I think I’m going through something. Is there a name for the period between the quarterlife crisis and a midlife crises? Maybe 33 and 1/3 or something like that? Over the past month or so, I’ve put more thought into adulthood, my career, how I spend my days, friendship, my love life and etc. I’ve even started listening to Tara Brach‘s Buddhist meditation podcasts. I think I’m searching. For what, I don’t know. I’m not sure what triggered my recent bout of introspection. Could be the weather. When the sky turns grey and the temperature drops, I tend to hibernate. I don’t own a television because I read, catch up with friends and family on the phone and organize my life more without a timesuckage box in front of me. (Granted my computer screen has become the new I.V. drip, but that’s conversation for a completely different post.) As I was saying … More time at home = more thinking.
If the weather isn’t affecting me, it could be something else. Maybe the book. I’ve said: “After it’s finished, everything is up in the air.” Will I stay in New York or move to a different city? If I move, will I stay in the U.S. or go back to Europe? I’ll likely always be online; however, will I keep writing for magazines and newspapers (a dying, underpaid art form) or will I switch to film and television writing (growing, higher paid). Speaking of money, maybe the economy is kicking my ass toward more self reflection? There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashion recession to shake everything up and make you wonder: Is what I’m doing at this very moment worthwhile, important and true to my dreams? Currently, thankfully, the answer is yes. I want to write a book. I want to live in New York. Still, I’m kind of of turning a lot of different “longterm” ideas around in my head.
I find life transitions exciting, fun, scary, interesting and challenging. I’m not risk averse; I’ve moved around a lot and worked in different fields. I was a bartender in London, taught in Florida, managed film courses in Chicago, led a theater program in New York and dabbled in a bunch of other things in between. The most interesting part about making a “life change” is the period right before I make the jump. It’s that “what if” part. What if I do ___? What if I stay right where I am? I’m never 100% certain of the outcome. Ah, Uncertainty.
Do you mind a tangent? No? Okay, good. Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? I thought it was really good, though I often wonder if it’s because I overidentified with the film’s “what if” theme. The plot developed as Gwynnie Paltrow ran to catch a train. Semi spoiler: In one scenario, she arrived home in time to catch her boyfriend cheating on her. In the other scenario, she arrived late and didn’t find out he was screwing around. It gets interesting because you see how her life radically changes based on such an insignificant act: catching a train. It’s worth mentioning, when I saw the movie, I was living in London and I hadn’t yet decided if I would return to the U.S. or stay in England. In the end, I left.
Fast forward 11 years. I’m in New York now. There’s a new movie, Uncertainty. Go look at its Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter. Pssst! If you’re a fellow New Yorker, see Joseph Gordon-Levitt (who, by the way, looks A LOT like that Terminator kid, a young Edward Furlong) in person along with directors David Siegel and Scott McGehee at the Friday evening shows. See IFC Center for details. The timing of the film’s opening is quite serendipitous. Description: “What if? A couple at a crossroads in their relationship, facing, one fateful July 4, the seemingly simple decision between a family barbecue or dim sum in Chinatown. Splitting the tale in two, exploring what happens as the couple follow both options and the consequences of making a choice–or not.” Should be interesting. That’s all. I don’t really have much else to say. Just, you know, thinking about being an adult and living everyday life.
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Credit paid: Image above appears courtesy of IFC Films.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Sometimes being an adult bites the big wanker. Don’t ask how I know this.
The best times often are those moment of uncertainty. The hard-wired ruts seem less permanent….fear is usurped by curiosity, and a willingness to acknowledge the fluid nature of life often means you have access to new energy that would have been hidden from you while rolling in a rut.
I think that, whatever your next move it, it will for certain leave you standing on your feet and striding along an interesting and fulfilling path.
~Mo
Well… lets see
1. Do I ever wonder about the ” what if’s?
I used to, but I found that wondering “what if” was too debilitating for me. Like I could seriously sit there and wonder my way into procrastination and inactivity. I really don’t do that anymore. I have to work too damn hard on the here and now to be succesful. LOL
2. My belief is that we are totally oblivious to how our lives are governed by precious seconds and little inches.
What I mean by that is, the little things in our day that dramatically affect our lives. In the movie it was about missing the train. I had a somewhat similar experience once.
I had just loaded the family up in the car and was about to pull out of the driveway. I ran back into the house because I forgot my phone. Took an extra minute and a half to 2 minutes. 5 minutes later, i hope on the highway and see cars slowing down in front of me. About 10 cars ahead, there was a horrific accident. someone in oncomming traffic drove across the median and head first into our lane. There were about 5 cars involved…..4 people dead.
As a child i remember riding the schoolbus, one winter. The road had iced over, I was sitting by the window and had the pleasure of watching an 18 wheel gas truck 360 spin in the lane next to mine. The truck spun and missed the bus where i was sitting by maybe a foot.
Did I mention that i almost got my eye shot out by a bb gun once….still have the scar in my eyebrow….
I think introspection is good in order to reevaluate the things in your life and their importance.
You are thinking of your next move or step and there is nothing wrong with that. I personally think complacency is boring but others seek solace in it.
Good luck on your journey. :)
I love your introspective posts. I used to label the last 3 years of my life as my “quarter-life-crisis”. But now I see my life as new updates. My post college years are now labeled Pink 1.0, post grad-school is Pink 2.0 (also known as the 1/4life crisis) and now we’ve got Pink 3.0. Pink 2.0 was like Windows Vista, lots of bugs and generally a pain the arse. Pink 3.0 is like Windows 7, most of the bugs are gone, it’s by far a superior product.
Having followed you for a couple of years now, it seems you’ve been working out some of the “bugs”. So, maybe you’re now getting ready to launch the new and improve latest version of FBC. Okay, that was convoluted. But, i think i got the point across ;)
How long should a retrospective period last? I have been going through the same thing.
The Japanese believe that 33 is a challenging year for women (42 for me) – it’s their superstition, but it is surprising how many women take stock when they are 33. I left Tokyo to go back to NZ that year and broke up with my ex husband! Maybe there is something in it – ended up being a great year!
It must be in the air like H1N1 cause Ive been in self-reflection for about a month. I feel like im at a crossroads and needs to make some tough decisions that will effect the rest of my adult life. i have been up, i have been very low, my spirit has been broken and yet i wake up every morning trying to find the answers to the questions we all have like : Is this where im supposed to be? Am I happy doing what I do? etc
Sometimes i still wish i was that kid again just playing the day away and not having to worry about all the problems and bills i do as a adult. i feel you funky brown, i feel you
I still don’t feel like much of an adult. But I’m working really hard to get my life started on a path that I know will make me happy. It’s been really hard and not very progressive financially, but I’m happier than I have been in my whole life because I’m going after what I want.
I try not to think about “what if I had done things differently” I just try to control what I can now. I can’t change the past, but I can take charge of the present in order to shape my future.
I think something’s in the water. I’ve been on a reflective kick since I got back from Iceland — still not sure what I want to do. One of my friends is contemplating leaving the U.K. and going to teach science in Bangkok. Another friend just quit her advertising job and went to Mozambique to consult on African farms for 8 months, and a whole slew of others just feel unhappy and unsure about the future.
I’m starting to wonder if our generation is getting to a decent point in their careers and realizing that they’re just not happy, and everything that we’ve been taught about what we want for the future is just bullshit filler.
Sorry for being such a bummer. :)
Baba Doodlius: I believe you. Don’t ask me why :)
Mollena: Wow, I really love that! “[F]ear is usurped by curiosity, and a willingness to acknowledge the fluid nature of life often means you have access to new energy that would have been hidden from you while rolling in a rut.” Beautiful! Thank you for the VERY encouraging words!
dkzone: You said, “My belief is that we are totally oblivious to how our lives are governed by precious seconds and little inches.” I totally agree!! I’ve only been in a horrible car accident once. A friend from Paris was driving, and he got freaked out by the subtle difference between “yield on green” and “green means go.” On a divided highway, he turned left into oncoming traffic — leaving the passenger side door (with me tucked right next to it) staring wide eyed at a car approaching at 60 mi. / hour. I SCREAMED then closed my eyes and thought: “This is it.” He slammed on the breaks and it’s totally freakish that his car slid such that the other guy hit us head on instead of smacking into the passenger door. The front of the car folded like an accordion. My friend and I thrown forward toward the windshield, but luckily because we were wearing seatbelts, rebounded back. Both cars were totaled, but it could’ve been uglier. The cops showed up and they were like, “You’re very lucky.”
cynthia: THANK YOU for the good luck wishes! :)
Pink_Thursday: I LOVE THAT, and yes you TOTALLY got the point across. I’m totally going to adopt that philosophy. Twanna 1.0, Twanna 2.0 …
Pen Pal: I think it should last as long as you need it to. I don’t think there are any absolutes.
Sarah: I think 2010 it going to be my year. Things have been going well for a while now. 2009 was TONS better than 2005 – 2008. It’s amazing what you can survive after you look back at it. If anyone would’ve told me: You first 3.5 years in New York are going to be as difficult as they were, I probably wouldn’t have moved here.
bwillz: Short of landing yourself in prison for the rest of your life or having a kid, I don’t think there’s anything you can do that could ruin the rest of your adult life. I used to think life was a multiple choice quiz: There were a bunch of options and I have to pick the right one. Now, I just see it as a journey.
Amina: Ooh, I hadn’t thought of “what if” in context of the past, I thought of it as in “what if” whatever happens in the future. In the end, I guess it’s the same whether you’re looking back or forward. In either case, you never know.
Lauren @ LifeStyler: Not a bummer at all. I think it’s actually GOOD to think about whether what we “think” we want is actually what we want. Don’t EVEN get me started on the time that I thought I was seriously going to spent my entire career as an car insurance administrator. Seems like that was worlds away. Nothing wrong with pursuing that career. It just wasn’t for me.
There will always be times at certain points in the journey of life when we stop to take a look at the road we’ve travelled and the paths ahead of us.
Take pleasure in living the life you’ve lived with no regrets, you are where you’ve ought to be.
What a visual and beautiful sentiment. Thanks.
I think part of it is the zeitgeist. (And, god, I love that word. I’d use it every chance I could. And I think I just did. But I digress.)
I’m about your age, and I think our generation tends to overthink things as it is.
Having said that, I’m 35, and lately, I’ve done a lot of thinking about where my life has been, where it is, where I’m going. I think my biggest regrets are the things I left unfinished. Is it too late? Maybe yes, maybe no. I think in the next 12 months, I will have a better idea.
Also, at the risk of dragging politics into this, I think many of us are breathing a collective sigh of relief that Bush is out of office. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for the last eight years, waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Excuse the mixed metaphor.) And with that collective exhalation, we’re looking around and surveying not only the national landscape but also our inner processes to examine and re-examine what the last ten years have meant and what damage has occurred, both nationally and within ourselves. Or maybe I’m just full of shit. ;-)
As for Sliding Doors, yes, saw it. Liked it. I like “What if?” stories. (I’m into graphic novels, and Marvel’s “What If?” series were always some of my favorites. “What if Spider-Man led the Fantastic Four?” and so forth.) They always present such a world of infinite possibility, unlike the linear, you may say “restrictive,” lives that we lead–no do-overs!
However, if presented with the choice in the film you introduced to us, I’d have to go with dim sum in Chinatown, if only because I miss Sunday afternoons in California and the endless number of places where I could indulge in some har gow and char siu bow at my leisure, with a nice pot of hot herbal brown tea at hand.
You should see the movie! :)