”
I date interracially, and as I’ve said in a previous post, have NO issues with “self-hatred” or dislike or contempt for my own race. I feel that most people who date interracially like who they like because of the mere fact of preference of attraction. Honestly, color is the last thing that I personally think about. In fact, as strange as this may sound (and I don’t know if any other IR daters out there can relate) I often don’t realize their is a difference between us until I see photographs of us together. I cannot see myself while dating a woman. I look into a woman’s eyes and her face, and that reflection is what I see. If a black woman sees me for who I am, and treats me the way she wants to be treated, and has no issues regarding black/white stigmas, then that is the reflection I see… I don’t see myself as a white man and her a black woman. We are people who care about one another. But it is when I see pictures together that I notice “wow, we look really different together, physically. ” But I LOVE that feeling because it makes me love and appreciate the woman I am with because she treats me with the same love, attention, and affection that she would any race. It shows me that she doesn’t see me as a (fine-ass)white man(LMAO!)J/k, but as just a man…
As far as people not responding to different races on dating sites, I agree with Twanna—it IS their preference. Not everyone dates interracially. And that’s ok.
:)

]]> By: sarah http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124136 sarah Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:00:48 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124136 Hey, Twanna! Yes, I know you've made topics about 'Black Men' perticulier one post about you being upset that you never got considered for a date! However this place seems very pro-interacial, so do you see how I might have jumped to conclusions? "Somehow, you read that, then commented: “<em>Do you think it’s fair to berate white people, who just dont prefer black as having something wrong with them, when said black inter-racial dater doesnt want to date black either?</em>” Huh? :) Sweetpea, what’s wrong? Your comment clearly takes issues with stuff I’ve neither said, written nor believe. Yet, for whatever reason, you write as if you’re addressing me directly."   This comment wasn't directed at you solely but was a general question to the readers. Please accept my sincere apologies I never meant any offense :) .! You might not hold IR daters to any standards or expect anything from people but rather judge them as individuals, but alot of people do, just one look at you-tube will showcase militant black female IR daters who feel their over-looked on the dating scene, yet they show complete and utter contempt for black men, I can show you links so you can see for you self, so those are the people I was refering to not you. Cool Site BTW :)     Hey, Twanna!

Yes, I know you’ve made topics about ‘Black Men’ perticulier one post about you being upset that you never got considered for a date! However this place seems very pro-interacial, so do you see how I might have jumped to conclusions?

“Somehow, you read that, then commented: “Do you think it’s fair to berate white people, who just dont prefer black as having something wrong with them, when said black inter-racial dater doesnt want to date black either?”

Huh? :) Sweetpea, what’s wrong? Your comment clearly takes issues with stuff I’ve neither said, written nor believe. Yet, for whatever reason, you write as if you’re addressing me directly.”
 
This comment wasn’t directed at you solely but was a general question to the readers. Please accept my sincere apologies I never meant any offense :) .!
You might not hold IR daters to any standards or expect anything from people but rather judge them as individuals, but alot of people do, just one look at you-tube will showcase militant black female IR daters who feel their over-looked on the dating scene, yet they show complete and utter contempt for black men, I can show you links so you can see for you self, so those are the people I was refering to not you.
Cool Site BTW :)
 
 

]]> By: Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124124 Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:59:49 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124124 I'm not sure who/what/where you're quoting, but it's certainly not me. I do date black men. I've never said nor written "I don’t find, BM/BW, attractive."  Also, you mentioned my preference for "asain" men, but I've never had an Asian boyfriend, lover, FB or anything. Have I written about delicious Asian dudes? Hell yeah!! Black men, too. I write about guys, period. :) Hot dudes are hot dudes. Doesn't matter if they're Asian, black, Latino, white, Australian, etc. I said: "<strong>I can’t necessarily wholly fault someone for their dating preferences</strong>." I also said: "<strong>I’d rather someone say straight out they AREN’T interested in dating different race/ethnicities than check boxes indicating they are</strong> [...]" Then, I said: "<strong>Hell, any black person can say, 'I don’t date white people.' And, vice versa. Preferences, schmeferences. No one HAS TO date interracially </strong>[...]" Somehow, you read that, then commented: "<em>Do you think it’s fair to berate white people, who just dont prefer black as having something wrong with them, when said black inter-racial dater doesnt want to date black either?</em>" Huh? :) Sweetpea, what's wrong? Your comment clearly takes issues with stuff I've neither said, written nor believe. Yet, for whatever reason, you write as if you're addressing me directly. By the way, in the future, please feel free to call me Twanna instead of  "the owner." It's pretty casual around here  :-) I’m not sure who/what/where you’re quoting, but it’s certainly not me. I do date black men. I’ve never said nor written “I don’t find, BM/BW, attractive.”  Also, you mentioned my preference for “asain” men, but I’ve never had an Asian boyfriend, lover, FB or anything.

Have I written about delicious Asian dudes? Hell yeah!! Black men, too. I write about guys, period. :) Hot dudes are hot dudes. Doesn’t matter if they’re Asian, black, Latino, white, Australian, etc.

I said: “I can’t necessarily wholly fault someone for their dating preferences.”

I also said: “I’d rather someone say straight out they AREN’T interested in dating different race/ethnicities than check boxes indicating they are [...]”

Then, I said: “Hell, any black person can say, ‘I don’t date white people.’ And, vice versa. Preferences, schmeferences. No one HAS TO date interracially [...]”

Somehow, you read that, then commented: “Do you think it’s fair to berate white people, who just dont prefer black as having something wrong with them, when said black inter-racial dater doesnt want to date black either?”

Huh? :) Sweetpea, what’s wrong? Your comment clearly takes issues with stuff I’ve neither said, written nor believe. Yet, for whatever reason, you write as if you’re addressing me directly.

By the way, in the future, please feel free to call me Twanna instead of  “the owner.” It’s pretty casual around here  :-)

]]> By: sarah http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124118 sarah Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:56:09 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124118 Some food for thought! Is it just a case of inter-racial daters getting a taste of their own medicine? See inter-racial daters however, libral and open-minded they claim to be, have their prefrences, for example the owner, heavily prefers white and asain men, simply from the tone of this website. Even though she may be open to black men, they seem to take a back-burner for other races like most inter-racial daters their own race do get put on the back burner or ignored completly. So in closing, do you think it's fair to berate white people, who just dont prefer black as having something wrong with them, when said black inter-racial dater doesnt want to date black either? Isn't it hyprocrital? Statements such as "I don't find, BM/BW, attractive" yet want white people to find the same features attractive that you dont attractive! Some food for thought!

Is it just a case of inter-racial daters getting a taste of their own medicine?

See inter-racial daters however, libral and open-minded they claim to be, have their prefrences, for example the owner, heavily prefers white and asain men, simply from the tone of this website. Even though she may be open to black men, they seem to take a back-burner for other races like most inter-racial daters their own race do get put on the back burner or ignored completly.

So in closing, do you think it’s fair to berate white people, who just dont prefer black as having something wrong with them, when said black inter-racial dater doesnt want to date black either?

Isn’t it hyprocrital? Statements such as “I don’t find, BM/BW, attractive” yet want white people to find the same features attractive that you dont attractive!

]]> By: Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-124103 Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:46:09 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-124103 Couldn't agree with you more :) Couldn’t agree with you more :)

]]> By: Eric D http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-123244 Eric D Fri, 23 Oct 2009 05:55:35 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-123244 I am a variation of libertarian.  I believe a person should date, etc. whoever they chose so long as the person is a consenting adult.  I have been in situations where a girl I knew (of various races) didn't date white guys.  My initial impulse was to be insulted.  But upon introspection, I believe that anyone's reason for being attracted to anyone else is that person's prerogative.  And I think that anyone is allowed to their opinions about interracial dating/marriage, but when it crosses over into interfering with another person's rights on this matter, then it is a problem.  This is where the LA justice of the peace was wrong.  The singer Common is also vocal about his opposition to interracial relationships, but he is not a justice of the peace and interfering with anyone else's rights. I am a variation of libertarian.  I believe a person should date, etc. whoever they chose so long as the person is a consenting adult.  I have been in situations where a girl I knew (of various races) didn’t date white guys.  My initial impulse was to be insulted.  But upon introspection, I believe that anyone’s reason for being attracted to anyone else is that person’s prerogative.  And I think that anyone is allowed to their opinions about interracial dating/marriage, but when it crosses over into interfering with another person’s rights on this matter, then it is a problem.  This is where the LA justice of the peace was wrong.  The singer Common is also vocal about his opposition to interracial relationships, but he is not a justice of the peace and interfering with anyone else’s rights.

]]> By: Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-123146 Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com Thu, 22 Oct 2009 01:58:07 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-123146 <strong>TeacherMan</strong>: I totally agree that everyone has preferences. I guess when a guy says I "ONLY" date black women (or blondes or lefthanders or whatever), it makes me think it's more about the trait than it is about the person who posesses it. Whatever the "it" is (i.e. dark skin, blond hand, lefthandedness, etc.) <strong><a href="http://mikowrites.com/" rel="nofollow">Mikowrites</a></strong>: :) TeacherMan: I totally agree that everyone has preferences. I guess when a guy says I “ONLY” date black women (or blondes or lefthanders or whatever), it makes me think it’s more about the trait than it is about the person who posesses it. Whatever the “it” is (i.e. dark skin, blond hand, lefthandedness, etc.)

Mikowrites: :)

]]> By: Mikowrites http://funkybrownchick.com/2009/10/16/down-with-interracial-dating-and-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-123138 Mikowrites Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:56:19 +0000 http://funkybrownchick.com/?p=2578#comment-123138 TeacherMan your post rocks! And not because I'm a woman who has color But because you talk about women who are of the darker persuasion and you note their beauty! Now that's awesome....kudos to you! TeacherMan your post rocks! And not because I’m a woman who has color But because you talk about women who are of the darker persuasion and you note their beauty! Now that’s awesome….kudos to you!

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